June 1 2009

Home again, back from the city. When I stepped out of my car first night the first thing I did was take a deep breath. It was the most refreshing breath of air I have ever taken.

NYC air is dirty.

I did not enjoy breathing in NYC.

June 2 2009

When walking down

worn dirt roads,

grass tickling my ankles.

June 5 2009

Actually, it's the 6th, but I'm still awake.

2AM

No cars on the road

No people out

No stores open

No children playing

All home, asleep in bed.

Only the animals to keep me company

June 8 2009

I am sick.

Or maybe it's allergies.

My eyes itch,

my nose is running.

My ears are ringing

like an old phone.

I want to answer the phone

but it keeps ringing,

and I can't find

the receiver.

Please stop calling me.

I am not home.

I have no answering machine,

my phone will just ring.

June 9 2009

You look very cute in your sweater vest and tie.

Why don't you see me? Am I not alive?

Am I invisible, like a ghost?

Do I exist, or is it just a joke?

In the end you'll take off your mask,

and when the truth is revealed

we'll all just laugh.

This is stupid, never mind.

What went wrong and when?

I don't remember choosing to be

quiet, it just sort of happened,

like a dream one night. my life disappearing

and I am left quivering like a scared

animal, lifeless on the floor.

Help me up, I cannot stand

on my own. My legs are weak

and wobbly.

I'm all alone in the dark,

please, sir, do you have a light?

You think you're better than me,

well, you are! I admit it.

You're better than me! You may

have not future, you may have

killed every bloody brain cell

you have with those worthless

drugs and poisonous alcohol.

But you can talk, talk in front

of hundreds of people with confidence,

and people like you. People like

to watch you. You are a good

person, just open your eyes,

see the sunlight, smell the fresh air.

Strawberry milkshake and miniature marshmallows.

June 15, 2009

Self

I do not feel like myself.

Who do I feel like?

If I do not feel like my self, whose self do I feel like?

If I am my self, but do not feel like it, is my self somewhere else?

Or is it in disguise?

Or has my self exchanged with someone else's self?

Now I have your self and you have my self?

I do not feel like my self.

A/N That's the end of my high school writing notebook! I have more somewhere if anyone is interested...

I wish I still wrote like this, just for fun, for practice!

Again, that second to last poem is a little dark, but I swear I was at an okay part in my life (still am, as far as I can tell) it was just an introspective look at where I was in my life at that point (and yes, it was directed at a particular boy in my class. I think I was maybe reassessing why I liked him so much) but that's a different story!

Thanks for reading!