"I mean, not as a friend. I do love you as a friend as well. But I have feelings for you." I say awkwardly, and John laughs slightly. I chance a glance and see him smiling from ear to ear. Which is hopefully a good sign?
"Alex, I don't know what to say." John admits.
"You don't have to say anything!" I immediately tell him. "I just wanted you to know. And now you know, so I'm satisfied."
"I'm just surprised. I always thought that you were too good for me, Alex." John mumbles, looking down at his worn boots.
"Now where did you get that idea?" I ask softly, trying very hard not to explain with pie charts an graphs all the reasons why he's wrong.
"From everything. You're just so... so smart, brilliant, and wonderful. And you're handsome, brave, and funny, and when I'm with you it's one of the few times I don't feel like shit." John tells me. I stare at him in surprise. It's funny, how alike we are in some ways. I assumed that John was too cute, soft, gentle, and kind for me. I guess we both believe we don't own up to anything.
"John, you are amazing. Everything you do is selfless, and you always put other people before yourself. I've never seen better qualities in a person. And if you don't mind, I'd like to stay by your side everyday to tell you that." I tell him fiercely. John doesn't say anything for a while, instead he keeps his gaze trained on his feet. Slowly, he reaches through his cell and grabs my hands, and carefully intertwines our fingers. After a minute more of unbroken silence, John says:
"I'd like that Alex. I'd like for you to stay with me."
     "I'm not going anywhere. I promise I'll stay right here by your side." I reply.

     "Laf!" I shout, jumping from around a tree to face Lafayette. He jumps when he sees me.
     "How do you sneak up on people like that?" he asks, a hand on his heart. I shrug.
     "Never mind that, I have something important to tell you!" I say excitedly.
     "It's almost midnight Alex." Laf informs me.
     "Well you're not in bed so I see no problem here." I counter. Ever since all four of us have gotten back to the rebel's base, Lafayette is spending less and less time asleep. I couldn't really figure out why until I told John about a day ago, and he said that it's probably because Laf is afraid to lose us again. So afraid of what the Captain is capable of, that he doesn't want to sleep and risk waking up without us there.
      "Alright, fine." he says sleepily. He's still not used to a lack of sleep. Not like I am.
     "I confessed to John!" I say happily. Laf's eyelids shoot right up, and his whole demeanor changes.
     "Really? That's amazing! Qu'a t'il dit?" I can see that Laf shares my excitement to the extent that he can't finish his sentence in English.
     "Well, we didn't really agree to anything. He said he wants me to stay by his side, which is a good sign?" I answer.
     "Ah, he's still nervous about confessing." Laf says knowledgeably.
     "I can understand that. I don't want to push him out of his comfort zone, but I'm glad I told him." I reply.
"I'm glad you told him too, I bet he's happy. Really happy. I've only known John for two years, true the mines aren't exactly the happiest places on Earth, but when he's with you, that's the happiest I've ever seen him." Laf tells me. I can't help but smile wider.
"Well, he's going to be amazingly happy when I get him out of that cell. I've got to start working on my next speech. I think my first one was well received, don't you?" I say.
"Oui, it was really good, but Alex? You can't write all night. You need some sleep." Lafayette says concernedly.
"Speak for yourself." I mutter, I can't help but let out a yawn. Laf's right, I should sleep. But at the same time, I can't rest until this is done. I know John told me to take care of myself, but right now, taking care of him is more important to me.
"Well, it's your decision. Oh, by the way, I've spoken to Hercules for you," Laf informs me, and I suddenly go still. Hercules' decision on weather or not he wants to help me is ultimately the thing that's been worrying me the most. "He wants to help. But, he told me to tell you that he's only helping for John's sake." I breathe out a sigh of relief.
"Maybe I can get some sleep tonight after all." I mumble.

I can see my vision slipping in and out of focus. I try to keep my eyes trained on my desk, but the harder I try, the heavier my eyelids grow. I don't know when was the last time I slept. But I don't need sleep, I need to do this, I can fight through. I have to fight through. If I don't get this done, then Jefferson's going to hurt John, and I can't let that happen.