jhené taylor
laurens , south carolina
2•3•2018

"Order for Jhené!" The employee calls out.

Emari walks over to the counter to get it for me before we head back to the car. The morning came and once again we found ourselves in each other's arms.

Except this time I'm actually letting her take me somewhere. First we decided to get coffee which she insisted on paying for. Even though, I told her no.

"You don't listen do you?" I asked.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Why'd you ask?" She said.

"Because I told you not to pay for my drink and you ignored that." I stated.

"Well, I like taking care of you so I can't not do so." She shrugged.

I couldn't do anything but look at her. I wanted to be irritated but her gentle eyes told me something her mouth already did. That she cares.

I still wonder what makes her feel such a way about me. Although the feeling is beyond mutual what if she's used to moving fast and I'm so far behind.

We headed back to my place since it was still early and decided to lay up under each other. How do two people barely aware of one's true existence fall so deep?

"Emari can I tell you something?" I asked.

"Yeah, what's up?" She replied me.

"I'm not ready to move so fast, you know? I feel like you're the fast moving type and I don't want to hold you back." I shrugged.

"I hate you feel like I'm that type of person, but I genuinely wouldn't mind taking my time and getting to know you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make an assumption. It's just everytime I wake up next to you I fall harder."

"I feel the same way. Will allow me to learn how to love you?"

It's as if my heart stopped, everything felt frozen after those words escaped her mouth. She keeps proving me wrong when it comes to shutting her out.

I can't turn her down, but I can't give my heart away neither. She seems so open to loving me loving my soul but how do I know it's not a dream trying to be sold?

"I'll allow you if you swear your intentions are pure. Nothing more or less than what you claim." I say.

"As pure as the wine Jesus turned from water." She smiled.

That damned smile.

Suddenly a knock on my door interrupted a moment of bliss. I got up and made my way to the front door. I peeped out the curtains and my heart sunk.

Of course out of all the time she has she chooses to pop out now. God, this could fuck up so much with Emari if this goes the wrong way. Fuck.

I opened the door and pushed Dee back closing the door behind me.

"I don't know what it is you want but you've got to get out of here." I said.

"Who's in that house Jhené?" She asked.

I stood there silently.

"I'm not gon' keep on asking you, who's in there?" She asked while gripping my wrist.

"Can you let me go? What the fuck is your problem?" I winced in pain.

"Nah, who's in there? It's a motherfucker in yo' bed?"

I still wouldn't answer.

"Stop fucking playing and answer me!" She yelled.

"Yes! Fuck, let me go Dee!" I answered.

"Igh' c'mon then. I want to meet your friend." She said.

She released my wrist from her grip and shoved past me opening the door. I tried grabbing her shirt but she threw her arm back causing me to lose balance.

"Who you is?" Dee asked.

Emari's eyebrow raised expressing confusion.

"Emari. Who are you?" She replied.

"Jhene's girlfriend. You must don't know about me huh?" Dee questioned.

"Had no knowledge of you, but it's cool. You got that."
Emari laughed and started putting on her shoes.

I felt my heart ache right before me. Hot tears immediately came strolling down.

"No, no, no, no." I cried.

I stood in the door frame with my hands on her chest pushing her back. I couldn't let her walk out on me.

"You've got to let me explain. Please don't leave without listening to me." I begged.

"You knew what you had going on before you ever came in contact with me." She said.

She grabbed my hands and moved them from her chest as they fell to my sides. I watched her walk out my front door without looking back.

In the end I got nothing but a glimpse of her back and those long locs I enjoyed playing in. But there was still a horror show taking place in my house.

As I turned back towards my room I felt Dee's hand meet my face. I hit the ground and did my best to protect my body from her blows.

A few tears dropped and bruises later she decides to leave my house. I laid there balled up in the floor holding myself while my tears hit my wooden floor.

I heard my front door open again.

"Please just leave me alone. I can't take anymore." I cried.

I felt a warm familiar touch and soon enough Emari's arms wrapped around my entire body before she picked me up. I didn't even know she was still here.

She sat me on the counter in my bathroom and kissed my forehead. While I sat there she began to run some bath water for me. Why'd she come back?

"I'm sorry I ever left you and I'm sorry I left you in a situation like this. I'm so sorry." She spoke gently.

"It's not your fault." I said.

"Let me take care of you okay?" She asked.

I nodded my head as she helped me take off my clothes before I sat in the tub. The water was warm, she made sure I soaked for awhile to help with the soreness.

Eventually I got out and got dressed. She threw my cover back and had me lay down before she covered me back up. I really hope she isn't about to leave me.

"You're not leaving are you?" I asked.

"I want to take care of you and love you, but you're somebody's person already." She said.

"But I'm not happy, Emari and you see what just happened. I'm not safe with her. She does nothing but play with my heart and physically break me." I went on.

"She'll only hurt you more if I come around."

"I don't care, I'll break up with her for crying out loud. But right now you're worth enduring the pain."

"I don't want you having to endure pain just for loving me."

"So, take me away Emari. Take me away from this house, this city if you'd like. I just want you and to be happy with you. Please don't go."

She looked at me as our eyes were locked. I couldn't lose this. I couldn't run away from it.

"Come on." She said gently before giving me her hand.

I grabbed her hand and followed out the door. The both of us climbed inside her truck before pulling off. I didn't know where we were going whatsoever.

But, I was happy to be wherever with her. So much for keeping walls up because I surely had surrendered. I couldn't keep fighting her love.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Back to my place, she doesn't know where I stay right? So why not?" She said.

"You've got a point." I replied.

"Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, yes it is."

I powered off my phone right as we pulled up to her house. She opened my door and led me inside. We walked upstairs to her room and it was beautiful.

It was obvious her favorite colors were black and grey. She created a beautiful combination of the two with a candle that fills the room and hits your nose.

"It's goregous in here. You've got great taste when it comes to decorating. You express yourself well." I said.

"I appreciate how much you pay attention." She smiled.

I was so tired I could help but crawl into her bed and wrap up in her blankets. The lights turned off and I heard the door shut before Emari climbed in as well.

"I got you, igh'" She said.

"Alright." I replied.

"Get some sleep." Emari whispered before kissing my cheek.

I closed my eyes and rubbed her arm until I fell asleep. Just to feel her took all my worries away, it's like her taking me away on a rocket ship to another planet.