"Cupid Rhymes With Stupid" - @Quiet_Pen   

Summary: 

Six crazy teenagers, three extraordinary pairs, and one dangerous journey.Join this group of young adults in China, as they embark on a trip full of thrill, happiness, pain, and sorrow. As Cupid joins and pushes them into the pit of love, the adventure suddenly takes an uncanny turn. Will they find the meaning of life? Or will they perish in the hands of Cupid born blind?

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Zacharias Dela Cruz is your unbelievably naive orphan who lives in the fantasy of having a happy family. 

Ythan Hopkins is your mysterious guy who lives behind the shadows of the darkest secrets of his ancestry. 

Eleutherius Collins is your Poison Ivy who is trapped in a constant cycle of scheming, seduction, and treachery. 

 Xander Chen is your superhero who is ready to protect everything he needs to maintain his definition of order and stability. 

 Sabrina Chen is your queen of the jungle who keeps on roaring and pouncing to satisfy her superiority. 

 Allurenzo Collins is your king of the circuits who believes that his inventions will someday rule the world for a century.

Initial Reaction: 

I'm really excited to read a third person omniscient narrator that focuses on six main characters! I enjoy and thrive in the suspense! The readers dive into this world with Zacharias for the first two chapters and then we meet an interesting, and quite opposite of Zach, character: Ythan. The readers start to take notice how their worlds will collide and connect. The story's mood and tone have this humor, violent, innocent, and yet harshness to it. Two attitudes collides which symbolizes the two characters' perspective.  

Strengths: 

1. First Impressions: Oh my gosh! I fell in love with meeting the characters especially Zach and Ythan. The fact a simple sentence can create such an impact on a reader is phenomenal! In chapter one, the readers find out that, "The townsfolk asserted that his presence could bring everyone to a trance, like witnessing a shooting star falling beside the sun along the blue horizon." Zach has a magnificent presence and can get anyone's attention. Also, a shooting star has an innocent quality to it. Later on, in the chapter, the readers find out that Zach is innocence and kind. We see the interaction when Zach comforts the little puppy and decides to take it home. He sees himself like the puppy. It's super adorable and sweet! It makes me like Zach more. I really like the first impressions!

2. Omniscient Narrator: I get super excited whenever a story is in third person omniscient. The omniscient narrator is fantastic! The readers dive into other character's thoughts when we've been with Zach or Ythan. Also, I believe this narrative gives strength to the story because there's no unreliable to it. The readers observe the scenes like a film. We see from the outside of the character and then sometimes we are transported back into the character's mind.The readers find out the truth and suspension around Zach's birthday when he turns eighteen. It is an unbiased perspective as the omniscient narrator takes over and the readers can believe this dream is actually a memory.

3. Dialogue: The back and forth dialogue between characters are always the best. The word choices and the pacing depict what the character's personality is and their motivation. The fact that Ythan starts to yell, I believe at himself, in chapter three: "Not enough! Not enough! Everything is still not enough!" The readers see that he's a perfectionist and then later on we see how and why he is this way. Also, his dialogue tells the readers that he wants something ... and he will obtain it. I really enjoy this because I get to know the character more and along with other characters! 

Recommendation: 

I love the third person omniscient narrator that has six main characters! I have a story that focuses on four main characters with an omniscient and present narrator. The one thing that's difficult with having a lot of characters is having the audience/readers be connected to all six. In the first five chapters, the story focuses on two characters, which I connect with Zach and Ythan really well. We see their motivations, their thought processes, and behavior.

I was a little confused because I was looking for all six characters right away. We meet Sabrina and Xander in the first chapter. The readers start to get to know them a little better in chapter five when the narrator goes back to Zach. I sadly didn't get to meet Eleutherius and Allurenzo.

One recommendation would be to revise the summary to focus more on Zach and Ythan. As a reader, I expected all six characters right away from reading the summary.

Another option would be to add in the characters in the first five chapters; however, I don't really recommend it because the readers might feel overwhelmed with learning and getting to know the characters. Unless each chapter focuses on a different character like first chapter follows Zach, second chapter follows Sabrina, and continues.

This is your story and these are just options. I wanted to help communicate how a reader might be interpreting the story.

I hope this helps! I love reading the story! Thank you so much! Please let me know the feedback helps. 

~ Fallon Elizabeth ~