Neil

Thanks to Neela Aunty for dropping me in a state of epiphany.

My jaw hung low and I'm in a state of complete flummoxed after getting this awful truth about Ayan and Avni. Siblings! like seriously? This hit me like a cardiac arrest. I'm in loss of breath, loss of word.
I felt like my life is a lie. All those bad words I used for Ayan, every nasty eye rolling I threw on his way, being insecure the whole time few indefinite fights I had with Avni. All of them were superfluous, meaningless!
I never felt this ridiculously stupid at the same time dumbstruck in my entire life. Like Of all people it has to be him?
Horrible. My subconscious just made a bitter face even he knew not to be bleak right now.

"You are looking remorse and discombobulated" My finger freezed over my hair in result Neela Aunty said these words. I perceived I was actually tugging my hair harshly being a state in what she said discombobulated. Yeah that's what I felt my head is on verge of spinning, in verge of barking out a trail of few expletives. Never thought in my wildest dreams something will come up this staggering, at the same time disreputable.
My throat swallowed a lump and it dried up. Why I felt like I'm not ready for this conversation right now regarding Ayan-Avni biological relation. And I did what's the most crucial question came into my mind very instant in a jiffy.

"You said you saw that man once. For lack of better words to say Did he ever come to see his child?" Totally ignoring my inner commotion I faced her the head on. Shit even I don't want to know his name, the man who abundant his child, and I would never ask, neither I have any such intention on vetting over this man.
It's not Avni's fault that her parents never chose her over their baggages.
Mine Changing the topic may have flabbergasted Aunty. And in result she slightly looked taken aback. I saw her eyes crinkled watching me. She must have thought that my next words shall be about Ayan.

"Yes he did. But next moment he just left saying_it will be better if he doesn't. He said he don't want to be burden to her new life" Neela Aunty replied with her conscious gaze turned downcasted. Her gaze averted to her lap.

"What I'm perplexed about is_what is the point of saying me all this? What do you want me to convey through revealing everything when you know I'm least interested about her past... I'm not getting your logic here."

Is this all about telling me to back off? If you do then don't. I'm not doing that until I'm in my all sence. Atleast in this life by all heart she is tied to me. I so wanted to say Aunty these speech of mine that I'm muttering in my head but I left that urge and stepped to her seat when I saw her eyes welled up by those harsh words I managed letting out my half heart out. Whatever it takes my actions should not show that aggressive side of Neil when I know how delicate everything is going to be turning out now on.

If everything goes well, the housewarming day would be the best to get Mom an idea about how important Avni is to me.
I have to do this. The Time has come. I cerebrated whilst holding a tissue towards Neela Aunty.

A heavy sigh passed through my ribs, I tried calming down my nerves.

Ayan

I increased the speed like third time by now. My eyes drastic at nowhere but outside the huge glass window, jaws terribly tightened. I can feel few glances over me around due to the high speed my limbs moving on the treadmill.

After that little meeting with Mimi there in cafe her eyes manifested she is going to talk to Neil and unfold those engraved truth about my family.

If Neil can know then why Avni can't?  There is an evil voice wants to rebel. And I constricted him everytime he wants to manipulate me. I can't let him play with my weakest side. Yes I fall untenable, everyone does.

The second I confirmed it for the above said Mimi has decided to be done I fled off that spot, away that place. Since then it seems like I'm on some marathon. I can't breath, my heart is going to burst out my ribcage anytime.

I am running, running from the bitter truth I could never let her know that she is the only family I have left, after my both Parents' death. I'm running from the feeling everytime my heart squeezed seeing her, it breaks me into thousands pieces being with her on same spot. But not able to verbalize the truth which every fiber of my body screams to reveal her, whenever we meet. I'm running away the emotion I may display being extremely broken at a point I may not able to think straight, and could destroy all those beautiful years of her life there is a chance she may hate after knowing everything about that dark story behind her birth. Then again there is a undeniable fact_we just can't deny our blood. Hence I failed over my greedy heart pestering Uncle Reyaansh to let me be around Avni until she gets married and settle down with her man. Apart from this I'll make sure Her future is in good hands, which her real parents would have almost sabotaged for her if years back Doctor Reyansh and Mrs. Neela Roy hadn't adopted that little piece of heart. Or god knows what heaven or hell I would done ended up finding her. In anticipation of those worst possibilities Such thoughts shiver me to the core.

In addition I'm running from that rational mind of mine who is defeated over that voice somewhere in me, who wants to be with her, My only family. My blood, my only little sister Avni.

Then again my fate never allows me to do so. A huge pile of wail rolling inside my chest to get itself free in result my anguish grew deeper, bigger.

What was my fault if I have no one to call me with those endeavours my Mom and Dad used to_Babi. Nor I have any sister. I could have been called Dadabhai and we might have had shared all our pain, secrets, life ?
( in Bengali Dadabhai is like Bhaiya. we usually call Dadabhai to our elder brother or someone who we genuinely consider a big brother)  

When I finally grabbed my clothes out of the gym locker, then headed to the elevator to get into the ground floor, and next moment while I fueled my car, my vision is foggy. The pressure I put into gripping the steering wheel my knuckles turned white. I can feel both my cheeks are wet. My jaws are aching by now, breathing is even more elusive.

Avni has my heart. I can never leave her forever. But one day I have to, I know. I have to let her go, for her well-being, for her two exceptional, compassionate parents, for all those new people in her life in future.  She would never know of a brother like me she has. I have no grudges for my mom neither any for my dad or I can ever hate them. I hope they are in better place, praying for me. May be one day there I find some hope.

Avni

"Whoaw the day has been long" I let out a heavy sigh as I leaned against my seat and closed my eyes before I heard a tone incoming text and at the same time decided to delay reopen my fatigue eyes to see who the sender is. To some extent I surmise I know who's the sender could be. She just called me a minute ago. A report from a patient from last week. I have asked her to send me through mail.

My two fingers slowly started messaging the spot over my forehead. This is a gesture I do everytime there I passed over the board work load. Today was that kind of day for our junior surgeon team. Though in Ayan's case it wasn't the same, he left the hour around he usually does. Admittedly He has nothing to do as such compare to us in extended hours, so it was quite okay if he left.

Let's reply her once I go home and freshen up. The moment this thought came in my mind I snapped my eyes wide, readjusted my glasses on my eyes off the desk I put it there few minutes ago. Pushing the chair I rose off my sitting position and started gathering my things before I bid goodbye to my cabin for the day.

"Hi Dad" I wished Dad with a very  wear out tone before I languidly climbed on the seat beside Dad in back passenger seat and close the door shut after me. In reply Dad displayed his ever-non-tiring smile and he looked at his ph screen he was scrolling down. How could he manage to look always this active and fresh? I huffed at the thought itself like I'm aware of I won't be able to pull such face after that kind of hectic, break-less hours.

And then when driver Uncle revved the engine, in response our car roared admitting it is ready to rush us home. Finally.

I was about to inhaled a deep sigh, braced myself leaning against the car soft cushion like headrest, but got instantly my breath choked at the midway when I realised there wasn't any incoming text from Neil the entire day since that usual one wishing me good morning like any other day he does.

I couldn't help, my forehead crinkled at the thought. There's no reply my device has received from him. My text was at 5pm informing him the reason not able to called him around the lunch that it's due to my today's busy schedule.

The text achieved two blue tick. That means he saw.

My grimaced grew harder. Unlike Neil, He never miss reply.

It's half past 9pm. The watch around my wrist displayed.

~~~~~~~

Now onwards I would try giving you updates every week. I'm trying my best coping with my other commitments as well as my writing. The only thing I need is your patience towards the delay lately I have been putting regarding new chapters uploads, which you all have been absolutely sensitive towards me. And for that I'll be always grateful to my readers, for considering my books a part of your amazing reading lists.

Thank you so much for reading.

Love MoN ❤️