Tumto gussabhi karo to
Mujhey pyaar lagta hai jane kyu
Mainto jobhi karu tuhein ikraar lagta hai jane kyu...

Avni

I so wanted to keep my tensed heart relent but it of no use when it comes to our family, obviously his family is no less important than mine.
Ending the call with Neil, next I dailed Sweta Mom's number and she received in a single ring.

She wasn't that upset I had thought she would be. So it took me few minutes to erase the hostility,grump from her voice she was speaking in and was complaining about her son. Typical Sweta mom.

I just told her not to bother much about her son, he will be alright. And in reply she said she won't talk to him until Neil doesn't apologize to her. God, someday I'll definitely get a good lesson being between this mother and son. And that day would be end of everything. I swear.
I don't want to be that day comes either.

It's not that I'm scared of facing the truth, it's never been.
I get worried about our family. Would they be the same knowing it!
However Neil's family knows I'm not capable of being a perfect partner to their Son, neither SwetaMom would ever except me in that place.

She genuinely loves me, there aren't any doubt I have concerning the amount of adoration she showers over me apart from her both sons. She consider me as her daughter, but also, still like any other mother, she has some expectations, she wants her son to get a perfect life with his perfect partner.
Nevertheless as per as my medical report in this particular case there is hardly any possibility for me to be a part of it.
And considerably she is indeed right here not to accept me for her son and admittedly I'm okay with it. I can understand her.

When I think all these, I know I'm gonna be hurt so many people one day when they will get to know about us. But still I'm helpless here being a little selfish. Because the person who is the reason behind is everything to me now.All of me he is. Or I would say he has always been, only the difference is I realised it a bit lately.

I can't hurt him. It's not that I never think of it for the sake of his own good. I did it uncountable times. whenever I thought it everytime his words hit me and leaves me in a state Thantophobia, what if something happens more severe!
The words he said that day while confessing me his heart "Kabhi socha hai jinko aise majhdaar parr laakey chodh deteho tumlog, woh kaise jitey hai apni zindagi!!!
Pyaar k bina kaise kaat te honge woh itni lambi zindagi!!!"  I can't hurt him. If I do, it will be the worst of me and I know this time he won't leave things go simple. I can feel it.
Shit I don't want to think of it either. He was right, no one stays happy doing such bullshit sacrifices. Tt just satisfies the tendency we get obsessed with compromising things we love the most. Life isn't easy, we need to fight things  work out.

It was the difference case when I wasn't sure if he is serious or even in love with me. Yes I was aware of his liking towards me but I haven't idea about how deep it was. Apparently when it's cristal clear to me now he is, then I won't let him down. Not this time.
No matter how difficult it could be to deal with it,we will be together and find ways out not to be apart anymore, it's enough we have stayed away those years.
We are both adults and we know we are not doing something nonacceptable. As Neil says everything not move as per as always we wish for, sometimes we need to focus on the priority our life holds, we need to give it a thought, push that thing aside we want the most and think our life without it and put the other things at it's place we have in our life. And then the answer we will get doing so, will be the decision we have to make for ourself next. That what he said he did with us, and the answer he got everytime the same; that  day will be death of his soul if he loose me.

And it's the same with me, I have think of several times by now. Imagining Neil with some other girl choke my breath, I feel like my heart will stop beating and I'll pass out any time. Therefore I just stopped battling with myself on this most typical emotion called love and regardlessly chose to start envisioning my future with the person I want next to me besides our family.

Once Neil said, as he isn't the only child. In case Aman is there, he could fulfil Sweta Mom's wish any day, so there nothing to be worried over.

I'm exhausted of feeling bad about myself, everytime that topic comes out.
I gave up over thinking of it. I just want to be with him, nothing more nor less I want from my life.Only him.

"It's one of those few best feelings Bonu, when we marry the person we know he is in love with you....or else you know how vast the journey our life serves...." Didu has told me with her best smile she could have wore on her lips. I saw happiness, peace along with some more inexplicable emotions in her eyes when she spoke those words while holding my hands when I asked her if she is happy, on her reception party night.

I know what she meant with reference in explaining her state saying those words to me. She was actually talking about her best friend Neil to her sister so that her sister doesn't hurt her bestie and also acknowledge his love for her equivalently.
She won I lost, tirelessly battling with my mind if I'm doing the right thing or there is any other way if I quit.
I didn't do what my mind said I did what exactly my heart said. And for that I will be grateful to Neil until my last breath. If he  wouldn't have said me those words that day then I could have never knew how happy that could make me if I listen to my heart over my mind for once.

That's why instead waiting for the night to talk to him, as soon as I finished my work around 7 in the evening I rushed to Neil, in his office to explain why it was necessary for me talking to his Mom today.

How couldn't I be, when I know how pissed he has got with me because of my refusal to obeying him.

He need to know I do care for our relationship, rather making happy everyone around because by now I have got known a thing very well. That no one could make happy everyone at a time someone would be definitely disconsolate, similarly not everything gets mend by time.
Then it's better we make the person happy who we actually want to see the happiest among all. That's what Neil is for me. I'll do everything that will make him happy. Okay not always, especially not when things will turn into this. I can't listen to him, when I already know how to sort out stuffs like this happen. I would decide how to deal with it on my own way.

"Do you know how detrimental to health is it, your being this sweet all the time!" I wrapped my hands around his torso from behind and crane my neck to look at his face.
Neil was in standing posture , looking outside the long glass window in his office room. His both hands in his pocket, gaze straight.

He has slightly startled by my touch over his arms he turned his face to look at me. Our eyes met he huffed a sigh.

"I'm still mad at you" he said, straightened back his face ahead.

"Really" I faked a sulk then turned into playful
"How much" I persisted. His brows creased, his eyes shifted to me.

"This much or thiiis much" I trailed off the word. My hands gesticulated showing him the imaginary amount of love creating a little gape first between my two hands then I stretched the gap wider...Neil looked down at my hands, they are still around his waist showing those movements...his eyes turned into perplex then dissolved before he moved away.

"Does that matter to you anymore!" he removed my hands and walked to his desk, seated on his swirl chair. He pulled down a file from the stack near by and pretended to reading it, flipped the pages not looking at me. Seems today I made him really mad.

"Yes....and you know that, how distressing to me it is" I tried to keep that playfullness in my tone but failed, instead it grown tense, faltered.

"Why did you come in the office"not averting his gaze off the filled up pages he asked me in a serious tone as if he is very busy.

"Are you still mad at me!" I asked,crossed my arms. I was still at the same spot where he left me.

"As if it matters to you" disappointment was clear in his voice. His gaze got fixed at a spot on the pages, his face weirdly calm. That's what he think of me!

Yes I do disobey him, do things on my way everytime he says me to listen to him, I just do the opposite.
That doesn't mean I don't care of anything he says. I do care and at the same time I know what to do, how to get over such kind of situations.

He slumped the file closed and took a deep breath, threw his stern face straight at me. I flinched a bit.

"It is. Don't you know that" shrugging off his bad mood I stated questionably.

"If it was then you would have listen to me" he never talked to me this dryly. I can't stand this visage of him anymore.

"Didn't I" I walked to his desk, stood beside his chair facing him.

"You know the truth Avi" he looked up, his eyes softened. I licked my dry lips. I have nothing in reply to say him so I let him speak.

"Your this overly concern gesture can make things complicated, don't you know that!" His larynx deep, my heart skipped the way he looked at me in so much love and attention, he took my hands in him. I lowered my eyes, nodded understanding his words.

"SwetaMom never called me at that hour before so I got tensed and thought to talk to her...." I replied quietly. Tears started pooling my eyes. This is the biggest problem with me I stared crying whenever it comes to explain things like this.

"Jaan we are just talking okay" he took a deep inhale before speaking gently. He might have seen me on the verge of my stupid sob.
His hands go tighter around my palm, I sniffed staring at our hands.

He took another long inhale    and got up on his feet.

"Come here" saying this he took my arms and wrapped them around his waist. I looked up. Our face an inch apart, my wet eyes lids blinked along with my rising heart beat.
What he is doing.

"I'm not going to say you sorry for getting mad at you...this time I'm in upper hand" stating stringently he looked down at me, wipped away the tears off my cheeks, there is a small crptic smile playing on his lips I saw while speaking to me this time. I felt butterfly when my gaze fell at his those pink lips. I have never seen his face this close, I was gawking shamelessly at the sight.

Goosebumps started growing around my neck when his fingers brushed over the side of my face, he put some fringes away my forehead and tucked them behind my ears. Regaining my sanity I pulled a arm away his waist. Reluctantly my finger went to my glasses, pushed them over my nose to adjust it. I averted my gaze off him. His breath fall on my lips when he chuckled through his nose looking at my helplessness. My body shivered. I can't take this proximity much longer.

Everytime I see him I feel euphoria, do experience first falling in love with him.

"Aur ye larko k lines gaana kab bandh karegi tu! Since childhood I'm watching this" He chuckled, wrapped his hands around my waist.
My eyes got snapped at him. I swallowed, jerked by my body close to his hard yet soft chest. My knees getting jelly, my eyesight turning hazy. 
He never touched me this intimately ever. I wouldn't make him mad more often from now on, if he is going to do all these. But it feels weirdly good. I can't help blushing. Shit I shouldn't have.

"To kya karu! phir male version kaun gayega" I curved my face, faked annoyance and looked away in attempt to hid my red cheeks.

"Kaash tere patients jaanpatey ki tu male voices kaa bhi part transformed karti hai apne female voice mein" coming to his cabin when I wrapped my arms around his torso I sang those lines calling him shona.

"Ha ha ha ki hashi pelo" I grinned humorlessly , then rolled my eyes, sulked. ( ha ha ha so funny)

"What ! What did you say!" He squealed snapping his forehead deeper being annoyed, loosened his hands around me. I took that opportunity and I slipped away him. I know he won't understand my language bengali and that would make him irritated more, as always. Isn't it funny!

"Nothing" I walked passed over him to grab my bag from the couch beside his desk. I put it there before I walked to him when I came here.

I bit my lips bending to the couch, suppressed my giggle. He was standing leaning to his desk, few steps behind me. I know his eyes are watching me.

"It's 8pm Avi. Aman is dropping you home...." his voice implied repression behind. "I would have. If I haven't those client on skype within half an hour next" he added.  I knew it.

What have I done so special to get him! Even being mad at me he is so loving, so responsible. It's me always give him stress all the time and everytime he end up caring for me more, the same he is doing now. He is such a Shona.

"I brought my car, you don't worry" I said, straightened up my back pulled my longings over my shoulder. I'm ready to leave. I gave him a warm smile.

"Then drop Aman...
He is almost done for today" not leaving a ground for me to contend a response any he took the ph off his desk and pressed it on his left ear and looked down then upward waiting impatiently for Aman to receive the call on the other side. 

I huffed, slouched on the couch giving up, kept sit the bag on my lap, leaned against the back rest...I don't want to argue with him for the second time in a single day. I had enough for today.

*********

So the guesses were all wrong. Those who have replied my IG story few days ago, that I had hinted there regarding my upcoming updates.
And the song was for this story.*wink*

"Okay fine, Mom we are gonna have this topic for once and all" coming up next.

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Love MoN.