WARNING: some events in this chapter may be triggering. Please be aware <3

When I entered the actual party again, I got swept up into a storm of drunken, dancing people. Nobody knew who I was, and even if they did, they didn't ask any questions.

I knew that it was only because they were drunk but it meant something to me, and I could feel that it meant something to Alessia too.

Suddenly, a face appeared in front of me, and I nearly lost my footing when I saw that it was myself. Nothing could ever prepare someone for seeing their own face looking back at them, and not in a mirror or an image.

"Hey," the real Olivia said. I smiled in response, not remembering this interaction from when I was Olivia Clark. "I noticed you over here and I..." she trailed off suddenly, glancing behind her. It was then that I saw her–my friends watching us. Alessia was suddenly angry, feeling as though this was a set-up. But I planted my feet in the ground and I didn't move; I knew that I wasn't bad person, and it's time Alessia sees that too.

"I recognised you from earlier, when you almost died." My eyes widened, before I smiled, nodding. She laughed, "I also actually do know who you are," she said, avoiding eye contact suddenly. "You're Alessia Trent," she said. I held my breath, anticipating the moment that she would turn on me.

"I've never really seen you at one of these things so I wanted to say hi," she smiled at me, and I returned the smile. I knew it; I didn't remember bullying anyone in school, and it was true—I really hadn't.

But Alessia didn't seem to think so. I was suddenly shoved backwards in terms of control of Alessia's body. I often allowed her control when I was stunned or confused, or if she knew something important. But, I was beginning to learn that, if she was feeling particularly impulsive, or a certain type of rage or passion, I had no say.

"Yeah, well, 'hi' doesn't really cut it. I don't want to talk to you or your friends, Olivia. So cut it out and stop being so fake." With that, Alessia pushed her out of the way, storming away. Alessia got to the doorway before I regained control and turned around, seeing that Olivia had stumbled farther back than Alessia had expected her to. Alessia felt bad, and then Dylan caught her, held her, and smiled at her. She was so overwhelmed with jealousy that she screamed, but no one heard her.

She marched away and up the stairs, where I knew, as Olivia Clark, that only couples went. They found a bed and they did the deed. Alessia obviously wasn't aware of this and, as Olivia Clark, I wasn't keen on being hunted down by myself and my friends for shoving myself when it wasn't even my fault.

My problems get weirder and weirder every moment I spend in this body.

Instead of finding a room, I headed straight towards one of Matt's bathrooms. Looking in the mirror, I sighed.

"Well, we're here now, aren't we?" I asked to the reflection in the mirror, sounding insane to even myself. Yes, I'm talking to myself.

"And I wasn't the one that attacked the queen of your problems, that was you, so you can't blame me for anything that happens after this very moment." I huffed, going to the toilet before washing my hands and returning to the mirror once more.

"I'm doing everything I can to help you, Alessia, and you just mess it up every single damn–"

The bathroom door suddenly opened. I jumped away, seeing Matt appear.

"Oh," he said, also surprised, "I'm sorry," he said, before he narrowed his eyes, probably noticing who I was. I gulped, looking down and away, trying to dodge around him.

"No, hang on, you're that Alessia girl, right?" He asked.

I cleared my throat, "maybe."

He laughed, shutting the door, "well, let's see." Suddenly, his hands were up my skirt. I squealed, jumping away.

"Oh come on, first Liv, now you," he whispered, getting too close.

Then I suddenly realised why everything had been a blur for me. Why I couldn't remember being here as Olivia Clark.

This is the party that Matt sexually assaulted me at.

He tried to get me down, tried to get on top of me, but I put up too much of a fight that he stopped. As one of Dylan's closest friends, he didn't want it all to get back to him, so he just left me alone, stalking off.

I guess this is where he had come next. Matt shoved me towards the marble countertop, where I fell into it, hitting my already damaged body.

When I tried to turn around, he gripped onto my waist, holding me into place. And then he smashed my front down on top of the countertop. Suddenly realising what was about to happen, I started to scream.

Matt ignored my screams and pulled up my skirt. I was pushed up and along the countertop so that only my lower legs hung off. Matt pulled my legs apart, and then I heard the sound of a picture being taken. I started to scream again, trying to escape his hold.

And then he pulled off my underwear. I heard more pictures being taken, and then I was pulled back along the countertop.

I thought that would be it. This would be the moment that it would happen.

Olivia froze, falling limp. Alessia didn't, Alessia screeched and kicked out. I heard Matt grunt and collapse onto the floor. Alessia jumped off the side, slipped her underwear on and pulled her skirt down before smashing Matt's phone just with her heel.

With that, I suddenly regained control of Alessia's body, taking over from her shaking self and running across the hall, remembering a nook at the end. I crawled into it, body trembling. I pulled my legs into my chest, holding onto myself as gigantic sobs began to leave my body. I was having a panic attack.

When I heard the bathroom door slam shut and footsteps down the stairs, I slowly emerged from my hiding place. After surveying the area, I made a break for it towards the stairs.

Reaching the bottom, I was shoved into countless amounts of people. I started screaming at some of them, telling them I had to leave and now.

I then overheard a conversation. "What did you do, Matt?" I recognised the voice. It was mine.

I suddenly knew how this story ended. After Matt had left me, as Olivia Clark, I soon came to the realisation that he'd probably just do what he wanted to do with me to another girl. And he was angry, too.

Now in Alessia's body, I sprinted past them, shoving past people and heading for the door. I ignored the shouts that came from the real Olivia Clark. The real Olivia Clark was shouting out to Alessia, trying to get her to stop.

Because this was the moment she realised that the girl in black who sprinted past her was Matt's latest victim.

I ran out into the night, running across a forest much alike to the one near the school. When I was too tired to carry on, I stopped to sit on a log, burying my face in my hands and sobbing once more.

I stayed there for a while, listening to nothing but my own cries.

Then suddenly, "Hey."

I jumped up, backing into a tree.

"I'm not going to hurt you," it was myself, the real me. The thing is, back when this happened and I was Olivia Clark, I didn't recognise Alessia. Her makeup was streamed across her face and her hair dishevelled.

But now I knew; Alessia Trent was the girl that Matt attacked after me. After I fought off Matt and he left, knowing he'd be killed if he harmed me, he went to Alessia. He knew who she was, and knew no one would care. He knew she was an easy target. After protecting myself, I let Matt harm another girl.

It was my fault that Alessia was attacked that day.

_________________________________

is everyone okay ???

I'm not good with this shit but find helplines and be happy :)))

• NHS Choices – Help after rape and sexual assault
• Sexual Abuse Referral Centres
• NSPCC. Helpline: 0808 800 5000 (24 hours, every day). nspcc.org.uk
• Rape Crisis. Helpline: 0808 802 9999 (12-2:30 and 7-9:30). rapecrisis.org.uk
• Victim Support. Supportline: 0808 168 9111
• RASAC (Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre). National Helpline: 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30 & 7-9.30). rasasc.org.uk
• Women Against Rape. womenagainstrape.net
• The Survivors Trust. Helpline: 0808 801 0818. thesurvivorstrust.org
• Women's Aid Federation. National Domestic Violence Helpline (24hrs): 0808 2000 247. womensaid.org.uk
• Survivors UK – Male Rape and Sexual Abuse Support. survivorsuk.org
• Rape, Sexual Abuse & Personal Safety Abroad
• Rape Crisis Network Europe. rcne.com
• and ofc Samaritans if you were just simply affected :)

I was dreading this chapter :/

But I'm glad it's been written
And that i gave a trigger warning

thank you & be happy

-very happy

FABULOUS SONGS

Songs that played when I was writing this chapter (in order):
Roc Me Out - Rihanna
Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless
Cola - Lana Del Rey
Don't Talk About It - Tove Lo
better off - Ariana Grande
Run For Cover - Gabrielle Aplin
Turns You into Stone - Fleurie
Impossible - James Arthur
like that - Bea Miller
Secrets and Lies - Ruelle

FABULOUS SONGS

Date written:
03/09/18

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Next update: Saturday
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN SPOILER:

Olivia turns the possible explosive aftermath of a traumatic event into a tool of hope for Alessia.

Also look out for our favourite friend-zoned boy ;)

🕊