Aries: Singing is like talking in cursive

   Taurus: Life would be a lot easier if my body enjoyed healthy foods and hated the taste of sweets, fries, and chocolate

   Gemini: It's 2017, I trust a CEO who wears a hoodie and jeans more than a suit and tie

   Cancer: I'm always in a rush to get home to do absolutely nothing

   Leo: I wonder how many strangers hate me because of how someone else described me to them.

   Virgo: Why do we pronounce the "G" in signature, but not in sign

   Libra: You know that feeling when you're really hungry but nothing sounds good? That's what depression feels like

   Scorpio: Spongebob's parents are sea sponges. Spongebob is a cleaning sponge. Spongebob is adopted

   Sagittarius: I had no control over one of the most important decision of my life, my name

   Capricorn: If cell phones didn't exist, I would have to buy a calculator, dictionary, gps, camera, and a flashlight

   Aquarius: I'm not an early bird or a night owl... I'm some permanently exhausted pigeon

   Pisces: I miss getting party bags at the end of parties. Party bags were the best part of the party. It's like getting rewarded for being social