Book Name: your eyes tell || JJK

Author Name:  123hikibakas

Reviewer: Anika ( FrozenHeartsGalaxy )

• TOTAL MARKS- ①⓪⓪

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

-5/5

The comments was positive and readers seemed to take very interest in the story. When they even point out some mistakes.

|- 10 ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.

-5/10

The cover is beautiful. The four photos combination is perfect too. It would be better if you move the position of text "your eyes" below the first image of Jungkook, to hide the separating line of two photos. The quote is beautiful but it shouldn't be italic, same as the title. Use a different font and colour of quote and move the position of quote text to the middle. The dots after "tells" should be only three, rule of writing (ellipsis) Write author's name to avoid chances of plagiarism.

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.

-3/5

The readers try to understand the plot by looking at cover, title and description before diving inside the story. To be honest, reading the first paragraph, the reader will misunderstood that the female protagonist can't see but it was sad and heartwarming. It is attention-grabbing because of beautiful words but it confuses the readers too, so the mood gets ruined.

There are many mistakes:-

1. In first sentence, she stammered so add minus (-) instead of ellipsis (...) 

Correction: "I- I can't see anything..." 

2. You gave big space between "forth in" and "the"

Same goes with "at" and "the age" of second paragraph.

3.This quote " Y/N ..I want you to believe me,to face the past and future.."

Reviewer: First of all, there should be no space between quotation mark (") and Y/N or should we say every dialogue. You did this mistake throughout the whole book. The dots/fullstops should be only three (...) Give space after comma (,) 

Below every paragraph and quotes, you did same mistakes, please correct them

|- 10 ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.

-9/10

The title is based on a song by BTS. The title matches the story plot as Y/N always sees the galaxy in Jungkook's eyes. 

First letter of every word should be in capital letters like "Your Eyes Tells" Write Jeon Jungkook in full form to make it look more pleasing. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.

-10/10

The story is about a girl who pretends to be boy to find out reason about murder of her family. She accidentally got caught and got kidnapped by a gang called bang tang. That's when her life changed, not only that, she finds the person who she was looking for. The plot isn't just based on romance but it also enlightens about past traumas and life goal.

•|- ②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.

-3/10

Your grammar is good but you have done so many punctuation, vocabulary and spelling mistakes. I point out only a few of them. Please edit the whole book.

Punctuation:-

Prologue,

Oh Ki Sung...I need to find this man.

Reviewer: Give space after dot.

Prologue,

"Well,you looked pretty enthusiastic"

Reviewer: Give space after comma.

Prologue,

"Oh my God ! Why is he like this?"

Reviewer: Don't give space before the exclamation mark (!)

Correction: Oh my God! Why is he like this?

Chapter 1,

They looked so happy. yeah, you'll think like who wouldn't be happy to go home and see their kids,wives,mom ,dad...cause they miss them a lot...

Reviewer: Write first letter in capital after full stop so letter (y) of "yeah" should be capital. Wives sound like they have more than one wife.

Chapter 1, 

I'm a total mess . So why I'm coming back?

Reviewer: Don't give space before fullstop

"Mom?c'mon you guys..this isn't funny...Areum?where are you hiding?"I called mom and my younger sister 

Reviewer: Give space after question mark (?) Comma (,) and quotation mark (")

Chapter 1,

" Dad...what happened to them..mom she's dead. Areumshii....." I cried. I held tight into my father. He was was covered with blood and cuts.

Reviewer: There should be no space between quotation mark and dialogue. Give space after the dot. Add a question mark (?) In the question instead of two dots and decrease it to only three dots.

Chapter 1,

There is nothing here!let's go!"

Reviewer: Give space after exclamation mark.

Correction: There is nothing here! Let's go!

Chapter 1,

"There!!!catch him!!both of them!!!!!"

Reviewer: Use only one exclamation mark and first letter should be capital after each exclamation mark.

Chapter 2,

" Urmm..excuse me mam..can you tell me where this place is?"

Correction: Urmm... excuse me ma'am? Can you tell me where this place is?

Chapter 3,

" Oh shut up!"

Reviewer: Don't give space between quotation marks and dialogue.

Chapter 3,

No use .it has already disappeared 

Reviewer: Don't give space before the dot.

Chapter 3,

I'M A GIRL!.

Reviewer: Don't add full stop after exclamation or quotation mark 

Chapter 3,

" Oh..no..no need just give me the directions please..I can go by myself.." I gulped

Reviewer: Use the dot three or one only. Add comma after "no need"

Chapter 3,

this is disgusting!.EWW...

Reviewer: Same mistake, don't add comma after exclamation mark 

Chapter 3,

I did grab loaf of bread and butter,jams, tissues

Correction: Bread, butter, jams and tissues.

Chapter 3,

What am I thinking!

Reviewer: It's a question so add question mark then exclamation mark (?!)

Chapter 4,

" what are you looking at..."

Reviewer: It's a question so add a question mark at the end.

Chapter 4,

" Leave? Why? Because this little insect? ... Do you even know who I am?"

Correction: "Because (of) this"

Reviewer: Don't add full stop after question mark.

Chapter 4,

My lip started bleeding it took me a second to come back to my sense 

Reviewer: Add comma after bleeding.

Chapter 4,

" I don't think your farther will appreciate this!" The other one said calmly.

Reviewer: Exclamation mark (!) indicates shouting or yelling but here you wrote "The other one said (calmly)" That's incorrect

Chapter 7,

" seriously? What the f_ is wrong with you?"

Reviewer: Use asterisk (*) instead of underscore (_) to censor the curse. Correct punctuation and capital letter mistake.

Chapter 8,

" So he's what a spy?"

Correction: "So he's what? A spy?"

Chapter 8,

" He says he wants to meet Mr. You know who to get a job!"

Correction: You know who, to get a job.

Chapter 14,

Jin,Jimin ,Jungkook and Hoseok had them on there arms.."

Correction: Jin, Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok had them on (their) arms...

Chapter 14,

For my surpise I saw Jimin's head peeping through the door.

Reviewer: add comma after surprise. 

Chapter 15,

My mind ran through the pictures of my dead mother,father.

Correction: mother and father

Spelling mistake:-

Chapter 1,

I looked at the peice of paper I had on my locket. The letters are almost faded. The red letters have turned black. It has three letters on it.

Correction: "piece"

Reviewer: Repeating the same thing becomes cliche, to make it short like "The red three letters are almost faded, turning black."

Chapter 1,

My farther ran through the dark.

Correction: Father

Chapter 1,

He placed that paper on my hand and squized my hand.

Correction: Squeezed 

Chapter 1,

I so toach lights and heard men shouting.

Correction: I (saw torch) lights

Chapter 2,

He helped me to make fake idinity.

Correction: Identity

Chapter 3,

I need to by some food and other essential stuff I want 

Correction: Buy

Chapter 3,

Woh..wait a minute!

Correction: Woah

Chapter 3,

" Came on oppa..." She pouted. What the heck. She's filtering with me.

Correction: "Come on" and "flirting"

Chapter 3,

I shoved the grossery bags in to the table.

Correction: I shoved the (grocery) bags (on the) table

Chapter 3,

I could here the water gushing.

Correction: hear

Chapter 3,

The day my life was distroied

Correction: Destroyed

Chapter 3,

I did my peperations to tomorrow and took my dinner.

Correction: I did my (preparation for) tomorrow and ate dinner.

Chapter 4,

I got early and got ready and head to the collage.

Correction: I wake up early, got ready and head to the (college)

Reviewer: You wrote (and) twice.

Chapter 4,

" Mr.Kim...new student to your class.." the principle introduced me and leaved

Reviewer: Calling someone "new student" isn't considered as an introduction. Past tense of leave is "left" Leaved is incorrect.

Chapter 4,

Followed the crowd to the cafitaria. I grabbed my tray and sat in a table that no one else were there.

Correction: Followed the crowd to the (cafeteria.) I grabbed my tray and took a seat at the vacant table 

Chapter 4,

" Excuse me but I was here first..so that means you have to move to a nother table.."

Correction: another

Reviewer: Don't give space between quotation marks and dialogue.

Chapter 4,

Hyuk staired at the other guy for a moment

Correction: stared

Chapter 4,

God my jaw hearts

Correction: Hurts

Chapter 4,

I was totally speachless

Correction: speechless

Chapter 5,

I tried to forcus on something else .

Correction: Focus

Reviewer: Don't give space before full stop.

Chapter 6,

" I ment that guy came when I was here.. Yoongi or someone?"

Correction: meant

Chapter 6,

So I just shut up and stoped struggling

Correction: stopped

Chapter 7,

I goarned frustratingly 

Correction: groaned 

Chapter 7,

He had a ring attached to his tounge,which made him more like a gangster.

Correction: Tongue. Correct the punctuation mistake too.

Chapter 7,

This guy literary wants to kill me

Correction: literally

Chapter 7,

It's a reall gun!.

Correction: "real" Don't add dot after question mark

Chapter 7,

Jin strocked my hair

Correction: Stroked

Chapter 7,

I was sweating and felling cold in the same time.

Correction "Feeling"

Chapter 8,

He draggs the blade to a upper position

Correction: drags 

Chapter 8,

My eyes winded when I saw the guy 

Correction: widened

Chapter 8,

It's first time I so Hoseok that clearly.

Correction: I saw

Chapter 8,

He has a perfect hight and a body.

Correction: Height

Chapter 9,

I couldn't bare the brightness coming through the doorway.

Correction: bear

Chapter 9,

I was brought to the circle table where the rest of the gang was sitting expect for Jimin 

Correction: except

Chapter 9,

So they are accualy giving me a chance to live?

Correction: actually 

Chapter 9,

I was between fear and nervesness

Correction: Nervousness

Chapter 9,

I stood the instend I heard those words

Correvtion: instant

Chapter 9,

I asked sarcasticly

Correction: sarcastically.

Chapter 9,

He could spend on touring and kidnapping people.

Correction: torturing

Chapter 11,

Don't you ware seat belts?

Correction: wear

Chapter 11,

It's kind of freindly one this time.

Correction: friendly

Chapter 11,

" It's something called prossessing your self."

Reviewer: There is no word such a prossessing in dictionary.

Chapter 12,

I heared some footsteps.

Correction: Heard

Chapter 12,

Jin had a frying pan on his hand.

Correction: fry pan.

Chapter 12,

Hoseok was painting because of running upstairs 

Correction: panting

Chapter 12,

" Taehyung! Go and ware some cloths.." he shoed away Taehyung

Correction: "wear" and "shooed"

Chapter 13,

I got into a shirt lager than my size 

Correction: larger.

Chapter 13,

Taehyung's mouth took a "O" shape

Correction: form a

Chapter 13,

No muscal at all

Correction: muscles

Chapter 13,

"I'll keep it hear ok?"

Correction: here

Chapter 14,

You can have some tattoos to cover it after it heels.

Correction: heals

Chapter 14,

It's swallen

Correction: Swollen

Chapter 4,

I sware

Correction: I swear

Chapter 16,

White aprain hugging his perfect tall body

Correction: apron 

Chapter 17,

Don't you caught up bulying him again

Correction: Bullying

Chapter 17,

" Proov it!"

Correction: Prove 

Chapter 17,

He's the sun if the mafia king?

Correction: he's the (son) (of) the mafia king?

Vocabulary:- 

Chapter 1,

I closed my eyes and went back to that time.went back 10 years reverse on time.

Reviewer: I don't know how to correct this.

Chapter 1,

10 years ago

Reviewer: This is suppose to be heading, write in bold letters.

Chapter 1,

It's almost 6 p.m.

Reviewer: 6 PM

Chapter 1,

I wanted to sneak to my room

Correction: (into) my room

Chapter 1,

I slowly went to the back door covering myself to the bushes.

Correction: In the bushes.

Chapter 1,

Suddenly her hand grabbed me and covered my mouth.

Correction: Suddenly (a) hand grabbed me and covered my mouth

Reviewer: Mother was dead but you wrote "her"

Chapter 1,

He ran caring me on his back. I wrapped my small hands around his neck.

Correction: He ran (carrying) me on his back. I wrapped my small (arms) around his neck.

Reviewer: Hand sounds like grabbing of neck.

Chapter 2,

I kept that piece of paper on my locket.

Correction: (In my) pocket

Chapter 2,

"So now I here I am,"

Correction: So now (here I am)

Chapter 3,

A black car went passing me. It went splashing water everywhere 

Correction: A black car went passing by me and splashed water everywhere.

Reviewer: You wrote "went" twice. 

Chapter 3,

I quickly took my phone and pretend like I got a message.

Correction: "take out" or "pull out"

Chapter 3,

He slammed into me. I fell down spilling down his cans.

Correction: I fell down dropping his cans.

Chapter 3,

I started to collect the cans.some were crushed.

Reviewer: How they crashed? She is not heavy. After crashing, it didn't spill out? Give space after full stop

Chapter 3,

I ran my hand through my hair.

Correction: I ran my (fingers) through my hair.

Chapter 3,

The guy bumped into me said.

Correction: said the guy who bumped into me earlier.

Chapter 3,

" Yeah,sure..sorry for the mess..." I told him,He smiled .

Reviewer: You apologize, not told. Correct the punctuation mistakes too. Don't write first letter capital after comma.

Chapter 3,

When the counter lady gave me a evil eye.

Reviewer: You meant glare?

Chapter 3,

I slowly walked where the wood started.

Reviewer: I didn't understand this part.

Chapter 4,

The guys looked eachothers faces

Correction: "eachother"

Chapter 4,

" Look someone talked us back...." They started to laugh 

Correction: Look, someone talked back to us.

Chapter 4,

That muscular man cought me from my collar and lifted me to feet

Correction: "caught"

That muscular man grabbed my collar and lifted me up, on my feet.

Chapter 5,

I don't want him to think I'm gay guy or something 

Reviewer: "I'm gay or something"

Chapter 5,

The cashier replied Cooley.

Reviewer: Cooley isn't a word. 

Chapter 6,

He looked at like I said something dumb

Correction: He looked at (me) like

Chapter 6,

Who ever that was he grabbed me to a dark corner.

Reviewer: Don't give space between "whoever" 

Chapter 7,

He finished the call.

Correction: He (ended) the call

Reviewer: Finished is correct too but you already wrote that word before this sentence, so that's why it become cliche.

Chapter 7,

He leaned to the driving seat

Correction: He leans back on the driving seat.

Chapter 7,

One guy took off my blind fold

Correction blindfold

Chapter 7,

Jin pointed me.

Correction: Jin pointed (at) me.

Chapter 7,

His voice was so low,but melodies.

Correction: melodic

Reviewer: Give space after comma.

Chapter 7,

It has has make me more sensitive 

Reviewer: You wrote "has" twice

Chapter 8,

He too wore one eye piercings.

Reviewer: Eye piercings? How?

Chapter 8,

Not to mention his dashing looks in his face.

Correction: (the) dashing look (on) his face

Chapter 8,

I grabbed Taehyung's hand witch he was handling the knife and closend it my chest

Correction: I grabbed Taehyung's hand (which) was holding the knife and (bring it close to) my chest.

Chapter 8,

There are no one wanting me here ,not in this world

Correction: need me here,

Chapter 8,

No one ever wanted me nor no one missed me.

Correction: nor missed me

Chapter 9,

He wrapped my hand a bandage 

Correction: He wrapped bandage around my hand.

Chapter 9,

My legs were locked because of staying in the same position 

Reviewer: You meant to say numb?

Chapter 12,

My eyes widened seeing Jungkook holding a tray of food on his hand.

Reviewer: No need to write "on his hand" Readers knows he is holding it with hand.

Chapter 12,

I locked the door behind me.

Reviewer: How can you lock the door behind you?

Chapter 14,

Cold water spattering my face made me more better.

Correction: "on my" or "over my"

Chapter 15,

I didn't get a single thing their saying

Correction: they were saying

Chapter 15,

I quitely ate ny dinner listen to them

Correction: while listening to them.

Chapter 16,

He then held the bag and leaned his head on it

Correction: rest his forehead on it

Chapter 17,

Taehyung lifted me out from the steaming up Jungkook

Correction: lifted me up

Chapter 17,

Jungkook made way throw them near me.

Reviewer: I didn't understand this.

Chapter 17,

I hit slapped hand in sudden shock. 

Correction: I slapped his hand in sudden shock.

Chapter 17,

Gorgeous handsome man sitting on the shade.

Correction: under the shade

Ellipsis:-

In the field of writing, requirement of more than one dot/full stop is only three. You shouldn't add more or less than that.

Prologue,

"It's the first time I saw Hoseok that clearly...."

Reviewer: Add only three dots, not more or less than that.

Chapter 1,

"Y/N ...listen to me.. we gotta go to a safe place. I have to protect my baby.."

Reviewer: Don't give space before full stop.

Correction: "Y/N..."

Chapter 1,

" Dad..." I cried loudly 

Reviewer: Three dots (...) are used to indicate sign of nervousness or trailing the last word off. If Y/N cried loudly then use an exclamation mark. Ellipsis doesn't suit here.

Chapter 4,

" Wha...what?"

Reviewer: She is stammered so add minus (-) instead of ellipsis (...)

Capital:-

First letter of names, heading and first word of the sentence should be capital. Also first letter of any word after punctuations such as exclamation mark, question mark, quotation mark and full stop should be capital except for comma.

Chapter 1,

"Shh..y/n it's me.." dad whispered

Reviewer: Y/N should be capital since it's a name. First letter of "Dad" should be capital too since it comes after the quotation mark.

Chapter 1,

He opened and Jumped out.

Reviewer: Don't write first letter of middle or last word in capital (jumped)

Chapter 2,

Now there is no OH y/n here.

Reviewer: The mistake is that, surname is capital meanwhile name is in small letter. That's not how it works 

Correction: Oh Y/N.

Chapter 2,

It's Moon yeong seok,a 19 years old boy

Reviewer: First letter of name should be capital and give space after comma.

Correction: It's Moon Yeong Seok, a 19 old boy.

Chapter 3,

"oh this is embarrassing!"

Reviewer: First letter should be capital...

Chapter 5,

so he's coming tomorrow!

Reviewer: First word should be capital of the beginning of the sentence.

Chapter 7,

y/n why did you have to be a guy, or else you could have just date one of this guys.

Reviewer: Y/N should be capital and add a question mark after the question.

Grammer:-

Chapter 2,

"I bowed once again and quickly walked away from her. she was now walking in the other way

Correction: quickly (walk) away from her.

Reviewer: Don't use past tense in present simple.

Chapter 2,

I rubbed my hands together. I switch on the lights

Correction: I (rub) my hands together.

Chapter 2,

I watched my face and hands . I ate while watching TV

Reviewer: I got confused in this part.

Chapter 2,

I half sleep walked to my bedroom.

Correction: Half sleepily, I walk to my bedroom.

Chapter 6,

Now he gave me a suspious look.

Correction: Give

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

-6/10

The starting was amazing, Y/N looked mysterious and strong. The paper and Oh Ki Sung part made every readers curious and curiosity push them to read further. I was thrilled to know what was happening. The flow of story and every single unexpected interaction with members was interesting and attractive. You literally have great ideas for any moments, events or incidents even those gangster first mission part. I love how you leave cliffhangers at the end of chapter.

Chapter 1,

I don't understand why they didn't check the cupboard if they are killers and also couldn't hear the daughter and Father conversation in hidden place?

Chapter 2,

I love it when she travelled back to her old city (It's a city right?) Ready to find out about the murder of her family. It excited the readers that she is going to discover the unexpected dark secrets.

Chapter 17,

Hyuk's father is Oh Ki Sung, that was the biggest plot twist.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.

-10/10

You portrayed every character perfectly. They weren't cliche or unrealistic at all. I really love Y/N's character. She is really strong-minded, clever and cute. I love how she is always simping over all of them in her mind whenever she is with them. She is totally relatable in that. I really like to know the background story of each of the members. Jimin's character development make me feel like he is going to be second lead syndrome. I love how every character are actually soft from inside but everyone act tough due to the cruelty of the world they lives in. 

Emotions:-

The intro of every member scares me, in ither words the quotes were effecting. I felt strong women vibes from Y/N whenever she stood on her feet against someone dangerous. She also gives off mysterious in first chapters but due to vocabulary mistakes, I couldn't feel any sad emotions in some parts such as flashback of the incident when she was nine year old. I felt sad for her when she found out about Oh Ki Sung is her boss and cried the whole night. In most parts, I feel shocked, humorous, thrilled and interested such as when Y/N asked them to kill her and also when Jungkook blasted inside her room when she was about to take off her shirt. Y/N and Jimin fighting like annoying siblings was very funny. I salute your humour

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.

-3/10

Your dialogues are pretty amazing and creative. The writing style is easy to read and smooth. You should write action tags with dialogues and some more details. You aren't really expert at describing the appearance. I suggest you read other famous fanfictions and try to learn their vocabulary style. The readers imagine everything the author writes so better not rush things and also try to write in details. Create a great world and scenario imagination in their mind through your writing skills.

Chapter 3,

Write full detail. That she went to her home and then lay down on her bed.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.

-6/10

Don't get demotivated but try to improve yourself. You are truly a creative, talented and brilliant writer, you just need to work hard on your writing skills then you are a perfectionist.

TOTAL MARKS: 60/100