AGNES

"How could Felix say that to you?" Yvonne asks me. She finds it hard to believe since she is such a fan.

"I wish I slapped him one more time, maybe he will forget that I'm his dance partner for real."

She laughs, "goodness gracious, Agnes, you are so mean!"

"The thought of Felix being my waltz partner is seriously killing me. If only I could have another word with our dance instructor about this."

"And you will tell her what exactly?" She raises an eyebrow.

"I'll think of something, anything at all to deter this nightmare from occurring, even if I have to lie."

"Yes, of course. Since I have known you, Agnes, you were never good in that department."

"You won't believe the things I'm good at when I'm desperate."

She laughs again, "well, I'm happy you're in the club."

I snort, "a stupid person like Felix cannot make me quit something I love."

As we keep on walking towards home, my busy mind starts replaying the incident from earlier, then it gets me even angrier that I actually did not slap him twice, thrice if possible.

"Oh, and I'm sorry I couldn't join to sell cookies today. I was unable to complete our Geometry assignment yesterday so I used the class break to hurry it up before turning it over."

"Don't worry. Tessa helped me instead."

"Really!"

"Yeah, and she is surprisingly skilled. She sold a lot. Besides, the last batch is already exhausted so I have to go home early to help aunty Cherry prepare the next one."

"So... can I help out? To make up for the time I missed."

"You ask me as though you have a choice. Even if you don't want to, I will drag you with me."

"Wow! So fierce. But while you're at it, can—"

"No!" I shut her up. I should know where this is going. "You aren't taking any back home," I tell her with a serious tone.

She frowns, "oh come on, Agnes!"

Till we get to my house, I endure her relentless whining and begging.

*

Another dance class, another reason to be near Felix, another reason to hate on him.

I try not to feel carried away by the queasiness in my stomach as we all stand face to face with our partners. And Felix standing in front of me, looking all smug and pretentious as though he cares about dancing is more than provocative, truly.

"In our previous lesson, Agnes was absent, and so Felix did not have a partner to practise with. Well, that is not an excuse to ruin your routine. Or can we give you both some time to rehearse first?"

"No!" We chorus together. I turn to Felix as he does same.

I'm not shocked he refused though, and I'm not complaining because I don't think we'll get any progress done if it's just the two of us.

"I mean, there is no need," he says.

"Agnes, are you sure?"

"Yes, yes," I nod absentmindedly. "I've already rehearsed the routine before."

"That's good. I won't expect any mistakes from you then. Starting from the top. Everyone, take your positions."

I try my very best to control myself when Felix places his right hand on my upper back as he is holding out my right hand. I also fight the urge to go berserk as my left hand rests on his upper arm. His several attempts to have some kind of connection with me fail as I do all I can to avoid his eyes.

Miss Francesca plays a slow music from her old vintage radio box and everyone dances in tune, everyone except us.

Where I am supposed to put my left foot, I miss it and step on his foot instead. Our movements thereafter go awry and uncoordinated, and we find ourselves dancing like two lost sheep with no direction. It gets so bad, other couples while dancing, stare at us.

After a miserable while of ruining their routine, Miss Francesca angrily presses the stop button. "Agnes! What the heck are you doing?! What's wrong with the both of you?" She censures me harshly. "Felix! Didn't you observe the routines in our previous rehearsal?"

I cross my arms defiantly, and Felix takes a step back. Why are we put down for a mistake that clearly is her fault? She should not have paired me up with him in the first place.

Oh my god! Look at me imputing others for my misery. I've really had my luck run out this year just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.

"Haven't I explained to you the general idea of waltzing, Agnes? I have asked you and you said you were good with the steps. So then, why are you both dancing like zombies?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm just not used to dancing with a partner who is taller," I respond. The perfect excuse.

"Waltz dance has nothing to do with difference in height," she says, "it's about connection and trust." She turns her eyes of fury away from me towards Felix. "Even though you were not with a partner last time, you could still score all the steps. So what's going on now?" She scolds him less severely than I hoped. I wonder what spell he puts on people, honestly.

"I'm sorry. I might have forgotten a few steps," he responds.

For a second, Felix and I give each other a quick glance. How exactly am I going to pull this off? Couples are supposed to have good chemistry, not bad blood.

"Let's take five," Miss Francesca instructs.

We disperse to different parts of the music hall to do whatever. But I leave through the door to stand outside and breathe in some fresh air.

Yvonne follows me outside. "Care to explain to me what happened in there?"

I turn to her and I see how worried she is. "You saw it yourself, didn't you?"

To her, I would come off all depressed and sad, but I'm just really angry at myself. Not only did I disappoint and embarrass myself, my friends and Miss Francesca mostly might think I'm not good enough anymore. I enjoy dancing and I've worked hard to prove myself worth deserving, apparently fought to be her best student. Right now, I can't be sure if I am.

"You practised the routine with Xian yesterday and you did fine. But what you two did in there, it's as if you had no idea on dancing as a whole. Why was that?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry? Is that all you can say?"

I sigh and sit on a bench nearby. She sits beside me, putting an arm around my back. Life comes at a person in enigmatic ways, doesn't it? How can one minor bad incident be enough to alter a person's life completely to a point it's so hard to feel normal again?

"Is there something you haven't told me?"

Every memory of my childhood begins to cloud my mind. The traumas I've been running away from return to me, and fill my stomach with air. I look Yvonne in the eye. "Whenever I see Felix, I always remember my father," I say softly.

"Your father?!"

Then I drop my head down so I don't get to see the reaction on her face, which is easier so I can let out my emotions in the moment.

"I thought your father was dead!"

"He is to me."

She scoots closer after a short silence. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I have always wanted to tell someone who was willing to listen and understand the emotions I have bottled up for eleven years. It's becoming too much a burden, as every time it nurtures in my heart, I feel like I'm drowning with it and no one is there to save me.

I'm aware I will have to face my demons sooner or later and either overcome it or succumb, but I need the courage to fight. At the same time, I don't intend to impose my traumatic weight on anyone. Then again, if Yvonne offers a listening ear, who am I to turn her down?

My eyes meet hers. "Yvonne, I want to tell you something personal."

"What's that, Agnes? You are really scaring me, you know."

"My dad isn't dead as most people assume. He is very much alive."

"So, where is he?"

"He left."

She freezes with her mouth hanging.

"My dad cheated on my mom. I loathed him for ages because of that. Whenever I see Felix with a new girlfriend, the same anger comes rushing back to me."

"I-I didn't know that."

"When he eventually left my mom for another woman, my mom broke to pieces. She fell ill for weeks and I couldn't do anything because I was very young then. Most of my relatives couldn't help either, except aunty Cherry who took care of me and gave me a home. Few months later, she died." A tear effortlessly escapes my eye.

"Did your dad know about it? And what did he do after her found out?"

"I don't know, but he wasn't around. He usually says that he loves me, but he never showed up when I needed him most. I believed he'd come back for me, I assumed he'd care, but time flew and it felt like I was also at fault... as if I was not good enough for him." I choke back tears. "Not anymore. I stopped waiting long time ago for a person who doesn't deserve my attention."

Yvonne holds my hand firmly and looks into my teary eyes.

I sniffle, "he's in my past now." At least, that is what I constantly tell myself.

"Yes. He is." She wipes away a stray tear on my cheek. "So don't let him affect your present."

I sniffle again, ridding myself of the heartache. "Felix just reminds me of him, that's all."

She smiles broadly. "Now I can understand why you hated Felix for three long years. I won't try to convince you to give him a chance again, but please, don't let it take away your self-identity. You are a much better dancer than anyone I've seen in this school and you know it."

"Now you're just flattering me with nice words, Yvonne," I say with a blush. "But... thank you."

"Don't thank me just yet. Instead, I want you to promise me that you'll do your best in the next rehearsal. And you won't think about your past when you're with Felix. Promise me that."

I nod my head. "I promise."

"Great! Now let us get back inside." She stands up holding my hand, urging me to follow her.

"I don't think Miss Francesca is in the mood to continue this rehearsal after what happened."

She drops her shoulders. "Why do you need to be so pessimistic?"

I laugh for a moment before getting up to enter the hall with her.

* # * #

No one is perfect, no one is completely good or bad. There are grey areas in human characters, so I guess you can call us the anti-heroes of our own story. If you can relate, vote and comment below.