Dieses Kapitel ist auf englisch.
Es ist ziemlich random aber ich denke es ist recht verständlich.
Tw Depressionen ?

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It seemed to be all the same these days.
Always Gamble.
Always Skulliver.
Always Bones trying to steal Calabass, trying to destroy the Chaos, trying to Kidnapp Zak or his friends.
Trying and failing.
Again and again and again.
Every single day one of the three but always the same.
Gamble stole from someone and now he's in trouble.
Skulliver found a new ultimate weapon and now the triangle was in trouble.
Bones found a new way to attack and kidnapp them and now they're in trouble.
Always trouble.
Every damn time they have to save everyone and everything and for what ?
For it to start over again.
And again and again and again until it drove him insane.
It drove Zak insane.
He could tell what would happen at what day by now.
Who would cause trouble.
Why they would cause trouble.
And who would have to safe everyone's asses for nothing.
He has long stoped acting kind.
Had long stopped trying to change them.
He just took it as it came and dealt with it.
No emotions.
No care for them.
He finished it off and then waited for it to happen again.

„He's acting weird" „he has for weeks now.." „he seems down" „more like depressed" „no, it's not that bad, maybe he's just a little sad" „he barley shows any emotion beside annoyance and from time to time a smile" „that's not normal for him"

He could hear them talk.
Of course, he wasn't deaf and they were right before him talking.
The Same to topic as yesterday.
And the day before yesterday.
He was the topic.
He'd been acting weird, strange.
Down, depressed, sad, annoyed.
He wasn't.
He was just tired.
Tired off all this.
Tired of saving everyone and then doing it again and again.
It would go on forever.
They won but never really won.
It always went back to begging.
Maybe his friends just didn't see it that way. Maybe he was just losing his mind over this.

„Are you okay ?" „please talk to me, to us" „we're here for you"

Cece was always trying to get him alone at night or early in the mornings. He slept less then usual.
He didn't know why.
He was tired.
But not his body, his mind.
He never wanted to talk.
He had wanted to talk. So bad but then it just stoped.
He didn't want to talk any more.
He was tired.
There was no energy left for talking about his problems between all the other stuff.

„Will you play with me ?" „I want to prank Crogar" „I stole Ceces blaster" „you're no fun at the moment"

Clovis stopped pestering him after two weeks of not wanting to pull pranks or play games.
He was definitely disappointed but Zak was tired.
Like talking, playing was a waste of energy.
Energy he needed to keep up.
To not break down at night and cry over this circulation that never ended and just repeated itself again and again and again.

„Won't you ask what I'm doing ?" „you didn't give me any orders" „should I run a check on you ?" „I could help"

Caramba was holding back on him. He always gave Zak that look.
That knowing look.
Caramba knew.
The scales showed it.
It was painfully obvious to the little alien.
The captain was broken in ways his knowledge couldn't help with.
And it broke some small part in Caramba too.
He stoped asking after finding out. He knew he couldn't help much.
Knew that Zak had to help himself.
But it didn't seem like he would.

„Captain Hungry ?" „Zak not wanting to play Zaksgeball ?" „Captain acting weird"

Crogar didn't seem like he catched it.
He didn't show it.
But he noticed.
The captain ate less.
Slept less.
He didn't pick fights anymore.
No challenges, no bets.
He had gone boring, hollow, empty.
Crogar didn't know what to do though. He was confused.

„Boy you're scaring them, and me" „quiet keeping this to yourself kid" „you need they're help boy and I will tell them if you won't"

Callabrass was always near him so of course the sword knew.
He always knew these things.
But not even he could stop Zak from falling into that black hole.
Zak was broken and didn't have it in him to fix it.
He couldn't and that hurt to watch.
The boy was like a son.
Now a lost son.
Calabrass couldn't help and it was time to take drastic measures if he wanted to keep his child alive.

„I'm fine" „just tired" „not right now" „the fight was just really tiring"

It wasn't a lie.
Fight always tired him. Mentally not physically.
He stoped feeling physically exhaustion after fights a month ago.
It was all mental now.
He knew it was.
He knew he needed help.
Knew he needed to talk but it was tiring.
Everything was tiring and it was getting worse with every repeating of the circulation.
He didn't even want to talk anymore.
His friend were worried for him, scared.
Sometimes he stared into the endless horizon for an hour without even noticing.
He fucking knew they were scared for him but he didn't care anymore.
He didn't have the energy to care.

„You need our help" „please you're out friend" „you don't have to do this alone" „we're here for you"

Caramba had snitched, Calabrass too.
Now his friends were ganging up on him.
They had him against a wall and spoke like he didn't have a serious problem.
Like they could actually help him.
They couldn't though.
Well maybe. But Zak didn't know if he wanted help.

„It's nothing" „I don't need help" „fighting is just really wearying me down"

Bullshit.
Every single word was a lie.
It felt like ash on his tongue.
Like a burning pit in his stomach.
He felt like every word he said was a lie so horrible it sende a stab to his stomach.
Another lie and he would hurl all over the floor right in front of them.
He couldn't do that.
Couldn't do this.

„It's okay" „talk to me" „pleas I really just want to help"

They had given up after Zak had been quiet for 10 minutes.
Cece hadn't.
At night she found him on the deck.
He hadn't walked away right after he saw her like the past month.
Maybe he'd just try.
But he couldn't say any more.
He couldn't lie more but the truth was to much.
He could tell the truth.
It was almost worse then the lies.

„I think I need help"

The first words he had said since afternoon.
He didn't know why he said it.
But it felt good.
It was no lie and no awful truth.

„why ?"

There it was.
He didn't know if he could tell her why.
It was so much.
So complicated.
He didn't understand it.
How would she.
He couldn't explain it.

„Everything is repeating itself and it's really tiring"

The words were forced.
Truth, painful, awful truth.
He couldn't admit it.
He knew he was broken but saying it out loud...

„I can't do this anymore"

His voice shook.
Cece was quiet.
One arm around his shoulder.
Comforting.
She was trying to help. He knew.
He appreciated it but it didn't help much.

„It's okay"

Not it was not.
Nothing was okay.
Nothing will ever be okay.
Everything is repeating again and again and again and again.
There was no end to it.
No light in the dark.
Again and he would lose it.
He would end it.
He could never but maybe his body would end itself.

„You can't fix me"
„I can't, but I will try. We all will try. If you try"

Tears.
He was so done.
It hurt so bad.
Tired numbness gave way to pain. Horrible pain.
The whole situation hurt him.
The last month hurt him.
It was to much for him.
He was 15.
He was to young.
His mind is to vulnerable.

„we're here for you"

And for the fist time in weeks, he believed her.
He believed that his friends would have his back no matter what.
Even if he was broken and nothing but a hallow shell.
They would get him back.
Again and again and again.