43. you make me feel

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FELIX

I wait for any sign of Agnes the following day in school, pacing back and forth along the hallway and fidgeting with my fingers. I'm ready to skip classes, as long as I get a chance to talk to her.

Thankfully, I don't have to wait that long.

Minutes before the first lesson period, I see her hurrying down the hallway wearing black jeans and a hoodie, focusing straight ahead. I initially hesitate, but I've actually been aching to clarify my intention since last night. Even if she chews me out, I build the courage to stop her.

"Agnes." I reach for her hand. "Can we talk?"

She dodges me abruptly like I'm the obstacle in her path. Maybe I deserve this cold shoulder in public but it won't scare me from saying what I have waited all day to say. If I don't express my feelings and I hold them inside like she seem to want me to, I might just explode. Our bond will not only weaken, I'll be the one to regret all my life.

I follow her. "Please, you've got to listen to me. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She still ignores me. I think of blocking her way and vulgarly force a conversation, but knowing Agnes, she will hate me more, and I can't afford that. It certainly won't make things any better.

"Please, listen to me. I won't stop troubling you until you hear what I want to say," I project my desperation in my voice.

She stops and turns back. "You better get used to this because this is how we are from now on. I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

I shake my head. "I will not get used to this! I'm not willing to get used to not seeing you or... or talking to you."

She rolls her eyes with scorn, turning her back towards me. It is almost as if I should shout the words I desperately want her to know – I don't care if we are in an open space. It's silly to think this may be the only chance I have to say it and I don't want it slipping away.

I chase after her. "What will happen to us if I'm not with you?" As selfish as that sounds, it's the one thing I come up with that resonates exactly with my feelings at the moment.

But what the hell! Isn't love itself selfish?

At this point, anything is better than outrightly confessing my feelings – that is something I will reserve for the right time and place. For now, I want her to know how much I regret what I did and how sorry I am, though it's clear what I said isn't serving that purpose.

She still doesn't give her attention but I sustain my pace persistently. "I admit I fooled you. I'm sorry about everything. I've learned my lesson! With each day that passes by, I feel less worthy of your forgiveness, but I swear I'm trying!"

She stops dramatically, her chin up. "And what about me? What about what I'd feel?" I do not answer. She slowly turns her side. "Did you just think about yourself when you made your bet? Oh. I bet you were desperate to complete your collection."

"No! It was never like that!"

"Don't lie to me! Isn't it your goal to date every girl in this school so you'll be crowned the 'King of—?"

"The only impossible thing for me is to hurt you again. I wish I can go back in time to correct my mistakes and make it right, and I wish I had the patience to wait for you to warm up to me. But your anger towards me didn't fade like that, so I was curious to know why, then the bet kind of happened and everything got complicated."

"So it's my fault now?"

"No, no, I don't mean it that way. I just—"

"It will never fade away. Do you know why? It's because you are a coward, just like my father."

Everything in time and space holds pause right in front of my eyes. For a split second, I literally feel my heart sink to the ground. As soon as she leaves my sight, I pull together my bearings and it comes with me feeling upset. The whole time I've been walking on eggshells just to get her to forgive me and she compares me to her father? That is the height.

I follow her to the entrance of the class shortly before she steps inside. "Don't ever liken me to your father! I will never be like him. If your dad was stupid enough to abandon his daughter for another woman, I'm nothing like that!"

She looks me dead in the eye. "You are nothing to me now, so leave me the heck alone. We can easily go back to how we were last year."

She circles my side and enters the class, while I stand still, shocked to the bone. Incredible how crushing only her words were just now and she said it ever so flippantly. I fear I will never erase that picture she etched at the back of my mind. My eyeballs start to tear up. I wipe it off before a tear drops.

The zeal to attend morning class automatically dies.

*

"I warned you, didn't I?" Xian mocks me.

If he actually does this for a living, he should be reeking millions by now.

While he leans on my study table with his arms crossed, I sit on the floor, wallowing in my own sorrow. We have been debating back and forth who was at fault in this situation until we finally come to the conclusion that I am completely to blame – which isn't surprising given that I can't win in any argument with Xian.

"I know already. If I had listened to you, maybe Agnes and I wouldn't have problems, or at least not as big as this one."

"Maybe?"

"Fine. Definitely."

"Again, whose fault is it?"

"You don't have to rub it in," I pout.

"That is because you don't take any advice. You rather act on your own than let go of your ego. See where it has brought you."

"So, I need your advice one more time, oh wise one." I bow and curtsy with a hand on my chest for humility's sake.

He sighs. "Well sadly, I've got nothing today, oh foolish one."

I laugh at his comeback witticism. Of course the joke's not funny, but it takes away some stress at the very most.

"But really, I need your advice."

"I'm serious. I've got nothing. Maybe what you should do is wait for her anger to subside."

"You know I can't do that!"

"Ha! There you go! You're not taking my advice again. The only thing I manage to come up with and you still want to act on your own."

He's totally turning tables on me because I feel emotionally attacked right now. Yes I would do anything to make Agnes forgive me, but to wait for God-knows-how-long is impossible.

Sometimes, Xian's advices are always over the top – did I say sometimes? Scratch that. All the damn time!

"There has to be a different means around this messy situation. Come on, Xian! I can't just stay here and do nothing while anger breeds inside her heart like poison ivy."

"How would you know so? Besides, if it occurs, then it means you two weren't fated to be each other's end game, right?"

Did he just say that to me out loud? "You're not helping," I state with keen derision. "This is not the Xian I remember."

"Really?"

"I know my best friend. He would in actual fact try to set us up on a blind date if he has to."

He relaxes more. "Well, that Xian is extinct. The extant Xian is just going to sit back to enjoy the drama."

"Xian... help your best friend, please! He needs to talk to Agnes!"

"Does he want her to know he has fallen in love with her?"

"He will certainly be going overboard with that, and fuel her rage. He just wants her to see how remorseful he is."

"He can start by showing it."

"And you can help by talking to her for him. She will listen to you. After all, she isn't mad at you. Come on, please."

"And by talking to her, I'll have to tell her what I know. Of course she will be fuming mad when I tell her I knew about your bet before now."

"You can soften her heart first before dropping the dynamite. You know you are really good at convincing words and inspirational speeches. I can bet you're an expert."

He rolls his eyes. "Nah. We both know that isn't true, because if it was, you would have listened to me then."

'No, my friend," I say defiantly, "my case is very different. I'm a single-minded person and once my mind's settled on something, even the devil himself can't change it."

"And that's what led you into this mess."

"You see!" I exclaim softly, "you really are good at turning the tables around. You could do that to Agnes."

"Then make her feel she is at fault when clearly she's not?"

Oh. Right. I'm supposed to make things better, not worse.

"I will not do such a thing for you," he confirms. "Wait, are you trying to implicate me into your mess?"

"Is it working? I'll do anything for her to forgive me!" I joke.

"You're so selfish!" He frowns.

I grin before reverting to my pleadings. "Xian. I need you today more than ever."

"I won't lie to her like you did. Listen, I'll tell her the truth with everything that happened along the line. I might convince her if I do a tiny bit of exaggeration to save your face, but I will not lie to her. She still has to know how much of a sick douchebag you are."

"No problem. Does that mean you'll talk to her for me?"

"I might change my mind later."

A burst of overwhelming joy washes over me. I get up from the floor to hug him tightly. "Thank you! Thank you!"

He attempts to scruffle away from my embrace so bad. "I said I might change my mind!"

But I hug him still. "I know you won't."

I eventually let him go then he stops squirming. The wide grin on my face, oh my gosh! Xian just made my day slightly less depressing.

"Let's hang out! It's on me."

"Well, duh!" He sneers, "of course it's going to be on you. I'm the one who is visiting, plus I am painstakingly helping you."

I laugh. "What a relief you aren't dating anyone because I'd totally feel bad for that person."

He rolls his eyes at my silly joke before opening the door to leave first. I follow behind.

* # * #

Quick trivia, can you predict the Zodiac of your favourite characters based on personalities?

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