chapter 10

       I look at all the names hanging on the Christmas tree set up in the mall, seeing which one Daisuke and I should get to get some presents for. Daisuke's parents always did this near the holidays; because they are extremely well off, they would find programs to buy presents for less fortunate kids. They also donated a lot of food to food banks, wanting to make sure they can help out as many people as they can during the holidays.

       Daisuke and I started doing this as well once we moved out on our own. This year, we can't do as many names as we would like to do because of all the money going to our wedding, but we can still do two names. That's better than nothing.

       The only downside is that I want to pick all the names left on the Christmas tree. There aren't much left, and I know that the leftover names by a certain date will still get presents from the people running the program, but I still want to help out all these little kids.

       Daisuke can tell I don't want to do just two names this year. "You know we would do more names if we could."

       I sigh. "I know. I just feel bad for the names we don't choose, even if they're still going to get presents in the end. Maybe I can convince some of the guys to choose some names."

       "That's a good idea," Daisuke says. "I'm sure some of them would love to take part in it."

       "I could even see if they'll let me go shopping wit them so I can help choose presents," I say. "Now who out of the guys has the most money...?"

       "Mason!"

       "What?"

       "You can't just ask someone if they want to take part in it just because they have more money."

       "Why not? Them having more money would be that buying gifts for the less fortunate likely won't put a dent in their income. It's common sense, Daisuke."

       Daisuke sighs. "Never mind."

       I take out my phone, taking a picture of the tree and sending it to our group chat with our friends, as well as a quick explanation of what the program is before saying that they should take part in it if they can. In more or less words.

       Once I send in message, Daisuke takes his phone out of his pocket to see exactly what I said. As soon as he sees it, he says, "Seriously, Mason? 'If you don't take part in this, you're getting coal in your stocking this year. I don't make the rules'. It's nice if people participate in this, but forcing someone to do it kind of takes away the purpose of gift giving."

       "Obviously, I'm kidding," I say.

       "Why don't I believe you?"

       I place my hand above my heart. "That stings, Daisuke. You should believe your fiancé. I would never lie to you."

       Daisuke chuckles, quacking sending a text to the group chat that I'm kidding about the whole coal in stocking thing. Obviously, I don't actually want someone to buy presents if they feel forced to do it. I just like teasing my friends.

       After a few minutes of looking at the tree and feeling like crying because I can only grab two, I finally grab two names; a ten year old brother and his eight year old sister. I would have felt bad grabbing one of their names and not the other, so grabbing both was the perfect solution.

       On the paper with the kids' names and ages were things they needed, the size of clothes they wear, their favourite colour, something they want, basically anything that will make it easy for anyone who chooses the names to shop for them.

       Daisuke and I start our shopping for the two kids by getting some clothes for them. As we're browsing through a kids' clothing store in the mall, Daisuke asks, "So any update with Kelly?" I told him about my encounter with her at the bakery and how it seems like she truly wanted to go to the wedding without some sort of other reasoning. The only issue is that she won't tell me what everyone else's motivation is. You know, then there's the fact that she also didn't invite me to her engagement party, but I'm willing to look past it if it's because Mom and Dad didn't want me to go since I know from firsthand experience how manipulative and controlling they can be.

       I shake my head. "Not yet. I did unblock her number just in case. I just hope that when she realizes I unblocked her, she won't take advantage of it and go back to trying to convince me to let everyone else go."

       "Do you want Kelly to go?" Daisuke asks.

       "Maybe," I say. "It would be nice to have at least one member of my immediate family there and honestly, she wasn't the worst. She just became really spoiled because of my parents, my mom especially, coddling her. But unlike Lance, she never really took it out on me. She didn't bully me or call me names or even brag about all the stuff she gets while I get nothing. She was just there. The worst thing she did was side with my parents during the whole coming out fiasco."

       "If she sided with your parents, why would she want to come then?" Daisuke asks. "She knows I'm the one you're marrying."

       I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe she just wanted to save face with my parents or something. Maybe if she stood up to me, she would get cut off financially from our parents. And sure, maybe it was shitty to choose money over me but at the same time, she was nineteen. Fresh out of high school, fresh into college. She got so used to being spoiled and funded by my parents that she probably didn't have the means to easily find a job to support herself."

       I kind of hope that since Kelly is older now, she won't be afraid to stand up to our parents. But this is all just wishful thinking. If she does truly want to support me and Daisuke at my wedding, I don't want her to hide it from our family. I don't want a relationship with someone who also still has a relationship with people who abused, bullied, and neglected me. They're free to continue that relationship if they want, but they can't expect me to be happy with it.

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my internet has been down for over 24 hours so that has been great :( i was literally in the middle of writing a final paper when it went down and although i was close to the end of the first draft so i was able to finish it, i need the internet to edit it, add some images and resources, AND SUBMIT IT AS WELL. (i can always connect my laptop to my phone data to use the internet, which is what i'm doing now to post this, but that's too much work lol)

i just hope it's fixed by the time i wake up because i also have two essays i need to write (although one i can't access until tuesday so that gives me some time)

anyway, back to the story, when i'm more financially stable, i want to do the christmas thing mason and daisuke are doing <3 i remember one christmas when i was a kid, my family could not afford it at all because my dad had to go on disability but the cheques didn't come in yet and my mom didn't work yet. then our school picked our family to be sponsored by a program, so we were still gifted presents <3 it was such an amazing feeling that i want to be on the giving side of the program one day <3