We had make it back to Arkadia in good time, getting Jasper to med ward as soon as we could. We had left him in the hands of Abby and Jackson, thankful that we had made it on time.

Later that night, I stood in front of one of the few mirrors we had on the Ark. I was supposed to be heading down to the mess hall to meet Raven, but something had distracted me before I could make it out the door. It was my reflection. However it didn't feel like me.

I let out a tired sigh as I picked up the ends of my hair, holding them in front of my face. It had grown long in the months we had been down here and I had grown tired of it. I glanced down at the scissors sitting on the edge of the sink. I needed a change, like I said to Bellamy, I wasn't the same person I once was.

I took a hold of the tool, grabbing a chunk of my hair just above my shoulder and without hesitation I cut it.

I knew it was just hair, it didn't really mean much. But to me it felt like a fresh start. I wasn't the same Avery I was when we had gotten down here, too much had happened to me since then. So as I watched my locks fall into the sink, I felt like I was washing away demons hidden within them. It was time to change who I was, and this was the first step.

---

Twenty minutes later when I entered the mess hall, I felt refreshed. It was something so minor, but to me I made the difference.

Raven was working on something as I slid into the seat across from her. She glanced up at me for a moment, "Nice of you to join me." she mumbled, clearly annoyed with me being almost thirty minutes late.

I let out a small laugh, "Sorry I-"

It was then that her head shot back up, "Your hair!" she exclaimed, leaning across the table to lightly grab a strand of it.

I gave her a small smile as I nodded, "I just needed a change." I explained.

Raven sat back down, giving me a soft smile, "You look more like him now."

Him.

She didn't need to say his name. She was talking about Finn. I felt my heart clench at the mention of his name. But she was right, I did look more like him than ever. I had thought the exact same thing as I stared at myself after taking the scissors to my locks.

I forced a smile as I glanced down at what she was doing, attempting to change the conversation, "What are you working on?"

She shrugged as she picked up another tool, "Just messing around."

I laughed as I turned, grabbing a bucket of things for myself to work on. Since Mount Weather, everything in Arkadia had become a collective effort. I had been assigned medical as my job, but besides that we were all expected to chip in helping with inventory. That's why the mess hall had also turned into a warehouse. All supplies from Mount Weather being congregated in here, waiting to be sifted through, organized and eventually purchased or traded.

"Have you seen Jasper?" I asked, as I began going through the bin.

Raven let out a small sigh as she nodded, "Yeah" she answered, "Abby released him."

I paused, just as a boy joined us, instantly going through one of the bins sitting on the table.

"He had a knife to his throat." I whispered, trying to avoid the boy listening in, "He had a knife to his throat and he smile and he's free to walk around."

Raven nodded in agreement, "I tried, but Abby didn't seem too concerned."

I folded up one of the blankets I pulled out, "I'll try to find him later." I decided.

It was then that Gina, one of our new friends from Arkadia joined us, "Hey," she smiled, setting drinks down in front of Raven and I.

"Thanks," I grinned, bringing the glass to my lips.

It was then that the boy beside us, Macallan was his name, caught all of our attention. He picked up a bracelet, attempting to sneak it into his pocket.

Raven's arm shot out before he could get any further, "Not so fast." she muttered, finally turning to look at him.

Gina wore an intense look, one unlike her usually happy demeanour, "I say we float him"

I contained a giggle as the boy's face fell as he instantly began pleading, "Come on, what do you guys want for it?"

The other two girls and I shared a look. "One song." Raven answered, very well knowing this kid had one of the best voices of anyone in the camp.

He nodded, giving us all small smiles before walking over to the piano, bracelet in hand. As he started singing, the room naturally quieted down. He was singing the song we had listened to in the Rover earlier today. The song I had belted out, annoying Bellamy in the process. It sounded much different now.

I continued doing what I was doing, only looking up when Abby sat down beside Raven. I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to speak to Raven in private. I wordlessly moved away, joining Gina as she poured some more drinks.

She smiled at me as I began helping her, "You guys find anything today?" she asked, handing me a full glass to set on the tray.

I shook my head, not yet wanting to share our run-in with Ice Nation, "Nothing really."

Gina nodded, "Where's Bellamy?"

I looked over at her, "He and Monty met up with Kane. Not really sure what it's about." I answered, and that was the truth. I truly had no idea where Bellamy was for sure, which worried me.

Gina looked like she was about to say something, but if she did I didn't hear it. Instead, my eyes focused on a figure entering the room. It was Jasper. His neck had been bandaged and he looked okay, but his face told other story.

Raven and I shared a worried look as we both stood, watching as he quickly moved through the room, his eyes falling on all the Mount Weather belongings.

"Hey," I muttered, both Raven and I standing to try and block his path.

"Relax." Raven instructed him, reaching out to try and hold him back,

Jasper shoved past both of us, heading for a man who was holding a pile of clothes. He ripped them from the man's grasp, "These belong to people." he snapped before shoving them back into the man's chest.

Raven and I were now by his side, trying to calm him down. It was no use, Jasper was so upset nothing would sway him.

His eyes then landed on Macallan playing the piano, his face darkening, "So did that piano." he gritted out, wasting no time in charging towards it.

"Jasper!" I yelled, trying to grab him before he could make it any further. He slipped from my grasp, sending his body into Macallan's. "Grave robbers!" he yelled, as he and the other boy went flying to the ground.

Screams of surprise rang out across the room as the two boys wrestled on the ground. People crowded around, attempting to break up the dispute.

I pushed through the people, coming to the front of the crowd, "Jasper, stop!" I snapped, becoming increasingly angered.

Macallan managed to push Jasper off of him, but when Jasper came back for more, the younger boy struck him across the face. I took this as my chance to step in. Just as a man grabbed a hold of Jasper, I grabbed Macallan's arm, pulling him away.

"Stop." I whispered, looking at him with pleading eyes. He looked back at me, his eyes wild and his breaths laboured, but nonetheless he nodded.

"Enough!" Abby yelled, causing everyone in the room to quiet.

In the moment of calm, I stepped away from Macallan, marching towards Jasper, "Let's go!" I snapped, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him out of the room.

"Get him to medical!" Abby called after me, "I'll be in soon."

I didn't reply, I was too angry to do so. But I did pull him right to medical, anger seeping through me. Jasper didn't say a word the whole walked, but as sat him down on one of the beds he let out a small laugh.

I resisted the urge to snap at him, and instead focused on preparing a new bandage for his wound. I rummaged through the drawers, grabbing the supplies so Abby could asses him when she got here.

"You can't keep acting like this." I muttered, quickly glancing up at him as I began cutting the gauze.

Jasper stared back at me, "Like what?" he asked, clearly playing dumb.

I cleared my throat as I tried to prepare what I wanted to say next, without sounding like insensitive , "We've all lost people, Jasper. And I know that you loved Maya, but you can't let this ruin you."

He let out a humourless laugh, "You don't know what it's like, none of you do."

My hands paused as I looked up at him, trying to find a hint of humour on his face, he had to be joking with me.

"I know better than anyone." I finally said, my eyes casting back down toward my task, "I know how it feels, and I know that it changes a person but-"

"What would you do if you lost Bellamy?" he asked, his eyes set straight ahead, not even looking at me.

I looked up, wanting him to meet my eyes, "I wouldn't act like this. I wouldn't put my friends in danger chasing some sort of thrill." I answered without hesitation.

Jasper now turned to look at me, a taunting smile now covering his face, "You don't know that."

I shook my head as I began cutting pieces of medical tape, "I do know that."

He laughed again before changing the course of the conversation, "I'm jealous of your brother."

I felt my body tense as I entirely stopped what I was doing, my hands beginning to tremble slightly, afraid of where this conversation was going. "My brother is dead, Jasper." I replied, my voice cold and sheltered.

A chuckle flew from his lips, "Exactly."

I finally looked up at him, my angry eyes meeting those of his.

"He'd be ashamed of what happened of Mount Weather, of what your boyfriend and Clarke did." Jasper now wore a disgusted look.

I threw down the roll of tape in my hand, flinching slightly at the sound of the metal tray reverberating throughout the room, "Enough!" I snapped, my voice cracking, "Just stop."

It was then that Abby entered the room, her eyes flicking between the two of us, trying to gage what was going on. I quickly brought my hand up to wipe the single tear that had fallen down my face, "Everything's ready." I muttered, not wasting anymore time as I brushed past her, trying to escape the room, to escape Jasper.

As I rushed down the hall, back to my room, I couldn't help but grieve. Not over my brother, but over the Jasper I once knew. Finn's death had changed me, but I knew, or at least hoped, that deep down I was still me. I didn't think that with Jasper. The selfless, fun-loving, goggle wearing boy was gone. Instead replaced by a broken shell of a man who had no will to live.