because i just love humanizing all my villains, i just can't write one person who stays corrupt, can i

partially owed to the writing talents of -skysong-

━━

what am i?

coralmist sat under her sleeping elm, staring at the open field outside, her gaze cloudy and unfocused. the stars seemed to retell her story over and over again- the horror tale of amberstone's demise.

all this time, she had believed that death was the better option. after all she had suffered in life, she had genuinely believed that life wasn't worth living. after all the harsh leaf-bares and all the quarrels and hurt, after all the expectations she had failed to meet, she was finally thrown it all away and turned her back on trying to accomplish what everyone else wanted from her. but still, even through all the resentment and hate, she still wanted to choose kindness. her own twisted version of kindness, that is, that took her own ideals and forced them upon other cats. her twisted ideals, which had been carried out not even by her, but by a friend she'd treated like an underling.

no matter how strong coralmist felt about anything, she'd never have the courage to take matters into her own paws. without a cat to lean on, she was useless.

just like now- where she had sent away pearlnight to prevent the good warriors from killing her and sworn to let them kill whoever else was evil. that, of course, was just the symbol of coralmist giving up.

coralmist was numb. it was a feeling she'd quickly gotten used to.

she used to be an empathetic cat, but after life threw agonies after agonies at her, she'd learned to hide behind her bramble walls. now, she could do whatever she wanted without worrying what other cats thought, and she'd thought she was better off for it.

her kindness. that was what had driven her. her belief that death- the afterlife in starclan's territory- was better than any life a warrior could lead on earth. it was justified, wasn't it? the truth was, coralmist couldn't remember the last time she had laughed. her heart, after building its barriers, had forgotten how to feel anything, whether that be feeling sorrow or anger or joy. she scraped by day by day, knowing she was a husk of who she used to be, and was okay with it- okay with not having to suffer the curse of empathy anymore.

but the sight of something as strong as amberstone's murder had jolted her heart awake.

coralmist pondered the feeling. why had her heart chosen to burst open at that moment? perhaps the emotions were too strong to hide. perhaps her intrinsic former kindness had been awakened by the tragedy- the tragedy that she'd caused. that, she decided, must've been the final straw. by her own paw, she's torn open the doors to her heart, and felt true emotion for the first time in so long. it had been so long since coralmist had been forced to feel. now, after the initial wave, coralmist was baffled.

she flashed back to the moment- just last night, but it felt so detached that it could've been a moon or a year or an eon ago.

amberstone had hissed a selection of words at coralmist. words that had fallen on deaf ears, none of which coralmist actually remembered. she only remembered the fight. spilling blood and sharing pain, the only language coralmist could still understand.

coralmist had been desperate to kill her. that was her act of kindness: sacrificing her chance at a good afterlife to give it to others, even if she had to do it by force.

why did she want to grant others a kindness? that was what confused coralmist- she had trusted only one cat enough to carry out her plans. surely a cynical, distrustful cat like that wouldn't normally wish to serve others kindness?

perhaps what she'd believed to be a twisted 'kindness' was just a disguised snake of resentment and hate. yes, that was probably true- it was much easier to understand that causing 'harm' was 'evil'. but the belief that life with starclan was better than life on earth was true as well.

but until last night, coralmist didn't really understand what it meant to rob someone of their life. for a cat who had survived by throwing away her feelings like a leaf to the wind. it had taken a firsthand murder to cause them to come flooding back.

all she had to do was allow her thought to flow by, carrying images of amberstone, writhing and screeching in panic with every slash coralmist dealt.

it was too late when coralmist realized what came entwined with this remembrance.

amberstone's cries began to freeze coralmist from her bones out. every splash of blood began to manifest in a jolt of physical pain in coralmist's pelt, punishing her in the exact same places that she'd rampaged on her clanmate's blameless body. she wanted to cry out, but something locked her throat, stopping her from even being able to express what she was feeling.

the memories moved on.

amberstone wasn't even fighting back, and yet, coralmist had kept on slashing... for what? for the kindness that she thought she was giving? was this kindness? what had amberstone done to deserve such a fate?

amberstone's mouth had opened, her silent plea cut off by coralmist's own paws strangling the she-cat and imprisoning her to her torture. slash after slash after slash. coralmist's heart pumped with new horror- each beat was sending the same sort of blood that had been stolen from amberstone in her twisted frenzy. this was the price she paid for locking away her empathy as she did: it had already cost many cats their lives, all so that coralmist would be punished by feeling their pain again, like how she'd once held her own pains, only this time stronger.

the empathetic curse didn't hold back from smashing coralmist's walls to pieces.

the other murders, coralmist hadn't committed herself. it was always pearlnight, coralmist's friend and puppet, willing to kill for her own cynical reasons rather than coralmist's fake ones. because that's what her justification for murder was- a lie. pearlnight had at least had the decency to kill her targets swiftly, and most of the time painlessly. but what about coralmist?

empathy and regret seared through coralmist's pelt, setting every hair ablaze, every speck of pain she'd ever inflicted now coming back to their puppetmaster. she didn't try to resist. why not? did she finally know what was so evil about killing someone else? why was it evil? every day, warriors killed innocent hares for food- yet killing another cat had stripped coralmist of anything that had let her call herself a cat.

it was just as pearlnight had said: once you commit to something evil, you can never escape. somehow, coralmist knew that she couldn't escape her crime.

coralmist dimly remembered her old empathy taking control, licking amberstone's pelt before she died. a small apology to the poor she-cat after brutalizing her so. it would never be enough. nothing coralmist did could have ever made up for such a crime- a crime she had previously thought was an act of mercy.

the feelings seared stronger.

coralmist wanted to bring amberstone back. not because she no longer thought death was better than life. not even because she knew amberstone deserved better. it was a selfish reason, really- she wanted amberstone to face her and tell her that she was a monster again. she wanted amberstone to kill her the same way she'd killed amberstone. then, would penance be served? would coralmist have paid for every murder she had orchestrated?

[ this is where sky fills in for me- i did add a few touches though ]

she stood, alone at the top of the hill.

the soft fragrance of the blossoms splayed all over gently wrapped around her, strands of sweet aroma entwining around her paws and her tail. it smelled so refreshing, enveloped in the cool air of the looming night... it smelled almost innocent.

how ironic, for these paws- these paws that had been stained with so much blood and wrongdoing- to be shrouded in something so pure. she almost felt as if she were drowning in that endless abyss of sickly perfume that seemed to suffocate her, in the forever imprisoned, imploring, silent cries of the innocent from so long ago.

she deserved it, doesn't she? every single last bit of it.

she let the scents trail over her, tightening- pulling- almost throttling. the initially soft masses of smooth silk like matter almost slicing into her fur, the tortured yearning of the dead tearing deep into her heart. the silence roared, like the fury of a lion, rolling like the loudest crack of thunder, in her ears.

then- something disrupted it.

it was light, almost soundless, but coralmist heard it nonetheless. a pawstep- then another, to which the grass had replied with a soft crunch- and then, a toss of the wind.

the same wind that howled into her ears, demanding retribution for her crimes, and she squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could, her sinking fear almost pooling in her stomach.

"just come out," she said quietly. "i know you're there."

she opened her eyes to observe her clanmate quietly approach as the night and shadows shrouded him, staining the soft ivory and lilac fur. she was suddenly reminded of how the fiery coat from the previous night bled into dark, the crimson splattered over and soaked into the dry, viridescent blades spread over the ground, almost like a kit's mud-stained paws skidding over the moor, a result of child's play.

coralmist wished, with all her heart, that that was what'd happened, that it was really something that innocent, but it wasn't. that she'd never thought of those ideals, those terribly twisted reasons that consumed her, bit by bit, until there was none of her left.

the shadows should take her instead, she thought. she deserved to suffer much, much more than the cat in front of her did.

"you know what i'm here to do," kyanite's whisper resonated through the eternity of nothingness. it was so soft, and yet the sound reverberated through the air, and his presence almost seemed to surround her. there was barely a scrap of emotion in his voice. it was flat. you too, then? has your heart also been sealed as a defense against life's horrible tragedies?

... you, who never once killed an innocent cat in your life?

coralmist looked away and sheathed her claws lightly for the last time. "mmhm." her voice cracks, letting the undertones of pain through. "finish it. please."

the last word is uttered so lightly, barely above that of a murmur, that for a moment she wasn't sure if kyanite heard her. but then he closed his eyes and nodded briefly.

the images of her teammates who'd gone before her flashed through her mind: halite- hallie, who'd never done anything to warrant her exile, who'd always tirelessly laid out all the statistics and ideas and pored over them until they were perfect; agateash, ever so careful about every detail, who'd helped her despite the risks and always had her back; melanterite, always so distant but so brave, so eager to gather information; and pearlnight... pearlnight, who'd been by her side all this time. who might have been her first, and only. true friend.

quartzslayer, sunstone, rubyscorch, amberstone. she'd caused so, so much pain for everyone- so much suffering, unleashed on her command.

amberstone's emerald gaze haunted her, searing itself into her soul; in her memory, the ginger tabby smiled, full of life.

coralmist's eyes stung as memories of laughter and carefreeness, bathed in warm sunshine, come to light. recollections of smiles and happiness that she'd singlehandedly destroyed pierce into her gut, and it took all the strength in her to stay standing.

the pawsteps stoped in front of her, and she opened her eyes to look straight into the cerulean of kyanite's. the tom's eyes were unreadable as he dropped the ripe berries, bright and vibrant as the blood she let spill in front of her. swiftly, he picks one up and softly ushers it into her mouth.

she didn't resist. she never had a right to in the first place, after all. who knows- she might've even been the one to open her mouth before kyanite's retribution even had the chance to touch her lips.

the vermilion flesh was mildly sweet, like a reminder of easier, better times. times that she devoured, like how the squishy berry almost dissolved onto her tongue. it was almost bitter to her, the irony blatant in her mind. she coughs, and she feels something surge up her throat.

next thing she knew, a waterfall of scarlet spilled from her mouth as she choked and retched without hesitation chipping in between, dipping the innocent white blossoms next to her feet into a glistening ruby colour- that  colour, another sick reminder of those who she knew would haunt her forever. she coughed and coughed, and the thick, dark liquid oozed and pooled out beneath her paws as her legs buckled. she finally collapsed in front of her clanmate, who dropped the other berry at her reaction, his eyes widened in alarm- and... she must have imagined the flash of apologetic remorse across those pale blue eyes.

"thank you," she almost didn't manage to choke the words out to an almost stunned kyanite.

"it wasn't supposed to turn out this way..." he trailed off, his eyes looking around and coralmist could almost see his mind running as rapidly as possible. "it's supposed to be nearly instant, you- no, i'm sorry, the pain-" 

coralmist tried to smile. "it's okay," she whispered softly. "i don't feel the pain."

it was true; she was too numb, too close to her and kyanite's goal, to feel anything anymore.

she didn't tell him that even if she did feel the pain she was intended to feel, she wouldn't have objected.

after all, she should take the burden of the misery she'd let loose upon her beloved clanmates. for that and that alone, she deserved to die, to be murdered in cold blood a thousand times over. she almost wished that she could be.

[ this is where i take over again ]

the price of throwing away my soul... who could've known that a cat once so kind could cause so much pain?

coralmist closed her eyes, trying to absorb every sensation of her own death as she could. she couldn't feel her own body anymore. she knew she didn't deserve to be forgiven, but even then, she could suffer her own silent penance. it was only right.

amberstone, come back and do to me what i did you.

she couldn't say the words out loud. no, she didn't need to make poor kyanite feel any more conflicted than he already did.

for once, coralmist's goal had become the same as that of the world- that is, to slay the traitor in the manner that they deserved to be.

coralmist tried to open her eyes for just a moment. she didn't want to try to capture the beauty of the world before she left. she had ignored the world before, and she didn't need to chase after it again. her gaze we'd fixed on the sky. where in that massive sky did starclan's warriors avoid? in some place with no stars, that was where coralmist was certain she would go. she didn't try to pray to starclan otherwise. one night of remorse didn't make up for the unspeakable slaughter.

in fact, when she opened her eyes, she was expecting to see nothing but the deepest blackness. where other spirits hunted and shared tongues in the stars, she would float- float in the nothingness of antimatter with no purpose but to swallow again and again the agony of her own sins. yes, it was fitting- she wouldn't try to brace herself. she wouldn't try to seal her heart back shut. she couldn't.

never again.

coralmist, do you understand now? pain is natural, and to even wish to throw emotion away just for the sake of not hurting anymore-

-made me a monster.

kyanite was still there, watching her over. why? you're too good for this world, kyanite.

"is there anything i can do for you?" he whispered.

he was met with silence.

"have you left us already?" kyanite stepped closer, wary gaze glued to coralmist. pain stabbed coralmist as she realized that kyanite was probably being so cautious out of some deep-seated- and validated- fear of her making a sudden move.

but coralmist wouldn't do anything to him. even if she had wanted to, she could feel her consciousness ebbing away, like waves receding into the ocean of time. time, what a curious thing... it rushed by so fast, but when one tried to imagine it, the ocean stood almost still... a jarring thought it was, that coralmist's time was over. but she no longer cared. she'd gotten what she wanted. what she knew was only fair.

kyanite leaned close to coralmist, searching her for the ugly smell of death, listening for her heartbeat to know whether or not it had ceased.

wait.

kyanite started to rise, only to freeze at the nearly inaudible croak he was sure had come from coralmist.

"i... wished for death over life. that's why... to other cats..."

kyanite dipped his head lower.

"mistake... thought it was... kindness. you deserve to know."

coralmist felt herself growing lighter, lighter... summoning the last of her strength, she gave kyanite her last words.

"i only wanted the best for you all."

she didn't bother begging for forgiveness. even if the living were willing to grant such a lavish gift, the dead never would- she, too, would reject such a thing.

ice gripped coralmist beneath her gray-and-white pelt, pricking at her limbs, her chest, everywhere. she hadn't the strength to even tense up. her vision clouded, and everything became so much darker, darker...

until she felt herself be swept away by something like wind. like a flock of starlings, little particles of her being were coagulated and then torn apart in an amorphous cloud-

until everything stood still, and coralmist's matter dropped like a stone. she was falling, falling...

in the afterprint of her vision, she thought she saw faces- the faces of those she had gotten killed.

voices spoke to her in a cacophony of yowls. not theirs. she understood not a word of it.

and then, something she understood. in amberstone's familiar voice.

be good this time.

and all of it was severed with a deafening silence.

━━

coralmist was killed by the shaman. she was the lead traitor.

━━

the clan wins!

living: amethystsky as the starspeaker
jaspereyes as the savant
peridot as the kittypet
smokywind as the medicine cat
malachite as the den-guard

neutral victors: quartzslayer as the seraph [ guarding amethystsky ]
kyanite as the shaman