book: Shower |JJK|

Author: lalalalala7fire

reviewer: May
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• TOTAL MARKS- 65.5/①⓪⓪

|- 4/⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

Your readers seem to enjoy your book a lot and I am glad they are but do try to reply to many comments and not only the familiar ones. 

|-  6/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.

The cover is nice and attractive but too simple in my opinion. The author 's name cannot be clearly seen even. Even though the picture choice is not bad but still look for another better one and use the quote you used in your description and also you can write 'Jeon Jungkook Fanfiction' in cursive on the cover. Do not use white color because it almost makes the words invisible. 

|- 3.5/⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.

It's catchy. It did make me curious to read more but it's too small. You can give a sneak peak of some conversation between the lead characters. 

|- 6.5/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.

It's really simple and plain. It did not catch my attention much so I suggest going for 'In The Shower' or something like that because then it might attract readers even though it sounds like a mystery Fanfiction with that name. 

|- 5/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.

It looks like a normal rom-com cliché plot. Even though it looks more interesting with the writing style, we still cannot deny that fact. I hope you will have some real original drama to spice up your book or plot. The way Y/N met Jimin was a bit unnatural as well, it did not sit well with the plot. 

|- 15/②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.

In the second chapter, in the first paragraph, you wrote 'University is an overwhelming handful, even though it's only been two weeks'. This grammar is wrong and it should have been 'Even though its been two weeks only, the university work was overwhelming.' Then in the next paragraph, it should have been 'Since my freshman days' instead of what you wrote, 'taken by surprise' can be written as 'taken aback' it sounds better like this. Your vocabulary is okay but your grammar still needs some more work. Also do not write "don't" "you're" during narration, use it only in dialogues. In some places your punctuation was not correct or was not used. Like this one '' His eyes form into dazzling crescents, "Well, I'm Jimin."'

It should have been a full stop rather than a comma after 'crescents'. 

|- 5.5/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

I am really enjoying your book, it's fun to read even though the constant "yous" are a bit annoying to read but then again the writing is like that. As this book is still ongoing, I did not find any plot twists yet. I hope you can make some nice ones as this 'coffee shop guy and the bathroom guy is Jeon Jungkook' is not a plot twist. 

|- 4/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.

The story felt a bit rushed to me so I did not feel much emotions in it. You should add more detailed interactions between the characters then the readers will be able to connect with them better. The characters are satisfactory so you don't have to worry about that. 

|- 8/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.

First time I ever read a plot with such a storyline, it's really nice. Your writing style too did change a bit but I saw that you struggled with writing some sentences but nothing major. 

|- 8/①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.

🆈🅾🆄🆁 🆁🅴🆆🅸🅴🆆 : I like the way you write, it's nice but you still need some polishing with your narration and dialogue delivery, nothing reading books will not solve. Also do not do big time gaps instead of just briefly explaining about the coffee guy situation, you should have given more insight of Y/N's behavior when she is in the coffee shop and Jungkook's too and more interactions between them as well. It would have felt nicer because it felt a bit rushed in my opinion. 

I have read your book before, you are a good writer but you do need some improvements in some places. Hope my review was helpful for you! 

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