Author: GalaxyCat123

Blurb:

After a strange day in school Gwen returns home to the disappearance of her family. All that's left for her is the hope of saving her family, the deer toy and the destiny which comes with both.

A world of four lands shattered long ago by the very warriors stationed to save them as the bitter power rose.

BOOK COVER:

Though a book cover may not seem important to authors for a story, it is a main element in attracting readers along with the prologue. A beautiful book cover draws the readers and the rest is left up to your story.

While your book cover is not bad-looking, it could do with some improvement. The background is nice, but it could do with a little bit more of editing. I would have preferred the title to be at the top than in the middle and it would be more professional if you used your author/pen name than your Wattpad username.

If you're not good at graphics like me, I would suggest finding a graphics shop on Wattpad.

BLURB:

The blurb has a nice hook. It wonderfully captivates the mystery waiting to be solved in the pages of your book. I would describe your blurb as 'short and sweet', but the one thing that really glares is that there is absolutely no connection between the two paragraphs.

I would suggest either beginning with the four lands and continuing it throughout the blurb or introducing Gwen and continuing with her. Most of the people make the mistake of making their blurb extensive, but I felt that your blurb could do with a little more elaboration.

PROLOGUE:

It is always nice to begin a story about the new world the protagonist is going to travel to. As I read, I slowly became captivated by the Tale of Gapo and the end cleverly left a little cliffhanger. The prologue also introduces the clashing forces and what the fight is to be about which successfully hits the aim of what a prologue should be.

I have to add that the prologue had many mistakes. Two to three of them were spelling errors, but most of them were grammatical errors and it was not just the case of missing commas, the errors clearly stood out.

For example:

Conqour- Conquer

Faught- Fought

The temple that stood firm in the centre of history, held such gathering only once so little- The temple that stood firmly at the center of history, rarely held such a gathering.

However, at a time of such, it could hardly be seen as good. Though intentions are. - However at such times, it could hardly be seen as good, though the intentions were.

I would also recommend using shorter paragraphs. Don't extend it into one long paragraph. It disturbs the flow of the reader.

CHAPTER 1:

The first chapter was amazing. I had no qualms with the plot or story line at all. The first chapter starts and ends really well and I really loved Gwen's characterization and how you portrayed her. I also loved how Gwen introduced herself and how her thoughts indirectly introduced us to the people around her. I also love how you added the tiny details of lifestyle in rural areas.

The only issues I had was with the format in which you wrote. As I said earlier, shorter paragraphs and you should check when to use commas. Also, don't mix up the dialogues with the paragraphs. Separate them, so it will be easier for the readers to understand and remember the words and know who said them.

CHAPTER 2:

I believe that you have improved quite a bit when you have written the second chapter. The story continues and it gets very interesting bit by bit. This chapter doesn't have dialogues, but I feel that Gwen's thoughts are enough. I also really loved Gwen's thoughts, interactions and actions at school.

I feel that the highlight of this story is the wonderful pacing. You're neither rushing the story or slowing it down and I especially like the fact that Gwen's music playlist ends at the ending which makes it so much more ominous.

There's not much I can point which has not already been pointed out in the prologue and the first chapter.

OVERALL:

The plot, characterization, pacing and story line of this book is awesome. You only have to work a little on your grammar and writing format. These are minor mistakes which can be fixed easily. I would recommend editing your chapters and going through it. The story is truly unique and I hope that you can do it justice and tap into its full potential. I hope you keep up the good work and all the best for your story!