"Merry Christmas, my babies!" Lolly gushed as she walked out the front door. "No mud this time?"

"Took a better route." Karter hugged her tightly. "You rem-"

"Miguel!" Lolly gushed, hugging him tightly. "Oh, i'm so happy you're doing better, sweetheart."

"Me too." he hugged her back. "How have you been?"

"Oh, we've been good. Planning this for nearly a month now." she laughed, looking up at the house decorated in lights and christmas decorations. "I'd say we did a good job."

"Yaya and my Mom won't be able to make it but they thank you." he nodded his head. "Do you guys always do Christmas on Christmas Eve?"

"Every year." she smiled. "Hurry, come in before it gets cold. Everyone else should be here later tonight or in the morning."

Karter smiled at Miguel as they got their bags, both agreeing to only bring one with them for the one night. Pop greeted them both from the fire place. "Just in time!"

"In time for what?" Karter frowned her eyebrows.

"We were gonna head down to the Christmas festival up in town." Lolly smiled at the two. "You guys don't have to come if you're tired from the drive but they're gonna have a lot of fun things."

"No, that sounds like fun." Miguel looked over to Karter with a little nod. "Right?"

"Yeah." she grinned.

"This is so pretty." Miguel spoke as he held his cup of hot coco. Clearlake's Christmas Festival was all he'd hoped for. There were different stands set up, a giant christmas tree, seasonal snacks and drinks at every corner, ice skating, and a tunnel of lights. "What do we even do first?"

"I can do some spinning around." she confirmed with a nod, taking a bow before putting on her best accent. "Shall we, Mr.Diaz?"

Miguel gave a dramatic sigh. "I don't know. Not suppose to talk to strangers."

Karter smiled, taking his hand as they got their ice skates and headed onto the ice. He was struggling, holding onto her as Karter laughed loudly. "Karter, it's not funny."

"I warned you that it was like walking on popsicles." she turned to grab his hands. "Balance your core, I can handle the rest."

Miguel froze, his eyes still wide, keeping himself steady. Karter grinned, holding his hands. "Woah, woah."

"You're okay." she had to laugh, keeping him steady. "My baby deer!"

"It's not like normal skating." he moved forward some, yanking her in the process as they collided with each other. "I'm horrible at this."

"It's okay. You're good at other things." she smiled, reaching up to cup his face, her body pressed into his enough to keep him from falling. "Do you want me to break the news to Lolly and Pop that we aren't actually dating?"

"But, they were so happy." he pointed out. "And my mom and Yaya were so happy to take couple pictures of us for Christmas."

"I know, my Moms were too." she hummed, her eyes were lit up because of the white ice all around them. "After the holidays, we'll break their hearts."

He hated this, he hated letting her go. Maybe it was selfish, and typical, for him to like being her fake boyfriend if that meant he got to act like her boyfriend. It was funny, really, what they had. They could have ended this so long ago, they actually did but pretended it hadn't happened, because he got with Tory and it was a perfect opportunity to let it go, him and Tory broke up and they could have let it go, he was in the hospital and they could have let it go, he was okay again and they could have let it go. All of this was to win Sam back, and after they saved the All Valley together yesterday, it had been so clear neither of them had feelings for the other anymore. So, why? Why was it they continued to act like a couple but hide behind the label of Fake Dating?

It was because Miguel Diaz loved Karter Coast to a million pieces, and she'd loved him twice as much.

Her head leaned onto his shoulder, arms tightening around him in a hug. Miguel hugged her back, rubbing her back gently. "Do you not want to?"

Do you not want to? That's what it boiled down to, wasn't it? Do you not want to end our fake break up because you love the thought of me being your boyfriend? Did you love me as much as I love you? Did this entire thing backfire and you fell for me the first time we kissed like I did you? Miguel wanted to know. He needed to. He needed her. He wanted her.

"Let's go home." she looked up at him, skating off and helping him. That was enough to break his heart, tear him to shreds. He should have saw it coming. Fake dating was her idea, she was better at no emotions unlike he was. She could kiss him, hold his hand, be completely in love with him and say it was just for a show. He couldn't, he knew it from the moment she pulled him into a kiss in the pretzel shop.

It was weird for Karter not to talk. That's all she ever really did. She'd talk about stuff that had nothing to do with anything that was said. She'd talk out of negativity, out of happiness, out of pain, out of sadness. Miguel liked that about her. He likes to talk too, and they matched each other perfectly. Now, all he could do is watch her silence as she got ready for bed.

The bathroom door was open, they'd both showered by now. Her skin care was longer then his those, especially in the winter when it started to dry up around her nose. She didn't mind him watching her, but she pretended not to notice for his sake. Karter knew what he was thinking. Maybe in the back of her mind she knew this whole time it wasn't all entirely fake. Maybe she knew how badly this was gonna end. So many maybes floated around her head, but she knew two thing for sure.

She didn't want it to end, and she'd love him too.

"Do you remember..." she trialed off, holding the sink as she looked down for a moment. "-when we first came here we got into the hot tub?"

"Yeah, I do." he spoke gently, like he was scared of her. He wasn't scared of Karter, far from it. He was scared of her rejection. It was never something that ever bothered him much. Even before karate, he always knew he had to make a move or there would be no chance. But now, even with the title of The All Valley Champ, he was terrified of it. Not rejection in general, but rejection from her.

"You remember that guy...James? The one I told you was really mean to me when we were together?" she was walking closer, now holding eye contact. Miguel wasn't sure if he was alive still. He couldn't even feel himself existing in the moment. His heart was all he felt, how fast it was beating. It was painful and repetitive, like he needed a hit of his inhaler for the first time in over a year.

"What is..." he wasn't entirely sure what he was trying to say. What is James doing in our conversation? What is this, Karter? What is it you're trying to tell me? Just reject me so I can fake a yawn and say we're okay, that i'm stupid for saying it, and go curl up in your grandparents guest bedroom and wish you'd been laying next to me.

"I let it happen. Over and over. All the bad things he said. I let it happen, because I just loved him so much. I don't completely know why." Karters eyes got glossy for a moment, her voice was different. It was higher, not the naturally deeper voice she'd had. Please don't panic and leave me, Miguel. Please don't look at me differently. Please just love me. It was hard for her to talk about, with him especially. The way he was looking at her, the way he was expecting an explanation for how she'd left him hanging back at the skating rink.

"Come here." he sensed her fear, waving her to sit with him on the edge of the bed. She thought he was gonna leave, be done with her bullshit, hate her for not being able to give him the perfect little love story that they'd tell their kids. Mom and Dad fake dated and then started real dating. That was his dream, and she couldn't give him whatever he wanted.

Karter sat with him, Miguel held her hands to calm her. They were hot, clammy. She was nervous, she'd never been nervous. Her eyes met his with a small nod, more so for herself then him. "When we were together, all the stuff he said to me, it really messed with my head. It made me hate myself so much, every single thing. It took me so long to get past that, even after we broke up. I'd just wake up every morning, literally believing everything he'd ever said."

Miguel wanted to understand, but he couldn't. He thought Karter was perfect, beyond perfect. It was difficult to imagine perfection hating itself. He wanted her to know, but he couldn't put it in words. "Karter-"

"When I came to The Valley, I needed away from Arizona. And here, I started to find myself again and figure out who I use to be." her eyes met his, the dark brown shade his favorite color in the entire universe. "I want to be able to be in a relationship again. But, I don't want to forget who I am again."

Miguel let it sink in, taking a breath as he rubbed his thumb over her hands. "Do you think I would treat you badly like he did?"

"Absolutely not." she shook her head. That was the easiest thing she'd ever said in her entire life. Miguel wasn't necessarily an amazing boyfriend, even a fake boyfriend. He got with a girl because he hated that Karter was faking it with him, and then he cheated on her with a completely different girl, who he couldn't stand the sight of seeing her with another guy back when they'd been together, even when he was only her friend at the time. He had his issues, he was a big part of the problem when it came to the three girls he'd had. Karter could admit that, but she also knew with her entire being that he'd never say anything so badly to her that she'd hate herself. He'd never treat her like a piece of property, as someone he only wanted control over, he'd never speak down to her. "I just am terrified that i'm gonna forget who I am again. I don't want to be the girl I was last time I was in a relationship."

Miguel inhaled. "You could ask me."

"What?" her question was simple, soft, ease on the heart and one of the only things she could say to him.

"You can ask me who you are if you start to forget it." he spoke, staring over at her. His hands came up to hold her face, keeping her still so she didn't have the opportunity to look away. "Because, I know who you are. And I love her so much."

She was crying. When did she start to cry? When did he? When did they both start crying? Was it when he said he loved her or was it back at the skating rink when she'd left him there?

Karter smiled sadly, nodding her head. It took her a minute, one minute that felt like an entire lifetime in his mind. One minute that felt like a single blink to her. "I love you too."

Miguel was thankful she said it back, because he couldn't wait a second longer to kiss her.

•

kylie speaks

i feel like this has been the
best chapter in all of the
wheelerblossom books. i'm
moved by my own writing
here, i can feel it, see it. i don't
think i've ever written something so beautiful.