EXPEDITE ▇▇▇▇ VOLUME TWO
━━ ❛ 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 ❜

chapter no. 033!

     THESE MEMORIES THEY'RE JUST THE SAME AS NIGHTMARES. They sting and pierce the flesh. Cut apart the soul until there's nothing but shallow fear left. Sometimes it felt like fear was all she had left. Her fear wasn't of the future, like most people, nor of spiders, which she did fear, but not as much as she feared herself.

     Ever since May twenty-sixth, the darkness that had once been stored deeply inside her heart made itself more recognizable and apparent.

     There were times when the redhead felt something cold and dangerous curl around her shoulder, whispering thoughts she would never proclaim to anyone. Other times, she felt like she was acting and behaving normally. Which she was.

     People saw Piper Lita as normal and happy, while she saw herself as a monster.

     Somebody was dead because of her. She killed somebody. And no matter how much time passed, that fact would never settle down in her mind.

     The memories of that day haunted her. They tortured her soul. She couldn't escape them or hide from them; they were her greatest enemy. They were sharp, thin arrows, striking her down with every hit. She couldn't scream or fight back, she had to just endure the pain as the picture of Athena's face flashed in her mind.

     Breathing in deeply, she shook her head, pushing away the image of the deceased blonde. Taking off the S.T.A.R. Labs t-shirt that Caitlin had given her, she placed it down on the pull-out bed in the room Harry stayed in. Looking into the full-length mirror, her eyes immediately landed on the battle scar Savitar had left on her.

     Piper stepped forward, tracing the outline of the stitches that ran across her abdomen. They felt dry yet smooth against her fingers.

     Directing her gaze up, she stared solemnly at the scar that decorated her left shoulder. It was straight and thin yet hurt like hell when she got it. Now, she could officially say Savitar had stabbed her twice. Only the first time, he wasn't trying to kill her. However, yesterday, he did kill her. He'd accomplished something only a few meta-humans and villains dreamed of doing.

     Moving her black bra strap to the side, she stepped closer to the mirror. She ran her finger across it, frowning as she felt something odd pull at her left hand.

     The purple speedster gasped, her left hand losing its grip on the steering wheel as she drove down the highway.

     It all made sense.

     The arguments. The screaming and fighting. The way that he treated her. It all made sense.

     He was Savitar.

     And she had been blind to the truth the whole time.

     The sound of a knock on the door caused the woman to blink, snapping out of whatever trance she had just been in. A sense of deja-vu draped over her shoulders, and she quickly pulled on the old band t-shirt that Cisco had given her to wear. "It's open," she called, pulling her hair out from underneath the shirt.

     Turning around, she watched as Barry walked in and shut the door behind him.

     "Hey," he breathed, feeling out of breath when they made eye contact. "How are you feeling?"

     She shrugged as he walked over to her, stopping once they were more than a foot apart. "I mean," Piper started, clearing her throat as butterflies danced around wildly in her chest. "I don't feel one-hundred percent, but I also don't feel like a walking zombie. So, I'm in the territory between the two where I'm not really sure how I feel."

     Barry nodded and watched as the newly powerless woman sat down on the bed, pulling her legs up. Following in-suit, he plopped down next to her, his arm naturally enveloping her.

     Once he realized what he was doing, he froze in his tracks. Piper noticed and scooted over, leaning into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. His muscles relaxed, and he wrapped his arm securely around her waist.

     Feeling a sense of temporary peace hovering over her, the redhead shut her eyes for a moment.

     Everything felt right. Being with him felt right.

     The room was silent until Barry spoke quietly. "I missed you."

     Lifting her head off his shoulder, she looked at him with warm chocolate-brown eyes. "I missed you too," she murmured, slowly intertwining their fingers, loving how it felt to feel his skin against hers' once more.

     "Are you going to stay?" Barry asked hesitantly, hoping and praying that her answer was yes.

     His question caught her off-guard, and Piper blinked. "Depends... Do you want me to?" she whispered, tracing circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

     Barry raised his brows at her response, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I've wanted you to come back home since the moment you left. What do you think my answer is?" he replied, tipping his head so she could see him.

     Piper felt a blush rise to her cheeks, and she bit down on her lip, trying to restrain herself from smiling like an idiot.

     "So, will you? Stay, I mean," Barry said nervously, watching as she was still staring at their interlocked fingers.

     Would she? Should she?

     Everyone on Earth-Four believed that she was dead, and going back was something she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle. Not with everything that'd been going on. All the memories, the pain, and agony. Piper couldn't put herself through the hell that she'd experienced the past five months again. It was a miracle she hadn't exploded yet. Going back would only set off the timer. Here, she'd be able to try and find the girl she used to be.

     She would be able to be happy, surrounded by her family. Everywhere she looked, she wouldn't be reminded of Athena as often. The healing process could officially begin. Piper Lita could be Piper Lita again.

     Looking up, she locked eyes with Barry. Feeling a rush of sparks run up her back, she bit the inside of her cheek. Finally, she nodded, watching as he broke out into the biggest grin she'd ever seen.

────

     "ARE YOU SURE?" Miles asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

     Groaning, Piper threw her head back as she nodded again. "Yes, I am sure, Miles. Earth-One is where I belong. You both know that. You know how bad of a condition I was in after May... This world is my home. Barry's my home. I want to have a life here and be happy. Earth-Four is filled with too much trauma and haunting memories. I need to do this."

     Damon sighed and pulled her into his arms, pressing an affectionate kiss to the top of her head. "We're always three Earths away if you ever change your mind. I know you probably won't, but just remember that."

     "We're going to check in every now and then, so don't be surprised if we show up sometime next month," Miles added before walking to the group of people that were watching the exchange from the entrance of the speed lab. "Before Damon and I head out, I just wanted to let all of you know a few things," he began, folding his hands together firmly.

     Harry raised a brow, crossing his arms as Joe West pushed himself off the door frame.

     "This news may or may not surprise you all, but Lita has severe PTSD. She's been seeing a therapist every week for the past few months, hoping it would help her cope, but it hasn't. Her blackouts are a symptom of PTSD. If she gets too overwhelmed or has flashbacks, they can trigger them. There will be moments where she spaces out, becomes confused or scared, and closes off. All I'm asking is that you all are patient with her. The past five months, especially after Aureolin," Miles lowered his voice, hoping neither Damon nor Piper could hear him, "have been extremely difficult. Also, with Savitar... He's hurt her a lot as well. She hasn't been the same, and I don't know if she ever will be. So please, be patient."

     Barry diverted his eyes to Piper, watching as she and Damon were talking, small smiles on their faces. Forcing down the lump in his throat, he noticed how the brightness of her smile didn't fully reach her eyes. She played with the heart charm on her necklace unconsciously, giving her friend all her attention.

     Barry knew that she wasn't the same person she was at the beginning of all of this, but that didn't mean he didn't love her any less. She wasn't the same, and he was okay with that, and he'd be as patient as she needed him to be. Whatever it took to help her, he would do.

     "You have my word," Barry stated firmly, moving his gaze to the MHTF Director. "I'll be as patient as she needs me to be. She's safe with me."

     His words caused Miles to reveal a rare smile as he nodded. "I know she is. If I didn't believe that any of you didn't care for her as much as she does for each of you, I wouldn't let her stay."

     Piper glanced away from Damon, her eyes meeting the gaze of Erin Osborn. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as they held eye contact. Oh, how she missed her and their friendship so much.

     "Hey," Damon called, causing the redhead to turn her attention back to him. "Don't lock these people out, okay? Let them in. Especially Barry. You need him."

     Sighing, Piper nodded silently. He was right.

     Damon brought his hand up to her face, tucking a strand of curly red hair behind her ear. Suddenly, there a sharp pain spread throughout her body, and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, subconsciously taking a step back.

     Barry smirked as he reached up, tucking a piece of perfectly straight red hair behind Piper's ear. She raised her hand and quickly slapped him away.

     "I love you, P," he whispered.

     "No." She backed away, shaking her head. "No. Don't you dare try and charm your way out of this."

     Taking a step forward, the brown-haired man painted a confused expression across his face. "I don't know what you mean," he replied, tilting his chin.

     Noticing how her hands had begun to shake, Damon quickly grabbed her by the shoulders. "Hey, hey, breathe. It's not real, you're safe." The man had dealt with her panic attacks, breakdowns, blackouts, and moments of confusion for months, yet seeing her in this state still hurt him.

     The words he uttered caught everyone's attention.

     Miles flickered his stare to where Damon's hands rested, knowing immediately what was happening. He quickly walked toward his boyfriend, brows creasing as Piper shook her head. "Lita, calm down. It's me. I'm right here. We're both here." Miles hummed, placing a hand on her shoulder.

     Her eyes snapped open, and Piper released a shaky breath as her chest rose up and down vigorously. Gulping, she took a step away from her friends, their hands falling from her arms. She ran a hand through her hair and then covered her face, bringing her hands down to rest in a prayer position, her index fingers pressed against her lips.

     "Are you okay?" Damon asked, glancing at Miles, who looked equally as worried.

     Piper nodded, her breathing beginning to slow down. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a second," she managed to muster, turning away from everyone to collect herself.

     Was that real? Why was I arguing with Barry? What was he hiding?

     Her brows furrowed together, eyes trained on the wall in front of her while a million questions raced through her mind. She didn't know whether to trust what she saw or not. Most of the time, she knew that her flashbacks were of events that actually happened, so had this happened during the two days before she died? The days she couldn't remember?

     "You know, if you need us to, we can stay for a few more days. Just to make sure you're okay." Damon proposed as Miles noticed how she had zoned out, her mind elsewhere.

     "Piper," Miles called.

     His voice caused the woman to blink, and she turned around. "What?" she deadpanned, completely oblivious to what Damon had just said.

     "Do you want us to stay for a few more days? Just to make sure you're okay?" Damon repeated, raising a concerned brow.

     Piper shook her head, tucking her hair behind her ear hesitantly. "No, no. I'll be fine. You guys need to get back and keep the city safe."

     "I'm sure the rest of the team would be fine if we stayed longer," Damon said.

     She shook her head again. "The team is currently trying to keep a group of rogue meta-humans under control and away from A.R.G.U.S. They need you. Flight Flood and Static Seraphim are among that bunch. They'll only listen to you two. You need to go back and help," she stated firmly.

     Miles tilted his head, frowning.

     "Those are some bomb-ass names," Cisco suddenly spoke. Harry rolled his eyes while Iris snorted.

     Piper looked away from the group and back to the two black-haired men, her lips pressed together, giving them her signature glare. Sighing, Miles nodded. "Okay, we'll leave, but please, take care of yourself," he advised, walking forward and engulfing her in a warm embrace. She nodded, pressing a quick kiss to the side of his head before she pulled away.

     The MHTF Director pulled the extrapulator from his back pocket and pressed down, opening a breach in the middle of the speed lab.

     Damon gave Piper one last hug before he joined Miles's side.

     "Take care of her," Miles spoke, nodding to someone. Piper turned her head to see Barry standing right behind her, his hand slowly reaching for hers. Looking down, she grabbed his hand, all thoughts of what she saw moments ago pushed to the side. This was her Barry. Not the Barry she saw herself arguing with.

     "I will," Barry replied.

     Turning her head back around, she gave the two men grateful smiles. "I love you," Piper breathed.

     "And we love you."