[ Ivyshadewarrior ]

i am making you aware that warrior names are capitalized on the first letter only, i.e. Poppystar and not PoppyStar

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name :: poppystar

past name(s) :: poppykit, poppypaw, poppyshine

name at death :: poppystar

hmm poppy is an underrated prefix

obviously as leader her suffix is gonna be -star, poppyshine as a warrior name could be great or flat depending on the reasoning

4 out of 5

reasoning for prefix :: at birth, she seemed dead and limp, like she had many poppy seeds.

i'm not sure if any parent would want to name their kit for... looking like they died of opioids...

reasoning for suffix :: star, because she is leader. shine, for her bright heart, and knowledge.

could definitely be more in-depth than two points given without elaboration- i'm looking for reasoning you'd find in a name the apprentice game, but that could also just be me being asian :v

not to say the reasonings are bad, but i'd like to see more than just plain statements; even though that's usually what you see in the actual books, with your given traits, poppystar's warrior name could have been, say, poppysong or poppysun or poppyfinch- i also don't really know how -shine links to knowledge, so i will say that there should be a link between the cat and this name specifically

3 out of 5

gender :: female

sexuality :: bisexual

2 out of 2

appearance :: she is a short-furred calico, with eye color depending on emotion.

*breathes in*

no

i'm not going to ask you to plot out every patch of colour on a calico cat, but maybe say how much white there is and what colours there are? even though the default is black and ginger- personal markings with those colour patches would also be nice; seeing as this is a calico and not a tortoiseshell, that's a lot easier to do. "short-furred calico" is a plain description, maybe adequate for a background character who rarely appears, but definitely not for a main character. a plainer description is more reasonable for a solid coloured cat, but not really for a cat with patterns like calico

and here's the real kicker-

ohhh boy! COLOUR CHANGING EYES! yes, because poppystar's eyes somehow have chameleon characteristics despite the colour of the eyes being set by the amount of melanin after two months, it's not like the amount of melanin can be retracted or given depending on emotions-

*muffled screaming* -ok lemme educate you for a second here

the eye colour of a cat is determined by the number of melanocytes, which are cells that produce melanin, the amino acid that pigments skin, fur and eyes. kittens will always have blue eyes due to their eyes not having developed melanin yet, and by the age of six or seven weeks, their eyes will take on their permanent colour [ anywhere from brown / copper / amber to yellow / gold to hazel to green ], which depends on their genetics which codes for how many melanocytes they possess. these melanocytes are also the reason that non-white and non-pointed cats cannot have blue eyes, because the amount of melanin is too high. the exception is unless the white spotting gene defects to restrict the melanin in one eye during melanin development, causing complete heterochromia where one eye shows as blue and the other as the normal colour

thank the stars you didn't write blue eyes but i'm not sure this is any better- for all i know, one of those supposed colours could be blue, in which case i will flambé you

1 out of 5

personality :: she is open, smart, funny, kind, fierce, and loyal. she usually has two main emotions: 'i will kill you', or 'i love you'.

i'm a grammar nazi so i fixed your grammar- but seriously, 'she is a open, smart, funny, kind, and fierce and loyal' would get you flamed by your english teacher

i've already said this before but i'm looking for more than just words. there's just adjectives without detail in the first half of your... two sentence long description. [ and i am aware that you said wattpad was limiting your space, but i told you you could simply comment on your own comment, and you never did. ] additionally, the personality traits you've given her are quite cliché- smart, funny, kind, and loyal? those are traits you see in every book ever! and you've given her no negative traits other than one of her two main emotions being 'i will kill you', but one negative trait out of eight isn't nearly enough to create a balanced character, and poppystar is closer to a mary-sue that you've given a tiny bit of imperfection to to seemingly make her not a mary sue. please make her personality more in-depth [ for example, you can be more specific with how she acts instead of just listing adjectives ] and give her more flaws

3 out of 10

current rank :: leader

i don't see many people with a leader as a main oc- it's usually warriors or medicine cats, so this is a nice change of pace

not graded

family ::

(mother) eaglefur - a calico with deep brown eyes. she is very open and heartfelt.

this is a description fit only for a background character so i'm left to assume she isn't relevant at all

eaglefur is a name that doesn't seem to have any creativity behind it- she's a calico, why is her prefix eagle, why is her name eaglefur anyway? it doesn't even fit her, and you didn't give me a reason why she has this name!

(father) crestflight, a light brown tabby with purple eyes. he is wary, but decisive and a good friend.

PURPLE eyes? no.

as i've already gone over, the acceptable eye colour range for cats lies from brown / copper to green. in reality, violet pigment is extremely rare in nature. the only way for a cat's eyes to appear remotely purple is if the eyes are hit with a specific lighting, and even then, they will appear to be in the blue-violet range, not straight-up purple. there's also albino cats whose eyes can show up as anywhere between pink and blue due to the blood vessels in the eye reflecting light, but those don't really count since it's simply a lack of melanin, not purple pigmentation. also, crestflight is clearly not albino. that being said, if you can show me a cat with violet eyes and can prove the photo hasn't been edited in any way, i'll happily take that back :)

oh and also with these parents poppystar can't even be a calico

yeah, so calico cats are cats with tortoiseshell colouring and over 50% white on their fur, where the colours start to break up instead of being brindled like in tortoiseshells. i don't actually know why this is, but that's how it works. anyway, for two parents to sire a kitten with 50%+ white fur, at least one parent must have 50%+ white fur, and both parents must have at least some white. eaglefur fits this criteria; however, crestflight has no white, meaning poppystar cannot be a calico, only a tortoiseshell and white cat at best. not docking points because i'm not sure someone who doesn't research cat genetics would know how colours are passed down

(brother) rockpool - a calm, strong, focused light brown tabby tom.

again, not exactly a detailed description, but hey, most people don't give personalities for anyone but the main character and i wish more people did

(brother) breezetail - a energetic, quick-witted, flirty dark brown tom with a very dark brown stripe from his head, down his back, to his tail.

first of all, the colouration is questionable, and second of all, the tabby patterning is wrong

breezetail has a brown stripe instead of black, meaning he has brown eumelanin instead of black. for this to happen, both parents must by carrying the brown eumelanin gene- knowing that both parents exhibit black eumelanin [ unless you meant for crestflight to be chocolate ], they must be heterozygous for the gene, carrying one black and one brown chromosome. not impossible, but hard to achieve in randomly bred cats

the single stripe is the bigger problem here oh god-

cat genetics with bubble 101, aka me lowkey roasting you again

tabbies come in four types: mackerel, classic, spotted and ticked; these patterns are listed in order of rarity. all but ticked tabbies will have stripes all over their bodies, with ticked tabbies exhibiting agouti patterning on their bodies and traditional stripes only visible on the legs. your cat does not exhibit any stripes except for a single stripe down the back, which is impossible; as previously stated in this book, cats can either be solid or tabby, not somewhere in between. furthermore, while mackerel tabbies will have a stripe down their back from which their other stripes will extend, the stripe will not stretch all the way down the back- usually, it will begin at the neck, not the head, and rarely ever reaches the tip of the tail. as aforementioned, your cat has no other stripes- even google, full of obviously fake dark blue eyes, won't give you such atrocities-

(brother) gingerscar - a strong, scarred, quick reflexed light brown tabby tom with purple eyes and white belly.

see above to get roasted again! purple eyes are illegal oh my god

that, and why is his name gingerscar if he's not ginger?

(sister) deerfeather - a calm, well-muscled light brown tabby she-cat with a bobtail.

bobtails can actually be caused by a genetic mutation, congratulations

judging from the fact you've written so much genetically impossible stuff, i'd dare to say you didn't know or particularly care about that fact

(brother) birdwhisker, a funny, light-footed, battle-ready, very dark red tabby tom.

no such thing as dark red, let alone very dark red, unless coded for by the amber gene in norwegian forest cats, which birchwhisker is not. not illegal to have a darker shade of red, but illegal to have deep red

oh also i should note that if birdwhisker were biologically female then he would be genetically inaccurate, they would instead be a tortoiseshell. why i'm saying this, i have no idea

NOTE: birdwhisker and deerfeather are from a different litter

okay so your naming style sticks to the real warriors style with simple names

honestly, these names don't seem to have much or any thought behind them

friends ::

snowfall - a quiet, light-footed white she-cat with light and dark patches

ok so i literally know nothing about her appearance other than 'she has white and has patches' thanks

colour and size. that is all.

there are six possible colour combinations for a tortoiseshell / calico cat: black and red, chocolate and red, cinnamon and red, blue and cream, lilac and cream, and fawn and cream. for black and red, judging from the previous cats, you wouldn't have felt the need to write 'light and dark', and the diluted colours are not 'dark', so that leaves chocolate and red and cinnamon and red as the only legal possibilities. of course, seeing your past cats, you probably wanted to write black and blue or something illegal like that

the dilution gene is responsible for diluting a cat's colour, and each non-dilute colour has its own dilute form [ e.g. red turns into cream and black turns into blue ]. the dilution gene will affect all colours save for white, making it impossible for a cat to exhibit a solid and dilute colour at the same time [ e.g. blue and red is illegal, but blue and cream is possible ]. furthermore, any organism, including a cat, cannot have two of a pair of chromosomes, so it is impossible to have two colours which come from the same chromosomes, e.g. black and cinnamon is illegal because both come from the eumelanin gene. the aforementioned 'black and blue' violates both of these rules, so in short you'd better not have wanted a black and blue tortoiseshell-

brightcloud - a kind, sunshiney bright cream she-cat

whispershadow - a misunderstood, mature silver tabby she-cat

gorsewing - a snappy, soft (sometimes) light brown grey tom

what in great bastet's name is light brown gray? do you mean to say brownish-gray or brown and gray [ the latter of which is illegal ]? for the former, you would need to be writing a tabby cat with a brown-gray field, but you didn't say gorsewing had stripes... i just don't know what you're trying to communicate right now

enemies :: all dead

admittedly this is kinda funny

not funny enough to make me forget your sacrilegious genetics for a second, but kinda funny

significant other :: n/a

apprentices :: berrygrass, a dark red and greyish patched tom

so what i'm seeing here is a tortoiseshell tom with red and blue fur. no.

tortoiseshell toms, while not outright impossible, might as well be- only one in every 3000 tortoiseshells are male. for context, you are six times more likely to be a polydactyl than to have a tortoiseshell cat be male. tortoiseshell males are also born sterile and are prone to health problems

as for the red and blue... oh boy

as i've already said, a cat is either non-dilute or dilute- it can't be both at the same time. red is a non-dilute colour, but blue is, making your cat illegal regardless of sex. if you want this cat to be realistic, change their pelt colour, and pattern or sex- 

kits :: n/a

i noticed that you didn't write any eye colours for most of your cats, and that only one cat with a specified eye colour has a legal one...

also, your personalities are just plain flat. none of them have any depth to them, you've given me 90% positive traits and a tsundere. i would have assumed that none of these characters are of any importance, but poppystar for sure is, and deerfeather who is involved in the story according to the concise backstory. that, and most of your names don't seem to have any thought behind them, with the brown cat named gingerscar, the calico cat named eaglefur, the silver cat named whispershadow, and nearly all of them are just boring and immemorable! i'd say all your names save for whispershadow and maybe crestflight are far too dull- simple names aren't inherently bad, but you can't make every cat have those boring names, especially when they don't make sense [ e a g l e f u r ! the calico cat! ]

2 out of 10

backstory ::

as a young kit, she had dreams of starry cats telling her 'remember your clan and your heart, and you must find the lost'. she and her older sister left on a journey to find the lost ones, and they met cats with the same goals. long story short, they did it!

'she received a prophecy, left with her sister to fulfill it, and fulfilled it'

that's literally all you've given me

no explanation of who the 'lost ones' are, nothing about the journey or what happened during it besides 'they met cats with the same goals' all too conveniently, just

'long story short, they did it'

i told you in your submission to simply comment on your own comment to expand whatever you needed and you didn't, i told you i'd judge you on what you gave me and you didn't answer, so this is all i have, and what i have is vague and substanceless

1 out of 10

cause of death :: ambush on her way to the moonwillow

ngl moonwillow is a pretty name... better than most of the names you gave your cats... don't be a bluestar

anyway, am i to assume she went for advice when she had only one life left? it's unclear if she was just going to receive her lives, but if she was already leader, then you wouldn't have listed her with her leader name-

2 out of 2

disabilities :: n/a

not graded

additional information :: n/a

not graded

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total: 18 out of 50

1. accentuate everything about your character's appearance, or at least give more than a vague image. what's their stature like? for calicos, what colour are the patches? are they striped? for tabbies, what type of tabby are they? do they have any distinctive markings? are they bigger or smaller than average? is their tail plumy or wiry, or are their ears too big or small for their head, or their legs a little stout or lanky? there's a lot more i can list, but the point is: put detail into the characters!

2. check! your! genetics! there are a plethora of online resources which you can check out different cat genetics with. even so, a simple google search will tell you that no, purple eyes do not exist in nature, and though a human's eye colour might darken if they're angry, a cat's eye colour changing drastically actually indicates a inflammation in the eye called uveitis. for what phenotypes a pair of parents will produce, i use i website called sparrow's garden to either see what's possible or just have it generate kittens for me

3. put more effort into the backstory- the description you gave me told me almost nothing about the setting and the lore; all i know for sure is that it isn't set in the canon clans, and i only know that because of the cause of death, not the backstory itself... you know i'm judging what you give me, and i don't know what you expected when you gave me 'long story short, they did it'- details and information are important, and leaving anything out isn't doing yourself any favours

4. put some reason behind the names you give your cats, and make sure that they're not all so dull. self-explanatory; if you are to give every cat a plain name, the very least you can do is make them fit the cat, if not appearance-wise than personality-wise, arguable the more important of the two. and if your names clearly pertain to appearance, they'd better damn fit the cat's appearance!

5. your personalities need more depth! try to balance out the personalities by giving them 1:1 or 3:2 virtues to vices, and add some neutrals as well. look up some questions for characters and answer those questions for your characters, and try to think of what they would do in certain situations. try not to boil your cats down to simple adjectives!

honestly i think i'm harsher to anyone who presents me with impossible genetics- as someone who researches cat genetics it's infuriating to see sacrilege like single stripes down the back- it's happened before in this same book