{California Dreaming}
[Mamas & The Papas]

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The ride home was unpleasant to say the least. Y/N was the one driving this time. Edd beside her, and Tord n Tom behind them. Y/N was at first shaking with anger, fear, depression, anxiety...but after a while it just became depression again.

What was she THINKING! Leaving him there to die! Even if he was bit he didn't deserve to die painfully... She could have just brought him along and ended him there... Why did she let her anger do the talking for her?

"I'm going to hell ...I just left him there to die... I could of...RRRR! FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCKING DAMNIT!...w...h...y...?... how could I have been so heartless?..."

She looks over at Edd who was looking ahead. She bit her lip not knowing if she should say anything. She was fighting back tears so painful, that it almost hurt. They eventually won and tears pour out of her eyes. But kept her mouth closed...she didn't deserve to cry after what she did.

They four of them made it back home...kinda safe and sound. No one was bitten but they did witness their friend being bitten and they left him for dead. Tom held Y/Ns hand in a comforting way. She hugged him as a way to let everything out.

Edd leans against the door. Sliding down it slowly. "...I... don't know...how to feel...or what to think... anymore... I don't get it..... I don't understand..... I did everything right, and none of this is my fault.......why are my hands all red?"

{Y/NS POV}

Y/N looks at him...he wasn't mad at me...he....was blaming.... himself...?...it hurt her heart painfully... He doesn't deserve this...he's kind and welcoming. Hes misunderstood..... I don't deserve him or his kindness. I shouldn't even be here.

I could put them all at serious risk...all because of my stupid-!

I heard the sound of sobbing coming from in front. Edd was in tears. Hugging onto Ringo... I sighed and sat next to him. Now's not the time to blame anyone. We all need each other right at the moment. We could all use a good sleep right about now as well.

I felt Edds cold and bloody hand touch my cheek. His eyes were all red and puffy. I could hardly recognize him. He pulled me into a hug and cried some more. Telling me that he was sorry... And that he is a horrible person. I cried with her...just in silence. Reminding him that he's human...we all are.

Tord and Tom joined us against the door. Us all next to each other...bloody and wet. Expect for Tom apparently. Lucky bastard... Tord was on my side. Resting his head on my shoulder. I want to protect theses guys...but how if I can barley take care of myself?...

...I'll find a way.

"Guys... neither one of you is to blame. Rest easy....we all need sleep.... please don't blame yourself for this...any of this....."

.

.

.

"We all kind of fucked up."
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.

.

As we sat down together...everyone besides me asleep. Tord and Edd holding my hand... Tom resting between my legs...a small smile made it's way to my face...I almost felt comfortable...that is...Until I began to feel my world go black again... Whispers and screams filling my ears.

Please not now... Please. Why can't I just get a moment of peace...of course begging does it no good. All it does is watch me ... ridicule me...hurt me. It wants me dead and I still don't know why.... I wish I can just look at darkness and not have it look back at me...

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