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I would like to say a few words before I continue. The male lead is unlike other male leads that I'd written about. He's not a perfect Muslim, even though he tries to be as good as possible. He WILL do things in this story that you might feel are wrong and immoral (not too extreme, I promise!), but the main theme behind his character is REPENTANCE.

Repentance is very important in Islam, and this story will show that about the characters.

I hope that you give him a chance, and will eventually end up liking him the way that you liked Fawad, Hamza and Faiz.

****

"Being a good human is not achieving perfection, it's about being the best version of yourself despite your imperfections." My own quote, based on what I believe.

***

Zain

I wrapped my arm around Sana, pulling her closer to myself, as we watched the film in the cinema. There was a cute smile on her face as she watched the small romantic moment in the horror film. 

Sana Faisal has been my girlfriend for three years and my heart completely belongs to her. We are so much in love that the next obvious step in our relationship is marriage. She has straight dark brown hair that ends at her halfway down her back, and a fringe that gives her a very cute look. Her eyes are wide and blue, being born to an Englishwoman, and she had these adorably pouty lips that I loved kissing.

I know that her father is a businessman and in fact, I have met him a few times. I never asked the detail about what kind of business he runs, but I know that Mr Faisal Aziz was not very religious. He had a whole bar at his house, stocked with the finest alcohol in the country. He'd offered it to me on more than one occasion, but I have refused it. I've never tasted a drop of alcohol in my life, and I had no intention of starting now.

Sana turned her head to look up at me and smiled at me as she popped a popcorn into my mouth. I playfully bit her finger and she narrowed her eyes at me. 

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." She kissed my cheek.

After the film ended, we walked outside, hand-in-hand. It was drizzling slightly and a gentle breeze lifted up Sana's hair, brushing it against my arm.

"I need to go and pick up Mum and Dad." I sighed. 

"Weren't you meant to pick them up in an hour?" She giggled.

"Desi parents are never done in an hour." I gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Do you want me to drop you off somewhere?" 

"No, I'm meeting the girls at Pizza Hut since my boyfriend couldn't treat me to dinner." She rolled her eyes at me. "Anyway, babe, come over this weekend? We can discuss our engagement with Dad."

"I need to talk to my parents first, Sana." I sighed, putting my hands in my pockets. "I can't do this without their consent."

"Why? It's your life." She looked confused, as if my words didn't make sense to her.

"Yeah, and they gave me this life." I said. "I always involve them in my important decisions."

"Do they know about how long we've been dating?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Well, no. But marriage is different, babe." 

"Fine. Whatever makes you happy." She gave me a kiss before walking off. "See you tomorrow?" 

"Definitely." I gave her a smile as she blew me an air kiss.

I couldn't help staring at her as she walked. She had a figure to die for and my eyes lingered on it for a little too long.

****

"It was good to meet Hamid again!" Dad said, happily as he sat in the front passenger seat beside me.

"Hmm." I replied, absent-mindedly.

"The girls are so lively and sweet, Ma Sha Allah!" Mum smiled. "You can tell that they've had a good upbringing."

I frowned at that. My own parents were religious, they prayed five times a day, as did Talha Bhai. I have been given a good upbringing as well, and yet what was I doing with my life? I was behaving inappropriately with a non-mehram girl and meeting up with her father, who drank alcohol? 

I only behave that way with Sana because I intend to marry her. And the most that I've done with her is kiss her lips, that's all.

I shook my head to clear my doubts. Mum says that whenever you're self-doubting over certain decisions, it's your conscience trying to remind you to do the right thing. She says if something feels even the slightest bit wrong, it generally is, because your instincts would never lead you astray.

We arrived home and I switched off the ignition, staring up at our house, thoughtfully. I was thinking about the storm that would arise in my peaceful home when my parents found out about my relationship with Sana.

As we entered the house, we heard the sound of the Quran recital from the living room. Talha Bhai loudly recites the Quran every day, because it creates a pleasant and peaceful environment, according to him.

"Assalam Alaikum!" Dad loudly called out into the home, as per routine.

Bhai paused and replied.

Lamisa Bhabi came out in the hallway from the kitchen and also greeted us. She and Bhai got married last year, arranged by both sets of parents. She was soft-spoken, and wore a hijab around the house whenever Dad and I were home. She and Bhai made a very good match, Ma Sha Allah.

I immediately began to head upstairs, when Mum called out to me.

"What about dinner, beta?" 

"Later, Mum." I replied over my shoulder as I continued to my room. 

By profession, I was the Director of Product Management at my brother's company. I had wanted to do something on my own basis, but my brother had requested me to partner up to help him out. His company was Shifa Health Relief (SHR), and supplied medication that were all suitable for Muslims.

*Shifa means healing/curing.

Something was deeply bothering me as I came home that day. Something that had started when Sana had mentioned our engagement. I knew close to nothing about her family, apart from the fact that her father was a businessman who drank alcohol, and that her mother was an Englishwoman who was not in the picture. She had no siblings, so she was pretty spoilt, but with me she was sweet and caring and funny, which is why I loved her so much.

Something made me take my phone out and Google a name: Faisal Aziz. The results made me swear out loud.

Oh, he was a businessman alright. He was a casino tycoon. His business was gambling while his pleasure was alcohol.

My hands were actually shaking. I was an awful Muslim. I was nowhere close to good, but was I willing to marry into a family that was practically drowning in everything that my religion warns me against?

I had to clear this up now, once and for all.

I dialled Sana's number.

"Hey, babe." She answered, chirpily. I could hear loud noise in the background, a lot of music and chattering.

"Your father is a casino tycoon?" My voice came out raspy.

"Yeah, sweetie. The best in the business." The noise faded, so it seemed like she had walked away from it all. "Why? I thought you knew?"

"I didn't." I cleared my throat. "But you said, you were an heiress."

"I am. I will inherit it all."

"And you're going to keep it as it is? You'll keep owning casinos?" 

"Why not?" She asked. "My Dad has worked hard to built up his business, so why not make it a fun business?" 

I have no right to judge anyone, but this was about my future. My parents would never allow this alliance, and my own instincts were begging me to reconsider this.

"Zee, what's wrong?" She sounded worried.

"Can you meet me now? I think we should talk." I muttered.

****

Sana raised an eyebrow at me, leaning against the railing that overlooked the River Thames. The lights of the street lamps glinted in her eyes. "What's up?" 

"Sana, I don't think this is working out." I admitted honestly. I loved her so much that my heart shattered with each word, but I had to think of the bigger picture. "If I had any idea that you are an heiress to a casino empire, this...this wouldn't have lasted this long." 

"What exactly do you mean? You had years to question me about it, and now you have a problem with it?" 

"I didn't question you. It was my mistake." I sighed. "My parents will never allow this, and to be honest, I don't even feel right about this."

"Seriously?" She snapped. "So snogging me is acceptable, but my business isn't?? Since when did you join the Halal Police, Zain?" 

"I have no right to judge anyone." I shook my head. "But if it affects my future, I'm allowed to make a decision based on that. I can't do this, Sana. My conscience forbids me from this."

"I thought you loved me." Her eyes filled up.

"I do, but I can't go against my instincts." I sighed. "I hurt you, and I know that I am a jerk for that, Sana. But it's better to end things now than to regret after marriage." 

She sighed. "I can easily throw a tantrum at this point, but I won't. Just like you aren't asking me to give up my inheritance, my right, I won't ask you to give up your beliefs. I love you far too much for that." Tears ran down her face. "But it hurts like it's never hurt before."

I pulled her into my arms, letting her cry against my chest. "I know, Sana. I feel like my heart has been ripped out, and I wish our situation was different." 

She looked up at me, sadly. "I can't change your mind?"

I shook my head. "Not this time." 

She burst into tears again, before turning her back to me. "Please walk away now, Zain, otherwise I won't be able to let you go."

I nodded, turned around and walked away from there, hating myself, yet also feeling a heavy burden lift off my shoulders. 

Have I done the right thing?

****

"Are you okay, Zain?" Mum asked me at breakfast the next morning.

I hadn't been able to sleep last night. I'd been thinking about Sana and how heartbroken she had looked. A part of me also wondered how she let me go without a fight.

"I'm fine, Mum. Just didn't get much sleep last night." I loosened the tie around my neck as I was feeling a little suffocated all of a sudden.

"Okay, well, you and Talha should come home early today." Mum spread butter on toast as she looked up at me and my brother. "We've invited the Hamid family over for dinner today." 

"Who?" I asked, momentarily forgetting what she was talking about.

"Your Dad's childhood best friend?" She looked exasperated at my lack of attention. "You dropped us off at their house yesterday?" 

"Mum, let me know what we have to prepare for tonight." Lamisa Bhabi offered.

"Of course, love." Mum smiled at her. "Talha is going to make his famous seekh kebab." 

Bhai grinned modestly.

"Save at least four for me." I finally managed a smile. Bhai makes genuinely delicious food. "And kheer by Bhabi will be exceptional."

*Kheer: Rice pudding.

"And what will you make, my boy?" Dad asked, looking amused. "How about the ladies rest for once, and you two boys manage the kitchen?"

"Dad, he'll set the kitchen on fire just being there." Bhai shook his head. "It's better if I manage it myself." 

Everyone laughed, and even I managed a light chuckle. But my mood didn't remain cheerful for long as I thought about how I wouldn't see Sana after work as usual today...or ever again.

Ya Allah, ease away my pain. Please.

****

When I returned home that evening, the guests were already there. The house smelled so good that I instantly headed into the kitchen, where my Bhai and Bhabi were having their halal romance, standing way too close as they flirted with each other.

"Oops." I turned to walk away. "Assalam Alaikum, by the way."

"Walaikum Assalam!"

"Bhai, wait." Bhabi called out, causing me to turn back around. "Now that you're here, can you take this platter of rice inside?" 

I set my laptop bag down on the kitchen table and washed my hands, before grabbing the platter of pilao and headed inside to the living room. 

For some reason I thought about how a girl brought tea inside the living room when people came to see her for a marriage proposal, and the thought almost made me laugh. 

"Assalam Alaikum!" I entered the living room with the platter of rice.

"Walaikum Assalam!" A chorus of voices rang out.

"This is our younger son, Zain." Dad introduced me. 

"He is serving food in a designer suit." I heard a girl whisper, followed by quiet giggles.

I looked up and straight into dark twinkling eyes, a cheeky smile lighting up the lightly tanned skin. Whoever she was, she was clearly mischievous, and very, very pretty. S**t. You just broke up with the love of your life, you twat. "Says a lot about this place, the fact that you're being served by someone in a Boss suit." 

The girl beside her, a younger girl in hijab, looked embarrassed because of her. I could understand, because Talha Bhai had often looked as embarrassed of me.

"Beta, this overconfident girl is our Tara, my middle daughter." Hamid Uncle told me. "The one beside her is Mishal, but she is known as Misha. And this one besides my wife, is Zoha." 

I sat down beside Dad, who patted my back.

Wearing jeans and a knee-length red lace dress, Tara's hair was in a high ponytail, with two loose strands brushing her cheeks, along with her large silver hoop earrings. She was continuously teasing her sisters, and was an active participant in all conversations, without a hint of shyness.

And when dessert came, Bhabi's famous fruit trifle, Tara's eyes widened and she squealed quietly. "Ya Allah! I can eat that all!" 

"Tara, Allah di kasmey, chup ho jao!" Her mother now looked embarrassed.

*"For Allah's sake, shut up."

"Lamisa makes delicious trifle." Mum smiled. "Are you a fan of desserts, Tara?"

"If it's halal and edible, I can eat it all." Tara shrugged.

I was amused by her behaviour. I'd never come across a girl like her, not even Sana. Sana tended to get shy in some occasions, but this girl would probably be bossing around people at her own wedding. She seemed that sort. Not that there was anything wrong with that, of course.

S**t. Why did I have to think of Sana again? My heart sank as I thought of her. For the rest of the evening, my mood remained down, and I was sulking even as I ate.

Heartbreak sucks.

****

There was a knock on my door. 

"Come in!" I called out, lying across the bed holding the TV remote for the large plasma TV hanging across the wall.

Bhai entered, and I knew that I was about to be blasted with his wisdom. He took a seat in a chair by the desk just below the TV. "Things didn't work out with Sana?" 

He was the only one who knew everything about my relationship with Sana. While he had advised me, he didn't judge me. In his gentle, but subtle attempts, he'd tried to guide me on the right path, but I was too loved up to listen to him.

I sighed and told him everything. "It just didn't feel right after that, to marry her, I mean. If she didn't plan on inheriting and enjoying a gambling business, I wouldn't have minded. She could be the CEO of a legit business, and I wouldn't care, Bhai. But gambling? Something inside me warned me against it." 

"Tell me one thing." Bhai leaned forward on his forearms. "Did you feel lighter when you made this decision? Or there was no difference at all?" 

"I definitely felt like there was less burden on my shoulders." 

He smiled. "Mum always says that when you know that you've made the right decision, there's no space for doubt inside you. But if subconsciously something doesn't feel right, you doubt yourself and question your own decisions. That, my brother, are your instincts. I'm not saying that Sana was a bad person, or that she wasn't good enough for you. May Allah forgive me if I ever judge someone like that. All I'm saying is that your conscience didn't agree that she was the right girl for you." 

I stared off into space. "I love her so much that I cannot even tell you."

"'But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not.'." He softly recited a verse from the Quran. "If she isn't meant to be in your destiny, than Allah has better plans for you. Always remember that." 

"What do I do about this love, Bhai?" I muttered.

"Love can happen after marriage too." He replied. "I know that it doesn't seem likely right now. But remain patient, okay? Follow the path that is right for you, my brother, and you'll be rewarded for your patience. In Sha Allah." 

"You're only three years older, but you sound like my Dada Jaan." I smiled at him.

*Dada Jaan: paternal grandfather.

"That's because I inherited your share of the wisdom as well." He ducked as I threw the remote at him. "May Allah give you some akal as well."

*Akal: sense.

"Do not make me a sinner by swearing at you." I warned him as he laughed and left the room.

I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling. 

****

"Pyari bachi hai, bubbly hai, confident hai. Ma Sha Allah." Mum was saying as I went downstairs later to grab a glass of water.

*"She's a lovely girl, bubbly, confident. Ma Sha Allah."

"For our Zain?" Dad sighed. "I love our kid, but he's a little...liberal. Partying, hanging out with girls and all that." 

"But he's a good person, Iftikhar." Mum defended me.

"Dil ka acha hai, Arzoo, laikin woh kafi nahin hota. Uski harkatain dekh ke main kis moun se apne dost ko kahon ke apni beti ka haath de do mere bete ke haath main? Agey jaake Allah ko bhi to jawab dena hai na, ke kisi aur ki beti ko is tarhan le aye hain apne limitless bete ke liye."   Dad's words shook me to the core.

*"He's good at heart, Arzoo, but that's not enough. Looking at his behaviour, how can I ask my friend to give his daughter's hand in marriage to my son? We have to answer to Allah one day, that we married our limitless son to someone else's daughter."

Am I that bad? I began to question the kind of person that I was. I stepped into the room, clearing my throat. "If Mum wishes me to marry someone, I'm willing to do that." I spoke, quietly. "If this is my repentance, then so be it. I promise to both of you that I won't let you down, and whoever I marry, I'll be a good husband to her."

It is said that getting married is completing half our faith. I will marry to start off my journey on the right path. And I made a promise to myself to always be fair to my wife, regardless of my feelings for Sana. 

But first and foremost, my future wife would know about my relationship with Sana, openly and clearly. 

My parents exchanged a surprised look, before Mum smiled brightly. "You may not think he's ready for marriage, but you trust him, right Iftikhar? If he is making a promise, he'll keep to it, I'm sure." 

Dad nodded, looking at me. "Don't let us down, Zain." 

I hope I don't let myself down. I thought, unable to trust myself completely.

****

Although, this isn't a spiritual book, it will show Zain's path to repentance.

It will also show the true power of Nikah, so expect a lot of romance later :D

Would Tara easily agree to this though?

What are your thoughts on Zain?

Why did Sana give in so easily? Any theories?

Thank you for reading and don't forget to vote!