Dear Future London,

Hey. I know that by the time you read this you'll be in highschool or at least college. London, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to wipe your tears away or to hold you when it's just not a good day for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be strong enough.

London the truth was, nothing was okay. Nothing would be okay. I felt alone even when I knew I wasn't. I felt so heartbroken and I cried way too much. I wanted to tell someone but I couldn't. And when I did gather the courage to tell Mama and Dad, they just told me that I had nothing to be sad about. And you know they were right, yet I was sad. I was beyond that. I was unsatisfied. Everyday just seemed more and more exhausting and uninteresting. Life just didn't go well with me.

London, I know that you're older now. One thing that I have to say that is so important for you to read.

London, please be yourself. I know you so well, I remember the first time I saw in one of my dresses, you were really little but I remember me walking in and seeing you in the mirror, with the brightest smile on your face. You noticed that I saw you and you looked at me and said 'Ruby look! I'm a princess!' Your little voice carried so much joy and happiness.

I thought it was just a little phase at first, not gonna lie. but then as we got older the more things you would steal from me, I didn't mind it though. I wanted you to be happy. I still do.

London, please please don't end up as depressed as I was. I didn't find my happiness instead I hid from it.

If wearing makeup, wearing dresses, skirts makes you happy please, go for it. Please do it.

I love you so so much and I want what's best for you, I want what's best for Kara and Jack too. If you ever see this letter, I have more letters for the rest of the family, I know it won't erase or make them forget the pain of loosing their child.. but I just want them to know why I did it.

I didn't do for attention, I did because I just couldn't live.

But that doesn't mean, I don't want you live, I want you to be happy so please don't hid your pain. Let someone know, find help.

Te quiero mucho

-Ruby

-

a/n: you know what's really sad? how I'm taking Spanish and I still had to use google translate. wow.

But she said 'I love you so much'

also any Spanish speakers if I typed this incorrectly please teach me the right way to type in Spanish because idk, I type the way I type in English which is to the right. I just wanna know if it's like the opposite and it's like to the right or something idk if I'm making sense okay I'm gonna stop.

Have a good day/night💕