An #iconic and famous lexi quote here 😂 I've used it before. But yeah, cause it is literally what you said in one of your stories 😂

...

(Shoma's pov)

"But why does the window seat matter, when the shades are drawn close?"

My favourite quote from Everything, Everything.
The literal meaning is straightforward, but the figurative meaning forced my mind to be unable to stop thinking about it.

When the shades are drawn close, no light passes through, making the window seat like any other normal seat.

Yet, the shades are still there.
The option to open it is still there.
So it does matter.

Because life is a choice. Or rather, a string of choices combined together like an equation which will produce a result no matter what choice you pick.

You can pick the riskiest choice, or you can play it safe.

But everything is a risk.

...

I'm seated by the window seat in the airplane that will fly me back to Nagoya.

Staring out the window, I can just imagine her walking away from me like she did yesterday when she got on the train. Without me.

It wasn't her fault or anything.
She had to go.

But I wish she had stayed longer.

But I guess, staying a couple more minutes wouldn't have changed anything. It wouldn't have changed the fact that she still had to go, eventually. And I did too.

Flashback

"Isn't it ironic how you have to pretend to sleep, in order to actually fall asleep?"

"..." as we fall into another round of laughter, all around us, the whole world seems to crumble away. With only the two of us left.

I don't know why I feel this way.

What's wrong with me?

Am I sick?

"That's a pretty weird thought...i mean, who thinks of things like that?" I tease her.

"That's exactly what my friend Brogan said to me when I told her that!"

"Well I mean, it's not hard to see why."

"Well, to be fair, she thinks even weirder thoughts than me. Once she told me, 'i wonder how the automatic flush works for guys?'"

She pauses, as if hesitating if she should say anymore as she blushes deep red.

I can't help but laugh aloud again. Both at her apparent weird friend's thought and at her embarrassment.
"That, is quite literally the most awkward and strange thought a teenage girl should have".

And then we look at each other again and don't even try to suppress our fits of laughter.

End of flashback

Lexi, I miss you.
I say to the clouds that seem to be whizzing by me.

There's nothing to do 10 thousand feet above you.
Nothing to distract me from the thoughts of you.
You suffocate me, maybe not purposely, but it hurts my heart.

Tomorrow we'll be worlds away.
I can already see you slipping.
And I wonder how is it possible to feel so lonely in a plane full of people?

But I just want to be where you are.
I don't want to leave you behind in the dusk.
Everywhere I go you're still there in my head, and I can't get you out.

You texted me last night, asking if I got home okay, but all I wanted was for you to stay.

We talked for a bit, and I was so glad for the internet.

But today I wanted more.

I don't want a selfie, I don't want a text. I don't want to talk to a screen. I need to feel connected, I want to hear your heart beating.

It's so damn lonely in this digital space, I want to live face to face with you.

I'm already missing you as I leave. The sky turns dark and I can still see your face in the back of my mind.

I want to be sitting next to you right now, instead of a glass window facing the endless sky.

I want to talk to you, feel your warmth, hear your laugh, see your smile, stare into your eyes.
But you're so far away it's almost impossible to even imagine a day like this with you again.

Because you're gone.
And I want you back.
This separation is killing me.

I want to know.
If it's killing you too?

I know the world means nothing cause you're there, but when I can feel you around, I feel like I'm drowning.

There's no way out. But to shut my eyes and give in and let my thoughts of you, cloud my ever wondering mind.

Only you have this power over me, but you don't know it.

I wonder if I make you feel the same? Or does someone else already take up your thoughts, time and freedom to think?

Like you do for me.

I don't know what I'm thinking as I scribble out these thoughts from my head on a random sheet of paper I find in my sling bag.

I guess I was thinking about you, thinking about us, what we're gonna be.

But when I stopped, I realized this was all not for real. It's only in my head.

After all, she's not even going to be in the same continent as me from this day on.

It's true, tomorrow we'll be worlds away.

Perhaps we already are.

...

Everything, Everything inspired. Thanks for recommending that book to me :) it's like my second favourite book of all time (second to tfios)