Do you ever have a time where you sit and ponder about what you own and possess?

Like, I've sat for three days not knowing what I want.

Do I want the love? Do I want peace? Do I just want to be alone? Do I want to leave?

Do I want to die?

The answer is no. I don't want it. But these are my thoughts lately.

Lately I've been having some bad mood swings and mental breakdowns that's been messing with me lately.

I haven't been the best but it's my friends and family that's been fucking with me lately.

My in-real life friends, that is. And it's stressing me out to the point where I want to burst and scream and- You know..

School is starting on Tuesday so I'm pretty stressed about my sophomore year and what it entails.

( And plus my dad is getting married on the nineteenth of September and I'm his best daughter-man-woman..? So that's also stressful. )

But most of all, all of my friends have been inconsiderate and whiny assholes and my mom has been dogging me a lot lately about my ( anorexic ) appearance.

It's really tiring, honestly.

I'll help my friends as best as possible with natural and safe advice but when I need help and I'm depressed and sad, they don't want to help me seriously and they'll push me to get a social media account on something or that I need sex. .-. ( Because I have no social media besides this and Vine. )

Like, stop. Seriously. That's not what I need. You really don't fucking care how I feel. You only care about you, you, you. I help you with your problems but you want to brush off mines. Like I don't have problems too.

I hate that so much of my friends. I honestly don't think I have any sometimes because of those types of people.

And then every time I come here and I want to vent to some trustworthy and special people, three things happen.

They either are sad themselves and need the same comfort, not there, or I chicken out because I don't want to sound like a nuisance like I've been for the past few days.

It sucks. Trying to find an escape route that's not there.

I know I'm rambling but... Sometimes I need to selfishly vent to either myself or out there.

You know what I mean? Does anyone else feel this way? I honestly don't want to be the only one but I needed to get this out before I do something that I would regret later.

*sighs* Sky randomly rambles out loud #2, 345-

( P.S.: I've been talking, pacing around and hitting/punishing myself lately... I don't know if that's a psychological thing or if that's bad or anything but it's worrying me. .-. I need to go to the doctor's office but my mom doesn't believe me that I have these problems. Oh well. If I die one day, that's her fault, not mines. She has a history of neglecting her only child for her phone and herself some times. :3 )

~Sky #SandwichEmpire #CherryBombSquad