❛ chapter four ⎜ jaimie ❜

"𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐄. 𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐄!" 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐄. I spun, a bit startled.

"Oh. Jaimie. Hi." I forced a smile onto my face as I turned to face my ruddy cheeked ex, but from the look on his, I could tell he didn't believe it.

"You... you seem happy to see me," he said, trying to joke, his orange curls jumping as he bounced on the balls of his feet. I didn't laugh, instead shooting a look at Kiera, who was by my side.

"What can I do for you Jaimie?" I asked.

His eyes flickered from side to side, taking in Kiera and all the staring students. "Can... can we - uh - go somewhere else?"

A small smile tugged at my lips even though I couldn't feel it. "What do you want Jaimie?"

He sighed as if resigning himself to a terrible fate. Ah my crazy imagination. "I just want to talk to you. Privately."

Well, that made my brain short circuit. After all this time? Apparently he still likes me. "Okay," I said after a second.

"Elise," Kiera muttered to me as I moved to follow Jaimie, grabbing my arm. "You don't have to do this."

"I know," I sighed, "but I should."

"I'll be waiting for you in our dorms." She gave me a reassuring smile, and my face automatically returned it. After the Sorting, I was even more hollow than before.

I wound my way through the other students who were making their way up to their common rooms after a delicious feast.

After a few too many sets of stairs, an annoying portrait, and a nosy Ravenclaw, I found myself in the Entrance Hall with Jaimie shifting from foot to foot on the flagstone. The doors were closed, but the candles still lit, flooding the hall with their bright light.

"Hey," I said. He jumped.

"Hey."

"So..." I said, staring at him. "What can I do for you?"

His emerald eyes glanced from side to side. He keeps doing that... "I just wanted to talk."

"About what?" I sighed. He shifted some more. "Listen Jaimie. It's been a long day, I should-"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay," he blurted out, his hands fidgeting nervously as his feet finally stilled.

"Why does everyone keep asking that?" I cried, throwing my hands up in the air. First my parents, then my siblings, then the rest of. My. Entire. Freaking. Family. Then Kiera, then Kiera again, then Sylvia in her own crazy/gossipy way. "I'm fine, okay? I'm not some damsel in distress!"

"This summer can't have been easy,'" he said, his voice cautious. It was like I was an angry lion and he was a tamer. But I wasn't a lion and he had no reason to act like that.

"My summer was fine, thank you for asking-"

"I know about your uncle," he interrupted. I froze. Dear Merlin, please not this. "I know what the ministry is doing."

"How do you know about that?" I asked, my voice on the verge of quivering.

"My mum works with your dad. They're still in touch. I know we're not together anymore - and that's totally my fault - but I'm here for you as a friend, Elise."

"I don't want to talk about it," I said coldly. Cold. That's all I've felt for a while.

"And I know you don't! I know how you feel."

"You do? You do?" I asked, my frustration growing. I finally felt alive, but not in a good way. It was like fire was surging through my cold veins, creating an even bigger impact than normal as it melted the rest of me. "You know how it feels to be empty and feel nothing? You know what it's like when the one person who was always there for you, who wouldn't get mad at you, who would listen to you and never judge you, is suddenly gone?"

"Yes I do! Everyone suffers some sort of trauma, Elise. You're not the only one."

"Yeah, well mine's still a bit fresh," I retorted. "And I don't want to reopen those wounds."

"But you're still not fine."

"Yes, I am," I said, annoyed, angry, and confused. So, so confused. And lost.

"Really?" Jaimie asked dubiously. "Really? Because the Elise I know - the Elise who is 'fine' - would never have to fake a smile."

"Well the Elise you knew was a child," I said, shaking my hair out of my face. "And she's grown up."

"She's grown up, but she's still the same person at heart, just with longer hair, a better view on the world, and more problems," he said, his eyes steely with resolve.

"You aren't going to leave me alone, are you?" I finally asked, seeing the look he was giving me.

"Not until you let me help."

I opened my mouth for a second, struggling to find the words to express what I was feeling. "I... I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it yet," I said quietly, half-question half-statement. "B-But when I'm ready - and only then, mind you - I think you could help me a lot."

"I'm here for you, okay?" he whispered, his tone gentle. "Whatever happens. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to scream at or someone to help you forget everything, I'm here."

I looked at him, a sad smile creeping onto my face.

"What?" he asked, looking down at himself.

"It's kind of funny that we're doing this," I said, a faraway expression in my eyes. "Most ex's stay as far away from each other as possible."

"We grew up, we grew away, and I grew stupid," Jaimie laughed. "Stupid enough to let you go. I accept that it's my fault, and I know I'm never going to make it up to you. But I can try as hard as I can until I'm at least friend-zoned."

I laughed, the sound echoing through my throat and through my body, making me shiver. My first real laugh in... maybe months. "Thank you, Jaimie. Thank you."

"You know what?" he asked, taking a small step towards me.

"What?" I replied, my eyes flickering down to the ground for a second.

"That laugh," he said, taking my chin gently in his hands and tilting my face up so I was looking into his eyes, "was a real laugh. It wasn't fake."

I didn't say anything, instead reaching forward and tugging Jaimie into a bear hug.

"Okay, I love you too," he said affectionately, his laughter ringing through the hall.

"I just feel so painted," I muttered into his robes, squeezing my eyes shut and enjoying the warmth of his chest. "So fake."

His voice became quiet. "I know. But you just have to push through it, one day at a time. Minute by minute. You are strong, Elise. You are strong enough to get through this."

I don't know how long we stayed there, hugging. Just hugging.

Jaimie has been my friend since the first day I stepped onto the Hogwarts Express. Around our third year our friendship... took a more romantic turn. It worked for a while, until suddenly it didn't. We weren't together anymore - I don't know if we would ever be anything other than friends again. But for now, he could help me through this. He could be my rock, more than Kiera or Sylvia could ever have been. Because he knew what it was like to struggle to figure out who you are. He knew what it was like to feel painted. He knew, and he understood. And for now, that was enough.

𝔸𝕌𝕋ℍ𝕆ℝ𝕊 ℕ𝕆𝕋𝔼

Hey y'all! Hope you liked the chapter! I was looking through this story and I realized that I had created Jaimie for plot purposes, started the story, and then forgot about him. This is a bit of a filler chapter on their relationship! Hope you liked it.

I'm sorry if this is a bad chapter. I'm very good at writing angst and heartbreak, yet not that good at fluff. (Very foreboding.)

Guess what? This story has 200 views! Yay! (I know that's not a lot - and that 30 of them are from me obsessively reading over my chapters again and again - but this is my first time publishing on Wattpad and I'm honored.)

I've seen other authors do this, so I'm gonna give it a try. I'll be posting a question in the Authors Note and then y'all can comment answers or other questions. Let's start with something simple.

QUESTION:

Favorite HP book?

MY ANSWER:

I have to say Deathly Hallows. I always love the book with the most suffering and death and of course, the happy ending :). When the hero doesn't think they can make it, and the whole internal and physical struggle, those are the moments I like reading about the most. Makes me feel better about my life :).

That's all for now!! Thanks for reading!