TITLE | THE UNEXPECTED SITCH

GENRE | ROMANCE

AUTHOR | @Cans_kray

CHAPTERS REVIEWED | PROLOGUE + 5

SPECIAL REQUESTS | GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, SYNOPSIS AND PROLOGUE.

TITLE | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

while definitely unconventional, i would suggest that you choose something more attention seeking. wattpad is filled to the brim with books named "my unexpected boyfriend", "my unwanted marriage" or something along those lines. naming your book after a phrase or a song lyric or even around a rare word can automatically make your book stand out!

COVER | ⭐️ ⭐️

i'm a huge fan of black and red colour schemes but i would highly recommend visiting a graphic shop. your cover currently has a beautiful colour choice but it has no connection with your book. i would also change the title font and make it the centre of attention. right now, the alignment is a bit off and you could easily fix that with a designer's help.

BLURB | ⭐️ ⭐️

there are a lot of grammatical errors i found which i will list down for you. other than that, your blurb is too long and is unnecessarily informative. i will also point that out so you know where the weak areas are. i highly recommend making it more concise and pleasing to read.

• cut out the quotes. they're absolutely unnecessary and are taking up way too much space.

• you may use ONE quote but make sure it's either in the beginning or at the end. they way you've positioned them now is completely haphazard.

• never, ever, EVER, use phrases like "will she make juice or was she unable to handle the lemons?" it sounds extremely uncanny.

• don't put hyphens or change your paragraphs after every single line. it gives a whole unprofessional look and you really don't want that.

• maybe write this:

Living a married life since the past two years had made Dexter and Hailey realise that trust and care just weren't enough for them anymore. They knew the situation had reached far beyond the point of return. Still, giving it one last shot didn't sound so bad.

Smart, beautiful and feisty Olivia Davis was all about challenges and proving people wrong. She was never one to bow down or settle for anything less than she deserved. But life has a weird way of throwing curveballs when we least expect it.

What brings the three people together? What is the crossroads of life they stand at now? Will they emerge broken or will they build each other up?

PLOT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

i'll be honest; i really liked your plot idea. stories revolving around surrogacy have a lot of potential to work with. there are endless emotions, numerous plot twists and a lot of people who are invested. you can never run out of characters here. having said that, i believe your explanation of the plot could be better.

PROLOGUE | ⭐️

okay, so, this is your prologue. prologues are an openings for stories. they establish the context and give an insight into the past to help the readers understand the story going forward. here, the glaring mistakes are:

• the prologue was hardly 400 words. this did not allow you to give the readers any depth or emotion to the backstory. pasts are important! they create obstacles for your characters ahead so you have to make it longer and more informative.  tell us why olivia is in such a hurry that she signed papers without looking at them. tell us how she ended up there.

• you switched povs right in the middle of the chapter with no prior warning. i was so confused because one moment the dialogue was for a ma'am and the next it was for a sir.

• there is never a space before or after a comma in a dialogue or in a sentence.

• don't randomly capitalise words like: "While the other half results into something Unexpected literally."

GRAMMAR | ⭐️ ⭐️

edit, edit , EDIT! wattpad offers wonderful communities who've been set up for the very purpose of helping you smooth out the wrinkles in your work. there are a lot of punctuation mistakes, tense errors and even wrongly placed prepositions throughout the book. however, since these are minute faults, i couldn't screenshot all of them.

DESCRIPTIONS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

alright, this was the highlight of your novel. although there were punctuation errors, they did not harm your descriptions. you acted out most of the surroundings, the emotions and the actions through words and i quite honestly enjoyed that. good work!

DIALOGUES/CHARACTERS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i like how realistic your characters are. i especially liked the part where you broke a stereotype and actually placed hailey as the one who cheated in the relationship. it was refreshing to see an imperfect female lead and you portrayed her tantrums really well, too.

having said that, i don't understand their relationship yet. dex's actions portrays that he wants to stay but his dialogues and inner thoughts are viciously against hailey. it doesn't add up so i suggest you look into it.

also, great work with olivia, she's my favourite so far! badass and smart and runs a company on her own? favourite character vibe check!

FLOW/LOOPHOLES | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

so far, no loopholes so well done! however, i would recommend pacing the flow better. instead of switching povs mid-chapter, make a new chapter. instead of writing 'the next day...' start a new paragraph and say, 'the next day, hailey and i....'

ENGAGEMENT | ⭐️ ⭐️

while you have a wonderful plot, your story isn't as engaging as i would like it to be. use more descriptive words, describe their feelings instead of making them call each other names. talk about all the relationship problems they've been through. make your characters contemplate about their personal lives when they are away from each other. give them loveable aspects, too. they cannot always be terrible, right?

FINAL VERDICT | ⭐️ ⭐️

please, please start editing your work! if not an editor, you can use websites like grammarly to help you out. start working on better presentation of your characters. give them more traits and action. lengthen your prologue and tell us why olivia was there in the first place and take out the hailey and dexter paragraph. slap on a new cover, shorten your blurb to something more mysterious and having less quotes. i'm sure you can turn your engagement around because you already have your beautiful descriptions going for you. all the best!