"Number four Privet Drive, please," Johnny said tiredly as he entered the bus, Hermione following behind him. It was only eight am and they normally didn't get up until twelve.

"You ear' that Earl!" Stan yelled. "That'll be eight sickles," said Stan, "but for firteen you get 'ot chocolate, and for fifteen you get an 'ot-water bottle an' a toofbrush in the color of your choice."

Johnny rummaged once more in his pocket, extracted his money bag, and shoved some silver into Stan's hand.

There were no seats; instead, half a dozen brass bedsteads stood beside the curtained windows. Candles were burning in brackets beside each bed, illuminating the wood-paneled walls. A tiny wizard in a nightcap at the rear of the bus muttered, "Not now, thanks, I'm pickling some slugs" and rolled over in his sleep.

"You both 'ave this one," Stan whispered, shoving Johnny's bag under the bed right behind the driver, who was sitting in an armchair in front of the steering wheel. "This is our driver, Ernie Prang. This is Ermione' Granger and Johnny Grindelwald, Ern."

Ernie Prang, an elderly wizard wearing very thick glasses, nodded to Hermione and Johnny.

"Take 'er away, Ern," said Stan, sitting down in the armchair next to Ernie's.

There was another tremendous BANG, and the next moment Johnny found himself flat on his bed, Hermione landing on his chest, both of them being thrown backward by the speed of the Knight Bus. Pulling himself up and placing Hermione comfortably on his lap, Johnny stared out of the bright window and saw that they were now bowling along a completely different street. Stan was watching their stunned faces with great enjoyment.

"This is where we was before you flagged us down," he said. "Where are we, Ern? Somewhere in Wales?"

"Ar," said Ernie.

"How come the Muggles don't hear the bus?" said Hermione.

"Them!" said Stan contemptuously. "Don' listen properly, do they? Don' look properly either. Never notice nuffink, they don'."

"Best go wake up Madam Marsh, Stan," said Ern. "We'll be in Abergavenny in a minute."

Stan passed Hermione and Johnny's bed and disappeared up a narrow wooden staircase. Johnny was still looking out of the window, feeling increasingly nervous. Ernie didn't seem to have mastered the use of a steering wheel. The Knight Bus kept mounting the pavement, but it didn't hit anything; lines of lampposts, mailboxes, and trash cans jumped out of its way as it approached and back into position once it had passed.

Stan came back downstairs, followed by a faintly green witch wrapped in a traveling cloak.

"'Ere you go, Madam Marsh," said Stan happily as Ern stamped on the brake and the beds slid a foot or so toward the front of the bus. Madam Marsh clamped a handkerchief to her mouth and tottered down the steps. Stan threw her bag out after her and rammed the doors shut; there was another loud BANG, and they were thundering down a narrow country lane, trees leaping out of the way.

"Ere we are," Stan said not two minutes later. Johnny and Hermione both gave a fake smile and left.

"That was a nightmare," Hermione groaned, cuddling deeper into Johnny's Slytherin hoodie, which was way to big on her but she didn't care. "Do you remember the plan?"

"I hide behind the wall, you talk," Johnny said, not liking the fact he had to hide. Hermione nodded in satisfaction, leaning up on her toes to kiss Johnny. Once their little snogging in session in the middle of the street was over, Johnny hid behind the wall while Hermione knocked the door three times.

"Hello-" Hermione said, but was cut off by Petunia Dursley letting out a shriek of delight, which took Johnny and Hermione sway off guard.

"Oh, you must be the girl my Duddy goes on about!" Petunia said in delight. "We've heard all about you of course, but Duddy is out at the moment."

"Well invite her in, dear!" Said Vernon delightedly, standing in the doorway to the living room. "Dear god, my son did the bag the prettiest one didn't he?"

"Actually, you'll find we're not here for your fat arse son," Johnny said, drawing his wand and stepping out from behind the wall.

"Y-you!" Petunia yelled in fright, running to hide behind Vernon.

"We're here for Harry actually," Hermione said with a sickly sweet smile. "Surely he's told you he's moving in with his Aunt Evelyn and Johnny?"

"I may have mentioned it," Harry said with a grin, rushing down the stairs to greet Hermione and Johnny with a huge hug.

"Have they been starving you?" Johnny asked, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder, noticing he looked very thin from when they departed on the Hogwarts Express.

When Harry didn't answer, Johnny moved him aside and let out a low growl, his eyes turning red and thangs and claws growing

"I still haven't really got used to it," Hermione told Harry as they watched Johnny strike fear into the Dursley's.

"It is a bit weird," Harry agreed, wincing as Petunia shrieked. Johnny had just ripped the Dursley's new wallpaper.

"How bloody dare you!?" Vernon yelled, getting a burst of confidence, but it was instantly shot down when Johnny roared at him, slashing the cushion.

"Sorry about that," Johnny said, his eyes turning back to normal and his fangs and claws reducing in size. "Lost control for a moment, Harry, you melt, where's your stuff, we're going to the shopping."

Harry ran up and down the stairs bringing his broomstick and two trunks filled with his belongings. Johnny, with a wave of his wand, shrunk all of Harry's items and stuffed them into his pocket.

"I broke the trace, remember?" Johnny told Harry, seeing his confused face. "Well Dursley's, it hasn't been a pleasure, fuck you!"

And Johnny walked out while flipping the Dursley's off, Hermione following behind him with a giggle.

"Uh, thanks?" Harry said awkwardly, waving at his aunt and uncle and rushing after Hermione and Johnny. "So where are we going?"

"Westfield Shopping Centre," Hermione answered, following Johnny into a dark alley.

"Grab my arm, Harry," Johnny said. Harry obeyed, watching as Hermione did the same, and Johnny turned on the spot. It was very uncomfortable, like being sucked through a tube, but with a pop they appeared in an empty public bathroom.

"Did we just apparate?" Harry asked, falling to his knees.

"Yes, and you took it surprisingly well," Johnny said with a laugh. "Hermione threw up on her first side-along apparition."

They spent all day in that Shopping Centre clothes shopping for Harry.

"I know you're a millionaire, babe," Hermione said, watching as Johnny modelled a very expensive dressing gown in the mirror. "But do you really need that?"

"Billionaire, Hermione," Johnny said with a cocky smirk. "Millionaire is so last year."