After hesitation, Finn leaned in but his hands let go of Nitha's wrist and moved away to his pockets.

Nitha saw no interest in his retreat and kissed his jaw despite the uncertainty of his intentions.

"You want me to stay, don't you?" Her lips moved to the corner of his mouth where they shaped into a malignant grin, and when he made no answer, she whispered, "If you don't want me to go—"

"I do."

Her smile turned into a scowl, and her simulated whimper was filled with spleen and disappointment. "You do?"

"You're messing with my head," he said and tried to push her hips away from his body.

"Why? I can see how badly you want me! Why are you rejecting me for that—that filthy pawn?"

"Don't call her that! I don't want you any less than I'd want a tear in my spacesuit. You're toxic. You're trying to manipulate me! You always do this. That's how I forgot about my pain when I was with you, but the problems never resolved, and whenever you left me, all the pain hit even harder than before. And every time, I feel guilty and ashamed of myself while you're having a good time somewhere else. You're using me for your own fun, and when you're satisfied, you leave. Every time, and this time, too. You would have walked away, feeling good about yourself, and left me hating myself. And I am embarrassed that I never saw that in the past."

"You—" she gasped and was too furious to say any more.

"I have to find Lena. She's gone, and if she's hurt—" he stifled that thought. "I don't even want to assume that. Let go of me, Nitha. Now!"

Nitha did as he wished and backed away, only to give him an aggrieved glower.

"How dare you call me toxic? Two long years I help you to overcome your depression, and then you describe me as manipulative? And why are you shouting? You've never yelled at me before! I don't even recognize you anymore."

"Too bad I can't say the same about you."

"Finn! I don't believe this! Have you gone mad?"

"I may have made some very insane decisions in the past months, but deciding that you and I are not a good match may be the most rational one yet."

"Did our relationship mean nothing to you?"

"It did, Nitha. I wanted you back so badly, I nearly lost my mind. But I—"

"Then why are you throwing it all away?" she interrupted eagerly.

"I'm not! You already did that when you left me. You just left! And you did not cry a single tear."

"My mother was sick! I needed to go!"

"I'm not blaming you, Nitha."

"Yes, you are! You just said I threw it all away by leaving! But guess what! You would have done the same if it had been your father who was sick! You would have chosen him over me, you would have gone with him, too!"

"Clearly, I would not choose my father over a girl," said Finn, neither proud nor happy of the silence it brought upon Nitha. She was defeated by her own words, and yet, Finn felt disgusted toward himself. However, he sought not to regret his choice. Leaving his father and taking Lena to Kepler may have saved her life, and that was what he fought to focus on.

"So you're in love with her then?" Nitha sobbed, infuriated, but yet again, Finn remained silent.

Nitha threw her temper down the cliff and stomped her foot so hard that her heel felt shattered. It was not the reason for her tears but the anger surely triggered more to flow. She cried and screwed her foot into the grass.

"Phineas! Stop acting stupid! Maybe you like her but you will never love her! She can't distract you from the pain as I could."

"You know what? You're right. But she doesn't have to distract me from my pain, for she takes it all away. My heart was broken, dead, and cold, and without questioning it, Lena gave me hers. She gives me unconditional love without a thought about herself."

"Stop it! You fell in love with me first!"

"Well, that's just the thing, Nitha." Finn pressed his lips together and shook his head faintly. "With Lena, I was constantly on the run. With her, I had to jump in deadly heights. I was flying a ship with nothing but faith. With her, I was fighting for someone else but myself. With her, I was healing, and whenever I was down, she'd lift me up. She'd always catch my fall. And with you—" he grabbed Nitha's hands and removed them from his hoodie. "With you, I was always just falling."

"I helped you to forget about your grief!"

"I'm grateful for that, but whenever you were served, no matter my condition, you dropped me until you saw a use for me again!"

"When have I used you?" she screamed, weeping from wrath.

"All the time. Your dream had always been to go to space, and my connections to KSP could have made that dream come true. Looks like you got what you wanted after all, and even without me. You must be so happy."

"I'm not happy! You're accusing me of exploiting and manipulating you!"

"So you're denying that you only came over when my father or Nathan was there too? Sometimes you would stay away from me for weeks, and only when you saw a benefit would you spend time with me."

"I loved you," said Nitha, when she failed to rebut his allegation.

"I believe that you think you did. But isn't it closer to the truth that you wanted to love me but never truly could?" Finn replied, feeling his heart shrinking in his chest. "You pointed out every flaw about me and changed me to your likings, only to then leave me with this mess of a self that I did not recognize. While I gave you everything and imagined a future with you, you always made promises that you could not keep. You'd talk a lot about love, and I believed your every word. But you never fought for us. You never acted. You'd talk and smuggle lies but never act. You left me."

"That girl left you too!" Nitha snapped, the tears extinguishing the fire in her eyes. But Finn disagreed.

"No. She thought I left her. It's different. Now step out of my way."

"If you leave me—If you go now, I sure as hell won't be here when you get back! I'll be gone, Finn! For good!"

Finn hoped to find Lena at the shore. He walked past Nitha and stepped onto the trail when she spoke to him with the sweet voice he had not heard in half a year.

"Honey."

His feet stopped, despite his head demanding them to go. He turned around, his face expressing sympathy. Nitha grinned and Finn was no longer sure if it was a real source of happiness or a trap as deadly as a heartbreak.

"I still love you," she sobbed. "No one ever loved me as you did."

"And if I turn around and kiss you now, what will that do for us? You have to leave, we won't see each other again. Heck,  I can never even mention you to anyone. I would have to love a dead girl, how can that work?"

"It's just a kiss, Finn."

"Just a kiss?" he chuckled, his mood worsening. "When you love someone, a kiss is never just a kiss. I wish for you that one day you'll know that, too."

"You know that's not what I meant. Every kiss with you is special. That's why I want you to kiss me! We can be together again!"

"Oh yeah? Once a year? Or whenever you decide to show up?"

"Finn! I'm trying!"

"I'm sorry, but just how do you imagine a relationship when you don't even tell me where you're staying?"

"I already told you more than I should have. You're ungrateful!"

"I searched the universe for you!" tears burned his eyes like alcohol while his croaking voice collected the words. "I wanted to see the good in us, but we just aren't fit for each other! I'm sorry if it hurts to hear that, but we are both hurting here, and if you don't care enough about my feelings to accept my decision, then do yourself at least the favor of letting me go. I won't give you the love you once thought you had, and I will never satisfy you enough. To you, I will always stay a disappointment, and in vain, you will try to change me. Whatever it is you want back, it is a part of me that you created. It's the part of me that I can't stand. The real me, I don't think you'd like."

It was possible that he wanted to embrace Nitha and comfort her with his love, but the lacking wish to take back what he had said just then was proof to him, that he truly meant it all, and that he had let her go in a way that was irreversible. His heart was beating for somebody else, and the longer it stood still in his chest, with Nitha attendant, the sharper and smaller it felt.

"Please don't go," Nitha implored, her hands folded by her chest. Finn's fingers combed his hair up nervously, it was fully dry now. "Stay, Finn. Be mine. Please! I can't watch you walk away from me."

Finn smirked at the irony. How disappointed he was in himself, but proud through it all that he could refuse to believe the pretty little tales she was telling. She was begging him to stay when she was the one leaving.

"You can't watch me go?" he said so coldly that his eyes were too frozen to cry more tears. "I have a suggestion for you. Why don't you just turn around?" he retorted with a whirling motion of his fingers.

Then he walked the trail without another look at her. Intentions of hurting Nitha's feelings had not inspired him to use those words against her, but finding Lena was his priority, and nothing else could have mattered to him at that moment. He wanted Nitha out of his sight, and it seemed to have worked with that simple sentence she knew all too well.