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Silence.

That's all there was from the moment Lisa and I left the club. Neither said a word to the other when I reported the incident to Jiyong and Jennie. After the bastard who harassed her was banned from the club, I just took her put my jacket over her shoulders and took her to my car. I didn't ask if she wanted a ride. She didn't protest.

So that was where we were at. Driving in silence. Lisa's eyes were fixated on the view outside while mine were focused on the road. There wasn't too much tension that made the other uncomfortable – at least I thought so. But there was an air of unspoken feelings that lingered around us. Feelings I wasn't sure I was ready to air out and unpack. So we continued existing with each other in the silence until we made it to my apartment.

As soon as we got inside, I made a quick beeline to my wardrobe to fetch one of my old shirts to give her. "You can use the shower," I spoke to her for the first time that evening. "I figured after the whole mess you'd probably need it. Is there anything else you might need? Something to eat or drink?"

"A shower is more than enough, Ollie," she answered stiffly but softly as she took the shirt. "Thanks."

"Okay..." I said almost breathlessly. "Um... bathroom's the second door to your left. Just... let me know if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded as she offered me a tight smile before brushing past me. I turned around and watched her enter the bathroom and closed the door. As soon as I heard the sound of the water hitting the floor in the shower, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

This was going to be a long night.

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"Thanks," I smiled, taking the khaki bag and paying the delivery guy before closing the door. Lisa was already out of the bathroom by the time I sat down and unloaded the boxes. I felt the air get knocked out of my lungs at the sight of her. Her face was free from the makeup she previously wore. Her hair was damp and sticking around her forehead. Her skin was glistening from the humid residue. The shirt I had given her was the smallest size I had – a shirt I last wore six years ago, yet it still looked big on her.

She never ceases to amaze me how she can look so effortlessly beautiful.

I cleared my throat as I mentally shook my head before I got too caught up in her allure. "I, uh, ordered some Uber Eats," I said. "I know you said you didn't want anything, but something told me that you were going to steal my food."

When she didn't respond to my light-hearted joke, I awkwardly cleared my throat again. "Point is, I got you something to eat in case you changed your mind."

"Why did you bring me here?" she asked, folding her hands to her chest. "You could have just dropped me off at my res."

I was silent for a moment. "I figured after what happened, you need some company."

She scoffed irritated. "That's rich coming from you."

"If you wanted me to drop you off at your res and leave you to replay what could have been a traumatic event alone in your room, then you should have said so," I responded a bit to coldly. "I can be an asshole sometimes, but I'm not heartless."

Lisa stared at me with a blank expression on her face. I couldn't tell what emotion she was communicating, but I had a feeling that she was pissed. I sighed. "I'll put your food away and keep it for the morning. You can have the bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Why are you like this?"

I blinked, stunned by her question. "Like what?"

"Hot and cold," she spoke. "One moment you're all over me, and the next you're pushing me away."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and avoided her piercing gaze. "It's complicated."

She scoffed again. "Having sex with me and leaving only to crawl back when it's convenient to you sounds pretty easy and straightforward to me."

"This isn't about convenience, Lisa," I reasoned firmly. "It's about drawing a line before things get messy and out of control. It's why I have rules in the first place."

"And what do those rules make you? Some cool emo main character with some code? Give me a fucking break."

"Those rules," I stood up facing her fully. "Instil discipline and self-control. Something you don't seem to grasp or understand."

The lingering silence intensified as the tension around us slowly became a dark cloud. Lisa let out an exasperated sigh. "We're not just co-workers, Ollie. We're us. And I'm tired of this push and pull you're doing," she shrugged her shoulders. "It's like you're here, but you're really not here."

"And what do you want me to do, huh? Keep bending my rules and cross boundaries to accommodate whatever this," I gestured at the both of us. "is just because you want my dick between your legs."

I immediately regretted my words the moment I saw the hurt flash in her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I can do well without having your dick between my legs, Ollie," she spat through her clenched teeth.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that—"

"But that's how you really feel, right? I'm just another girl you've fucked."

"No, you're nothing like that. You're different," I said earning a scoff from her. "I just can't keep bending my rules like this."

"But what about how we feel? Are we supposed to stay in this limbo forever?"

"You think I don't feel a sliver of guilt whenever I leave you? Trust me, I live with it every day."

"Then why do it."

"Because I have to. I can't give you anything beyond sex and you know it."

"This isn't about sex—"

"Then what is it about, huh?!" I threw my hands irritated.

The room fell silent again as the thick air of unresolved tension started to condense into a dark cloud. I sighed, slumping my shoulders. "I've never experienced anyone the way I've experienced you. I've never been open about my feelings – about my mother – with anyone, not even own my dad," I said honestly. "Yeah, I've got walls and I got so many of them that a lot of people weren't able to get past them. But you... you break them down like they're nothing. And you keep breaking down no matter how many times I keep building them back up and that terrifies me."

"Terrifies you? Or is it you're scared you might care about someone other than yourself," she said, taking strides towards me. "You can't just shut everything down and expect me to be okay with it."

"And what if you get hurt, huh? What then?" I raised my voice.

"You're already hurting me with this push and pull game you're playing, you asshole," she also raised her voice, shoving my chest with her hands. "I'm not some toy you can play with and toss to the side when you're bored."

I grabbed her wrists right when she gave me another shove to the chest. "Let go of me," she growled, fighting to free herself from my firm yet gentle grip but with no avail. "Let go of me, Ollie!"

She was panting and whimpering as she struggled under my grip until she let out a huff of defeat and gave up. The room became silent again.

"Look at me," I spoke, breaking the silence. She kept her head down, not daring to meet my gaze. "Lisa, please." I spoke again, this time my voice becoming desperate.

She finally lifted her head and our eyes locked. There was some anger, confusion and vulnerability that swirled between our eyes. The tension soon transformed into a magnetic pull, drawing us closer despite our heated argument. I found myself pressing my forehead against hers, taking in her scent and simply basking in her presence until my lips impulsively captured hers in a fiery kiss. Lisa's initial resistance soon changed as she reciprocated the kiss, succumbing to our shared desire.

The tides soon changed and our intense conflict soon transformed into a different kind of passion, releasing all our pent-up emotions in such a way that words couldn't describe. As our kiss deepened, our hands started exploring each other's bodies, our heads shifting and titling in different positions, our heavy and rushed breathes becoming mixed with moans and whimpers – an intimate communication that transcended verbal language. Soon, our clothes started disappearing one by one until we were bare and vulnerable.

Lisa gasped softly when I lifted her off her feet and wrapped her legs around my waist. Without breaking the kiss, I carried her to my bed and the world around us disappeared as we were consumed by lust and desire.

The storm of our emotions soon settled when we laid in my bed side by side in the aftermath of our heated intimacy. Neither of us said a word since. I guess it was because we were both afraid to say anything we weren't ready to say.

"Ollie?" Lisa spoke, finally breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" I answered.

I felt her shift to lay on her side, facing me. "Is there a reason why you've never pursued relationships?"

Her question lingered in the air with a weight of curiosity and confusion. I didn't respond to her right away as I pondered how to answer honestly without dwelling on uncharted territory. But then again, she always had a way of making it easy to talk about things I avoid talking about.

"I never really saw the point of them, honestly. They never seem to last long term especially when one of the people involved are going to back out and leave."

"You don't know that..." she said gently.

"But I do," I replied, turning my head to her. "I've seen it happen to my dad when I was three years old."

In that moment, my mind replayed the night my mother left – a night that etched into the core of my memories and always left a bitter taste in my mouth. All the times my dad would always put on a brave face and acting like everything was fine only to hear him sob and watch him drink himself half to death. It did get better as I got older, but it was a painful sight to see.

I guess after seeing all that pain my dad went through, I decided to never let anyone hurt me the way my mother hurt my dad. Even if it meant giving up on relationships altogether.

Lisa's eyes softened – almost as though she knew my whole story without me getting into the nitty gritty details. She just knew.

"But that doesn't mean that you should write them off completely though," she reasoned. "Each relationship is special and unique in their own way. Not all of them end in heartbreak."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at the sentiment. I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "Well, that didn't stop my mother from leaving to start a whole new family."

I felt the mattress shift, assuming that Lisa was sitting up straight and covering her chest with the bedsheet. "You can't keep living like this, Ollie."

"Like what?"

"Living in solitude and isolation. Not everyone is going to leave you like your mother did. It's like you're punishing anyone who gets close to you for what your mother's choice."

I swallowed the tight lump in my throat. Maybe there was some truth to in Lisa's words. Maybe I was angry and hurt by the fact that my mother left only to replace me and dad with a whole new family. And maybe I was taking out my hurt and anger on people might genuinely care for me. But regardless, it was better to leave than to be left.

"Better safe than sorry," I replied.

"But doesn't it get lonely?"

I tensed at her question – the same question my father had asked me a while back. "It does..." I reluctantly admitted. "But I've managed."

Lisa let out a sigh of defeat, already sensing how firm and adamant I was on my stance. She moved closer and wrapped my arms around my waist and pressed her head on my shoulder blade – the same way she did when she asked me to stay. But this time, instead of freezing, I welcomed her embrace.

"I think you'd be a great boyfriend."

Her assertion both surprised and confused me. I turned my head. "Me? A great boyfriend?" I asked almost laughing at the absurdity of her statement.

"Mhm," I felt her head nod.

"Why do you think that? I hardly did anything worthy of that title."

"True... but you protected me back at the club."

I scoffed. "That's the bare minimum, Lili."

"Yes, but no one would have stepped in like that," she pointed out. "You're fun to be around. You're not selfish when it comes to sex. You have your flaws, but to me, you're a good guy, Ollie."

I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach and felt my heart melt at the sincerity of her words. Her genuine belief in me managed to put a crack in the walls I had rebuilt around myself. She was giving me way too much credit – credit I didn't think I deserved. "You're setting yourself up for disappointment with those expectations, Lili," I told her.

"Then don't disappoint me."

She pressed her lips against my shoulder, letting them linger there before moving away to lie back down on my bed and leaving me to ponder her words.

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