QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."
― Neil Galman

Dedication: @Lyssade (What Happened That Night keeps me on the edge of my seat.)

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NOTE:

I know it's early but tomorrow is Eid and I'll be away for three days so I thought instead of delaying the update, I might update sooner. ;)

Thanks for your support! I'll join Wattys then. I'd be happy if you supported this story and me on Twitter as well with the hashtag #Wattys2015. My Twitter is @killianssass.

I love you guys, Eid Mubarak to every Muslim fellows & a nice weekend to everyone! :)

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CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

I don't stop running until I finally find him leaning against the pole of goal post in the football field. He's talking to some players with a half smile and I swear nothing has ever made me more angry than his smile before. When I reach him, he shoots me a confused glance but I don't wait till the boys disappear. "We need to talk," I say, out of breath but firm. "In private." It makes them slowly leave and Richard's attention turn to me.

"What's going on, Jack?" He says, confused and I slap him in the cheek as an answer - it feels so fucking good to punch him after everything I've gone through. "What the fuck," he says, glancing back at me, his hand on his cheek.

"I've found out, bastard, what you're up to."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Stella told me Ric."

It makes him stop and tense under my look. "Look, I can explain-"

I fold my arms together. "It's what I'm counting on," I say desperately. "I do hope you have a great reason to cause this mess, turn my perfect life into a disaster and make me hate myself more than ever. I really hope so," I say sarcastically. I don't really know how he will try to justify himself after all the shit we've been through and he pretended not to know or played the best friend. Since I know what's the matter with him, even looking at him makes me want to beat the shit out of him. He caused this all and separated me from my only love ever. I'll never forgive him, it's all I know.

"I love you," he breaths, moving towards me and grabbing my arms.

I look at him in disbelief. "You love me?"

He nods silently. I examine his face but see nothing related to humor - he's serious. "I didn't want this to happen. I actually thought you both wouldn't last long."

"Since when - when did you develop feelings for me?"

"I don't know,"-he shrugs, letting go of me-"I think it was when I felt different seeing you with Calvin. At first I thought it was hatred. That I couldn't handle you two being happy. Then, I considered it jealousy that Calvin found someone he could be happy and he ditched me - his best friend - for a girl like you. A girl who punched me. Then, we started to hang out and you were so outgoing and easy to talk. I started to like your company but it was quite nerving that we had to hide it from Calvin because you were uncomfortable with it. It was almost as if we were having a secret affair-"

"You know we weren't," I cut him off sharply. "You know it was because he would question me about that. But he didn't. He was never comfortable about our friendship but he just let it go." I take a deep breath, staring daggers at him. "He was right all the time. I should have stayed away from you."

He lets out a laugh. "You were enjoying my company as much as I enjoyed yours, Jack."

"I don't love you, and I will never love you, Butler if it's what you're implying for." His eyes are on me and he's waiting for any words slipping out of my mouth. "I trusted you," I yell, putting my arms up. "I trusted your opinions - I thought you were a good friend. But it turns out you're just a bloody liar who wants to get into my pants."

"Speaking of which," he answers, "I didn't plan it."

I frown at him. "You really expect me to believe that after all the lies?"

"You don't have to," he says. "I don't know what Stella told you but I just told her to distract Calvin because I wanted to spend more time with you. I didn't even know you were going to be in my room. You just disappeared and I didn't expect to find you there. It was just sheer luck."

"Sheer luck," I repeat in disgust. "I hate you." I push him slightly but he catches me from my wrists and pulls me to himself.

"I know you don't." I feel his warm breath on me but it doesn't affect me a tiny bit.

"Don't be so sure." I try to shove his hands off me but he doesn't let go. "You ruined my only chance with Calvin and he thinks I'm a slut now."

"You aren't,"-his expression changes-"and it's his fault that he doesn't know you well enough to gather that."

"Thanks for turning my life into hell."

"Jack, I didn't plan it. I was slightly drunk there and you were so offering. Stop acting like I assaulted you. I didn't do anything you didn't want."

"I don't believe you." Then, I remember the horrible humiliation he forced on Stella. "And you're going to apologise to Stella. What the hell did you do, Ric, playing with a girl's feelings and her private life? How can you question her choices and use them against her? What a monster are you?"

"I had no choice."

"You are terrible. I fucking hate you. I despise you." Then, before I kill him right there, I spin around to leave. But he catches me by my arm and pulls me back.

"Please," he begs with a rather weak voice. "I did it all for you." He looks at me with hopeful eyes and I don't even know what he expects from me. I can't forgive him after all and I don't want him anywhere around me.

"What do you want from me?" I ask, my voice on the verge of crying. "You took my everything - what else?"

"You."

"You lost that chance long ago when I got my heart stolen from a certain guy."

His face falls and his jaw tightens as he hears me.

"And I know," I add, "it's more than just love. You're a freak who wanted to show Calvin who bosses around and you used me for that."

He snickers. "Is it what you think? Really?"

"I don't expect less from you, Richard," I say, stone-faced. "But congratulations. Now you're the heartless of the town. You cannot love anyone, you aren't capable of that. Your exact words, remember?" I glance around to check if there's anyone sneaking us but no, we are all alone in the football field.

"You know what?" He says, directing my attention to himself. "We are the same."

I grimace. "I'm not as bad as you."

His icy blue eyes pierce into me, a small knowing smile tugging at his lips. "There is no limits for us when we love." He moves one step ahead, looking down at me. "And I love you, Jack Pierce."

"Is this where I faint? Or fangirl about how the team captain freaking loves me?" I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Sorry Richard, my heart is so far away from where my ovaries are so your sperms must have missed there, babe." I feign a smile, looking straight at him to make him see that I don't give a fuck about his confession or his love.

Maybe, he's right - we are all monsters at some points and there is nothing we can't do if we get our people hurt or there is a threat ahead of us that keeps us away from them.

He laughs at it and I keep looking at him with no expression. "You're funny," he says, looking at me. "Your sarcasm is one of the reasons that made me fall for you."

"You'll tell Calvin that it's all your fault," I demand him all of a sudden. "You'll do it if you want to prove your love."

He breaks out another laughter which gets on my nerves so badly. "Seriously? Do you think we are at sixth grade or something?" He says between his laughter and, in turn, gets serious. "I am not stupid and I thought you got it by now."

"Yeah," I snap. "After the master plan."

"Whatever you call it."

"So, you don't do it?" I ask disappointedly.

"No way I'll fix your relationship - look girl, I'm selfish and I won't undo everything I did for you just because of a stupid prove-your-love bet."

I look at him for the last time and I realise what a different person stands in front of me. It's not Ric or Butler - it's a very mad boy who claims to love me but all he does is to destroy my life for a right he finds in himself. He is the reason why I don't eat or drink, he's the reason why I can't breathe or even if I do, it never gets enough.

He's not the reason - but he took away the only reason for me to stay alive.

"You can't love anyone but yourself," I spit out nervously. "Stay away from me."

He doesn't catch me back when I attempt to leave. And I don't turn back. He makes me feel nervous because I know he isn't done yet - he'll be coming after me.

***

"How was school?" Mum yells from kitchen when I enter in and toss my sneakers at the right corner of hall where others stand. Nervously walking to kitchen, I face my mum and she glances over at me from preparing meal. "Seems like not so good," she murmurs as she turns back to cutting vegetables.

I walk over at her and take the knife from her, slicing the carrots myself. It makes me feel better - especially when I imagine them as Richard's neck. It is actually satisfying. I feel her glance on me but she doesn't say a word about it. "I cooked lasagne today and it's now in the oven."

"Good," I say without lifting my gaze from the carrots.

"Thought you'd be...happier," she mumbles disappointedly and I look up at her. I know she wants more details so I give into it.

"I learnt something today."

"Which is?" She says, taking back the knife from me and I lean against the sink and exhale depressedly.

"Stella came and told me that Richard threatened her to separate us with Calvin."

She gasps, dropping the knife and looking at me. "Really? I thought that guy was actually fine!"

"Apparently not," I deadpan. She is not helping with the situation. "And I talked to him."

"What did he say?"

"He loves me."

"Oh."

"Yes,"-I let out a sigh-"and he's...I hate him, oh God. He ended every chance I had with Calvin."

"Tell him," she says instead.

"Tell him what? Calvin, oh, Richard trapped me into sex and I didn't even know he loved me? Sorry?"

She coughs and I know I might've gotten too further. "Okay, maybe not that blunt but you can say you didn't know about his feelings."

"It won't change anything, Mum," I protest. "He doesn't love me anymore. He hates me."

"It's not that easy, sweetheart. Love is not that easy to back away." She pulls me into a hug and I notice how much I needed that. I wrap my arms around her waist and we stand like that for a while. Her warmth feels good - almost like I'm not alone and I have the strength to fight but it disappears in a fleeting moment when she withdraws from me. "You'll get back together, trust me."

"I want to, Mum," I say sighing. "But I've seen his face and heard the words. He has no patience or love left for me. He is right - I fucked big time and he won't believe me no matter how much I tell him that I love him. Because I slept with the last person he'd accept in the world." I get my hands through my hair. "God, I messed everything."

"It's not your fault," she says softly. "It was Richard."

I look at her and remember what Richard told me earlier. He's right that he didn't do anything against my will. My drunk self must have agreed to kiss him - I am as guilty as him. "No, it's also mine. I shouldn't have drunk in the first place."

She looks at me with a ghost of sympathy which fades away the next second and determinance takes its place. "Go to your room and do your homework."

"I have none, Mum," I groan, rolling my eyes.

"Really?" Her voice softens.

"Yes, there are only two weeks left and I'm done with finals."

She nods with anticipation. "Then, go and waste time with something till I prepare the dinner."

"Aye aye captain."

Sometimes I think getting my family back is the best thing that has come with Calvin Gilmore. Something that won't fade away with his absence.

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