https://youtu.be/N7VCLNBNJQs

When we fall asleep tonight, just remember that we lay under the same stars.
✨

I was a mess.

My heart was racing in my chest. I felt like someone had reached down my throat and plunged a knife into it. I had never been in any relationship before Gray, but even my grossly limited brain knew what he had meant.

I lay on my stomach on the bed, burying my face into the pillow. I hated crying. Hated how vulnerable it made me. Gray was the last person I wanted to see my crying in the current situation. I shuddered silently, trying to catch my breath even as tears streamed down my cheek, drenching the pillow. He had tried to call me several times, coaxing, knocking on the door. But I wasn't going to let him in. He had seen me way too naked in more ways than physical. Way too bare. Way too vulnerable.

"Baby," he called. His tender voice almost made me want to give up. His words however rang in my head, painfully clear. "Xav, talk to me love. Please. Don't shut me out like this."

I stayed quiet. I was weak. Powerless against him. And I detested it. There was another soft knock and his gentle voice called again. "Xaby...let's talk this out, love."

I made my way to the washroom, washing my face. My eyes looked heavy, wary, bloodshot. I tried to fix myself as much as I could, leaning over the sink as I sniffled pathetically. What had he done to me? Why was I so pathetic? So clingy? So damn weak? I had watched my cruel father being pulled, dragged away by the police. I had watched my gullible mother waste away to intoxicants. I'd seen the world at its worst. Cheated. Stolen. Manipulated. Bested the rich and the powerful.

Why did Grayson break me like this? How did he? How could he hold such power over my fragile heart? Each of his words, each of his actions had the ability to rip my heart, shatter it and mend it all over again.

I trembled, shutting my eyes as he called me lovingly again. He was patient again, his little outburst was over.

"Xaby," he sighed softly. "Come here, love."

I managed to pull myself to the door and unlocked it. He sighed softly, his eyes relieved when he looked at me. "Can I come in?"

I was quiet. Of course he could. He could do any fucking thing he wanted and I would still love him like a madman.

I stepped back and let him enter. He walked over to the bed and sat on it, gazing at me. I stood straight, not moving. He stretched out a hand, talking softly. "Come here, baby."

And of course I did.

Entranced, I walked over to him. Our fingers intertwined as he pulled me towards him, leaning back against the head rest so I was on his lap. He rested his chin on the top of my head, cradling me securely. "Tell me what is bothering you about my plan."

I was quiet. I shut my eyes against him. I was afraid the intensity of my love for him might scare him. But I couldn't lose him. It was unfathomable.

"If we...live so far apart..." I shuddered at the thought. "I...I'll miss you." I clutched his shirt. "I just... I can't...Gray...I'm..."

I sucked in a breath, unable to go on. His hold around me tightened. When he spoke his voice was gentle. Understanding. "I'll miss you too," He stroked my back gently, "But I know our love is stronger than one fifty kilometres."

I sighed. "We...we will drift apart."

"Bullshit," He whispered. My heart wrenched at the barely masked agony behind his voice. He kissed the top of my head. "You're a part of my heart, Xavier. Even if you don't know it."

I was quiet for a while before I started giggling. "You're really cheesy." I turned my face to look at him, my heart mended. Just like that.

He nuzzled my nose with his. "Yes. I know."

Silence fell again. I snuggled against his chest. I shut my eyes, reluctantly going over everything he had said. I did have a dream to pursue STEM. I felt like it was something I would be good at. And now, after I finally had enough money and stability, I could actually strive for it. And he would be beside me. I sighed softly.

"I'll...I'll go."

He stilled. I turned my face to gaze up at him, trying hard not to let my voice tremble. "I'll do it, Gray," I clasped his hand, straightening it. I touched our palms together, entwining my fingers in his securely as I gazed steadily at him. "For us."

A soft smile broke on his face and he kissed the top of my head. "I love you, Xavier."

I kissed his jaw, my heart fluttering. "I love you too."

*

Despite my assurance, when I sat in Gray's car with my luggage in the backseat, my stomach churned in nervousness. I was anxious. I hadn't attended school since ninth grade. My mother's growing addiction had meant that I had to be there to handle the shop, something I wasn't very good at. I hadn't been around people my age since a long time. And it worried me. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb.

I sighed, resting my head against the cold glass of the window, my heart hammering as the university building came into view. It was colossal, white and had a modern feel to it. I could see several, high rise buildings across a sprawling campus. 'Northwood Institute' written in bold, metal letters were embossed on the tallest building. I supposed that for someone looking forward to university, it would look beautiful. For me however, it looked like a hovel.

I ceased breathing when Gray pulled up in front of the black, grilled gates. There was a small room to my left where a few Watchmen stood in grey uniform. The ground around the grilled gate had rows of beautifully potted flowers. A few students were milling about in groups. Some of them appearing older than I.

I sighed, biting my lip as I gazed at the ominous building. I felt Gray's hand on my knee as he squeezed it firmly, comfortingly. I didn't look at him. I didn't think I could bear the startling green that made me forget everything else.

"You have your orientation in a while," Gray said softly. I nodded, still refusing to look at him. My foundation course would last a year before I could move on to an actual science major, preferably engineering. I had no background in high school science whatsoever and the thought of being a novice in an open field was stressing me out even more.

Despite of promising Gray, I had tried to look for any university that would let me be closer to him. I had found one, but it had required my entire savings, and there was no way I was going to ask Gray for money.

"Xavier?" he spoke.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

I turned towards him and kissed him, my heart wrenching in pain. I climbed on top of him and straddled him, my body in flames. My stomach clenching. I wouldn't see him. I wouldn't touch him again for five days. After spending so much time together, it was really hard for me to cope with the truth.

Our tongues entangled hotly together, as if trying to memories the taste and structure of each other. I knotted my fingers in his soft hair as I kissed him back. Finally, the kiss broke, leaving us panting and breathless for more.

"I love you too."

He kissed me again. Gently. Framing my face. Caressing it tenderly. "I know," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "It's...not going to be easy, Xavier. I got...so used to you."

I pulled my legs closer, trapping him and kissed him again. Again. Again. "It'll...be okay."

He leaned back, a tender, sad smile on his face. "I don't know why I always believe that when you say it."

He stroked my hair gently, leaning in and taking a deep breath. "God. I'll miss your fucking scent," he pulled me flush against him, hugging me tightly. "I'll miss you so fucking much."

We stayed still for sometime before he sighed and gently pushed me away, gazing into my eyes. My heart hammered at the emerald, how they looked at me with love that made my heart ache. "You have... another assignment, Sugar Baby."

I chuckled softly as I dismounted him, placing my hand on the door handle. I opened the door and stepped out, moving to the passenger seat and extracting my blue luggage trolley and backpack from it. I shut the door and moved over to Grayson, leaning against his open window. "If you don't come here every Saturday, I'm going to kill you."

He chuckled. "We wouldn't want that now."

I leaned against the window, biting my lip as I gazed at him. My heart hurting with tangible agony. "I love you so fucking much, Grayson Shelby."

"I love you so fucking much, Xavier Easton." He leaned over and kissed my lips, sweetly. Like we had all the time in the world. My lips still tingled when he leaned back, his eyes glistening for an instant before he blinked and took a deep breath.

I nodded, my heart breaking as I stepped away from the car. "Call me when you settle in."

I didn't answer, my chest feeling hollow at the way his voice broke on the last word. I couldn't understand why I felt like I had a dagger stuck in my throat. Was my nervousness, my dread, natural? Or was it trepidation for something much worse?

I hoped I was overthinking.

I gulped, biting my lip to keep it from trembling as his familiar car pulled away. I stood rooted to the spot, watching it disappear along the empty road. My home.

I felt like had just bid goodbye to a chunk of my heart. When had I become so cheesy? I couldn't understand.

I took a deep breath and turned towards the grilled doors, my heart a catatonic tornado of combating flames of nervousness, fear and sadness. My stomach knotted in angst.

Just keep your head low and survive.

I had no way of knowing, how difficult both of those things would become.