i didn't know where else to put this so here

if you haven't listened to this musical DO IT IT'S AMAZING AND I'M LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH IT

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anne boleyn: so i can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes... or 4000 degrees for 1 minute?

jane seymour: anne no that's not how you bake cookies-

anne boleyn: floor it?

jane seymour: ANNE NO-

anne boleyn: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND??

jane seymour: ANNE YOU ARE GOING TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!

anne boleyn: I'M GOING TO HARNESS THE SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!!

jane seymour: ANNE P L E A S E -

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katherine howard: i will put my "A" down to make "A".

jane seymour: i will add to your "A" to make "AT".

anne boleyn: i will add to your "AT" to make "RAT".

catherine parr: i will add to your "RAT" to make "BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC".

anna of cleves: *FLIPS THE BOARD*

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jane seymour: wow, it's really muggy outside today huh?

catherine of aragon: i swear if all the mugs are out on the lawn i'm going to kill you.

jane seymour: *sips coffee from bowl*

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catherine of aragon: that's a bad idea.

anne boleyn: there are no bad ideas, just good ideas that go horribly wrong.

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anne boleyn: if i punch myself and it hurts, am i weak or strong?

katherine howard: you're strong.

anna of cleves: you're weak.

catherine of aragon: you're stupid.

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catherine parr: do you ever wanna talk about your feelings, catherine?

catherine of aragon: no.

katherine howard: i do!

catherine parr: i know katherine.

katherine howard: i'm sad!

catherine parr: i know katherine.

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katherine howard: what's your biggest fear?

catherine parr: being forgotten.

katherine howard: wow, that's deep.

katherine howard: mine's the kool-aid man, but now i feel kinda stupid about it.

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catherine parr: there is only one race: the human race.

anne boleyn: what about N A S C A R ?

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catherine of aragon: swear words are now illegal. if you say one, you'll be fined.

anne boleyn: heck.

catherine of aragon: you're on thin fucking ice!

catherine of aragon: ...oh no.

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anna of cleves: you're blocking the view.

katherine howard: i AM the view.

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catherine parr: is there anything better than pussy?

catherine parr: yes, a really good book.

catherine parr: *slams piano chord*

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jane seymour: what kind of tea is this?

anne boleyn: oh, i just boiled some gatorade.

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anna of cleves: i poisoned one of the drinks, but i forgot which one.

catherine of aragon: the way this dinner is going, i hope it's mine.

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catherine of aragon: anne put salt in my coffee because i annoyed her, but i'm going to continue to drink it because i'm petty and won't let her win.

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jane seymour: so, if johnson has 10 cookies and he gives 5 to his friend, what does he have?

katherine howard, tearing up: a friend.

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anne boleyn: hey, do you think i can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

catherine of aragon: you're a hazard to society.

anna of cleves: and a coward. do 20.

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anna of cleves: i don't see what the big deal is. why can't people just ask people out without the fuss.

jane seymour: well, you get nervous and get butterflies in your stomach, y'know?

anna of cleves: digest them.

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catherine parr: would you rather kill catherine of aragon or-

anne boleyn: yes, kill her.

catherine parr: i didn't say the other-

anne boleyn: i don't need to hear it. somebody hang her.

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anne boleyn: catherine, help, i'm hurt!

catherine of aragon: don't bleed on my floor.

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anna of cleves: did jane cook?

anne boleyn: how did you know it wasn't me?

anna of cleves: there are six of us, and you're literally my ninth guess.

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anne boleyn: when have i ever done anything rash or irresponsible?

catherine parr: i have a list.

catherine parr: it's alphabetized.

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katherine howard: what is the height of stupidity?

catherine of aragon: hold on.

catherine of aragon, yelling into the other room: ANNE, HOW TALL ARE YOU?

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catherine of aragon: lord, give me patience...

jane seymour: isn't it "lord, give me strength"?

catherine of aragon: if lord gave me strength, you'd all be dead.

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anna of cleves: what's a four letter word for disappointment?

catherine of aragon: anne.

anna of cleves: *gasp*

anna of cleves: it fits.

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jane seymour: what have i told you about comparing catherine of aragon to the devil?

anne boleyn: that it's offensive to the devil?

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is this too many? oof i have a problem

this is shitty lmao

also these are based on their musical portrayals, not their historical selves, in case that wasn't obvious already-