The signs as Spies

At headquarters

Scorpio: The names Bond. Scorpio Bond.

Libra: Oh god no

Scorpio: Shhhhhh. ALRIGHT TEAM! WE HAVE A MISSION TO COMPLETE!

Capricorn: What is it?

Scorpio: Ahem *Reads slip of paper* Okay, this months mission is to find a guy named... Ophiuchus, and to- woah that's a little harsh...

Pisces: What's harsh?

Scorpio: We have to murder him

Gemini: What did he ever do to us?

Scorpio: Actually he is a bad guy. He's brain washed the zodiac community into believing he is one of the zodiac signs.

Taurus: Kill him now

Scorpio: Omg, it says here that we get to pick a form of transportation this time

Capricorn: Don't say...

Scorpio: We are taking the mother fucking bat mobile.

Capricorn: Oh god

Gemini: I CALL SHOTGUN!!!

Meanwhile in the bat mobile

Scorpio: Is everyone in the back doing fine? *Driving*

Libra: Sticking 10 of us in the back of your stupid vehicle isn't gonna make us any more happy then we already AREN'T

Pisces: YOUR ELBOW IS POKING ME!!! *Slaps Sagittarius*

Sagittarius: MAYBE IF YOU SCOOTED OVER A BIT, I WOULDN'T POKE YOU.

Scorpio: Stop bickering, just make some room.

Virgo: OH. I'M SORRY BOND, LET ME JUST- *Opens the car side door* HOP OUT AND MAKE SOME ROOM

Taurus: I think I'm going to be sick *Holds their mouth trying not to throw up*

Leo: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE THROW UP ON ME!!!

Gemini: *Cozily sleeping in the passenger seat*

Leo: I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT THIS HAS TO BE THE WORST MISSION- I feel someone's toe. WHO'S FUCKING TOE IS PUSHING ON MY THIGH?!

   Libra: Oh, umm. *Cough*

   Aquarius: Let's just put on the radio. I'm so tired.

   Scorpio: Okay *Turns on radio*                I sPy WiTh mY liTtle EYe, A giRlie I CaN gEt-

   Scorpio: *Quickly turns it off* Nope

Meanwhile out of the Bat Mobile

   Scorpio: Okay, here it is. Ophiuchus mansion

   Virgo: Well he sure toke his time to make himself hidden. What kind of self-absorbed idiot names a mansion like that?

   Leo: Uhh. *Crosses that off their list for Christmas* Leo mansion will have to wait

   Aries: I say we just burn down the entire building down

   Capricorn: OH NO YOU DON'T, NO MORE FIRE FOR YOU

   Cancer: *Already used a grabbing hook to climb up the mansion* HEY GUYS! HURRY THE FUCK UP!

   Scorpio: WAIT I'M THE LEADER, COME DOWN HERE!

   Cancer: *Flips them off*

   Gemini: HOW RUDE!

   Taurus: This is so boring, call me when we're murdering and stuff

   Libra: Agreed

   Scorpio: No! Don't leave! C'mon stupids, we have work to do. And we can't let Cancer the 'I'm so cool with my grabbing hook' beat us there!

   Cancer: I HEARD THAT BITCH

Meanwhile in the mansion

   Scorpio: Okay... follow me. We have to be silent but deadly

   Libra: wE hAvE tO bE siLenT bUt dEadLy

   Scorpio: Ugh, this way. I think this is his room-

   Aries: *Kicks the rooms door down* ALRIGHT BITCH, COME OUT COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE!!!

   Leo: *Facepalms* This is the bathroom

   Aries: Opps

   Cancer: This way... I found him

   Scorpio: NO! *Walks in front of Cancer* This way. I found him

   Cancer: Omfg...

   Aquarius: Aries, now you can kick the door down

   Aries: Yeah but my legs are tired so no.

   Aquarius: *Opens door gently using the knob* Hello?

   Ophiuchus: Well, well, well, look who we have-

   Taurus: *Shoots Ophiuchus*

   Every other sign: WTF?!?!?!

   Taurus: Boom bitch ;)

   About fucking time someone kills the bad guy when they first have a chance. Sure movies will be shorter, but in real life would you wait for a mass murderer to tell their backstory when you can just end it by a pull of the trigger? Thanks Taurus baby