TITLE | PARITRANAM: A REDEMPTION OF DREAMS

GENRE | YA FICTION

AUTHOR | samosa1269

CHAPTERS REVIEWED | 5 + PROLOGUE

SPECIAL REQUESTS | N/A

TITLE | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

for a story about a girl trying to place her desires over her parents' demands, i think the title should have been more of the ya/chicklit genre. right now, your title works well with the main concept of the main character. it could've been more creative but i like how you've added the word "paritranam" here!

COVER | ⭐️ ⭐️

visit a cover shop ASAP! while i love the blue shades you have going on currently, i don't really like the silhouette on top of a building. it doesn't make a lot of sense when it comes to your book. maybe if i look deep enough, you wanted to depict a girl taking flight, reaching out for the sky, etc. but it isn't appealing and will get lost among books that have a better presentation.

BLURB | ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

• lose the flowers! they're really unnecessary and aren't helping the aesthetic of your story either.

•put the quote from manusmriti right below the definition for paritranam.

• after that, cut the name, vedanshi and just let the dialogue and the second paragraph stay.

• at the end, place the "can vedanshi ...?" paragraph and you're good to go!

PLOT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

your plot is extremely relatable, a bit unique and well planned out. i like how it is a woman led story and her fight to obtain her goals as opposed to what her parents want from her. however, to be very honest, i read so that i can escape my world. your story put me right back in the place i wanted to leave, you know? i relate to vedanshi so much, it almost feels like you wrote my life down. but yes, in a story that i would read over a over, i'd like an imaginative plot. other than that, i like how well you've shown the troubles of an indian, middle-class teenager.

CHARACTERS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i'm going to give a high rating here for the bond between vedanshi and ahilya. it was real, simple but so impactful. other than that, vedanshi plays a very well portrayed role of the obedient but brave daughter. i saw so much of myself in her. her parents sometimes seem unnecessarily rude and strict but that's just how some brown parents are. special mention to aditi for asking a question in front of a whole crowd because i could never haha. all in all, i had no problem recognising your characters because everyone had their own personalities and characteristics.

GRAMMAR | ⭐️ ⭐️

okay, this needs a slightly longer explanation! while you have impeccable grammar, wonderful sentence building and efficient word placement, the punctuation fell back a lot. there were also random capitalisations in between dialogues. of course, i couldn't screenshot every dialogue from your story but here are a few examples and how you should fix them!

"...and many more things but it certainly won't provide you with inner peace. Hence, ..."

"Yes, Aditi?" I asked the student, who was raising her hand.

"Ma'am, sorry to disturb you but if you don't mind, could you please elaborate on your journey?" She asked meekly.

"Everyone can start dispersing after receiving the forms. Thank you," said the Principal in an immensely boring and monotonous voice.

"I want to choose commerce but I don't think my parents will allow me to take anything other than Science," the girl in front of us, wailed.

• end your dialogues with a , instead of a . and then start the next word with a lowercase letter eg. the and not The.

DESCRIPTIONS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

there weren't a lot of descriptions of the surroundings so i didn't know what was around vedanshi. when she is talking to her parents, she is obviously uncomfortable. at that point, you could have introduced her character as jumpy and anxious. she could have been moving her eyes everywhere and could have described her house. other than that, your emotional descriptions were wonderful and i felt every single word that you wrote!

DIALOGUES | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

like i said, the characters had their own voices and opinions. it was really refreshing to read a story where the personalities were easy to distinguish. you've brilliantly employed the indian mentality in your dialogues. it really helped build on your plot so, kudos for that! the only reason for a three star rating is the endless monologue that the characters sometimes burst into. you could break that by including another character objecting the dialogue. or you could simply break it into better paragraphs so that it does not look huge and unnecessary.

FLOW/LOOPHOLES | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

your story was well paced. it never felt like i needed a break to understand what was going on. i like how you've figured out the main plot very well. about loopholes, i didn't find any at all! very well done!

ENGAGEMENT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

again, your chapter length was short and perfect but please, please, break your story into more paragraphs. right now, you have around 8-10 lines in one single paragraph whereas it should never be more than 3-4. it makes a reader lose concentration faster than you can say 'hey'. i found myself getting confused in between words because there was so much attacking my eyes. just change the arrangement and it'll be perfect!

FINAL VERDICT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

for anyone interested in knowing the real life of middle class indian teenagers, this is where you need to go! i absolutely love the realistic perspective here and how the characters have been presented. it might feel like the parents are weirdly rude but that's just how it is! i would suggest a cover change, slight blurb adjustments that i've suggested, editing the dialogues for better punctuation and breaking your paragraphs into smaller blocks. other than that, i enjoyed reading your story!