"Dmitriy," I screamed and woke up panting.

My whole body was wet with sweat. My heart was racing. I felt like my heart would stop and I would die. What had I just seen? What happened to Dmitriy? Why didn't I remember? What was happening to me?

Oh yeah, I was in a hospital and I had been sedated. Now as I tried to turn myself and change my position, I found my wrists bound to the sides of the cot. They had restrained me. What the hell! Sedatives weren't enough that they bound me? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry in this situation.

My joints were swollen and aching and the skin was bruised. And I realised that I had unknowingly been restless in my dream. Was it a dream? It all felt so real. It felt as if something was definitely wrong and it was a part of the my deleted memories which were coming back. But why wasn't everything coming back?

That fear of the unknown, the fear of death was killing me a thousand times over. I remembered it all, the dream was so vivid. My chest felt hollow. It was as if it happened right now before my eyes...I wanted to know what was after that...what happened to Dmitriy? This was too much to bear.

Suddenly the door of the hospital room opened and my mother rushed in.

" Oh, my dear! You are awake. You have been out for 5 hours. You know we were so worried," she exclaimed in one breath.

" I was drugged," I said groggily, and tried to tug once more at the restraints to get up but to no avail.

Dejectedly I sunk back on the pillow waiting for my mother to come near me. She came rushing to my side and leaned down to kiss me.

" It will be alright honey," she said, concern flooding her tone.

But she looked wary. As if she was afraid of me. Had I become that violent? My heart missed a beat. I was restrained and couldn't move to reassure her. So I just stared at her.

"Why do you do it? Why do you hurt yourself? Why? Answer me," she broke down.

I couldn't understand what I had done. I had hurt myself? When? I look at my hands. There were red bruises where my nails had dug into my hand in frustration. Now I realise. They restrained me to prevent me from self-harm.

Huh! If only they knew what I feel every day, every hour, every minute and every second. I hate my life. I hate not knowing what my feelings are. I hate the blankness in my memory. It pains me more than that mere thing.

"Mom," I ask, "Who's Dmitriy?"

My mother looked at me stunned.

She assessed me for a moment and replied, anger colouring her tone," How many times have I told you not to try to remember such things? You destroy your health by all such thoughts."

"Mom, please," I begged.

"He's no one you need to worry about. If you remember his name, be sure to forget it before he ruins you again."

"Mom, I love him."

"You loved him. It's past. Now your job, your life, your career and your health are your present. Focus on those. I tell you honestly Ro, if you try once more to bring forth those memories, I will throw you out of my house," by this time my mother was really angry and her face looked flushed red.

"I have to know, Mom, please. Just tell me. Is he alive? If he is safe," I whispered.

"I wish him dead!" she exclaims, as I looked at her stupified, wondering at the intensity of emotions.

Why was she reacting in that way? Why was she getting so emotional and losing her control? What did she know that I didn't?

A/N Sorry for the story being so packed with emotions and frustrations. Hope you are not bored. Hope to go on writing forever as this story comes from my heart. I lose myself while writing it. Please vote and comment if you like and let me go ahead with your support, love and encouragement. Your feedback is welcome.❤