CHAPTER FIVE

IT MEANS A GREAT DEAL TO ME

"If things were different,
Would you still love me?"

In life, we meet different kinds of people, and we find different kinds of moments. Slowly, these different people and these different moments make us into whom we are, shaping not only a new being but rather a torch, a flicker of what humanity really is that will be passed down generations. We are all different moments that made us, a shred of every person that we have ever loved, even if they, in the end, hurt us. Because love is a powerful emotion— it's not one that is destroyed by a few scars. It's hurt, yes. Damaged? Quite a bit. But dead, finished? Love is not something that can ever be finished. Love is not something that will ever just go away.

"I am sorry I left you in hell," Lucifer said, a sincerity in his voice that Josephine had forgotten the likes of and had missed but was still adamant to believe.

Anger was a funny thing really, it would burn through you so brightly, so fiercely that it would end up leaving your heart in nothing but ashes. The angel had started to believe there was nothing but the fallen remains of a broken heart underneath her ribs.

"If you were really sorry," she gritted out, "You would have not left me there in the first place."

An emotion went through Lucifer's eyes then, one she had never thought she would see again.

Regret.

Her mind flashed back to her younger days, that dark moment when Michael raised his blade to strike her. Lucifer had a similar expression back then.

"I just- I don't know what happened to me then, Josephine," Lucifer gulped. "Hell just- hell stoped being a kingdom and it became a prison. A cage. And I wanted to get out so badly."

"You did not have to leave me there, Samael," She gritted. "I waited for you to come back and stay or take me away from that miserable dark place. I waited day after day; century after century till millennias had passed but you never ever came back for me. Hell was your kingdom, Lucifer, not mine. For me, hell was always a prison that I couldn't escape."

"I didn't know how long I would be gone."

"That is not an excuse-that is not what happened," Josephine replied. He looked so much like the man she had loved her entire life that she forgot he had changed. That she too had changed. "Hell needed a ruler so you left me there alone. That is what happened."

An apologetic face did not fix what happened before Lucifer left her in hell and it seemed to finally dawn on him. He took a step forward, standing just a few inches away from the petite angel.

"Josephine, I wasn't thinking. I just- I needed to escape and my father wouldn't care as much if you were still there." Lucifer looked like he was about to cry.

"No, Lucifer, no. That's not- that's not okay. I am your wife. I always thought that despite every promise you break and every trust you betray, that bond meant something holy to you-"

"It does, Josephine, it means a great deal to me."

The angel payed no attention and continued speaking, "-But it did not. It did not when you left me there. It did not when you never came back to save me. It just did... not.  If my love was the crime, this punishment was not the one I deserved."

"I know,"  There was something in his voice, a sliver of defeat that made Josephine think that she had won that conversation. She looked at him again, her eyes full of unshed tears as her heart broke a tiny bit at the state the devil was in.

His eyes were red, not anger or sadness on his face but... grief. Regret. Pain. There was so much pain in his eyes.

"Josephine, not a day on Earth has gone by when I didn't miss you and regretted what I did. Not a day on Earth has gone by when I didn't love you."

Josephine had a habit of wearing her heart out on her sleeves. She always loved too easy. But there was something about those that loved too easy finding it hard to forgive those who break their trust. Trust issues, you know.

"Lucifer, not a day in hell had gone by when I didn't hate you. I am the queen of hell, and I treated my punishment as a reward. I made that kingdom into my home, I made you into my husband. But I'm done now. I'm done with you. Get out of my house."

Lucifer didn't argue. He left.

Josephine was used to that sight by now.

For a couple of hours, Josephine had sat there, alone on her couch, staring into the oblivion. Words ran in her mind, memories. There were so many of them.

The only life that Josephine had ever lived without Lucifer was the one he had just stumbled upon. The angel had never lived on her before, she always had him, the love of her life, her king. Her Lucifer. Her heart ached at the silent memories that crashed like waves in her mind, more than a dozen millennia's worth of love that had once been able to oversee everything.

"If we could be one of those humans," Josephine looked at her husband, "then what would you do?"

They were both sprawled upon their bed, feet dangling of the edge as they stared at the ceiling of their room. It was a lazy night, the demons of hell had not once tried to disturb them. Lucifer and her had been euphoric to have a peaceful night like this but they soon were out of things to do. There's not much to keep one occupied in the depths of hell if one wasn't torturing a soul.

"Hmm," Lucifer hummed, clearly dwelling upon what his human life would be, "A musician, perhaps. I'll play in a bar at the corner of the street, soft notes on the piano as people dine. A mundane job, I suppose but I believe it will bring me a lot of happiness."

Josephine smiled, "That's a nice thought. I can be singing to your tunes nearby, dancing with the music. We can have a house next to the bar, white fence— like the ones in Long Island and maybe we can even get a dog."

Lucifer laughed a little bit, "A dog?"

"Yeah," Josephine got up on her elbows so she was just a few inches away from his face, "The big ol' dream."

"You shouldn't have watched all those movies," her husband noted, "You are trying that horrid accent again."

She just kissed him instead, not giving him a reply. Because as she littered his body with kisses, there was no need for promises of love or dreams of another reality. This was was enough. He was enough.

"Jo?" The fallen angel was brought back into the present time by the knock on her door, the evident voice of Chloe Decker filling her ears. "Jo! Please open the door! I need to speak to you."

Begrudgingly, knowing that the young detective wouldn't leave till she got her way, Josephine opened the door for the blonde woman.

"I'm really not in the mood to speak with you, Chloe," the raven-haired woman said as she walked back into the kitchen, filling her glass with some expensive whiskey Jophiel had left for her. "You promised me something, and you broke that promise. I don't know what to say to you."

"I'm really sorry about that, Jo," the sincere note in her voice was not dismissed by the woman as she turned to look into the woman's eyes, "I met Lucifer during a case and he has been helping me out ever since. I know— I know what you said about not trusting him but he is a good guy, he has been really helpful."

Josephine smiled softly at her friend, no longer wishing to fight. Chloe was just doing her job. She was being sincere in her apology and that was all she felt like she could ask for.

"It's okay, Chlo," she said, defeated, "Just... be careful, okay? You're my bestfriend."

Chloe laughed, bringing the angel into a sudden hug, "I am so sorry, Jo, I should have told you before."

"You should have," the woman agreed, "but it's okay. We can let it go."

"Why did you want me to stay away from him though? You guys clearly had some history, considering what happened back at my house," Chloe's natural curiosity that made her a great detective took charge. "How do you know each other?"

Josephine sighed, knowing this was a long time coming. Telling the truth. That was always a hard thing to do.

"Well, once upon a time, Lucifer and I used to be married."

"What the fuck—"

History, like love, is not something that will just go away.