The signs as Old People:

Aries: Screams at you to get off their lawn

Taurus: Has no idea how they lived this long

Gemini: Talks shït about the other grandmas

Cancer: Bakes you Chocolate chip cookies

Leo: Crazy Cat Lady

Virgo: Afraid of Teenage hooligans

Libra: Currently on Match.com

Scorpio: Using their knitting needles as weapons

Sagittarius: Has jokes that can make a stripper blush

Capricorn: Wise sensei ninja

Aquarius: Goes to bed at 7pm

Pisces: Their emojis is a band