{REUPLOADED}

{lads, i cba to format this one properly, it might get fixed one day if i get bored and do it}

hello everyone!! seeing as this book is officially finished now, i thought it would be fun to release all of my drafts in one post for 24 hours only, before taking it down again.

now, just as a warning, there's a reason they didn't actually get published. be it because they're not finished, the concept is weird, or because they're poorly written from lack of editing. so don't expect amazing things. this is just for a bit of a laugh, and my way of saying thank you to all the people who've stayed and read the whole thing. i appreciate you all.

and now! on with the bad writing!

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Sickness

Harry

I'm woken abruptly to the harsh sound of coughing beside me. I slowly peel open my eyes, and see Cal sitting on the edge of the bed, and shaking slightly. Instantly I find myself more alert, and shuffle towards him.

"Cal? You okay?" I ask, voice laced with worry. He turns around and looks at me with tired eyes.

"I'm okay babe, sorry for waking you up," he says, but is cut off by another coughing fit. I reach over and lay a hand gently on his back. His skin is hot to the touch, but I can still feel him shivering.

"You're not fine, Cal," I insist, now sitting beside him. He rests his head in his hands, and lets out a long sigh.

"It's probably just a cold," he retorts, looking back up at me. "Don't worry too much."

"Even if it is just a cold, you need to rest up," I say, and gently take his hand. He sighs again.

"But I've got things I need to do today babe," he whines.

"You've been working yourself too hard recently Cal. That's probably why you got ill," I explain patiently. "You're not gonna be any good to anyone like this." He flops back onto the bed, seeming frustrated.

"I'm fine," he says, but starts coughing again straight after.

"I'm going to go and get you some water, get your ass back into bed," I say sternly, before walking out of the room.

Lux is already in the kitchen making breakfast when I arrive.

"Morning Harry," he says, as I grab a glass from the cupboard and start filling it with water.

"Hey Cal," I respond, only paying him half of my attention, while also trying to think of things I need to get for Freezy.

"Are you alright mate? I heard coughing last night, and this morning," he asks, seeming worried.

"I'm fine, but Cal's ill," I say, and he looks at me sympathetically.

"Lucky you. I'm sure as hell glad I don't have to deal with him," he chuckles, knowing how irritable getting sick can make Freezy.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I say, only a little sarcastically, and Lux grins at me.

"Well, good luck mate," he says, as I head back in the direction of the door, water and painkillers in hand.

"Thanks Cal."

When I make it back into Cal's room, thankfully he's still in bed. He's curled up on his side, breathing heavily, and still shivering. He looks up at me when I walk in.

"Hey," I say, and go over to his side of the bed, kneeling on the floor next to him. He smiles at me weakly.

"Maybe I don't feel as good as I thought," he admits reluctantly. "My neck fucking kills."

"That's probably just your glands swelling up a bit. Let me have a look," I say, and he tilts his chin upwards, wincing slightly as he does. I gently run two fingers along the underside of his jaw, feeling a small bump on either side by his neck.

"Is it okay?" He asks, looking worried as I pull my hands away.

"Yeah, it'll hurt for a while, but you'll be fine. Just take some painkillers, and try to go back to sleep," I explain, and hand him two of the small white pills with the glass of water. He takes them gratefully, and swallows both quickly.

"Thanks Harry," he says, setting his glass of water on the table beside him.

"No problem," I reply, before climbing back into bed, and lying across his stomach.

"Harry, as nice and warm as you are, I don't want you to get ill too," he says, looking down at me seriously. I ignore him, and tangle my legs with his, only getting more comfy.

"I'll be fine. Just don't cough on me," I joke. He sighs tiredly, not seeming to have the energy to argue with me, and wraps his arms around me tightly.

"Okay. But don't blame me if you get sick too," he yawns.

"Alright."

//

About three hours later, I'm woken again by Cal frantically trying to push me off him, so he can get out of bed.

"Fuck," he mutters, patting my shoulder. "Babe get off, please."

"Cal? What's up?" I ask, rolling off him. As soon as my weight is gone from him, he gets unsteadily to his feet and rushes to the bathroom. Moments later I hear him gagging violently. I sigh quietly, and slide out of bed to follow after him.

When I enter the en-suite, I find him knelt in front of the toilet, breathing heavily. I walk cautiously over to him, and lay my palm on his back. He tenses slightly at the contact, and turns to look at me.

"You alright?" I ask, trying to ignore the smell. If I'm being honest, I have quite a bad phobia of vomit. The smell, and the sound of him makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"Babe, I know you don't like it. Go and get Cal," he says firmly, before heaving again.

"I'm staying here," I say stubbornly. I really would rather go and get Lux, but I'd feel guilty for not staying with him.

"Harry, you'll just end up being sick too if you stay. Go and get Cal," Cal pants, and there's no room for debate in his tone. I sigh, and hurry out of the bathroom as he's hit with another wave of nausea.

I practically run into Lux's room, and he turns around in his chair, surprised.

"What's going on? I'm trying to record," he says.

"Cal's throwing up. He told me to get you," I explain, and Lux gets up out of his chair.

"Okay Bog. Wait here," he says, quickly rushing out of the room. I just stand for a moment, unsure of what I should do now. Freezy probably doesn't need me there too. And Lux told me to stay here. Fuck, I feel so useless.

I lean up against the wall, and slowly sink down so that I'm sat with my knees tucked up to my chest. I press my forehead against my knees, and wrap my arms around my legs. Why can't I do something so simple to help my boyfriend? He would be able to do it for me. He would of stuck with me, even if I told him to go.

A shaky breath escapes me, and I hold back a sob. Why the hell am I the one who feels like crying?

"Hey, Harry," a soft voice comes from beside me, and I feel someone slide down to sit beside me, wrapping their arm around my shoulders. I lift my head up to see Cal, who still looks really pale.

"Hey Cal," I say quietly. "I'm sorry."

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong," he says.

"I didn't stay with you," I say, guilt washing over me once again.

"Hey, c'mere," he says, laying his legs out flat, and pulling me into his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck, and bury my face in his shoulder. His arms snake around my waist, holding me.

"I don't ever want you to feel obliged to do something to help me if it makes you feel uncomfortable," Cal says. "That's not fair on you."

"I wanted to help," I insist. "I just... couldn't."

"That's fine. You have a phobia. I didn't expect that to magically just go away because you wanted to help me."

•

yeaaah. this was one of those things that made more sense in my head. i thought it'd be cute or whatever, but it seemed weird written down, and i just never got round to finishing it. also, i started it near to when i released 'a rainy day' and thought they were quite similar in some senses.

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Coming Out {REQUEST}

Cal

"Cal. Cal, stop please," breathes Harry, pressing his hands into my shoulders and gently trying to push me away. I pull away from his neck, and look him in the eyes.

"What's the matter babe?" I ask, lifting my hand to cup his cheek. He shrugs away the contact.

"I've got to tell you something," he whispers, looking slightly scared. Whatever it is, it must be serious.

"What's going on?" I ask, looking at him carefully. He shifts uncomfortably under my gaze, and can't stop looking away from me.

"I don't really know how to say it," he says nervously.

"It's alright, take your time," I say. "Whatever it is, I'm not going to judge."

"Well, we've been together for a couple of months now, and you're probably wondering why I haven't let you sleep with me yet," he says, still avoiding my gaze.

"I don't mind if you're not ready yet babe," I reassure him, but he huffs impatiently.

"That's not it. I really want to go further with you, which is why I've got to tell you this," he says, before taking a deep breath. "My body isn't... normal."

"I'm sure you're beautiful Harry," I say, and lean in to press a kiss to his cheek, but he moves out of the way.

"No, Cal. You're probably not going to want to be with me after I tell you," he sighs sadly. "But fuck it. I'm trans."

I take a moment to process this information. He's trans? Does that mean he used to be a girl? It doesn't look like it at all. He looks at me anxiously, chewing the inside of his cheek.

"Why would that change anything?" I ask, and he sighs exasperatedly.

"It changes everything!" He says, seeming quite wound up.

"Harry, you're still you. I love you for who you are. It doesn't bother me that you're trans. It doesn't change how I see you," I explain patiently. Harry's face changes, and it looks like he's caught between wanting to smile, and wanting to cry.

"Thank you," he murmurs softly, wrapping his arms around my neck. I hug him back tightly. We stay like that for a while, until he pulls away, and smiles at me. "I'm sure you have questions," he says.

"A few," I say. "But it can wait, if you want. I don't mind."

He shakes his head. "It's fine, we may as well just get it over with now."

"Alright. Who else knows?" I ask.

He looks thoughtful for a minute. "My family know, obviously. And JJ found out because he walked in on me taking a bath once. Other than than, nobody really."

"JJ really needs to learn how to knock," I joke, and Harry laughs softly. "How far are you... ya know, medically?"

"I started testosterone injections when I was sixteen and a half. And I had top surgery just after my 18th birthday. So, I'm just over three years on T now. I haven't had anything else done, and don't plan to at the moment," he explains. I nod to him.

"I remember you getting surgery," I respond.

"Do you want to see?" He asks shyly.

"Only if you feel comfortable showing me," I say. "It's completely up to you."

"It's alright," he says, grabbing the neckline of his shirt, and tugging it over his head. When I look down at him, there are two long scars, about an inch under each nipple, spanning from under his arm to near the middle of his chest.

"There are still some parts of my chest that I don't have feeling in at all," he says. "But I'm happy with how it looks now."

"I think you look beautiful," I say, cautiously leaning down to press a kiss to his collar bone. This time, he allows me to.

"Cal, I really want to go further with you," Harry says, wrapping his arms loosely around my neck. "I think I'm ready."

"Are you sure baby?" I ask, looking at him seriously. He nods. "We'll only go as far as you want. And if you feel uncomfortable at any point, we can stop."

"Okay," he says, and bites his lip. "I don't think you realise though, I've wanted this just as much as you have."

•

okay so, this was a request i started for peachrcses but i never finished it. she asked for a bit of trans!harry, and i finished the first part of him coming out to cal, but never started the second section of cal helping him come out to the rest of the sidemen. so i'm sorry about that ^_^* hope you like this little bit of it anyway

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Karaoke

Cal

Tonight has been absolutely brilliant so far, much to everyones surprise. All of the Sidemen, Callux and I have gone out to a karaoke place that Simon found. To be honest, most of us were quite reluctant about the idea to start with. We all caved when JJ took his boyfriend's side though, arguing that it could be fun.

So, now, we're all sat together in a decent sized room, sipping on drinks, and watching Josh and Simon do a duet. The place is a lot different to what I expected, it's quite modern, almost cool if I'm being honest. The room that we've been assigned has a large screen and slightly raised wooden stage. There are speakers on either side of the Smart TV, playing whatever song we put onto the tablet connected to both other devices.

The walls are painted bright red, with black couches along the back and side walls. The only door, also painted black, is on the left wall, between a sofa and the stage. The group are spread out around the spacious room, about three to a sofa. I'm sat on the sofa along the back wall, with Harry on my right, and Ethan on my left.

On the couch to the right, sits Tobi and Vikk, with a space for Josh to their lefts. This leaves JJ and Cal on the final sofa, a spot next to Jide saved for Simon. All of us have various alcoholic drinks, apart from Tobi, who holds onto a glass of apple juice. Nobody's off the rails yet, only having drunk enough to make us a little tipsy.

Some highlights of the evening include Harry singing the whole ten minutes of Meatloaf's 'Bat Out Of Hell', JJ serenading Simon with 'Perfect' by Ed Sheeran, and Tobi and Vikk singing 'Baby Shark' together as a joke. Everyone except myself has sung so far. I just sit, sipping my drink, with my arm around Harry's shoulders, listening to Simon and Josh sing 'Don't Stop Me Now'. Which gives me an idea.

I lean over to Harry, and press a gentle kiss to his jaw to get his attention. He turns his gaze to meet mine, and smiles at me softly.

"What's up Cal?" He asks quietly, so he doesn't disrupt the song, but loud enough for me to hear.

"I think I might have a go after them," I murmur to him. His eyes light up instantly.

"Really?" He inquires, excitedly.

"Yeah. Could you pass me the tablet?"

"Sure," he responds, and reaches over to grab it from it's spot on the arm of the sofa. He then passes it to me. I switch it on, and begin searching for the song I have in mind, tilting the screen away from my boyfriend's prying eyes. I add the song to the queue, put it to play next, then hand the tablet over to Ethan.

"Hey bro, can you sort playing my song for me when they are finished?" I ask, lowly.

"Sure thing mate," he replies, and turns his attention back to Josh and Simon. With that sorted, I relax back into my spot, feeling Harry settle down too. He rests his head against my shoulder, and places his hand gently on my knee.

"How come I can't know?" He huffs quietly.

"Because, it's a surprise," I say, and ruffle his hair slightly. He pouts up at me.

"I don't like surprises," he whines, and I chuckle at his antics.

"You'll find out in a minute," I laugh. He grumbles incoherently, but doesn't bother arguing back again. We both turn our attention to the duo on the stage.

After about a minute, they finally finish completely butchering the song. JJ claps with a lot more enthusiasm than the rest of us when they hop off the stage. They both take a mocking bow, and retake their original seats.

"Okay, who's your next?" Shouts Jide, looking around the room for the tablet. I slowly stand up, attracting everyone's attention.

"I'm having a go," I say, and walk towards the front of the room. The boys cheer, having not heard me tonight. They seem more curios than anything.

"This one is an absolute banger lads. And it's going out to Harry, of course," I say, and pick up the mic. I begin to feel a little nervous, but reassure myself. I picked this song on purpose, because I know that I can sing it well. I nod to Ethan hesitantly, and he presses play.

//

Harry

I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things. We can do the tango just for two.

Cal begins singing carefully, making sure to hit the right notes, and add vibrato when needed. Instantly, I feel disbelief hit me. Since when did he know how to sing like this?

I can serenade, and gently play on your heartstrings. Be your Valentino just for you.

He sounds absolutely beautiful. His accent is mostly concealed, as he tries to sing the song in the way it was originally done. But it comes through every so often, only to be quickly reigned in.

Ooh love, ooh loverboy. What're you doin' tonight, hey boy.

•

i know y'all have seen this before, but yeah. still exists in the drafts lol.

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Dead Boy Walking

Harry

I stand on the full size, wooden stage, in the dark once more, staring out at the shadowy faces of the audience. I try to spot people that I know, but I can't differentiate between all of the monochrome heads on the tiered seating. I'm feeling incredibly nervous about performing this song, for many reasons.

One, my parents and friends have to watch this, and they have no idea it's coming because I wasn't allowed tell any of them what musical it is. I know my mates will probably just find it funny, and they're gonna bring it up for weeks after. But my parents, well, they're gonna be disapproving at best. It's probably best that they decided against bringing Rosie and Josh.

Two, I haven't rehearsed this properly. Our drama teacher just wanted us to go for it when the night came. But then again, I guess it'd get awkward having to rehearse this every single day, even if the guy who plays JD is super hot.

Three- oh god, the spotlight is on me.

I am half blinded by the dimmer than usual blue filtered light, and hear the band play the opening notes of the song. I take a deep breath to try and compose myself, before letting my voice ring out into the quiet.

"The demon queen of high school has decreed it. She says Monday, eight AM, I will be deleted. They'll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall, 30 hours to live, how shall I spend them?"

I begin pacing slowly up and down for effect, while trying not to look at the dark window frame prop I will soon have to climb through.

"I don't have to stay and die like cattle. I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don't own a motorbike. Wait-"

I stop pacing mid sentence and stare out at the audience and then flick my gaze to the window frame, holding a hand up.

"Here's an option that I like. Spend these 30 hours getting freaky!"

To emphasise the last word, I give the audience a suggestive look, pull my blazer jacket off my shoulders and run my hands down my body.

Another spotlight goes onto the white painted, wooden window frame to my left, as I turn towards it. I try not to imagine what my parents may be thinking now, so I can deliver the best performance possible.

"Yeah! I need it hard, I'm a dead boy walking. I'm in your yard, I'm a dead boy walking."

I strut confidently over towards the window, and my heart flips when I see Cal through it, lying on the bed, pretending to be reading a book and waiting for a light to be cast on him too. He's missing his signature black trench coat, but is still wearing a plain black T-shirt and skinny jeans.

"Before they punch my clock, I'm snapping off your window lock."

I pull the prop lock off of the side of the window frame, and throw it behind me, which makes a clatter which only I can hear over the sound of the orchestra. I begin climbing through the window as gracefully and quickly as I can, trying to keep in time with the music. Thankfully it's not too high, so I manage without much difficulty (or falling).

"Got no time to knock, I'm a dead boy walking."

The spotlight falls on Cal, who sits up suddenly, and stares at me.

"V? What are you doing in my room?" He quips, and is about to get up off his bed when I rush over to him and put my finger over his lips.

"Shhh! Had to see you, hope I didn't wake you. See, I decided I must ride you 'till I break you."

I swing my knee over his thigh, so I am now on the bed, straddling his right leg. I've got my hands on his shoulders for support, and judging by his expression, he is shocked at my forwardness, despite having read the script and been expecting it.

"'Cause Heather said I've got to go, you're my last meal on death row. Shut your mouth, and loose them tighty whities."

He puts his hands on my waist hesitantly, and throw my arms up in the air before shouting;

"Come on! Tonight I'm yours, I'm a dead boy walking."

I tear off my blazer and throw it on the floor before I can overthink what I'm about to do, and so I can just enjoy what is going to happen.

"Get on all fours, kiss this dead boy walking. Lets go, you know the drill, I'm hot and pissed and on the pill."

With each of the three words, I tick it off on my fingers, and hear the audience let out a chuckle at the line about me being on the pill. I grab Cal's hair, slightly more roughly than intended, with one hand and pull his face a bit closer to me.

"Bow down to the will of a dead boy walking."

Letting up on pulling his hair, I instead cup his cheek and smile at him. I take in his strangely gorgeous features, his piercing blue eyes, his full mouth, his short sandy brown hair.

"And you know, you know, you know, it's 'cause you're beautiful. You say you're numb inside, but I can't agree. So the world's unfair, keep it locked out there. In here it's beautiful. Let's make this beautiful."

Somehow, I find myself meaning every single word of it, like it's not just acting. His eyes glimmer at me, and he grabs my hips again.

"That works for me- oop!"

He's cut off by my lips meeting his in a hurried kiss, and responds instantly. My hands both fly into his hair, as I kiss him desperately and passionately, feeling his tongue roam my mouth hungrily. His fingers are underneath my shirt, running up my sides and across my chest, his cool skin on mine is electric. And yet it all just feels so natural.

Our bodies are pressed flush against one another, fingers groping, we almost miss the que to stop making out, and carry on with the song.

"Yeah! Full steam ahead, take this dead boy walking!"

I pull my own shirt over my head hastily, before reaching for his and pulling it off him. I get momentarily distracted by his body, which skinny, but with a hint of muscle under the surface.

"How'd you find my address?"

"Let's break the bed, rock this dead boy walking!"

I notice him beginning to undo his belt, so I reach forward and help him with it. I'm fully straddling his lap by this point, and our crotches are probably closer than needed.

"I think you tore my mattress!"

"No sleep tonight for you, better chug that Mountain Dew."

"Okay, okay."

We've got his belt off now, and discarded that on the stage with our shirts.

"Get your ass in gear, make this whole town disappear."

"Okay, okay!"

"Slap me, pull my hair."

For both these things, I do my best to demonstrate, grabbing one of his hands and putting it on my cheek, and then pushing it into my hair. He clenches it into a fist, and the sharp sensation rattles through me. I arc my back slightly against it, and realise I'm maybe getting way too into this role...

"Touch me there, and there, and there."

I use his other hand and trail it down my chest, my thigh and finally to my ass, which he squeezes tightly in response, pulling me into him. We're infinitely closer once again, chest to chest, noses nearly brushing. It's crazy how intimate this moment feels even though it's a performance for a huge audience.

"But no more talking! Love this dead boy walking!"

"Oh oh, hey hey, yeah yeah."

"Love this dead boy walking!"

"Oh oh, hey hey, yeah yeah!"

"Love this dead boy-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

We roll our hips together on each syllable, the friction starting to get to me, while really trying to sell the scene as best we can. But at this point, I'm not even sure we're doing it for that.

"Ouch!"

He was supposed to say this, but I can tell the pain was genuine behind the word, as I had nipped his neck less than gently. I'll apologise when we're on break.

"Yeaaaah!"

On the final note, we both raise our hands up and throw our heads back. Then we're plunged into darkness, and sit panting quietly, perfectly still. The curtain falls, and I just stare at Cal. He looks inexplicably happy, and I can feel myself smiling too. We can still hear the audience clapping and whistling behind the black curtain, and the main lights turn back on.

Our drama teacher rushes on set along with some of the other students who were hired to help with moving the props on and off stage.

"You guys! That was amazing!" He gushes, looking completely blown away. "Where the hell did that come from?"

We both blush, realising exactly who had seen that. Everyone had.

I cough nervously, and push myself off of Cal slowly, so he can get up, and the bed can be moved off stage.

"Honestly sir, I have no idea," I say, almost truthfully. "I guess it was just spur of the moment?"

Cal stands up and takes a place besides me. We're both still shirtless, which I begin to feel a little self conscious about, and also quite vulnerable. Thankfully, one of the helping students passes both of us our discarded items of clothing. Including Cal's belt, which makes us both blush even more.

"Well, it was great, keep up the good work boys. We've got an intermission now, you can go and get a drink or see your parents if you want," he smiles at us, and walks off towards the wings.

I look to Cal, who grins at me, and wiggles his eyebrows. I'm blushing at maximum capacity, and will probably get mistaken for a tomato by any passerby's. I elbow him, and look away.

"Do you wanna go get a drink?" He asks, and I can hear the smile in his voice without needing to see it. I shrug at him, realising I am indeed thirsty after that performance.

"Yeah sure, let's go," I reply, and pull my shirt back over my head. He looks strangely disappointed, and I do my best to ignore it. He puts his own shirt back on, the muscles in his shoulders flexing before being hidden by the thin black T-shirt.

I begin padding towards the wings, and he races after me. We head through the changing area together, and get congratulated and wolf whistled by the other students and some teachers.

Finally, we make it outside of the backstage area, and go to the gym, where drinks are being served to everyone. There's a long table at the bed with an assortment of drinks and snacks, and volunteers serving them. But there's also a very long queue.

•

this probably would have been lit, if i bloody finished it lol. but yeah, the next scene was just gonna be harry's parents being like 'wut did i just witness' and then cal asking him to dinner. so yeah, fun times.

{}

Birthday

Cal

idea: similar to jealousy, but jj organises the person to give the lapdance to be cal's bf, harry. harry dresses up for the occasion ofc, in a tiny skirt, fishnets, stockings, heels, all that good stuff. cal does not know what to do with himself, getting incredibly flustered and that. harry gives him a lap dance, and then sucks him off infront of everyone. utter chaos.

//

"Yo, Cal!" Shouts JJ, coming over to where I'm sat, an excited look on his face. "Happy Birthday man."

"Thanks J," I respond, smiling widely at the other man.

"Aight bro. Your present should be coming any second now," JJ says with a smirk. I quirk a brow at him, confused.

"The hell do you mean?" I ask, and JJ just continues grinning wolfishly at me.

"I mean, it'll be here in a minute bro," he says, coming to stand next to me so that I have a good view of the door. Everyone else has started paying attention to JJ and I, seeming to sense that something interesting is about to go down.

Just as I'm about to open my mouth, and ask another question, someone walks through the door. My jaw drops instantly. I cannot believe what I'm witnessing.

Harry enters the room. But it's not just him that's stunning, It's what I can only assume JJ has asked him to wear.

He wears T-Shirt that is seemingly only made of fishnets, meaning it barely covers his torso at all. He's got black heels and stockings on, which are attached to a black leather mini skirt that he has on. In short, he looks hot as fuck.

•
yeah... my mind is a weird place. this would of been CHAOTIC if i finished it. i dunno if y'all have seen the video of cal getting a lap dance for his birthday, but the short version is on youtube, i highly recommend looking it up, because he looks so scared and it's FUCKING HILARIOUS. and having jj's commentary in the background is brilliant lmao.

{}

Untitled 1

Cal

{Warning: reference to self harm}

My name is Callum Airey.

And I'm perfectly normal.

See, that's an example of a lie I like to tell myself. And other people. It's probably one of the ones I tell the most often.

Along with my other favourite lie.

I'm doing just fine.

In everyone else's version of my reality, they may not appear to be lies. But that's because in their heads, I like to seem that way. Y'know, perfectly normal and like I'm doing just fine. It's a lot cleaner that way. I like when things just fit neatly into place like that, Without the mess that reality may bring with it.

My mum is different though. She's the only one who I allow to see the real me. But only because she learned to see through my bullshit years ago. It's much simpler if I don't pretend with her. Because even if I did, she would still know what's going on.

All mothers do, I guess. Have the instinct to know if there's something up with their child.

It's annoying sometimes. I know you can relate to that at least.

Look at that, I'm fourth wall breaking in my own mind.

But then again, maybe I'm just going mad. Who knows.

I certainly don't.

A lot of people know that I get certain unhealthy compulsions. I don't exactly keep it a secret. And thankfully, it doesn't bother people too much.

Even the one that is quite dangerous. Cutting.

My mum knows about it. She's asked me to stop. She hasn't confiscated my blades though, knowing I'd just keep finding more.

She used to get upset about it. But not any more. Sometimes she will check in on it, and make sure I'm not cutting too deep. She will ask me how I'm feeling if there's an excessive number.

Other than that, the subject is left.

I'm not ashamed of it. I don't ever feel the need to cover my arms. Actually, as twisted as it is to say, I like seeing them.

They're all perfectly done. Each and every single one. I make sure there's an equal number on each arm, and that they're all the exact same length and distance apart.

Having them like this makes me feel at ease somehow. It's one of the only stable points in my life. Which helps me cope with everything else.

For whatever reason, people at school like me.

I honestly couldn't tell you why.

But I have a wide network of people who like to think that they're my friends. And then, a smaller group of people who I hang out with, that I can actually tolerate.

If I can tolerate you, that's high praise. And it's the closest you will probably get to actually being friends with me.

There's one person though.

Besides my mum.

Who can actually make me feel things. He makes me feel almost normal.

His name is Harry Lewis.

He's probably the most beautiful person I've ever met. He compares to an angel. With his messy, golden hair. And his soul-piercing blue eyes.

When I'm with him, time doesn't exist. He makes me feel eternal.

I live my life through him. I only really see colours when he is there.

I think I might even love him.

•

this was gonna be a short callum airey story that i was writing, that included wroetofreezy of course. i feel like it could have been good, but i didn't really know where to take it? like i had an idea, but not a specific enough one.

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Untitled 2

Harry

"Hey Papa?" Bailey asks, a curious look on her face.

"What's up sweetie?" I ask, and she looks as if she's pondering whatever she wants to ask.

"How did you and Dad meet?" She asks. Cal smiles at her gently.

"We met when I was seventen and he was nineteen, we went to scool together," I explain.

"So, did you fall in love straight away?" Bailey asks, earning a bored sigh from her older sister.

"You know, I actually didn't like your Dad very much to begin with. I thought he was annoying, but his friends were friends with mine, so I ended up seeing him a lot."

•

so, parent au, let's goooooo.i think i'm gonna finish this and turn it into a ksimon oneshot in my new book, so that should be interesting. look out for it!

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and finally! the one thing i was planning on never releasing, because it was literally just a really shitty, random thing that i added to when i felt bored. it's really really shit, because i thought i would never post it. but here we are. enjoy this mess.

•

Hmmmm

Cal

Warning: Explicit smut, and themes of smut throughout.

"I'll tell you what Cal, that steak was bloody amazing," Lux says, while pulling out his keys and putting them into the door. "I won't eat anything else for a week, I'm so full."

"Yeah, my sushi was pretty banging too. We should go to that place more often, it's good," I say, watching as he opens the door. We both quickly step into the hallway, and are met with something we never expected to hear. Harry moaning.

"What the fuck?" Mouthes Cal, closing the door quietly behind us.

"Mm, yes Daddy." Harry's voice drifts from his room, and Cal looks at me with horror written into his features.

"Is he fucking a guy?" I whisper, confused. We both already knew that he's bisexual, but I never expected him to bring a man home with him.

"I don't think so, I can hear anyone else," Cal murmurs.

"What, so he'a fucking himself?" I mutter sarcastically. Cal looks at me seriously. "No. No way," I say, trying to hold back a laugh.

"What the hell are we meant to do?" Hisses Cal. "We can't just pretend we haven't heard it. He'll know we have if he sees us home early."

"Should we see what's going on?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. Cal shakes his head.

"No. That's an invasion of privacy," says Cal firmly.

"Come on bro, aren't you curious?" I reason, and he sighs.

"You can. I'm gonna go to my room," he says stubbornly, slipping off his shoes and walking quietly inside. I'm in two minds. I really want to see what he's doing in there. But, Cal's right. It would be really rude. The fact that his door is ajar tempts me though.

I walk down the hallway towards his door, as quietly as I can. The noises he's making seem to be getting louder now, and I can hear him breathing heavily between moans. Cautiously, I nudge his door open a little wider, and peer inside.

Harry's on the floor at the foot of his bed, with a camera set up in front of him. He's wearing nothing but a white miniskirt, and I can see a thin sheen of sweat coating his body. His eyes are closed contentedly, his lips parted as he breathes heavily. Underneath him, a towel is laid out. And of course, the object that's causing him pleasure.

A huge dildo, stuck to a tile. He's on his knees, slowly bouncing on it while stroking his cock gently with one hand. He looks and sounds as if he's in complete ecstasy.

"Shit," he whimpers, and I watch as he speeds up a little, his legs shaking underneath him. "It's so fucking good." He lets out a loud moan, the flush on his face making its way onto his chest as well. Watching him enjoy himself like this makes my blood flow faster.

He lets out a couple of soft whines, before cumming hard into his hand. He shivers as he comes undone, but to my surprise, he doesn't stop. He keeps bouncing on the dildo, placing both hands behind him now for support.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters, letting out a choked off moan. I see that he's cum for the second time in under a minute, shaking more violently this time. But what amazes me about it, is he managed it hands free. He breathes heavily, opening his eyes, and reaching out to turn off his camera. He whimpers quietly as he pulls off, before collapsing back onto his floor.

I slip from his room undetected, and race towards Lux's room. I open the door, and run inside, surprising the other boy.

"What?" Lux asks, seeming confused.

"Harry was fucking himself," I say quietly. He raises an eyebrow.

"And? We already established that."

"He was filming it."

"Well, that changes things."

//

Harry

After I've cleaned my room, and myself up, I get dressed and head into the kitchen. Cal and Cal shouldn't be home for a while, so I can grab something to eat, and then edit the video I just made.

I pad slowly along the laminate corridor, and into the kitchen.

"Hey Harry." I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear a voice from the sofa. I look over, and see both Cal's sat there, looking at me. My stomach plunges. When did they get back?

"Hey guys," I say slowly, coming over to where they're both sat. There's no room on the sofa, so I sit cross legged on the floor in front of them. It hurts a little, but I ignore it. "When did you get home?"

"About twenty minutes ago," says Lux, looking at me intensely. Oh fuck. I was still filming then. They definitely know.

"Oh, really?" I say casually. "Was dinner good?"

"Harry, stop with the bullshit. We heard you," Lux says. My stomach drops, and I let out a heavy sigh.

"Fine. But why's it a big deal?" I say defensively. "I'm allowed to enjoy myself when you guys are out."

"Yes, that's not what we're worried about," says Freezy. "Why were you filming yourself?"

"How the hell did you know I was filming myself?" I snap angrily, and Freezy gives me a sheepish look. "Oh my God. You fucking watched, didn't you?" I let out a dry laugh. "I can't believe you! Why would you do that?"

"Harry-" he starts, but I cut him off by getting to my feet.

"Don't you dare try and justify it, Callum," I growl at him, before turning to Lux. "Did you watch too?"

"No," he says, swallowing nervously.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed the fucking show," I spit at Freezy, before storming towards the door.

//

Cal

"That went well," says Lux, glaring in my direction.

"I didn't know he was gonna get so pissy about it," I try to defend myself. Cal just rolls his eyes.

"What did you think? He was going to be happy about the fact that you watched him?" He says sarcastically.

"Well, no, but-"

"Point proven. We can try again in a couple of days, when he's calmed down a bit."

//

Harry avoids me for the next week. Lux and I don't get a chance to try and talk to him, since every time we're all together, he leaves instantly. He's civil with Cal, but keep glaring at me from across the room, and ignoring me when I try and speak to him.

Eventually though, Harry is the one to start the conversation.

Cal and I are eating dinner on the sofa, and watching TV when Harry comes in. He drags a chair over from the dinner table, and sits down in front of us.

"I'm ready to talk about it. I know you both have questions," Harry says, refusing to meet either of our gazes.

"You sure?" Asks Lux, putting his plate down on the floor to give Harry his full attention.

"Yeah."

"Alright. First of all, neither of us are judging you for what you were doing at all, so don't be embarrassed," Lux says tactfully, glaring at me to make sure I stay silent. "But why were you filming yourself?"

"I, umm, post the videos I make," Harry mumbles, not looking up.

"Where?" Asks Cal.

"On porn websites," Harry admits. I can see the tips of his ears burning red.

"Why do you do that?" Cal questions, and Harry looks up at him nervously.

"I enjoy it. It's a kind of hobby, I guess," he says.

"Aren't you worried people will find out?" Lux asks, seeming genuinely concerned for the younger boy. Harry shakes his head.

"I use a false name, and crop out my voice from videos and never film my face. I'm cautious, trust me."

Cal seems to relax a little. "As long as you're being safe. That's honestly all I was worried about," he says, sounding relieved.

"Really?" Asks Harry, seeming confused.

"Yeah man. What you do in your spare time is none of my business," Lux assures him. Harry visibly relaxes at this.

"Okay," he says, allowing a small smile to play on the corners of his lips. He then gets up, and puts his chair back. I assume that he's about to leave, but instead, he throws himself down on the sofa between us, giggling quietly. He shuffles around, making himself comfortable, but finally settling with his head on my shoulder and his feet on Lux's lap.

"I'm still mad at you by the way," he murmurs quietly in my ear, once Cal goes back to watching TV.

"I'm sorry," I whisper back. "It was rude of me to invade your privacy like that."

"Thanks for apologising," Harry says, pressing further into me. "But you're gonna have to make it up to me somehow," he adds, a mischievous look on his face.

"How?" I ask, and he shakes his head.

"I'll explain later," he mutters, glancing at Lux.

//

At about eleven, Lux finally goes to bed, leaving Harry and I alone on the sofa together. As soon as Harry is certain that Cal is gone, he shuffles closer to me, pressing into my side.

"So, how exactly am I making it up to you?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. He smirks at me.

"Well, first of all, I'd like to say that I know you've been looking up my videos," he says smugly, and I feel my face heat up significantly.

"Maybe I have. How do you know?" I mumble, embarrassed.

"You forgot to delete the incognito tabs from your computer," he says. I groan inwardly. That was pretty fucking stupid on my behalf.

"Okay fine, I looked at a few," I admit. He raises an eyebrow, and I sigh. "More than a few."

"What did you think?" He purrs, looking up at me through his lashes.

"They're good," I say, before swallowing thickly.

"Just good?" He muses. I swear he's gonna be the death of me tonight.

"Fine, they were pretty fucking hot if I'm being honest," I say, and he grins at me.

"Right," he says.

"What does this have to do with me making it up to you?" I ask. He gives me a look that I don't understand the meaning of.

"Well, I thought maybe, since you enjoyed watching so much, you might want to feature in one of my videos," Harry says.

"Wait, what?" I ask, confused. My brain is struggling to keep up with what exactly is happening.

"I mean, people ask to film with me all the time, but I can't because of who I am really," he explains. "I figured that because you've been so interested, you might want to film with me."

"As in, I'd get to, y'know," I trail off slightly towards the end.

"You would get to fuck me, yes," he confirms. How is he being so casual about this.

"Oh." Is all I say, and he giggles at me.

"You fancy it?" He asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I mean, I don't know the first thing about making porn," I say dumbly.

"That's fine. I can tell you how, it'll have to look like you're in control though," Harry says. "Since I'm the sub." I can't believe that I'm actually having this conversation with him. It's crazy.

"I don't see why not," I say nervously. He shakes his head.

"Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. If you don't want to, I don't mind. Do you actually want to, or not?" He asks seriously. I look him straight in the eye.

"Yeah, I want to," I say firmly. He nods.

"Right. Lux is out for the whole day on Friday, do you have anything on then?" He asks, and I shake my head. "Okay. We'll do it then." I grin at him shyly.

"I'll look forward to it."

//

Standing outside Harry's door on Friday makes me feel more nervous than I think I ever have before in my life. I take a moment to think over what I'm doing. I'm about to fuck one of my best friends. And film it. And then put it on the internet.

Thinking about it like that should have deterred me. It probably would have deterred anyone else. But somehow, it just makes me want to do it more.

Swallowing down any nerves I have left, I raise my hand, and knock loudly on his door.

"Come in Cal," Harry calls. I open the door slowly, and step inside, finding him sat at the bottom of us bed. Seeing him makes every doubt in my mind fall away.

He looks so fuckable, wearing that tiny white skirt again, and a skintight grey top that I can practically see through. He's also got long socks on, that go to just above his knees. He crosses one leg over the other, and looks up at me.

"Do I look alright?" He asks, already knowing the answer.

"More than," I reply honestly. He smiles at me.

"Thanks," he responds, and I walk over to him.

"What first?" I ask, and he hums in thought.

"Did you already get yourself hard?" He asks, and I feel myself blush furiously.

"No," I say.

He grins at me. "I can help with that if you want," he says. "Sit down."

"Okay," I say nervously, before sitting down next to him. He then slides onto the floor, sitting on his knees in front of me. He gently nudges my legs apart, and settles between them, looking up at me.

"You got any kinks?" Harry asks casually, while undoing my jeans with both hands.

"I don't particularly. But I'm down to try anything," I say, and he smirks at me.

"Anything?" He says, gently starting to palm me through my jeans. I nod. "Good. But if you're uncomfortable with anything, and I mean anything, don't hesitate to speak up."

"Right," I say, swallowing thickly as I look down at him. He glances up at me through hooded eyes, and it makes my stomach flip.

"I'm really excited for this, y'know?" Harry murmurs.

"How come?" I ask. He blushes a little.

"I haven't had anyone fuck me properly for ages," he says.

"I'll try and do a good job then," I respond, earning a slight smile from him.

"I'm sure you'll be great," he says, before looking up at me again. "May I?" He questions, glancing down at my growing bulge under his hand.

"Yeah," I breathe, watching as he pulls my half hard cock out of my boxers.

"You're big," he states, and I feel myself blush. He slowly starts working me in his hand, and I allow a low groan to slip past my lips. But that's nothing compared to what he does next. Without even thinking about it, he takes the tip into his mouth, sucking gently.

"Jesus Christ," I breathe, resisting the urge to put a hand in his hair. "When did you get so good at this?" He pulls off for a moment and gives me an amused look.

"You're asking an amateur gay pornstar why he's good at sucking dick," Harry laughs. He grabs my right hand, and places it on the back of his head. "And you don't have to worry about hurting me, or being too rough. Trust me, I can take it."

"Okay," I respond, curling my fingers to get a firm grip on his silky hair. He looks up at me innocently, before wrapping his lips back around my cock. He bobs his head slowly, sucking evenly. Each time, he goes down an inch further, and is soon taking me into his throat.

"Harry," I moan quietly, and he hums around me in response. He pulls off after a little while, and looks up at me with a smirk.

"I'd say you've sufficiently got it up," he says, admiring my now fully hard cock. He licks a teasing stripe from the base to the tip, before standing up and sitting beside me on the bed again.

"Yeah," I say breathlessly. "Do you need me to, y'know, return the favour?"

"No, it's alright. I already fully prepped myself," he says dismissively.

"Is there anything I need to know before we start?" I ask, feeling the nerves hit me again. Harry smiles reassuringly.

"Well, we can take a minute before I start the camera to get comfortable," he says, shuffling into the middle of his bed, and lying down in the middle of it. "Don't be so tense," he says, shooting me a playful glance and spreading himself out on the bed.

I smile, and crawl over to him. He grins at me evilly, and before I know what's going on, he's tackled me, and is sitting on top of me. He laughs, laying his hands gently on my chest, and sitting comfortably back onto my crotch.

"Your face!" He giggles. I allow myself a small smile. He calms down after a minute, moving his hands from my chest to cup my cheeks. "This is going to be fine, I promise," he assures me, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to my lips. "If you get uncomfortable with anything, tell me straight away."

"I will," I say, sliding my hand to hold the back of his neck, and hoping he will take it as a hint to kiss me again. He does. This time, it's lingering, I know we both want more from it. When he tries to pull away, I lean up to meet his lips again, tilting my head to deepen it. He whimpers quietly against my lips, responding with vigour.

I let my tongue graze over his bottom lip, silently asking for entrance. He allows it, opening his mouth for me. It's desperate, and needy, but I love it. I move my hands slowly down his body, resting on his ass. I give it a gentle squeeze, and he moans into my mouth. I keep kneading the soft flesh, and he seems to like it.

"Cal," he moans as he pulls away for a breath. I can feel his lips brushing lightly against mine still, from how close we are. I slip my hand just under his skirt, earning a small gasp. He grinds lightly down onto my dick, and I can feel that he's hard through the fabric of his underwear.

"How's this?" He asks breathlessly. I nod.

"Good. Really good," I groan lowly, as he grinds on me with a bit more force this time.

"Now just to move so our faces aren't in shot, and roll the camera," Harry says, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth. "You ready?"

"Yeah," I respond, shuffling backwards with him still in my lap. I lay my head back against his pillows. "Anything else I should know?"

"Try not to speak too much," he says. "It's difficult to crop out just small bits of speech, since it makes the video look jumpy."

"Okay, that's fine," I say.

"If you want to ask, or tell me something, just try and stop what you're doing first, because then I can just crop out the whole section," Harry explains. I pull him down for one more kiss.

"Alright," I say, and he smiles at me.

"One more thing," he says.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for agreeing to do this with me. I know it's a little weird," he says, looking down at me gratefully.

"It's not that weird," I assure him, grinning up at him.

"Whatever. Let's get on with it," he says in a business like tone, before reaching over to turn on his camera. He puts his finger to his lips, and wiggles his eyebrows jokingly, before leaning in to kiss me again. His body moves slowly against mine, almost teasingly.

Since the camera turned on, he moans a lot more frequently. But I find that I enjoy it. Hearing the little noises he makes turns me on even more, if at all possible. His body pressed up against mine is driving my crazy. I allow myself to moan against his lips as he starts pushing his hips into mine again.

After a minute, he sits up, making sure his face isn't in shot. Slowly, he tugs down my jeans and boxers, using his skirt to cover the fact that my dick was already out. I kick both items off and onto his floor, and he signals for me to do something to him. I gently take a hold of the hem of his shirt, and peel it from his torso.

He then does the same for me, lifting my shirt over my head. His fingers run over my chest and stomach, making me shiver slightly. He smirks at me, before standing up above me. I watch in awe as he slides off a pair of lacy women's underwear that he had on before. From this angle, I can see underneath his skirt. And it's probably one of the best things I've ever seen.

Slowly, he sits down again, and comes back to my lips, a lot more hungrily this time. His hips rock slowly against mine, and I can feel his dick pressing against my belly. He pulls away after a minute, pressing kisses to my jawline, and bringing his lips to my ear.

"I'm gonna ride you for a bit, then I want you to fuck me," Harry murmurs, making sure his voice is low enough that it won't be picked up by the mic. I just nod in response. Carefully, he sits up, and hovers just above my tip. I feel it tease his entrance, before he inches himself down. I let out a low groan, gripping his hips in an attempt to be helpful. He's tight, really tight. More so than I excepted.

He only takes a couple of seconds to adjust, before he starts moving. His hands rest on my chest for support, fingers spread widely. I try my best to help him, but he doesn't seem to need it. He builds a steady rhythm, moaning loudly as he rides me. He's incredible to look at, his chest flushed bright red, and his hair messy. His eyes are closed, and he seems to be in ecstasy.

After a little while, he seems to tire, a thin sheen of sweat coating his perfect body. I take this as my opportunity to switch the roles, carefully flipping us over, and laying him back against the pillows where I was before. He spreads his legs wide, giving me better access to him.

His skirt has pooled around his waist now, leaving everything on display. His cock rests against his stomach, the tip leaking precum copiously. He breathes heavily, signalling to me with a nod to move. I start slowly at first, but build to a relentless pace, driven on by his moans. He slides his hand to grip the back of my neck, and pulls me down to kiss him.

"I'm gonna cum soon," he warns quietly. "But don't stop when I do. I will cum again. Are you close yet?" He adds.

"Yeah, but I can hold out," I pant, pressing kisses along his jawbone, and down his neck. I don't go any further though, to keep my face out of shot. I hold his hips tighter, and speed up, making him whimper needily.

"Mm, yes," he moans, and I watch as he cums for the first time, hands free, shivering under my grip. His eyes flutter closed, and he looks as if he's in complete bliss as he lets go, groaning softly. The noises he makes aren't faked at all, they're almost primal. They send heat down to pool in my belly.

As instructed, I keep going. He moves one of his hands down to stroke his cock lightly, but I know that he doesn't really need to do that. It takes just over a minute for him to cum again, covering his stomach in the sticky substance. I take this as a queue to try and finish quickly. I give a few more deep thrusts before finishing inside him.

I'm not sure who enjoys my orgasm more, me or him. He moans loudly at the feeling of me filling him, tightening slightly around me. I let out a low groan, rocking my hips slowly as I ride out my high. If I'm honest, it's probably one of the best things I've ever felt.

Once I'm totally done, I still myself, and just stay where I am for a minute. I then reach out and stop his camera, before pulling out and pressing a slow, lingering kiss to his lips. He pulls away, panting softly.

"Was I alright?" I ask, kissing his jaw slowly. He tilts his head back, winding his fingers into my hair.

"You were incredible," he murmurs, running his other hand over my back.

"I can guarantee you were better," I smile against his skin.

"Sure. But I'm more experienced, so that's to be expected," he teases. "I could give you some more experience if you want?"

"Sounds great," I say, pressing a brief kiss to his lips.

"We need to clean up," Harry says reluctantly when I pull back. "I've got cum in my ass, and all over my stomach."

"And I, for one, think it's a good look for you," I smirk, before sitting back onto my heels. He looks at me, seeming confused, until I lean down and run my tongue up his stomach, picking up a lot of his cum as I go. It's salty, but tastes good.

"Christ," he mutters, looking down at me. I shoot him another smirk.

"You like that?" I ask, and he groans.

"You're so fucking hot, you know that right?" He breathes.

"I have been told that before," I say smugly, and he rolls his eyes.

"Alright, you cocky asshole," he says fondly. "As much as I like your method of cleaning, we still need to shower."

"Fine," I respond, getting off him. He looks as if he's about to get up, but I pick him up bridal style, and just carry him to the bathroom. He doesn't object, wrapping his arms around my neck.

We take time under the hot water together, cleansing away the evidence of what we did together. I can't manage to keep my hands to myself, and he doesn't seem to mind, letting me kiss him. We don't actually fuck again though, since he says he's quite sore.

When we get back into his bedroom, he steals my shirt off the floor to wear, also putting on a pair of joggers. I make do with the stuff I had on before, and find one of my hoodies on his drawers, that he probably borrowed a while back.

Together we clean up his room, and remake his bed. He then settles down at his computer to edit the video, and upload it to all his usual sites. I just sit on his freshly made bed, and scroll through my phone. I'm honestly unsure of what I'm supposed to do now. Would it be rude of me to leave? I don't really want to leave. But is it awkward for me to stay?

I'm rescued by Lux coming home. He doesn't question what I'm doing in Harry's room, simply telling me that football is on, and inviting us both to watch with him.

We all sit together on the sofa, Lux on the right, me in the middle, and Harry to my left. Harry cuddles up to me, resting his head on my shoulder, and pressing into my side. I drape my arm over his shoulders, quite content with how we are. Thankfully Lux doesn't question it.

Lux goes to bed first, leaving Harry and I with the whole sofa to ourselves. We cuddle up, watching TV together for a bit, but eventually both get tired, and decide to call it a night. I was unsure of how we were gonna spend the night, but he makes it obvious as he says goodnight at his door.

In a way, I feel disappointed, but it's also to be expected. I was stupid to expect too much intimacy with him. All we did was fuck for a video.

//

A couple of days later, Harry bursts into my room, seeming ridiculously excited.

"Cal, Cal, Cal! Guess what!" He shouts, jumping into the bed next to me. I recoil slightly, thrown off by his sudden closeness.

"What Harry?" I ask, quirking a brow.

"Our video is trending! It's got the most views out of all of my stuff so far," he says enthusiastically, climbing into my lap and gripping my shoulders.

"That's good," I smile, unsure of what I'm meant to say.

"We have to make more," he says, and my stomach flips. "If you want to, of course."

"I don't see why not. I enjoyed it last time," I say, laying my hands lightly on his waist. After not touching him for nearly two days, it all feels new again. The uncertainty is back.

Harry beams at me. "Awesome," he says, before leaning in to kiss me quickly.

"Oh no, that won't do," I smirk, refinding my confidence, and pulling him in for another kiss. His body melts into mine, one of his hands gripping the front of my hoodie, and the other is woven into my hair. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but he tastes fresh.

It grows quite heated quickly, hands and lips roaming places of their own accord. We couldn't get closer to each other if we tried.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Comes a surprised voice from my doorway. Harry and I quickly spring apart, looking towards the door. Cal is stood there, a very confused look on his face.

"Umm, we're kissing?" Says Harry, looking hopefully at Cal.

"You know what I meant. Since when has this," he gestures wildly at me and Harry. "Been a thing?"

"It's not really a thing, as such," Harry says, and I feel my stomach drop. Cal rolls his eyes.

"Stop nitpicking. Just explain, please," Cal sighs.

"Well, we filmed us having sex and then put it on the internet," Harry says casually, and Cal's jaw visibly drops.

"Fucking when?" He demands.

"When you were out the other day," replies Harry, and Cal gives an exasperated sigh.

"I have no words," he says.

"What, are you mad?" I ask, slightly worried.

"No, not at all. This just really came out of nowhere," Cal says, his brow furrowing.

"Well, our video is trending," says Harry.

"Umm, congrats?" Cal says, looking Just as unsure about what to say as I had felt.

"It's a big deal bro. If we do well, we could get money from this. Lots of money," Harry says, looking between the two of us.

"Well, should I crack our the champagne then?" Asks Cal, very sarcastically. "To celebrate my flatmates being famous for porn?"

"I think I'd rather celebrate just with him, y'know," says Harry, only half joking, as he runs a finger along my jawline.

"Whatever weirdos," Lux says fondly, before leaving the room.

"Now, where were we?" Purrs Harry, leaning in again.

//

Harry

We've been making videos together for nearly a year now. We haven't made any money from it as of yet, but we are popular.

Cal and I have been getting closer and closer over the past year. Our relationship has become slowly more intimate, and I really like it. He's caring when he wants to be, and it's sweet.

Like now for example.

"Are you alright?" Cal asks, dragging my body carefully closer to him. We've just finished making a video, and I'm utterly exhausted. He presses sweet kisses across my face as he waits for my response.

"Yeah, I'll live," I responds, cuddling into his warmth. His body is something that I've become impossibly familiar with over this year. I think I've committed every little thing to memory. Every curve, every bump, every small mark on his skin. I'm pretty sure he knows mine even better. Especially since he knows my insides as well.

"You did well," he praises.

"Thanks. You too," I respond, letting my eyes start to close.

"Hey, Harry?" Cal says suddenly, nudging me gently to get me to open my eyes again. I blink up at him sleepily.

"What's up?"

"Can I talk to you about something serious?" He says, shifting a little.

"Of course, what's going on?" I ask, looking at him intently.

"Well, I've been thinking about this for a while, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up." He pauses to take a deep breath, and I press a reassuring kiss to his chest. "If you'd let me, I'd really like to take you out on a date." When he says that, my heart beats faster. I guess you could say I've developed feelings for him. There were some already there before this all started, but I think it's strengthened them.

"It's okay if not, I don't mind at all-" he rambles, but I cut him off with a long, slow kiss.

"I'd love to," I smile when he pulls away. He grins back at me, and I feel him noticeably relax under me.

"Tomorrow night?" He asks, and I rest my chin on his chest, still grinning up at him.

"Sounds great," I respond. "Where are we going?"

"Wherever you like, beautiful."

//

"Thank you for a brilliant evening Cal," I say, looping my arms around his neck. He smiles at me, and rests his hands on my hips, drawing me closer.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it," he responds, pressing a sweet kiss to my cheek. I grin at him, and lean in to kiss his lips. I can feel his smile against my mouth, and it feels great.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" I ask when I pull away, and he chokes loudly. "You okay?" I add, raising an eyebrow as he flushes crimson.

"Yep, just wasn't expecting that," he says, before coughing again.

"Not in that way dumbass, I can't be bothered to have sex tonight," I say, and he blushes even more.

"I didn't think you meant that way," he says, seeming very flustered. I press another quick kiss to his lips.

"It's fine if you thought I meant that way. But I just want to share a bed with you," I smile.

He grins back nervously. "Okay."

•

so, i know you're probably wondering, 'what the fuck did i just read'. honestly, i have no idea. it's kinda shit, but nvm.

{}

i know this chapter was bare long, and really weird, but i hope you all enjoyed it. this book has been great fun to write, and it's been brilliant seeing all the good feedback i've got. thank you all so much for giving me all of the reads and and votes that you have. seeing it always made my day a little better.

peace out, and thanks again

~ Oscar