The morning we left Italy, we did so knowing that it would be some time before we could see our friends again. Charlie and Chantelle came with us, as had always been the plan when the school break was over, and we returned to the lonely normality we had created for ourselves.

While my mother and Mandy worked together in Switzerland to construct testimonies that would see Gideon incarcerated, we were forced to study for upcoming exams. Charlie's parents joined us and kept a wary eye on their offspring, no doubt fearful that they might have enjoyed their taste of rebellion and were at risk of running off again.

It was safe to say that we'd all had more than enough adventure to satisfy us for the rest of our lives. Although, it frightened me just how easily we slipped into a routine as though Italy hadn't happened at all. We didn't discuss it at length and instead focused on our school work.

As we did, I knew that there was another inevitable conversation drawing near.

Charlie and Jenny had been thrown together that night in Rome. There'd been more pressing matters to attend to than their relationship, but that didn't mean that neither had considered the other. Hadn't realised that their old feelings were very much alive, or that they wanted to be together.

'I need to tell you something,' I said as I intruded into his room before dinner one night. 'And it was shitty of me, Chaz. I need you to know before I say anything that I'm sorry.'

He closed the textbook he'd been hunched over on his bed and gave me his full attention. 'Okay? Should I be angry about whatever this is?'

'Completely.'

'Is it something you did recently?'

'A few months ago.'

Charlie's expression darkened. 'Is this about something at Netherfield?'

I didn't want to tell him. I was already parted from Beth, I couldn't stand to lose someone I considered a brother, too. But Charlie deserved to have the truth, to make his own decisions about the affairs of the heart. Not once had he told me that I shouldn't feel the way that I did about Beth. He'd teased me about her, of course, but only in that gentle, playful way of his. Charlie knew better than to interfere or to presume that he knew my heart better than I did.

I never should have arrogantly made choices for him.

'It's my fault that you and Jenny aren't together,' I admitted. 'I thought that if we could convince you to get away to Switzerland then we could convince you that she wasn't interested.'

'She wasn't,' Charlie said. 'You and Chantelle said that –'

'Chantelle was in on it,' I said. I wasn't above throwing her under the bus. If I was going down, I would take her with me. 'Jenny's shy and quiet. We knew that it wouldn't be difficult to convince you that she was just being nice to you and that was it. Chaz, she's nuts about you. I'm pretty sure she has been since that party. She's just not the sort of girl who shouts it from the rooftops, that's all.'

Charlie was on his feet. 'If you knew that, then why did you drag me out here?!'

'Because I thought that she wasn't good enough! I thought that her friends would drag down her reputation and that yours would go with it. I thought that you deserved someone better than that.'

'There isn't anyone better!' he exploded. 'You had no right, Will! None! How dare you act like you know better than me!'

'I know!' I shouted back. 'Chaz, I'm sorry, I mean it! I know that she's the girl for you, I can see that now. I was being an arrogant dick and, honestly, I knew it at the time and I couldn't stop myself. If I could go back and undo it all, I would.'

'Why tell me now?' he asked. 'She must hate me for leaving her!'

'You deserved to know,' I said. 'You both do. Tell her everything. Tell her to hate me and Chantelle, too. But also tell her that you love her if you still do. Chaz, you're both two of the best people I've ever met. I can't think of anyone more suited as a couple as you are. You should be together and to hell with what anyone else thinks about it.'

Charlie hesitated. He wanted to be angry. He should be angry; he had every reason to be. But there was more to it than that. There was that same fear I'd felt upon reuniting with Beth. While I might have been the one to convince him to leave, he'd not fought to stay with Jenny. Charlie had been manipulated by us but he wasn't entirely blameless in the whole thing.

'What if she doesn't feel the same way?'

'Wouldn't you rather find out for sure than never know?' I asked. 'Go back to the school, Chaz. Take a risk. Isn't she worth it?'

'Yes,' he admitted. 'Jenny's worth everything.'

'I'm sorry,' I said again. 'I never should have come between you. I just want you to be happy. Both of you.'

'I hate you,' he said. 'You're my brother, but I bloody hate you.'

'I know.'

'Are you coming back with me?' he asked.

God, how I wanted to.

My heart was screaming that I would be at his side, ready to take Beth into my arms the moment we arrived at Netherfield. That I would promise to be with her forever and never let her go. But there was still so much more to do and, after what had happened, I couldn't be convinced that she felt the same way about me as I did about her. We'd only almost kissed, had hugged, and that had been it. Other than flying her out to Italy to resolve an enormous crisis, that is. There'd been no time to discuss feelings, no moment to hash out the conversation at Christmas when I'd so terribly insulted her and all the people that she cared about.

Honestly, I had no idea what she might see in me.

At every turn, I'd been proud, arrogant, and cruel.

What exactly could I offer her?

Charlie's fist connected with my cheek and I staggered into his desk. I pressed my hand to my face and asked, 'What the hell was that for?'

'A lot of things,' he said, 'but also for being so stupid about your own life. You can't come in here telling me that I should go back, being all noble for once in your bloody life, and then hesitate to do the same thing yourself!'

'It's not the same,' I argued. 'You have no idea the things that I've done to her! The things that I've said!'

'Will, I've met you. I can imagine the things that you said to her.'

I narrowed my eyes. 'When did you turn into such an arsehole?'

'Prolonged exposure to you,' Charlie replied. 'Look, you just marched in here and apologised. You knew that it might mean that I'd never speak to you again, but you told me the truth about what you did. The old Will never would have done that. You're not the same guy you were when we first went to Netherfield. Being around Beth and her friends has changed you. What are you so afraid of by just talking to her?'

'The same thing that you're afraid of,' I replied. 'That the woman you love might not love you back.'

'Oh, so it's okay for me to take that risk, but not you?'

'You're a good guy, Chaz. You've never insulted Jenny or her friends. You haven't punched out your own cousin for making a move on her.'

'No, but if your cousin had made a move on Jenny, I'd have punched him. I mean, I'd punch Freddie just for the fun of it. He's usually done something to deserve it.'

I sat on the edge of his bed and cradled my head in my hands. I wouldn't let myself cry. Even as tears needled the corners of my eyes, I refused to admit that they were there. They'd just have to recede and hide themselves away like all the rest of my feelings. Charlie dropped down beside me and placed his hand on my back. It made it more difficult to swallow back the words I so desperately wanted to say.

Finally, I confessed, 'I'm not good enough for her. She deserves better.'

'Better than what? Better than someone who flew across the world with her because her friend was in trouble? Not her, but her friend? Someone who was willing to put himself in danger to keep her safe in that pizza?'

'Did you just say pizza or piazza?'

'Don't change the subject,' he said. 'Will, I don't know what you think Beth expects out of a guy, but she's not going to do better than someone who loves her completely and wants to make her happy. That's what you want, isn't it?'

'Yeah,' I agreed, 'even if it's not with me. I just want her to realise that she doesn't need this mask of humour or all these walls of sarcasm she's built up, you know? I just want her to be herself with me. No bravado, no defence mechanisms, just her as she is.'

'Tell her that, then.'

I laughed softly. 'It's not that easy.'

'Pretty sure it is.'

'I'm not ready,' I confessed. 'I want to make sure Gideon's on the track to prison, first. I'm not letting him get near her again. And... and I'm not strong enough to put my feelings out there again. Not yet.'

'Well, I can't force you,' Charlie said. 'But I can tell you that, if you don't do it, then someone else will. So, don't spend too long deciding whether you've got the balls to face her.'