Sunghoon is committed, maybe too much so. While he thinks he's being reasonable, he's actually just letting his health deteriorate and causing worry for his loving boyfriend.

-

Even the corridor seemed like too much, a seemingly endless tunnel of doubt and darkness and- oh, there's the lightswitch.

Sunghoon winced as the yellow-y light flooded into the corners of the corridor, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light. It was all a bit harsh on his half-awake brain, intense lights and strangely-placed lightswitches, as well as the faint smell of eggs and toast, but he eventually emerged from the corridor and into the open kitchen and living area. There stood his boyfriend, in all of his glory, wearing a pair of grey sweats and no shirt, hair unruly which was hardly unexpected at this time of the morning.

It was at this moment that Sunghoon began to wonder what time it really was, checking the watch on his wrist only to find that it wasn't there. With no energy to roll his eyes, he trudged across the kitchen floor, its cool tiles a shocking change of temperature to his feet, until he reached at last the arms of his boyfriend, which were currently occupied with cooking and ensuring he wouldn't accidentally burn the apartment to ashes.

Sunghoon's arms snaked around Jay's waist, knowing that such a distraction could earn them a deadly fire, or worse, a broken egg yolk, but he had already made his mind up that he wouldn't mind being smoked alive if it meant he could nuzzle his nose into his boyfriend's shoulder blade, which he was sure couldn't be very comfortable for Jay but nevertheless he continued.

"Did you get much rest, sleeping beauty?" Jay asked with a grin, glancing over his shoulder at the face of the sleepy boy leaning on his shoulder. Sunghoon shrugged, but it went unseen by Jay. "Sunghoon?"

"Mhmm?" He was still half-asleep, apparently, as he closed his eyes and ran his fingers down Jay's arm that he wasn't using, the warmth of his skin bringing a smile from Sunghoon as he interlaced their fingers.

"Remember that you have your competition today," Jay said, making dread rain over Sunghoon's decent mood. It wasn't like Sunghoon disliked skating, he loved it like his life depended on it, but now wasn't exactly a great time.

"What time is it?" Sunghoon eventually asked as Jay served the eggs onto plates with the toast that he had made. Sunghoon groaned as he buried his face in Jay's shoulder again to block out the strong smell of eggs.

"Almost seven. We should be quick, really, since you have to be there before 9," Jay reminded him as he placed a plate on the table, and Sunghoon sat down with a frown on his face. If he wasn't already feeling bad enough, force feeding himself eggs and toast wasn't going to make anything any better.

Against his better judgement, he did it anyway.

If he felt like he had a choice, he would spend the whole day in bed, preferably cuddling Jay, but that wasn't an option. Instead, he had to suffer through a whole day of pain, exhaustion and being cold all over.

He glanced up at Jay who sat across from him, wishing that it would be easy for him to tell him he wasn't hungry. But he knew from experience that Jay doesn't just let things go unquestioned, he demands the truth until he is satisfied. Sunghoon knew that Jay always had the best intentions, but sometimes it made him feel trapped.

Finishing breakfast was a faraway goal that Sunghoon eventually completed, but it came with a price. He was already feeling nauseous, like waves had washed over him and submerged him below the world of the living. So much so, that he almost didn't notice Jay saying his name.

"Sunghoon-ah, we don't have time to stand around, okay? I'll clean the dishes and you need to go and put your outfit on under your clothes," Jay said, and Sunghoon nodded without really taking in the words. The sentences passed through a long, grueling mechanism in his brain before he finally processed it, and he went to his room to get dressed.

-

It wasn't the most comfortable outfit, he thought as he entered the rink for practice. The skates felt unfamiliar for once, and he felt unsteady on the ice, like a child standing up after falling. But he had to push through, since this wasn't just a practice, this was the last rehearsal before the real thing.

He jumped too early on his first jump and stepped out, wincing not only at his mistake but also at the increased pulsing in his head. He glanced over to Jay, hoping he didn't notice, but quickly glanced back onto the ice as he scolded himself for getting distracted. He knew that he made other mistakes, mistakes that would cost him points in the performance, but not the kind that were blatantly obvious for everyone to see. Nevertheless, he felt like he'd let himself down.

How could he perform when he was feeling like this?

His mind felt foggy as he left the rink, hands shaking as he slid the skate guards that he was given onto the metal blades. He searched for Jay with unfocused eyes, heading towards him when he spotted him. He knew that it must have been obvious, with his bad posture and slight stumbles as if it was his first time walking in skates.

Luckily Jay didn't seem to mention a thing as he sat down next to him in the stands, feeling like he had just finished a marathon as he leaned his head on Jay's shoulder.

"Hoonie, let's go backstage for a minute, yeah?" Jay said as Sunghoon went over his mistakes in his head, and he nodded briefly without listening much. He felt like he was being spiteful, ignoring Jay like this, but trying to focus would take enough effort to give him a serious headache. Or at least a headache more serious than what was already pulsing pain through his temples.

Jay led the way backstage, and Sunghoon had to quickly grab his hand to avoid bumping into a member of staff who was coming the other way. The void in his brain was expanding, and he was feeling more gone every second. The world around him was becoming dreamlike, so much so that he didn't take much notice as Jay took him to lie down backstage, and he tumbled into a dreamless sleep.

-

Sunghoon woke with a groan, the sounds around him bouncing back and forth inside of his skull, with the intense light scattering his thoughts. He reached out and grabbed what he vaguely recalled as his boyfriend's elbow, pulling himself to his feet as Jay spoke to him in an urgent tone.

"...can't...today...dangerous," Sunghoon nodded along to the unprocessed words as a member of staff guided them towards the entrance of the actual rink, while he was still blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"When does it start?" he asked, shaking his head to try to wake himself up, but instead he reactivated his nausea.

"Now, Sunghoon. Everyone is getting ready for a warm-up skate." They brought him up to the entrance and took off the extra coat that he didn't know he was wearing, leaving him with only his outfit and a jacket over the top. The cold air inside the rink hit him before he was actually hit with the realisation that he had to perform now.

Jay gave him a kiss on the cheek and rushed over to his seat, leaving Sunghoon at the gate to the ice rink. He watched as everyone else practiced, some of them doing a jump just for boasting purposes. Honestly, he felt like he would be lucky just to not fall over.

He almost went on the ice without taking the guards off, but the staff member behind him quickly grabbed him and reminded him, their loud voice being drowned out by the ambience in the rink. Sunghoon leaned on the outside of the thin wall as he reached towards the bottom of his skate, feeling too close to the ground as he pulled the plastic cover off his skate, unsteadily repeating the action with the other skate.

Finally, he was set to enter the rink, now only having two minutes left to warm up. He slid slowly onto the ice, familiarising himself with the feeling once again as he urged his legs not to shake. His weight felt too heavy to carry, as if his legs had turned into toothpicks.

He was tempted to keep his arms in front of him just in case he fell, but he knew that he would just look immature. Instead, Sunghoon glanced over to Jay and the latter smiled and gave him a thumbs up, but Sunghoon didn't feel like it was boosting his motivation. He felt like he was just going to suffer like this forever, and he was beginning to regret the times that he took normal human functioning for granted.

As he watched the other skaters leave the ice one by one, he shook his head again and rubbed his eyes, going over the most vital parts of the choreography in his mind as he skated to the edge of the rink to take off his jacket.

At least I'm first, he thought, I'll just get it over with.

Oh, how wrong he was.

He tried his best to stay still in his starting position, eyes closed as he wished upon his last flicker of hope that this would be a good show for him.

His start wasn't too bad - though he couldn't see the state of his posture - the slow beginning letting him adjust. There weren't too many jumps in this, but the first thing that should bring him technical points was a spin that was making him feel dizzy just thinking about it.

He felt lost, his muscle memory guiding him shakily through the performance. He wasn't sure if he'd even landed a single jump correctly yet, and the sit spin was still making his head spin.

It can't go unsaid; Sunghoon was losing his interest in his score and cared more about making it to the end.

He had one last jump left, the one with the most rotations out of all of the ones he did. If that wasn't bad enough, it was in combination. He was beginning to despise his own ambition, as well as his poor choreographer whose work wasn't being put to justice by Sunghoon's weak performance of it.

Back outside edge, check. Momentum, check. Balance?

There was so much to think about, but his mind went blank as he entered the jump. He watched as the floor disappeared beneath his feet and then came closer and closer, so close he could touch it with his hand, his body wanting to shut down right at that moment.

Put he forced himself to reboot, like a dead body getting a jolt of electricity.

He didn't land the jump, falling and just about catching himself with his hands. The momentum almost flung him forwards, but he picked himself up again, with only one last spin to go.

Skating around the rink, he felt like he didn't deserve this. A crowd, a competition, a loyal boyfriend cheering him on, when all he could do was fall, fall, fall.

The spin was the last straw.

At least it was the last thing he had to do, but he made almost 20 rotations with just that one spin, the sound of metal scraping against ice making his ears ring. The blur of the ice rink around him was disorientating, the spinning of his vision not stopping even as he slowed down and finished the spin. There was silence, then he faintly heard a scattered round of applause as he almost tripped on his way to leave the main rink.

He felt like he could collapse at any moment, his head pounding and his body aching as he finally left the rink and felt an arm around his waist that guided him backstage before he could even wait for his results. Every step felt like a knock on his skull, repetitive and insistent on worsening his raging headache.

He leaned heavily on the side of the person guiding him, his body too weak to carry itself anymore. Then there was a coat being placed around his shoulders, he became aware that he was sitting down and being carefully guided into a lying down position, his body thanking him for the much needed rest.

-

It was difficult to tell whether he slept for 2 minutes or 2 hours, but when he woke up he felt just as terrible as before, if not worse because he was very quickly gaining awareness, now unable to be shielded by numbness.

He didn't open his eyes, but instead he grabbed the shirt of the closest person, presumably Jay, and mumbled,
"Hyung, dizzy,"

Preferably, he would have said more, but he didn't want to keep his mouth open much longer as he feared that he wouldn't be able to contain the bile that was rising up his throat.

"Christ, Hoonie, you don't look well. Are you going to throw up?" Jay asked as he was already placing his arms around Sunghoon to help him up. Sunghoon nodded, unsure as to whether Jay saw him nod, and winced as he swallowed to avoid anything more embarrassing than this already was.

Eyes closed to avoid the light, Sunghoon blindly followed Jay as he rushed him down a corridor and swung a door open. The sound of the door hitting the frame made Sunghoon let out a quiet gasp as the sound vibrated in his skull, and he sunk to the floor as his stomach lurched, forcing the contents of his stomach up his throat as he barely managed to hold himself above the floor.

"Hoonie, not there! I take you to the toilets and you throw up on the floor?"

Sunghoon shook his head as he hiccupped, sitting against the outside wall of a cubicle as he pulled his knees up against his chest.

"Sorry hyung…" Sunghoon mumbled, his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach. His newfound comfy position didn't last long though, as a second wave of nausea hit him. He opened his eyes and was now somehow placed in front of the toilet, and he could feel Jay's arm around him and his hand in his hair to hold it back.

He hiccupped and brought up more vomit, the stomach acid burning his mouth as if someone had given him an ice-burn inside his throat. He spat one last mouthful of vomit into the toilet bowl, his stomach now feeling unexplainably full and empty at the same time.

Sunghoon leaned back against Jay, almost feeling guilty for throwing up on the floor. Almost. He sniffled back tears, hoping that Jay wouldn't notice, and played with Jay's fingers as his breathing evened out.

He felt exhausted again, closing his eyes and falling half-asleep almost instantly.

Though his eyes were closed and he couldn't do much by himself, he could briefly hear the conversations around him, such as Jay speaking to a member of staff and then whispering to him that they only had to wait a bit longer before they could go home. Jay could really be the best boyfriend, when he wasn't scolding him.

Sunghoon was awake enough to feel Jay taking his skates off his feet, almost giggling at his struggle to tug them off without waking him up. Eventually they were off and Sunghoon's feet felt free, but his toes became very cold, very quickly, and he subconsciously whined to Jay without really forming any words.

Jay put his shoes on for him and tied his laces, then he put the hood up on the coat to keep his ears warm as they waited to leave. Sunghoon was half sitting, half lying down as he drifted between being awake and asleep. His hands instinctively reached around Jay's waist and grabbed little handfuls of his grey hoodie in a rather endearing manner.

"Park Sunghoon, you're up next for an interview."

Sunghoon groaned and hid his face in Jay's arm as Jay began to explain that they would be going straight home as soon as possible.

"The interview is a scheduled event, it cannot just be cancelled," the staff member argued. Sunghoon didn't mind, she was just doing her job, but Jay didn't seem to think quite the same as him.

"I don't care, he's not in the condition to be interviewed right now, can't you see he's exhausted?" Jay responded, keeping his voice down despite being angry so that he didn't disturb Sunghoon.

"You'll have to make do with his condition-"
"Let them go, Jinsoo, I insist," came another voice, and Sunghoon felt grateful for the defense from his manager.

The man gave the pair a pat on the back, sighing as he said,
"Sorry about that, Jay-yah. You take him home and get him rested, okay?"

"Yes sir, thank you sir," Jay said as he bowed slightly on his way to leave, dragging a half-conscious Sunghoon with him.

--

Thank you for reading! This is only part one, I have already written part two and I'm not sure if I will do a part three. I actually had a lot of fun writing this, usually it takes me weeks to get the motivation to write this much including part two, but I managed most of it over last night and this morning.

So what do people think so far? Is it good or bad? Is the chapter too long, too short, just right?

P.S, I would have posted this a lot earlier if Sunoo, Jake, Sunghoon and Jungwon hadn't gone live... They take up too much of my life.