this chapter includes mention of overdose. it isn't shown or described, but it is mentioned. this chapter also contains a depiction of a panic attack. there's a summary of the important things that happen in this chapter at the end for those who would prefer not to read <3

It had rained the night before, and the grass was still damp. Luckily, Deena had brought a blanket.

The five of them, Deena, Simon, Kate, Maddie and Deena's brother Josh, were out in Deena's backyard, a green blanket underneath them while they ate lunch. There was only a week left until school started again, and Sam had officially moved to Sunnyvale.

None of them had spoken to Sam since her fight with Maddie. Maddie had worried she'd been too harsh, but Kate was seething. Sam knew how hard they worked, how Kate was on the shortlist for valedictorian, how Maddie looked after her siblings most of the time, and she worked four days a week.

Simon was more disappointed than mad. He'd thought Sam's comment was out of line, but Sam was also his best friend. Sure, the other girls meant a lot to him, but Sam and him had always gotten on the best.

Deena hadn't said much over the afternoon. Josh was pulling up the grass, eyes on his hands except for the occasional glance at Kate. Kate had her legs crossed, sitting up as she tipped a handful of yellow pills into her hand before pouring them back into the container. They had their box with them with the intention of sorting orders, but they'd spent the day lazing around, chatting airily to one another.

Maddie had her head in Simon's lap, using one hand to flip through a book she'd borrowed off Deena, the other hand occasionally putting a chip in her mouth. They had a pile of snacks they'd been working their way their way steadily through over the last few hours.

Kate was ranting about this girl she'd hit on at the video store who had blown her off when Deena spoke up. "I broke up with Sam yesterday,"

Kate fell silent and Maddie let the book fall onto her chest. Deena was laying on her back, one leg bent and the other extended in front of her. "Are you... okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just great," Deena rolled her eyes, her words dripping with sarcasm.

"I think she meant, do you want to talk about it?" Maddie asked, sitting up and closing the book.

"What's there to talk about?" Deena shrugged. Deena was definitely... grumpier than the rest of them on average, but she was usually more chill than this. Of course, she had just broken up with her girlfriend. "Being gay's bad. Shadyside is bad. Being gay in Shadyside was just too much for her to handle,"

"Deena," Simon spoke up softly. "I know it sucks. It does. It's shit. But Sam's not the only girl in the world,"

"Yeah but she's the only lesbian in Shadyside," Deena said angrily, sitting up. "And now she's gone, and she didn't just leave she..." her voice broke. She closed her eyes tightly, breathing in deeply. Deena Johnson does not cry. "She not only left me to be the only one left, but she made sure I knew that. She made sure I knew that I was different, and everyone else was normal," she stood up, dusted her jeans off, and went up the hill to her house, wrapping her arms around herself.

The four of them sat there in silence after her outburst. Josh spoke up after a minute "I should go check on her,"

"No, you shouldn't," Kate shook her head, standing up. "No offense Josh, but you're fourteen, you've never had a girlfriend and you're not queer. You don't know what she's going through,"

Josh looked back down at the grass as Kate went after Deena mumbling a small "I'm sixteen in September,"

"I should go too," Maddie went to stand up, but Simon placed a hand on her arm.

"Please don't leave me alone with him," he whispered, looking over at Josh, who rolled his eyes and got up and left as well, leaving Simon and Maddie alone on the blanket.

The two of them may have been friends again, but they hadn't been alone since the kiss.

It was, well, it was a lot of things. It was anxious, quiet, slightly lustful. But mostly it was awkward.

Neither of them knew what to say. Maddie had promised Simon she'd be more open with him, and she had. She'd confided in him about her parents divorce, and he'd listened attentively. Simon hadn't delt with divorce, but his parents weren't together anymore.

His dad had died freshman year, and his mom was sick, so 99% of what he earned went on her or his younger siblings. He may not have understood everything about Maddie's situation, but he knew what it was like to have to take care of his family.

"I should get going," Maddie looked at her watch. "It's getting late,"

"Wait," Simon rushed as Maddie grabbed her book. "Me and Kate, we're gonna try and get Deena to go to James's party tonight. You should come,"

Maddie thought for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, sure. I'll be there,"

Simon watched her trudge up the hill, not being able to take his eyes off her. It wasn't sexual, well, sometimes it was, but not this time, but he could stare at her for hours. She was everything.

Simon let his arms bend under him, landing on his back on the blanket. It was going to rain again, dark clouds covering the sky. But nothing could dampen Simon's mood, because he was going to be with Maddie tonight. Even if he had to do the unimaginable and tell her how he felt.

Maddie decided to walk home, not going inside to say goodbye. Deena and Kate were probably having a moment she didn't want to interrupt, and she didn't really know Josh. She thought he was kind of a loser, but other than that she had no real opinion of him.

With her closeness to Simon growing, so was her fear. Simon didn't feel the same way, she needed to get over it, but it was so hard when she was in such close proximity to him.

As she reached her house, the first thing Maddie noticed was the sound of the smoke alarm. Dropping her bag, she ran into the house, waving the thin layer of smoke out of her face. Sydney was in the kitchen, where the stove was on fire. She pushed her sister behind her and grabbed a dish towel, trying to smother the small flames. She reached down at turned it off once the fire was out, turning to her sister. "What happened?" she panted.

"I'm sorry," Sydney had tears in her eyes and Maddie knelt down and pulled her into a hug, picking her up as best as she could. "Andy went to the grocery store and Mom told me to turn the oven on so we could put dinner in when he got back. But I didn't know which one turned on the oven and which one turned on the stove," she buried her face in the crook of Maddie's neck, the older girl stroking her hair.

"Where's Jack? Where's Mom?" Maddie asked gently.

"Andy took Jack with him," Sydney sniffed. "Mom's in her room,"

Maddie looked around at the smoking dish towel, the smoke wafting out the open front door. Her little sister shaking in her arms. "Okay, kid. You're gonna go sit out on the porch, okay? Get some fresh air. Don't move. Promise me you'll sit there and you won't move,"

Sydney wiped her eyes and nodded slowly. "I promise," Maddie kissed her head and made sure Sydney did what she'd asked before storming up the stairs. She saw red.

Her mother's bedroom door was thrown open, Maddie absolutely seething with anger. Bonnie was on her bed, and she jumped at the noise. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?" Bonnie stood up. "Who do you think you are?"

"I think I'm more of a responsible adult than you will ever be!" she spat. "You know, we put up with so much. We put up with the drinking, the drugs, we put up with that because addiction is a disease, and it's not your fault. But getting your ten year old to operate the stove?! What's wrong with you?!"

"What are you talking about?" Bonnie yelled. "I asked her to get you to use the oven!"

"In case you haven't noticed, Bonnie," she used her mom's first name. Maddie didn't think she'd ever been that angry. "I've been gone for four hours!"

"Well maybe if you let me know where you were going!" They were screaming at each other now, Maddie finally snapping.

"You're never here!" Maddie cried. "Fuck, mom. I love you, but I don't want you anywhere near those kids,"

"Well, Madeline," Bonnie scoffed. "You don't get to decide that. I am their mother,"

"You lost that right when your ten year old set fire to the fucking kitchen!" Maddie loved her mom. They'd been really close when she was younger. But over the years, life had worn her down. The drinking and the drugs were the only way she could cope and the woman in front of her was not her mom. "Get help, mom. Please," she went downstairs, leaving Bonnie standing alone in her room. She'd fucked up.

Andrew was sitting with Jack and Sydney outside when she got there. He had a brown paper bag filled with food, and he was holding their brother on his lap. Maddie came and sat beside him on the steps. "Syd told me what happened. You okay?"

Maddie shook her head and didn't respond, staring straight ahead. "She needs help, Andrew,"

"I know," Andrew nodded. "I can't believe she'd do that. She can't be a mom until she gets better,"

They sat there for what felt like forever, the only sound being Jack babbling quietly. After a while, Andrew spoke up. "It's Friday night. You got plans?"

Maddie shook her head. "I was gonna go to this stupid party but I can stay here,"

Andrew turned and looked at her. In three days, she would be a high school senior. In three months, she'd be a legal adult. Maddie had sacrificed so much to be a parent, he couldn't let her throw away her teenage years anymore. "No. I want you to go. I'll stay here with them, they're safe with me,"

"No," Maddie shook her head again, looking her older brother in the eyes. "I want to stay,"

"Please," he begged her, eyes shining. "Go out. Have fun,"

She saw him, desperate, and nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll go,"

She did end up going that night. She didn't intend to stay for too long. It was too noisy, and her mind was too full. Full of thoughts about Sam, the look of shock and guilt on her mom's face when she yelled, how scared Sydney was when she got home. Deena and Kate were in the corner, and they waved her over, smiling. Well, Kate was smiling, Deena looked looked impassive, which Maddie guessed was an improvement from being on the verge of tears, at least.

She was on her way to the kitchen, her throat dry as a bone. It was too hot in here, and there were too many people. She couldn't handle alcohol tonight, maybe not ever after seeing just how badly it had ruined her mom. She found a bottle of water and cracked it open, spilling some in her shaking hands. She felt a hand on her back, but her eyes had clamped tight. It was too much. "Maddie?"

Simon. She shook her head, not sure whether it was at his unasked question, are you okay? or if she didn't want to be near him. Simon made her feel dizzy, and the world was already spinning. She let him lead her away, away from the party, away from the noise, until all she could hear was her own pounding heartbeat.

He nudged her shoulder and she sat instinctively, feeling something plush, a bed probably, underneath her. Simon let her sit there in silence until she opened her eyes. The party was faint, but she could still hear it. The window in the bedroom was open, cool night air drifting in. She took a sip of water. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologise," Simon said immediately. "Are you okay?"

"No," she admitted quietly. "I just. Why is it that everyone I love fucks me up?"

It was said so quietly, with such fear and sadness embedded in her tone that Simon almost didn't know how to respond. He reached out and took her hand. She let him.

"They don't," he said after a moment.

She turned to him, eyes rimmed red with tears she hadn't noticed had fallen. He looked at her like she was the moon, beautiful, unreacheable, something he would never understand. But he did. He understood her just as much as she needed him to. He understood exactly who she was.

"Yes they do," her bottom lip quivered, the lips that Simon had felt on his own for one brief, fleeting moment. "What's wrong with me? Why is it that everyone I love leaves me? Why can no one handle being around me? Like, fuck, Sam? She's gone, my dad's gone, and my mom," she took a shaky breath in. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Maddie," Simon answered, squeezing her hand. "You're amazing. You're so smart, and funny, and like, the coolest person I know. You're..." he ran a hand through his hair, for once not slicked down with gel, his blonde curls bouncing as he rustled them. Maddie looked at him, desperate. She needed him to finish his sentence, to prove to her that it wasn't her. That she wasn't the one who drove everyone away. He squeezed her hand again. "I love you,"

Maddie didn't respond. There was fear deep in her eyes, and for a moment, Simon's heart stopped. He'd told her, and she was scared of him. But then he heard it.

Screaming from downstairs.

Maddie went into panic mode, her mind blocking out all sound as she ran downstairs. There was a group of people gathered in the living room, she couldn't see what was going on. There was the sound of sirens she didn't hear, and two paramedics came in through the open front door. The crowd let them through, and Simon pushed past. "Fuck! Timothy! Fuck!"

Her heart pounded in her throat, and she shoved her way through the crowd, desperate to get to the front door. She could only hear scraps of sound from the people around her, trying her hardest to keep breathing. There was only one word she could discern.

Overdose.

She ran. Maddie ran and she kept running until she reached her house, the sound of her sneakers slapping the pavement the only thing reminding her she was still alive. Reaching her house after what felt like hours, she felt the world tilting under her feet. Andrew was on the sofa, and he reached her almost as soon as she'd said his name. She fell, he caught her, and he sank to the floor, holding her.

He held onto her like she would disappear if he didn't, not saying a word. She clutched him, her brother the only thing keeping the ground from opening up and swallowing her whole. Someone had overdosed, not just any someone, Simon's brother.

She was done with drugs, she was done with alcohol. She was done with parties. Her siblings needed her. She was done with all of it. She was done with Simon Kalivoda.

────────── ⋆˚✿˖° author's note
this chapter was a LOT i get it, it's the longest chapter in the book (so far, but they're most likely not going to get longer, this feels like a really good pace that we're moving at). this is the last chapter before the movie begins, which is definitely exciting!!!

if you've ever read anything i've written before you'll probably know that i put so much care and effort into making my characters not just realistic, but interesting as well. i truly love them so much, and i needed these set-up chapters because the entire trilogy takes place from sept 29 1994 - oct 3 1994 (if my own fear street knowledge is to be believed, i've seen these movies like 20 times trust me) so i am nowhere near talented enough to shove backstory, characterisation and growth all in 5 days of content so i appreciate you reading this far!!

now onto the movie <3333 description below for those who chose not to read due to the TWs 😚😚😚

also yes, i did imply that kate is queer, julia herself has said that kate is bi so shush

CHAPTER DESCRIPTION.

deena, kate, simon, maddie and josh hung out in deena and josh's backyard when deena revealed she'd broken up with sam. simon invited maddie to a party where he planned to tell her how he felt.

maddie got home and found the stove on fire as a result of sydney trying to cook. andrew had taken jack to go pick up groceries and left bonnie in charge of the sydney. maddie blew up at her mom and vowed never to leave her siblings alone with either of her parents.

andrew got home and maddie went to the party, where simon asked to talk to her. he took her to an empty room and had just told her how he felt when they heard screaming from downstairs. timothy, simon's brother had overdosed on drugs. an ambulance was called and timothy was taken to hospital.

maddie thought about her own siblings and decided she and simon shouldn't hang out any more. if something happened to her, she wouldn't trust bonnie or scott to look after her siblings. she didn't hear his confession.