۫ ּ ִ ۫ ˑ ֗ 𓏲˖ 𑁍 ࣪ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ˑ ֗
࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ  ✩◿𝓘𝓓𝓐◸ 🂱 ࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ
CHAPTER SIXTY FOUR—
don't be my laken.

"I was wondering where he was." Negan grinned as he walked Carl out of his camp, just as the car pulled up and the door swung open. "Pretty Boy!"

"Get in the car." Austin demanded to Carl as he walked their way, not even giving the multiple guns aimed his way a simple thought.

"I was-" Carl started.

"I said get in the car." his oldest brother cut him off sternly, pointing back to the car as Negan let Carl go, leaving him and Austin standing face to face in the front.

"You're looking at me like i'm the bad guy." Negan faked a shocked gasp, looking around in the worst innocent act. "As if your brother didn't show up here and shoot my men!"

Austin's face gave away just a little, but barely. Only thing was, Negan was waiting for that. He smiled at him with a nod. "He's all yours. I was just about to bring him home."

"Plan on bringing Daryl home anytime soon?" Austin tried not to seem like he was looking around in hopes of seeing him.

"Oh, Daryl?" Negan rose his eyebrows, like he's forgotten or something. "That Daryl?"

Austin hadn't seen him because he wasn't able to recognize him.

Austin's body reacted to trying to get to Daryl before his head did. Negan grabbed his shoulder. "Nope. Nu-uh. He gets to stay a little longer. You don't get to take him back."

"Why the hell not?" Austin shoved his arms off him with a glare. "You have all our shit! You took it all, what else do you want?"

"What do I want?" Negan nodded his head. "I think I want you to come with me, and Daryl can go home."

"I'd rather die then go anywhere with you." Austin gave him a look of disbelief, as if he'd tasted something absolutely terrible.

"Oh?" Negan gripped Lucille harder as he walked closer. Carl got back out of the car and gripped the handle in fear. Negan saw it, grinned again as he leaned in close to Austin. "You know I have it, right?"

Austin hated how close his face was to his, he was whispering it, like no one else was suppose to hear. His hands clutched at his side. "Have what?"

"I think it's kinda cool." Negan licked his own teeth. "Group leader likes to keep tapes of all the strays she takes in? Especially at their absolutely worst!"

Fuck. He knew.

Negan loved the look on Austin's face. The way he paled, the way his glare fell to nothing, the life leaving his eyes. He was hoping for that, and he got it. "You know, I know the kids ran from me because of what they saw me do. It scared them, right? Do they know what you did?"

Don't do it.

"At the hospital?" Negan went on, his grin getting wider.

Don't fucking do it.

He leaned in close to him now as Austin held his breath. "After your little girlfriend got her brains blown out?"

No turning back now, Austin's fist collided with Negans jaw so hard he heard a faint crack. Weather it was from Negans jaw of his hand, he wasn't sure because he couldn't feel anything between the anger he'd radiated.

"You don't get to talk about her!" Austin yelled at him as Negan took the faint stumble, his men immediately on Austin's and had a gun to his head. But, like the punch, he didn't even react to it. No one was allowed to talk about Beth, it was too hard. But, especially not him. Not after taking Glenn, he didn't get to talk about another death that practically killed him.

"Easy." Negan warned his men with a laugh. "Think about what I told you, Austin. I think i'm gonna see you soon."

He walked away with a grin, his men shoving Austin toward Carl while Negan patted Daryl on the back and pulled him away with him. He was talking about his offer for Austin to take Daryl's place, also walking away to make sure his jaw didn't crack at how hard the punch was. When Austin got in back in the car, he knew something was wrong with his hand.

"You could have gotten yourself killed." Carl spoke as his brother took a breath, grabbing the cloth from the glovebox. "Do you even care? Do you want to die?"

"Carl." Austin warned him as he wipped the blood from his busted knuckle. "I don't wanna hear it."

"I'm serious. Because based on what you just did, it seems like you do!" he rose his voice as Austin pulled out of the place fast. "What'd he even say to you?"

"What the hell were you thinking?" Ausrin turned the conversation around on him now with the same tone. "You wanna talk about me? You shot his men! You don't think he's gonna want more payback now?"

"Because i'm sick of no one doing anything! We have no beds, Glenn's is dead!" Carl yelled back. "I'm loosing you."

He was, they both felt it.

Austin didn't want to yell at him anymore, he felt bad. Carl was the most important thing to him. He always had been. He was his little brother, he loved him. Loved him more then he loved either of his parents, Beth, Glenn, his family. He loved him the most, Carl always knew that. To say he felt like he was loosing him hurt Austin more then he ever imagined it would. His hands gripped the stirring wheel. "You're not loosing me."

"Yeah, I am." Carl didn't yell anymore either, but he was sick of hiding from the truth. "I loose you a little more every time this happens to you."

"Carl, you don't understand." Austin hoped he'd never understand, hoped he'd never have to feel the way Austin did each time something bad happens.

"I lost you just a little when Mom died." he went on, turning to stare at the side of his face as he drove. "I lost you more when Beth died. And even more when Glenn died. I keep loosing parts of you and eventually i'm not gonna have you anymore. If Negan stays alive, he's gonna take someone else and I can't loose you for a fourth time. I need you."

He was slammed against the dash when Austin hit the breaks hard, putting the car in park.

He turned and stared as his brother. His baby brother. "You really feel that way?"

"Yeah." Carl said back, rubbing his face from where it hit just now. "And I know you can't help it, I know that it's just what happens. But, you change more and more. And when I feel like i'm getting you back, it happens again."

Austin didn't even know what to say. He didn't have the energy or the ability to think of how his pain and sorrow would affect others, he shouldn't have to. But, in the world they lived in, he couldn't afford to not think about it anymore. "Carl, something happens inside my head when bad things happen. Things that I don't know how to handle."

"What sort of things?" Carl suspected it, but he never was entirely sure.

Austin didn't want Carl to know. He didn't want him to think his big brother was unstable, mentally insane, crazy. "It's like....like they're still here. And they talk to me and sometimes-something they tell me to do things and I can see them. Clear as day, right infront of me. I started with Mom, but it wasn't bad. I just thought I was missing her."

Carl listened, Austin inhaled deeply. "And then I was seeing Beth. Like, she was always in the corner of my eye and leading me places. And now...now after Glenn, it's worse. It's so much worse."

"How's it worse?" Carl grasped his hand, trying to remind him that he was still here.

"He's talking to me." Austin stared at him, his voice dropped like it was a secret. "And it's making me do things that I only wanna do in the moment. I don't know how to handle it, but it keeps happening over and over and I can't just-"

"It's from Dad." Carl cut him off, nodding his head. "Whatever it is, he gave it to you. It happened to him after Mom, I saw him. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because, do you know how that looks?" he gave him an insane look, shocked he'd asked that. "Like i'm-like i'm insane. The only doctor we have at Alexandria and i'm crazy."

"You aren't crazy." Carl smacked him in the arm. "If you were crazy, i'd tell you."

It brought a small smile to his lips, making Carl feel satisfied with a nod. "It was probably always there, but nothing bad happened. You'll get through it, I know you. You're the strongest person I know, you can get through everything."

Austin was quiet. Maybe he didn't want to. "I really miss Mom."

"I miss her too." Carl frowned, but he knew that Austin was always so much closer to her then he was. "Every day."

"I feel like everyone's forgotten about her." there'd been a glisten in his eye. "Like, she was my best friend, and it just seems like we just left her there. We left her body there were the walkers took over, all her stuff. We abandoned her, I just walked away from her. I didn't even fight."

"Do you really think she'd want that?" he asked him with a shake of his head, his eyebrows frowned together. "She'd want you to live. To run like hell, stay safe. She loved you. Loved you more then she loved anyone else."

Austin looked over. "Thats not true."

"Yeah, it is." Carl shook his head. "She had a different connected with you. We all saw it. It's okay-"

"It's not okay, she loved you so much." apart of him was angry Carl thought differently, especially after how hard Lori fought to keep him safe. "You didn't get to see her when you got shot. She was going insane, i'd never seen her like that before. She loved you so much, Carl. If she didn't, she wouldn't have felt that way."

"See." he pointed out. "If you didn't love everyone else, you wouldn't feel that way."

Austin sat still, inhaling as his heart hit his rib cage. "I told her i'd meet her there. I told her that, and then she died. I told Beth the same thing, and then she died. I made two promises, and then they died. They didn't just get hurt, they died."

"Austin." Carl tightened his hold on his wrist. "That is not your fault. If you hadn't helped that day at the prison, more people would have died."

"And what about Beth?" he mumbled. "You weren't there."

"Then tell me. You never want to talk about it, you don't even talk about her anymore." Carl said what they'd all been thinking, but it still hurt to hear. "You think everyone's moved on from Mom but that's not true, we just don't know if you want to talk about it. We don't want to make it worse on you."

Silence.

"If things had ended better, i'd be able to talk about it." he kept it together, but deep down he wanted to break. "But I just feel so guilty for all of it."

"I know." Carl did understand that, he carried the guilt of Lori with him too. He held his big brothers hand. "You have to know that you wouldn't have been able to prevent any of this happening. Not Mom, not Beth, and not Glenn either."

Austin turned his head to look at Carl again. "I'm sorry I made you think you were gonna loose me. You're not gonna loose me, not if I can help it."

Carl nodded his head. "Try to help it, because I don't want to feel that way either."

Austin was about to start the car before Carl spoke again. "Are you gonna take Daryl's place?"

He knew him too well.

"He won't kill me." Austin shook his head. "Not right away. The longer Daryl's in there, the more likely he's gonna die. We can trade places, and i'll find a way to get out of there."

"No." Carl demanded him. "Negan wants you. You have his kids, you get under his skin, and now you've hit him in the face. He will kill you, and he won't hesitant. He hasn't killed Daryl, that's saying something. I can promise you, the second he breaks you down, he will kill you."

Carl was right, Austin knew it.

"Did Daryl every tell you about his niece?" Carls questions confused his brother, getting an odd look. "Laken."

"Laken?" Austin hasn't heard that name in his entire life. "Daryl has a niece?"

"She got shipped off when she was younger to live with someone on her Moms side. Someone had called CPS on Daryl's other brother, not Meryl. He hadn't seen her since she was eight." Carl went on, Ausrin wasn't sure were this conversation was coming from. "When the outbreak happened, he tried to go look for her. She was all the way in LA, at some catholic school. He didn't make it half way, Los Angeles was gone. Nothing left, meaning she hadn't survived it. He told me that when I thought I was loosing you after Beth. He said he wouldn't ever let that happened to you. If you do this, Daryl will never forgive you for it."

Austin knew Daryl loved him, but he hadn't shown it in a decent way. "He said that?"

"There's too many people that can't afford to loose you. It's not just me and your kids." Carl promised him. "Don't be my Laken."

Austin put the car in drive. "Then I need a plan on how to get Daryl the hell out of there. Because he's not gonna be my Laken either."

•

kylie speaks

spoiler, laken didn't
get eaten by walkers!
she's very much alive and
living in the Fear The Walking
Dead universe with the Clark's
and her bf. Her book is releasing
tomorrow so if you're interested
in seeing lakens story after the
little moment she had here, fill
free to stay on the look out
tomorrow!!! it's called pictures to burn