𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

Guest starring: May Parker, Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson, Cameraman Kim, and Waiter.

---

The cameras panned to Peter's room. Peaceful music played in the background when suddenly the door burst open.

Peter came out fully adorned and with a backpack resting on his shoulders.

"Good morning, cameraman Kim!" Peter greeted the man behind the camera.

The camera moved in a nod.

Peter walked to his kitchen to see his Aunt May on the phone with the staff at the hospital.

"This is my Aunt May! She's an ER nurse at the local hospital, she's probably being called into work already."

Aunt May turned around and smiled when she saw Peter, not noticing the cameraman.

"Hey Pete! How was school?"

"May, it's 8AM in the morning."

"Oh right! Have fun, darling!" She said, turning back to her phone call as she was put off hold.

Peter grabbed 10 waffles and motioned for the cameraman to follow him out.

"Why am I eating so much?" Peter repeated the cameraman's question.

"Oh, it's because my metabolism is abnormally high, so I have to eat a lot lest I starve myself."

Peter then took his usual route to school: walk for a bit, then take the subway, walk a little more and voila!

They had arrived!

"And here it is! Midtown School of Science and Technology!"

Peter walked into the halls.

People immediately realized that Peter Parker was here AND with a camera. This was their chance to be on television.

Everyone immediately began to wave at the camera and whisper amongst themselves in curiosity. 

"Don't mind them," Peter said to the camera. "They're just sluts for attention."

Suddenly a gasp was heard behind Peter.

Peter whipped around to see his best friend, with his mouth wide open in mock shock.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Well, she's dead – so I don't have to."

A long pause.

Peter coughed.

"Everyone!" Peter began as he put an arm around Ned's shoulder and turned towards the camera. "This is Ned Leeds, my best friend!"

"I'm your only friend." Ned replied with a grin.

Peter shrugged his arm off and sheepishly smiled at the camera.

"He's right."

---

The camera switched and this time Peter was in class.

The cameraman took the empty seat next to him and focused it onto Peter's focused face.

The teacher clapped her hands, the camera turned towards her.

"Okay, everyone get into groups of two and finish this assignment before the end of class."

Everyone looked at Peter.

"I call dibs on Peter!"

"No, he's mine!"

"I already called dibs on him the minute I stepped into this class. So sit the f*** down!"

"Everyone! Everyone!" A new voice called out, quieting the riot that was about to begin.

"I called dibs on Peter since the second grade. Yes, that's right. It's me! Ned Leeds, his designated best friend. So I suggest all of you to kindly f*** off." He growled out as he walked towards Peter and pulled up a chair.

Everyone groaned and began to look for another partner.

"Thanks Ned." Peter said softly as he uncovered his ears.

Peter looked at the camera. "I'm sensitive to loud noises. So, New York is the worst city for me to live in – but I manage!"

Ned smiled and was about to say something when something hit Peter on his forehead.

"Ow!" Peter reacted, a little startled. He looked down at his desk to see a small bag of cookies.

The camera zoomed in on the package. It had a golden ribbon on it with the word 'Loser' neatly scribbled onto it.

Peter smiled and looked up to see MJ's usual stone cold face.

"I made cookies." She said monotonously before quickly turning back to her seat.

Peter sighed and sniffed the cookies with a lovesick smile. Ned was too late to stop Peter from going into a daze.

Ned cursed.

He turned towards the camera.

"See that girl over there?" Ned began.

"She's Peter's crush." The cameraman flicked back to Ned in shock.

"Yeah, I know!"

"But anyways, Peter is planning on asking her out today after school."

Ned paused to listen to the cameraman.

"I know it's so cute! He made me wake up hella early and carry a bag of rose petals to the rooftop. We were planning on leaving early and laying them down before we bring MJ here."

The camera zoomed onto the back of MJ's head.

Suddenly snapping was heard off screen. The camera zoomed back to Ned and Peter.

Ned was attempting to get Peter back to Earth.

"Peter! Peter, we have to finish this before we sneak out!"

Peter remained slowly sniffing and eating the cookie that MJ had made for him.

Ned groaned before raising his hand and slapping Peter across the face.

"WHAT THE FU-"

---

The scene switched to Ned and Peter on the roof. They were dumping out a bunch of rose petals onto the ground. They were making a path that would lead to Peter.

"I'll stay here and as you come down the stairs lay the rest of petals on it." Peter shouted to Ned.

Ned nodded his head. The cameraman quickly got behind Ned and showed Ned diligently laying petals on each step. He moved a bunch to make it look even trying his best to make it look amazing.

Ned finished just as the bell rang.

"Sh*t! I have to catch up with MJ before she leaves!"

Ned dumped the bag into the trash and ran back to the classroom.

Michelle was still inside, taking her time to pack up her things.

"Michelle!" Ned called out, trying to catch his breath. "Go to the rooftop!"

MJ looked at him weirdly. "Why the fu- No." She went back to packing up.

"Peter's waiting for you." Ned finally said after finally catching his breath. He had just ran across the entire school.

MJ looked at Ned curiously before going back to 'not' caring.

She immediately dumped the rest of her things into her bag and ran out.

The cameraman ran after her. Off camera you could hear a 'No! Not again!'

The cameraman stopped behind MJ before hiding behind a wall. He zoomed in as Michelle went up the stairs with a soft smile on her face.

The cameraman waited until he heard the roof's door close before quickly following after Michelle. Ned was behind him, still tired from all the running.

They slowly went up the petal covered stairs and peeked through the small door gap.

Ned put a finger to his mouth signaling cameraman Kim to tread quietly.

Ned slowly creaked the door open and motioned for Kim to step out first.

The cameraman quickly went next to a wall and zoomed in on Peter and MJ.

The microphone on top of the camera wasn't able to pick up what they were saying, but Peter was holding MJ's hand and quietly spoke to her.

Peter suddenly broke out into the biggest, dopiest smile in the entire world. He squealed and hugged Michelle by the waist spinning her around in circles.

The wind decided to pick up right at this moment, resulting in the flower petals to fly around the two in a spiral.

"This sh*t is so cute!" Ned squealed. The cameraman turned to Ned and clasped a hand onto his mouth to shush him.

"Sorry..." Ned said, his voice muffled.

The cameraman turned back to the cute, new couple to see them both start to head back.

Kim quickly pulled Ned by the arm to hide behind the other wall.

Peter quickly pulled out some keys and opened the door and the two headed out.

Ned made a noise and quickly ran towards the door to catch it before it closed.

But he was too late.

"F***!" Ned shouted.

"We're locked in!" Ned shouted with a whimper. "It's cold and I don't do well in the cold and oh my gosh what if we get hypothermia and dang it I left my phone-"

Ned was cut off when a jacket was thrown onto his head.

"T-Thanks Kim!" Ned said as his teeth clattered.

After Ned put on his jacket the cameraman gave his camera to Ned. Ned turned the camera around to face Kim, a beautiful Korean man who didn't look a day over 17.

Kim, first name unknown, wrapped his thick wool scarf around his fist and up to his elbow. He then brought his fist back and punched the window of the door with the force of his entire body.

Ned jumped back with the camera as the window shattered. Kim calmly unwrapped his fist and reached to the doorknob on the other side and unlocked it. Ned, in disbelief, walked over and Kim took the camera from him.

They both walked out, stepping over the shattered glass.

Ned looked at him, a little scared. "H-How did you-?"

The cameraman shrugged his shoulders, which was shown as the camera moved up and down in a quick motion.

They quickly walked out of the building to see Michelle and Peter waiting outside.

"Where have you been!?!" Peter exclaimed when he spotted the two making their way towards him.

"Uh..." Ned didn't want to tell the two that they were spying so he quickly tried to think of an excuse.

"We-"

"Penis Parker! Looks like the nerd finally got a girlfrie...??" Flash paused as he looked at cameraman Kim.

He blushed.

"Hi." Flash said, stuttering.

Kim waved his hand shyly.

Peter, Ned, and MJ exchanged surprised looks.

"Are you new here?"

"Oh! You're homeschooled! What's your name?"

"Jack? It's nice to meet you..." Flash said, scratching the back of his neck.

MJ scoffed. "Flash will you stop flirting with Peter's cameraman and leave us the hell alone?"

Flash squeaked.

"What!?! I was not! What the heck! Shut up!!!" He stammered out nervously before running away.

"Don't mind him, he's just Peter's bully." Ned spoke up, rolling his eyes.

"Don't worry! It's not anything serious, he just calls me this one lame name and shoves past me in the hallway." Peter reassured.

"That's 'cause he's too much of a pussy to do anything else."

Peter laughed and scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish smile.

---

Peter nervously peeked out of his room at the Avengers Compound.

"I'm staying here for the night since Aunt May has a night shift at the hospital. But I have NO idea how the heck I'm supposed to sneak out of here without the Avengers figuring out I'm going on a date!!" Peter whisper panicked to his cameraman.

The camera just shook in laughter.

"Kim! Stop!" Peter whined. "Help me!"

The camera shook side to side. "Oh, right. You're not allowed to interfere... Sorry you almost got fired when you saved Ned and flirted with Flash..."

The camera rapidly shook side to side.

Peter laughed. "Don't even try to deny it!"

The camera dipped slightly, showing Jack's embarrassment.

Peter cleared his throat before fully stepping out of his room. He donned a leather maroon red suit with a pair of glasses that have no prescription.

Kim questioned him about his outfit.

"Oh this? I'm taking MJ to a fancy *ss place, so I wanted to wear glasses to look sophisticated and I just had this suit lying around."

Peter quietly squealed.

---

Peter and MJ were sitting at an Italian cuisine restaurant and decided to order pepperoni pizza.

Kim was recording from afar when he noticed some people wearing unusual looking outfits.

He turned and zoomed in on them after realizing who they were. The camera began to shake from his soft laughter.

Peter suspiciously looked at Kim.

"What is he laughing at?" Peter asked MJ.

"Probably the fact that we decided to get pepperoni pizza when there are hundreds of other options consisting of fine Italian cuisine."

Peter furrowed his eyebrows as he followed the direction Kim was pointing the camera at.

"Or maybe the fact that that table over there with the rich white people is so fucking silent because they all clearly are tryna f*ck. The sexual tension is critical at this point it's laughable."

Peter abruptly stood up making his way over to a table full of people wearing scarves covering their heads and large sunglasses that covered their faces.

MJ turned around in her chair to watch the drama unfold.

Peter snuck up behind them and ripped off Sam and Steve's scarves.

He looked at the other two.

"I know it's you, Tony. Nat."

Tony groaned as he and Nat slowly pulled down their disguises.

"What the hell you guys!" Peter whisper-yelled, whining at the end of the remark.

"Okay, please don't be mad, Pete." Steve tried to reason. Peter furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed Steve's words were a little slurred.

"I mean for the most part these bozos were struggling with the order."

---

The waiter walked up to them smiling.

"What would you," He paused. "Lovely lot like today?"

"Ah yes," Tony spoke up. "Baguettes. The snakes of bread, we'll take two of your finest yeasty eels, good sir."

The waiter stared at him blankly.

"Ignore him." Sam said after a long pause.

---

Peter looked over at Tony as he realized something. Everyone still had their sunglasses on.

"Oh, hell no. Take off your sunglasses. ALL OF YOU!" Peter exclaimed in the quietest inside voice of all time.

Everyone slowly but surely removed their sunglasses, making Peter gasp.

All of their eyes were bloodshot red.

"You're all high aren't you?" Peter said, exasperated.

"I'm sorry!" Steve whined. "It's not my fault Tony grows the best weed!"

Peter groaned as he squeezed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Since when have you grown pot?" Peter asked, directing his question to Tony.

"Ever since I had edibles..." Tony mumbled.

"And where did you get the edibles from?"

"Ned..."

"And where did Ned get them from!?!" Peter cried.

"Your-"

A loud shreaking voice interrupted him.

"I know I'm late, but I'm here and I brought some special brownies!"

"A-Aunt May?"

---
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OH MY GOD THE AVENGERS GOT HIGH LMFAOO

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iwuvyouheros

US WHEN WE THOUGHT THIS SHOW WOULD BE EDUCATIONAL:

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Unedited.

2356 words.