(Note from the author: First of all, thank you for still reading Zenith, I appreciate it very much! Secondly, in this chapter, I'm parting some paragraphs because they were a bit too long for Wattpad. The dialogues will be broken up into pieces, but it's a one-sided conversation, therefore it should not cause any confusion.)

Having accessed the room, the door fell feebly into its lock behind Finn, and his feet directed him unwittingly to his father's bedside. 

Inspiring Lena's escape, running away from the law, and planning to chase Arrakis were all violations he was willing to make, just to find the slightest evidence to support his hypothesis that the lost ship's passengers survived a fabricated tragedy. He already regretted the first. 

With every movement, Finn felt his bruises. Arrakis had hit him hard. However, the feeling that came along with the consequences of his own selfish actions hit him even harder. 

Finn was the bearer of the torturous knowledge of an unavoidable outcome. Choosing to run away meant parting himself from his father anew after he had saved Finn's life. After he had traveled the worlds to find his cherished son.

"Maybe your fatherly love will allow you to understand why I'm doing the things I do."

Christopher had still not woken up from the surgery, but Finn held words in his heart that could not wait for a next time.

"When you wake up, I'll be gone. I don't know when I'll see you again, but when the day has come, I will approach you with the inescapable dread that you'll be too ashamed to even look at me. You must already be disappointed in me, I don't blame you, I am too. 

But I believe that what I am doing is what's right. Because, if I'm correct, I might be able to save one hundred people. One hundred and nine that were declared dead. Imagine how happy their families will be. Picture their tears of joy as they utter their gratefulness. 

Frankly, at first, I acted like a naive child, addicted to the faintest bloom of hope, wanting nothing more but to bring Nitha back into my arms. But that has all changed now."

In his clammy palm, he treasured the broken bracelet. He went down on his knees and stared at the tubes and connected to Christopher's nostrils, and the one stuck to his arm. It was too difficult to watch, and Finn could no other but to look down at the floor.

"I think—I know—I'm onto something much greater than what I was chasing in the beginning. I can't fully grasp it all, but it sure feels like something of a cosmic impact. Why can nobody see that but me? Am I crazy for believing? Am I? Do you think I want to do all of this? Do you actually think I want to be beaten? To go out there and chase the slimmest slice of desire? Of course, I don't want to go. I'd rather stay with you, go home, be safe, sleep in my own bed again, have a fridge filled with my favorite food, and hang out with Blake at the lake again, on a normal summer afternoon.

But if I do all that—If I just—go—the pain will never stop. It won't ever stop. I learned that. Pain is a brutal joke; no matter what we chose to do, pain is always a consequence. I know that if I go now, I'll get hurt. 

I'm not that blind, of course, it'll bring pain too. I'll be freezing and starving, and I'll get hit again, and I'll be worrying about you———But going home now—the act of giving up and going home—that would just be far more painful than any bullet, any punch, any disaster that I will encounter when I step out these doors. 

Now you think I'm an egotistical coward for choosing the option that will bring me joy and the least amount of pain, while letting you suffer for my mistakes. I'm not doing this for myself! Can't you understand that? Can't you see that I'm trying to do what's right? Unlike all of you. You're not acting through your hearts. I am. I think about everyone that is depending on me! Me alone. 

I know the coordinates for the lost ship! I know it's out there, and I'll find those poor people, and I'll get them back home. And you'll see that I had to leave. I'll make you understand why I left."

His watery eyes looked at the blurry image of his father. His white skin, and pale lips, his weak arms that lay parallel aligned with his body. He looked weak, only the subtle movements of his chest, when his lungs filled with oxygen, let him appear merely alive. 

Tears streamed down Finn's cheeks.

"I had to! You left me on Pluviam—I had to go. I'm sorry—that I hurt you, I'm sorry. All of this is my fault. Why did you come? Why did you follow me? You'd be fine if you had just stayed away! Oh my god. I'm so sorry, dad! Please don't die. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You—" 

Finn tried to breathe quietly, making his throat all the more sore. 

"Don't you trust me? You shouldn't have come. Can't you believe that I can do this? I'm not crazy. I know they're alive, I know it, I just know it! Everyone lied, and I've crossed the solar system to find answers. I don't need you to protect me. Look how far I've made it without you. From Pluviam to Demeter, to Boreas, while surviving every threat! Nothing could stop me. Nothing! Even Arrakis. Even you. I'll finish what I've started, and even you can't stop me."

Anger, fear, regret, and frustration caused destruction like an inner whirlwind; Finn's mind turned into a battlefield where every emotion fought to win the upper hand in Finn's verbal expression. His feelings were squeezed together like books on a shelf, in a head, too crowded for them all to fit. He was undecided about his feelings, for he felt too many things at once.

"I'm scared," he sobbed and wiped his face. With an uncontrollable fit of trembling, Finn took his father's hand. It was ice cold, a perfect resemblance of death. His vision stolen by tears, he shook his head and pressed his teeth together to distract his heartache with other pain.

 "I'm sorry —I'm so sorry. I know you're scared, too. I know—that you blame yourself for Levi's passing——All my life you've been overly protective of me—but you can't keep me from getting hurt this time. This time, you need to protect yourself. It's best—if you stay here. You're safe here. I can do this alone." 

A sarcastic chuckle interrupted his own speech as more tears damped his nose.

"Less than an hour ago I stood at her bed too. (The girl you all despise) I stood there identically to how I'm standing right now. Though I didn't apologize to her as I did to you. I should have. She deserves my apology. But no, I was asking her to risk her life once more. How selfish I am. Telling you that I can do this alone after I told her that I can't. Two contradictions that collide in my heart. Call me a liar, but I am unconditionally honest when I'm telling you that I don't know which one is the lie. 

After she told me that we should go separate ways, I just couldn't bear the thought of it. And neither could she, I could tell she only made that choice to protect me. She thought that I was getting hurt because of her. You might agree with that, but the truth is—she is getting hurt because of me. And that has to stop. 

I was so observed with my own problems that I failed to see hers. She has risked more than I have, she's given up her life—for me. She's—she's so brave and selfless. She's everything I strive to be. By the way, her name is Lena. She is my friend and my heroine and everything beyond. She is the utmost honest and loving person I will have ever had the luck to meet. 

I would have given up the day you left me if she hadn't been by my side to catch me every time I'd fall. She helps me up, even if it pushes her down. I find myself utterly amazed by her. But because she has sacrificed so much, and because I can finally acknowledge that, she is pardoned for her crimes, she has suffered enough. 

I hope that you will leave her be, as I will go my way without her."

On the nightstand next to his father's glasses, Finn left Nitha's broken bracelet lying, and with it stayed the dejection that he had been consumed by. His detachment to everything negative finally made room in his head for new thoughts. The war his mind fought was finally over. 

Or so he thought.