If you didn't read my last Author's Note I'll just refresh your memory:

There's going to be depressing and some self-harm thoughts.

Alright, here you go!

~~~~~~~~

-2 Hours Later-

9:30 P.M

(f/n)'s POV:

Kyle's voice ran through my head.

You killed Mom, Dad and Alexa!

You're a sick person.

You didn't help me! You sat there and watched!

I killed them..didn't I? I...I....I was weak..

What do you mean you're weak, (f/n)?

Huh? Eren?

You know I'm trying to talk with the guys and its hard when you're thoughts are invading mine...

Oh, s..sorry..

What's wrong?

Eren, can you come and talk with me for a few seconds?

Sure, where are you?

Infirmary.

Okay, be there in a second.

I sat up from my bed and I waited for Eren. I can't believe Kyle hit me..

"You deserved it, though." she smirked. I looked up and I saw Insanity sitting at the edge of my bed. "No...No I didn't!" I exclaimed at her.

"Oh, but you did. Why didn't you help him then? You wanted to see your family die, didn't you?" she questions me. I feel a tight pain in my head.

I remember that day. My sister called for me. My mom and dad crying from pain. Kyle calling for my help. I sat there...motionless...

I sit on my knees, in my bed, holding my head. "Stop this please! I don't want to remember!" I sob, remembering my family's terrified faces.

"You deserved this, it hurts because you know its true, you left. All you are is a monster." she whispers in my ear.

"I'm..I'm...a.." I sob, I bury my face into my hands. I rock back and forth, crying out loud.

"Jesus, (f/n)!" I hear Eren shout. I look up from my hands and I see a blurred version of Eren.

"E..E..Er..Ere...n.." I stutter, sniffling between letters. Eren runs over to me and holds me tightly in his arms. "Shh..don't worry...you're going to be okay." he soothes, rubbing my back. I wrap my arms around his neck and I sob into his shirt.

"Eren...Kyle...Kyle..." I sob. Eren knew Kyle and I were siblings. Kyle always thought Eren and I would get married. But, no.

"What happened?" he asked me. "He hit me...Eren..." I sniffle, as I pull away from him a little. Eren gasps as he looks at my face. I was healed, yes. But I still had a bruise on my cheek.

He rubbed my cheek, softly. "Why?" he asked, angrily. "I deserved it...I deserved it..." I whisper, and I drop my head.

"No! You don't! (f/n) look at me!" Eren shouts, then picks up my head. "Look he may be your brother, but he has no right to hit you or even lay a finger on you." he tells me.

I feel my tears stream down my face, slowly. Eren pulls me into his embrace, again. "Eren..." I call out, sniffling. "I'm here. Don't worry." he soothes me.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" I hear a voice break the silence.

I look up and I saw Levi, glared at us. "TCH,  (f/n) don't talk to me. That's an order!  Eren! You get to clean the horse stables for 7 months!" Levi shouts at us to then leaves.

I gasp from his order. Don't talk to him.. I immediately get out of my bed and run to my room.

"(f/n)! Wait!" Eren calls out. I go into my room and I lock the door. I start throwing things around my room. "Stupid! I'm an idiot! Why!?" I shout. "Oi! (f/n)! What's wrong?" Petra calls outs, banging on my door. "I hate this!" I shout into my pillow. Why do I have to have a bond with Eren!? Why the fuck does Levi always think we're hooking up?!

"I told you. He's going to leave you, slut." Insanity tells me. I look up and I see her right in front of my face, smirking.

"How...How....this...hurts..." I start to cry. "What hurts? (f/n)! Open the door!" I then hear Hanji shout.

"You killed your family. Levi's going to know soon. Then he'll leave you. Alone." Insanity says, walking around me in a circle, as I crumble to the ground.

"Alone...Alone..." I sob. "Alone, again. Like that night. You were weak. You couldn't even fight him." she reminds me.

The feeling of alone. The feeling of pain. The feeling is back again. That night.

"I'm weak...I'm weak..." I whisper. "You're not weak, (f/n)!" I hear Eren shout.

"Now, get rid of those idiots, outside and I'll help you get rid of this feeling, (f/n)." Insanity promises me. I look up at her. "Really?" I ask, sniffling. She smiles at me, devilishly. "I promise." she whispers.

I get up slowly from the floor and I open the door to Hanji, Petra, Eren, Armin and Mikasa. I put up a fake smile.

"Sorry guys, I guess I'm just a bit emotional, right now..."

"Huh? (f/n), you're crying." Petra tells me. "Yeah, I know...but thanks guys for coming to see me and all...goodnight.." I smile, lyingly to them before closing the door.

"Good, now come on." she calls to me. I turn around to Insanity. She points to the end drawer by my bed. "Open it." she orders me. I sit on my bed and I open the drawer, to see a knife we use in combat training. I take hold of the knife and I observe it.

"Cut." she commands. "What?" I question her. "You heard me. Do you want to feel the pain anymore?" she tells me.

"No..I...I...I don't..." I whisper as I take off my jacket, to show my clean (s/t) skin.

"Just one cut and you're going to be okay." she soothes me. "One cut..." I repeat, softly.

I place the blade on my fore arm and I slide it, slowly across my arm, making sure I feel every bit of pain. "Ngh...Ah..." I groan in pain.

The droplets of crimson roll down my (s/t) flesh. Streams of pain and sorrow made its way down my arm.

I whimpered in pain, until I felt something. I felt my arm go numb. My heart felt crystalized. Like nothing can hurt it. The feelings were gone.

I feel...nothing but happiness.

"No more pain.." I sigh, happily. "See? Listen to me and you can be happy and feel no pain." she smirks.

I make more cuts down my forearm.

Pain.

Numb.

Pain.

Numb.

My arms covered in crimson sorrow, crimson takes away the (f/c) color in my duvet.

"It feels good doesn't it?" she asks me. I lie back on my bed, breathing softly.

"It feels good...my brother, I deserved everything. But now, I feel nothing.." I whisper. Insanity smiles a smile only the devil himself will do.

"I'll be going, now, until next time!" she smirks then opens the balcony doors then leaves.

'Wait, where...where..is she going??'

I get up, weakly from the bed and walked, slowly from the bed. My arms itching in pain and my eyes, start to tear up.

"Please...don't leave me alone..." I sob going to the balcony, and sitting on the edge.

"Please...Please.....I don't want to lose anyone else.." I sob, loudly. A song my  mom used to sing to me flashes

'I love you, my little angel

Your wings of freedom shine bright in the sunlight

Oh how I love you so.

You are my angel of light

So Never Forget.....'

"That, I love you..." I sang the last part, crying, even louder. My blood stains covered ruined my white pants.

"Oi...(f/n), can we talk?"I hear Levi ask me, behind the door. Levi??

"I...Give me a minute!" I call out. I quickly change out of my uniform to a long (f/c) shirt and black pajama shorts and I let in Levi.

"I was just going-" he starts to say, then stops as he looks at my face. "Why are you crying, love?" he asks, wiping a tear away with his thumb. "I..I..I...." I manage to say, but come out stuttering like an idiot.

"Oi, don't worry." he soothes as he closes my door and walks me over to my bed.

He pulls my head close to his chest and I heard his heart beat. It felt nice. I wrap my arms around his neck. His arms snake around my waist and he picks me up, putting me on his lap.

"Sorry, for today." he apologizes, then kissing me on the lips, softly.

"It..It's okay.." I sigh. "But, (f/n) about Kyle.." Levi starts to say. I get off his lap, frustrated after hearing my brother's name.

My arm itches in pain and I scratch it, softly. "Levi, if you're just going to ask em about Kyle... then leave." I sneer, hoping he'll leave.

"No! I didnt come in here for that!" he shouts getting up from my bed and walking towards me.

His hand takes hold of my burning arm. "Ahh..." I whimper in pain as he grips onto my arm. He gives me a questioning look then, takes hold of my sleeve.

"No! Stop!!" I cry out. I fought against Levi trying to not let him see my scars. But he over powers me and we both fall onto the floor him, straddling me.

He yanks down on my sleeve, and he sees my scars. His eyes widen then he looks at me. I can feel a tear roll down my cheek. Levi's lips then crash onto mine. It was not a forceful kiss, but a kiss of love.

"Levi.." I whisper as he pulls away from me. His beautiful icey blue gaze captures my heart. "Please...please...I can't lose anyone else, I love." he begs, pulling me up from the floor and holding me in his arms. "Levi..." I whisper, again.

I...I.. I thought he would be mad..

"I love you...so much....I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You're the only girl for me. You're my cadet.." he whispers into my ear, tightening his grip on me as if its his last.

"I...I love you, too, Levi...I'm sorry." I sniffle into his chest, not caring at his death grip. Levi's chin rests on my head.

"Come on." he orders me, picking me up bridal style. I look at my arms, the wounds have closed up, with ease, showing back pure (s/t) skin. Even though I knew what the real monster was underneath.

Levi takes me outside and puts me down as we got to the grass fields.

"Just for tonight, we're going to sleep under the stars." he whispers to me as he sits down on the ground, I sit down next to him gazing into the sky.

"Oi, (f/n)." I hear Levi call me out of my trance from the sky.

I turn my gaze to his. "Hmm?" I reply.

Then he asks a question that I never expected him to ask me.

"What is Kyle to you?"

~~~~~~

Done! This Chapter's done!

Okay, a little bit of a cliffhanger there..don't worry I'll update soon.

Just so I may give you a heads-up, there's going to be a BIG plot twist, soon. So be prepared for the following in the next chapters:

*Some Maybe Disturbing Scenes (I'll pre-warn you)

*Flashbacks

*Maybe, fluff??

The most important:

*FEELS*

You will need the following to survive this soon:

-Tissues
-Tissues
-Stuff animal or pillow to scream into maybe
-Many Cleaning supplies for nosebleeds

Alright, that's it!

Stay Kawaii Guys!

❤Erena❤