Author: BaileyBookandSketch

Blurb: 

Power has a price.

No Half Bloods know this better than the Lifs and Lifthrasirs, possessing the power of Yggdrasil itself, able to manipulate the dimensions of Life and Death throughout all 9 Realms. 

The price?

These Heroes outlive all Mortals, their only choice for happiness is to curse their beloved with a "Blessed Apple" derived from the famed immortal apples Iduna guards, trapping their loved ones in a land where they are never able to leave while the Heroes barely age over the millennia they spend adventuring among the 9 Realms.

As if that isn't cruel enough, Odin revealed a terrible Prophecy - Ragnarok, the final battle of all Mortal, Ethereal and Incorporeal beings where the Cycle of Immortality itself will end, killing beings who have never died with a Lif and Lifthrasir playing pivotal roles in those events.

The Patrons of Old established the Accords - a treaty setting terms for all future Lifs and Lifthrasirs. Forced to train as Warriors and sacrifice their freedom, they serve under the Guardians, the council of members from all 9 Realms who designate missions so that their powers are shared equally, an agreement that has kept the peace for almost a million years but, as Odin himself revealed, all things come to an end.

Nothing spells disaster like the Blazing Spear of Blood, created by Ymir from the root of Yggdrasil connected to Hel, capable of devouring anything with its cursed flames. Stolen by Xerxes the Red King, it has been stored in Ubhal Òir under the Lifs for millions of years, much to the chagrin of the Jotuns who now act as if it never existed.

But it isn't forgotten. Someone is desperate to steal it and Comharrachadh Beatha is the perfect opportunity as most of the Guardians are on vacation enjoying the Tournament where the Realms best Warriors come together on peaceful terms to battle each other. 

Treachery runs thick behind the celebrations as evil looks for an opportunity to rule again.

Lif and Lifthrasir - Asgardian Tales Book 1

Initial Impression:

My very first impression was your title and cover. It's pretty and definitely fits the genre. The Asgardian Tales bit immediately piqued my interest, and it struck me as very folktale-ish, giving off epic and high fantasy feels. At any rate, I was quite sure there would be Achilles-type heroes and some form of goblin race.

Blurb: waaaaay too long, waaaay too confusing. I don't understand half of what you are talking about. A blurb should be short, punchy, and should just be enough to whet a reader's appetite for what's inside.

When I opened your book, I thought, Whoa, those are a lot of extras. There are four non-writing chapters, including an acknowledgement, thank you note, and TWO glossaries. Basically, these can all be placed at the back. Your citations/sources should be in the back. When your reader opens your book, the first impression is everything. Met with a wall of MLA 'Works Cited' sort of chapter, they will likely put it down and walk away with eleventh-grade Comp. PTSD.

Rule of thumb for glossaries/indexes/anything pertaining to glossaries or indexes:

Technically, you should never really need a glossary, because everything should be skillfully woven into the book. Once in awhile, authors include short glossaries so that readers can look back. Reading your introduction chapters, I obviously concluded that this book draws its roots from Norse mythology. I, being a Percy Jackson fangirl, have no inkling of anything relating to Norse culture/mythology, and I am willing to bet the majority of your readers won't either. That being said, your realms, gods and goddesses, should be subtly explained in your story without needing such a heavy glossary

Verdict: Cover and series title = good

Extras and Blurb = extremely long

The Good:

I do like your style, for the most part. It's very storyteller-like, which I think suits your book very well. I also enjoy your premise. From what I've read, it's interesting and unique, definitely not the typical stuff on Wattpad. I can sense the idea that you're trying to present to me.

You seem to know basic English. There were no spelling mistakes and only a few other conventional mishaps. I think your story is a fresh spin on the whole 'prophecy and gods' trope.

I can also tell that you've done your research on your topic, and your hard work shows!

General Feedback:

PROLOGUE: well-written and overall enjoyable. No issues there.

CHAPTER ONE: Your beginning chapter gave me some Genesis vibes. The whole, 'the earth was a formless void, there was nothing, and then there was something' was an interesting start and definitely affirmed your theme. Unfortunately, I feel like the rest of your chapter told me far more than it showed. At times, it felt a bit like a history textbook.

Please give me dialogue. Anything. It doesn't have to be much. Some kind of dialogue or internal thought. Action scenes are great, but without dialogue or thought, your characters become very 2-D. I haven't gotten the chance to relate or root for them. To me, they are just two characters on a page that are doing stuff. There is nothing motivating their actions or explaining why they hate each other. There should be some force driving your characters along. Why are they doing this? Why do they hate each other? Your omniscient PoV could truly shine if we see more of this.

Suggestion: Add dialogue.

SECOND CHAPTER: Perhaps if I had read the aforementioned glossary more thoroughly, I would understand, but I haven't the faintest idea what's going on. As a writer, you keep throwing all these unpronounceable names at me, with only a short definition to what they pertain to. The info-dumping is extremely heavy and excessive.

Suggestion: Count your appositives. You may be surprised.

FOURTH CHAPTER (Technically Chapter Three, but you skipped right to Four ): Your first couple paragraphs (and a couple others) are repeats from the chapter prior. You tell us more than show, consistently break PoV, and change tense.

FIFTH CHAPTER: I'm sorry, but I . . . I'm just so confused. What PoV are you writing in? I thought Odin was in first person! But now he's in third? (I suppose this is because he is not the main character, like I initially thought). Please, please choose a PoV and stick to it. We've now reverted from past tense to present.

I've seen this throughout your book, but one-word numbers (ex. Twenty, thirty, one) should be written out, not in their numerical forms. And if you want to expand on that, anything less than one hundred and one should be written out. '1 billion' should be 'one billion'.

But yay! Dialogue! Now the appearance of description scenes have shown up, and it does wonders for your world-building.

Overall: I want to see an inciting incident. Chapter One-Chapter Four seems to be a historical summary of your world. That doesn't kickstart the plot, nor does it make an interesting start. So far, I can't see how your prologue relates to any of your story, making it lose its impact and appeal.

Characters:

Ymir: a god that eats ice

Bur: enemy of Ymir

Ve: a brother to the narrator

Villi: the other brother to the narrator

Odin: I thought he was the narrator, because of the Dreamland comment, but upon reading Chapter Five, it appears that he is not.

Aisling: she loves food.

So far nameless, faceless main character: I gather that he/she is a half-blood and hates Mondays.

Plot:

Your plot was going along rather swimmingly (except for the 'one day' bit. All of a sudden it's one day later? No page break? No signal?) until your second chapter. I had to reread this one several times to get the gist of it. First, the gods Bur and Ymir were born and tried to kill each other, and now "we're" (←a PoV break) in a war? With Dwarves? (But ooh, dwarves!) Then you tell us how galaxies were destroyed, and then earth was formed. Now Fate weaved fifteen heroes unto earth for thousands of years?

In Chapter Five, it appears that we're in present day with the mention of Monday. At this point, I've stopped trying to figure out your time period.

Suggestion: Write out a plotline for your book. Stick to it. Eliminate unnecessary historical details. To be frank, I did not see how the first chapter related at all to the second, since Ymir and Bur weren't even the focal points of the chapter.

Conventions:

Your spelling is, for the most part, spot on! I could not detect any glaring mistakes, so kudos to you (because obvious spelling mistakes are a pet peeve of mine). That being said, I did catch a few unneeded commas, as well as a few incorrect apostrophes and capitalization issues. For example:

(CHAPTER ONE)

...in the form of Bur ('s) hard left hook.

Until Ymir ('s) hands caught the edge . . . of the (g)lacier peak.

There were more instances in the subsequent paragraphs, but nothing too alarming.

(CHAPTER TWO)

There is a PoV break in Chapter Two. So far, you have a third person omniscient narrative going, so, 'it was during these wars where we, the Aesir and Vanir . . ." is a PoV break. Later down the page, you do the same thing with 'us'. I don't understand. If you change PoV, there should be some sort of signal, a page break, perhaps.

There is a change of tenses as well. "If there was one thing we learned about is this . . . a Dwarf will fight to the death . . ."

PLEASE tell me who "we three brothers" are. I was here, thinking you were going for third omniscient and now, its first may-or-may-not-be-past-tense. I can't really tell. Who is this brother that's saying 'we'?! Up 'till now, (and for a writer, I'm not too shabby at the math) I counted two characters. Who is this so far, nameless, identity lacking, faceless, narrator?

(CHAPTER FIVE)

'Gods' should be lower-case, since you are not referring to a monotheistic god.

This '!!' is not correct punctuation.

Parentheses in the middle of text should be used sparingly.

Structure:

To be frank, I felt that the wording of the paragraphs and sentences (mostly in Chapter One) could border on redundancy. I'd advise you to not always rely on participles as a means of sentence structure. While participles can be handy and often "invisible" to a reader (I use them often myself), I noticed that nearly every sentence had one, and sometimes they were unneeded. It's very difficult to break a habit like this! My suggestion is to painstakingly look through your own work and comb out those tedious, superfluous participles.

In addition to said participles, sometimes you would use them with passive voice. Now, I strongly urge you to revert to active voice. It makes your writing more clear and concise.

But generally, I think you have a good grasp on the English language. I didn't detect any spelling errors or horribly misused words.

Wish List:

-The omission of unnecessary "extra" chapters

-A shorter blurb (identify the main conflict and who your main character is. You don't need so many capitalized names!)

-Interesting inciting incident

-MORE SHOWING, LESS TELLING!!!! (This one is huge. If you have to take one thing away from this review, take this one)

-Description and dialogue (Cut down on the action scenes)

-Emphasis on worldbuilding. An icy plain is not enough.

-An obvious PoV and tense

-A clearer plotline and logical pacing

-Make those unpronounceable names mean something to the reader, instead of throwing them out on a page

Final Verdict:

An interesting premise, an appealing cover, but an overall poor execution. Heavy telling, confusing plotline, and an unclear PoV and tense took the shine off this story. A less "textbook feel" would make for a smoother, more cohesive read.

Reviewer Note: Though I know this review is mostly negative, I urge you to keep writing and reading! Best of luck!

The author can be found on Twitter as BaileyBookAnd