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when you can't look on the
bright side, i will sit with
you in the dark

──● alice
ALICE IN WONDERLAND

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Calvin Oleander

The Oleander family had been family friends of the Morrigans since Jasiri was in elementary. They ran in the same social circle, and long had Dai been friendly towards Calvin's parents, Paul and Elise. Although they no longer lived quite as close as they used to, located in France rather than the United States, they remained close with Dai. They'd even traveled for the funeral, and had been the original one's to contact Dai after the death of Sara Briars.

They'd even been kind enough to take care of the cremation services after Dai's workload had exploded. 

Jasiri had known Calvin all through her life, even when they attended different schools. Often they'd seen each other during social events, prestigious or otherwise. Calvin was one of her best friends. She'd been devastated to learn that he'd be going back abroad to France to attend college after taking a year here in New York. They'd gotten much closer over their senior year, and during the social events she'd found herself anxiously looking for Calvin in every scenerio.

He was an only child, after all, and although he was more of the isolated type, he never seemed to make Jasiri feel like she was being annoying, or overly enthusiastic. They would dance together at school dances often, and he'd listen as she prattled on and on about whatever she might be thinking at that moment.

Jasiri blinked rapidly at the door, watching Calvin step in. He was just in sweats, tucking his hands into his pockets as he blinked around the room. "I didn't mean to inturrupt." There was a pause, eyes catching on Jasiri's own bright ones, "I apologize."

"You're my present??" Her pain was momentarily forgotten, Jas pushed to her feet, clasping her hands together. Calvin watched her for a moment, then glanced back at Dai, who was still clearly attempting to decipher what was going on before he looked back to Jas. 

"I suppose. I was going to be coming for your birthday anyway, but-" he paused, "Oh, well, Yume asked me to fly down earlier, and to bring something with me- a different gift from her. It was something she was getting engraved in France, so I suppose it was the timing that really worked." He nodded slightly, as if assuring himself over what the timeline was. "And I could get you your gift early this way as well."

"You were going to come?"

"Well of course I was. I've never missed your birthday before. I don't think i'm going to start now."

Jasiri felt her face warm into a blooming smile, clasping her fingers together in front of her before blinking around at her siblings, who were glancing between her and Calvin like they'd never seen them interact before in their life.

Delaney was the one who broke the silence, clearing her throat. "Well- Dad, Jas has to tell you something, so everyone get out- out out, right now." She shooed up the other siblings, grabbing Kasumi's hand before pressing a reassuring kiss to Jas' cheek. Dai looked perplexed for a moment, still reeling quite obviously. It only took a moment for the siblings to filter out, back to the downstairs kitchen where Raine was preparing lunch. Hushed whispers of conversation mingling between them. 

Reysa was the last one out, grabbing Calvin's arm and dragging him out herself. "You too Cal, I got questions."

Questions??

Jasiri put a pin in the thought, mentally wishing Calvin luck. She watched the door swing shut before turning back to her Father, who crossed his own arms over his chest. "What's going on lovebug?" His tone was soft, mirroring gentle movements as he approached her, taking a seat on the bed as she did the same.

"Lars cheated on me." It was easier now that she already said it once, even though the bitter sting of anxiety flooded her heart. Tranquility broke, she set her head on her father's shoulder, closing her eyes to let the darkness soothe the slow, building headache that had begun to settle in the back of her mind. Beside her, she felt her dad stiffen, only slightly, before raising his hand to rub her back.

"Ah." His response wasn't much of one at all, but she felt him take in a deep breath, rubbing up and down her back in gentle, even strokes. "I know it's hard." Jasiri felt herself curl closer, keeping her eyes shut as silence shuddered over the room, casting it in shadows between the distanced chatter. "It sucks sweetheart, I'm sorry."

"I just..I don't understand what I did wrong."

Her father is quiet for a moment, waiting for her to continue, and Jasiri can feel the lingering words burning against her lips, a searing brand touching the roof of her mouth. 

"Was I not enough?"

"You've always been enough, lovebug." Her father's response comes without hesitation. She can't hear a single ounce of doubt in his voice. She almost never has heard her father sound unsure before, it's one of the things that brings her comfort when seeking advice. "Some people only know how to take, Jas. They could take and take and take and nothing would ever satisfy them, because the thing they're looking for isn't in anyone else." He continued to rub her back in those same stable movements. "They're so unsatisfied with themselves, that they're forced to look for validation of their insecurities in other people. People who cheat are no exception to the rule. They're desperate for control, or for some kind of justification to validate their own problems." He turned his head, kissing the top of Jas' own. "You're enough for me, Jas. You're enough for all your siblings, and you're enough for the person you're meant to be with."

"Like my soulmate?"

"Sure, sweetheart. Like your soulmate."

Jasiri believed in soulmates. Tracing her father's arm gently, she responded hesitantly "Dad- was, do you think my mom was your soulmate?"

"I don't know." Dai's response was gentle. "I loved your mom. I love her even more because she gave me a little piece of her before she left." He pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "But I also loved Sara, even if she was a bad mother. I loved Emilia too. I've loved all my partners, so I don't really know if I can say I've had one soulmate." He looked up at the ceiling. "That's okay though."

For a moment, Jasiri remained silent, then turned her head to look up to her father. "What about Suga?" She watched him carefully, feeling that same bittersweet warmth flood her stomach when his eyes lit up briefly, before shuttering again.

"What about him?"

"Do you like him?"

"Well sure, we're friends."

"I didn't mean it like that dad." Her voice is soft, synchronizing with the quiet that had settled over them both.

Her father sighed again, closing his eyes for a long moment before they opened once more, "I don't know, Jas."

"That's okay." Jasiri closed her eyes again, letting herself fall into her father's strong warmth. "It's okay. You don't have to know everything."

"I know kiddo." His hand has stalled for a moment, heavy thoughts burdening his voice. "I know."

----------

Yume was coming home today.

Yume was coming home today!

And Jasiri would tell you, the Morrigan household was ready for it. Every single one of them. Sure, she'd only been gone just under a month, but that was long enough for them to be without their older sister. Or- oldest sister, rather. 

With ten days till her birthday party, the estate was as lively as ever. Jasiri flipped through menu books, sitting across from Elijah as he went on and on about palates. At the very least, the busying month made it easier to ignore the pressing anxiety that Lars gave her. She'd blocked him two days ago after he wouldn't let it go, continuing to pester her about seeing her. She didn't want to see Lars.

Not now. Not ever.

"Jas?"

Jasiri's eyes shot back up to meet Elijah's, "Mm?"

"Are you even listening?"

"Well, no-"

"Thinking about Calvin again?" Elijah clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. Jasiri's cheeks flared with heat, face snapping away from him in disbelief.

"No! I wasn't. Calvin hasn't even crossed my mind."

Elijah looked at her skeptically before he shook his head, flipping the page, "Well he's about to cross through this kitchen since I sent him out for ingredients." Elijah barely casted another glance at her before shaking his head as Jasiri's cheeks pinked with soft hues. 

In another moment, before Jas could fire back a response, who put Calvin appeared, setting a selection of spices in front of Elijah. "Is that what you needed?"

Elijah glanced up then, pausing his intense study as he picked up one of the containers, inspecting it before nodding his approval. "Yeah, thanks Cal."

Calvin nodded slightly, before setting a drink in front of Jasiri. It was a magenta color, and she recongnized it almost immediately. Ignoring the scalding look she was currently recieving from Elijah, she stole her own warm, grateful glance back up at him. "You got me starbucks!"

Her friend watched her for a moment, looking between her and her brother before nodding. "Mhm. I thought you liked dragonfruit."

"I do, you were right." Giddily, Jasiri sunk into her seat with her new drink, taking a sip of the cool, refreshing liquid. When Calvin had come over much more often when he still lived in New York, he'd almost always bring something over for her. It wasn't all that large much of the time, just little, bordeline insignificant things. Of course, they weren't insignificant to Jasiri at all, they very much meant something to her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elijah rolls his own, looking back down at the Cookbook as Raine walked in, patting Calvin's cheek before ruffling Elijah's hair, "Eli, dear, have you decided on the menu yet."

"Most of it, but we need a vegan option."

"And a gluten-free one love."

"Right." Elijah nodded, turning the page after sending Jasiri some kind of indistiguishable look between her and Calvin.

Pushing to her own feet, she set the drink in one of her hands, smiling at Calvin for a beat "I'm going to My grandfather's estate to check on the gardens. Elliott and his employer- Echo, they're working on it. I'm pretty sure Elliott's friend Daphne is there too." There was a beat of hesitance in her voice, just barely. "Would you like to come?"

"Sure, Jas." 

Without much of another word, Jasiri interlaced her arm in the crook of Calvin's pulling him back out towards the door with her drink in hand. "So- Cal, how was France? Was it just amazing? I know you sent me pictures and all, but I feel like it's different if you tell me directly." Jasiri watched as Calvin opened the door, stepping out after her before taking her arm again. "I've always wanted to go to France. I know it's cliche, but the eiffel  tower would be just the most amazing sight. It's in Paris specifically, I know- so I'd want to go there for sure if I toured Europe, but I'd also like to see other places too."

"You could have visited me, or my parents. They would have been happy to see you."

"Well, I know that." Jasiri's huff was playful, pulling her arm away as they reached the car. "But If i'm going to Europe, I'd want to make it a complete trip and all. Like a big tour. That takes a lot of planning in advance, along with proper funding. Not to mention, I was worried about leaving my dad so early after the death of his father, and then more recently his ex-wife." Jasiri resisted making a face, shaking the thoughts from her head as Calvin opened the passenger door for her.

"That's fair."

Jasiri felt something glittering in the pit of her stomach, but she quickly dismissed it, getting in the car to watch Calvin trot around, getting in the Driver's seat before she began talking again. "I know- It has been really hard on him, even if he pretends it isn't."

"Mm. Must run in the family then." Calvin's tone was lighter than it had been, teasing almost.

Mockingly offended, Jasiri psuedo scowled at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Hey" He wasn't all that wrong though. A lot of her siblings had trouble with that sometimes. Glancing back over at him, she noticed the quiet smile that flickered across his face, bleeding it's own silent warmth.

Although Calvin had been plenty attractive before he'd left, a year in France certainly hadn't done him any harm. Anxiety dropped into her stomach suddenly at the realization. Maybe she wasn't that hurt by Lars cheating on her because she hadn't been in love with him.

Don't get her wrong. Her adoration for him had certainly been legitimate, along with the fact that she at the very least had a puppy love kind of crush. It had hurt, but since Calvin's arrival she almost hadn't thought about him much at all. Either it was the fact that she didn't want too, or it was the fact that she hadn't been near in love with him as she thought she had been.

Momentarily ignoring those thoughts, Calvin's voice soothed over brightening anxieties. "I never answered your question earlier, but, France was very nice. I think you would have liked it."

"I probably would have. I like traveling, and seeing new places." Jasiri traced the edge of the window, watching buildings dart by as they got into the city. People dwindled on the streets, taking pictures and calling names as grey-scaled buildings kissed the landscape. "Did you meet anybody?"

"I met a lot of people, Jas."

That simmering anxiety bubbled again, but she rolled her eyes anyway, ignoring it. "No, I meant romantically Calvin. Did you find someone in France?"

There was a beat of silence; one that lasted longer than Jasiri would have liked. She watched Calvin's eyebrows furrow slightly, something like a mix of amusement and surprise at the question dart over his features. He acted as if he'd never even expected the question from her, but before she could press again, he shook his head. "No."

No? What kind of an answer was just no?? 

Before Jasiri could get too lost in her head, waiting for what felt like an enternity for her best friend to elaborate, he pulled to a stop just as the light ahead turned red. The walking sign came on, and her eyes were pulled back to the bustling crowd in front of her, "Jasiri, I'm pretty sure the love of my life is right here."

Wait.

If she was being honest, Jasiri didn't even register the comment from her friend as Calvin looked back to her, her heart dropping dead in her stomach as she caught the eyes of someone far, far too familiar.

Lars.

He was staring at her now, walking closer to the edge of the crosswalk to pass directly in front of their car. And for the life of her, all Jasiri could do was look to Calvin.

"Kiss me."

"I'm-" Calvin blinked hard, leaning closer, "I'm sorry, what??"

"Please- He's gonna stop and try to talk to me if you don't. I don't want him to know it hurt."

"What hurt??"

"Calvin, for the love of God, just fucking kiss-"

Jasiri's breath was stolen from her, words muffled as Calvin's mouth found her own. It was a gentle, light kiss. More of a peck honestly, with his hand tilting her head to face his. Jasiri felt her eyes flutter shut, blinking hard as he pulled away.

He stayed staring at her though, eyes light, "You want to tell me what that was about?"

Fuck.

✦

✦ WYN ✦

- im sorry i don't have anything 
better to do but write-

- also !! guess who's sick 
(spoiler: it's me)

who was your character's first kiss?

──● answers