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Mariah had sat at that piano bench for the next hour, her mind racing. She had no idea what the hell just happened or what was going on with her and that scared her. Because it meant that she wasn't in control and not being in control could be scary. Very scary.

When Amara Coleman had come home, Mariah had been relieved at the distraction. She wanted her mom to get her mind off of things. But it was as if the older woman knew something was off as soon as she looked at her. For one, Mariah's hair was silver. The sight made her mouth fall open in shock.

"What did you do to your hair?" She asked, placing her work bag down and walking into the living room. "I dyed it," she said distractedly. "Well, Toni... Toni dyed it," she corrected. "Toni?" Amara asked and Mariah nodded, beginning to feel awkward. Amara looked at her face and frowned.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "I'm confused," Mariah said. Amara nodded, "Okay, confused about what?" Mariah looked over at the woman before sighing. "So, after Toni helped dye my hair we were hanging out and then we got close and she kissed me," she explained, wringing her hands together. Amara gasped dramatically. "She kissed you? Like, on the lips?" She asked and Mariah nodded. "And I might have kissed her back," she continued. Amara gasped again.

"Did you like it?" She asked, a smile beginning to form on her face. "Honestly? I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. I'm confused," Mariah answered. "Wow, this is surprising," Amara said. Mariah looked at her incredulously before groaning, dropping her head into her hands. "But, completely normal," Amara quickly corrected.

She came over to the piano bench and sat down next to Mariah. "I think it's great that you're exploring your sexuality. I mean, it can be an important aspect in self discovery. Plus, questioning your sexuality is totally normal and people your age and even older do it all the time. Hell, I did," she said. Mariah looked over at her. "You did?" Amara nodded, "Oh yeah. Once I got to college. I began experimenting a little. As soon as I kissed a girl for the first time, I knew that I wasn't only attracted to guys." A smirk came onto the older woman's face as she reminisced on her college days and her sexual escapades.

"So, what you're telling me is that you're not straight?" Mariah questioned. "That's exactly what I'm telling you," Amara answered. "So you're what, bisexual?" She asked next. "Well, I wouldn't really say that. I just, like who I like, no matter their sex," the older woman answered.

Mariah was even more confused and groaned again. "So all you had to do was kiss a girl and you knew," Mariah stated to which her mother nodded. "Well I kissed a girl, and I don't know anything." Amara nodded, "Well, everybody's different. I mean, did you ever feel any sort of attraction towards the same sex before you and Toni kissed?"

Mariah shrugged. Amara sighed and pulled her daughter into her side. "It's okay to not have all the answers right now. You've just got to try to reevaluate things. Think about how you feel," she said. "But I don't know how I feel. It's just... weird," the silver haired girl said. "Okay, think about how the kiss made you feel. I mean, you felt something, right?" She said.

"I felt, confusion," Mariah answered to which her mother chuckled. "Well, that counts for something, right? Maybe the reason you feel confused is because you might actually feel something more for her and you just didn't realize it until that moment," her mother went on. "I've only ever liked boys though. Why now all of a sudden am I feeling like this?" Mariah responded.

"I don't have an answer for you sweetie," she said and Mariah sighed again. "And you not having the answer is perfectly okay. You don't need to have all the answers now because you'll figure it out in time. You're young, you have plenty of time to figure out what you like and what you want. There's no rush and no pressure. So, think things through, write down your thoughts, experiment. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. And know that I'll be here through it all, always. I support you 100%. No matter what. And I'll be here if you need help figuring this all out." Mariah cracked a tiny smile at her words and Amara pulled her in closer, hugging her tightly.

"I love you mom, thank you," Mariah mumbled. "I love you too, baby. Always." The two remained silent for a while before Amara cleared her throat.

"Now, about this hair."

••••

Cheryl had shrieked when she had seen Mariah at school. Literally screamed so loudly that the entire hallway had turned to see what the fuss was about. Mariah had put her hair in a half up half down style, something she found looked good with her shorter hair. When Cheryl had seen the color, she initially thought she was seeing things. But as Mariah got closer, she realized that what she was seeing was real.

"What did you do?" The redhead asked, her mouth agape. "Good morning to you too Cheryl," Mariah greeted with a smile. "Your hair is gray!" Cheryl exclaimed. "Silver," Mariah corrected. "Same thing! What did you do?" Cheryl said. "I dyed it," she answered. Cheryl rolled her eyes, "Obviously! Why? I told you not to do anything impulsive! Are you crazy?"

"I wanted a change," Mariah said simply. "Are you having an premature midlife crisis or something?" The redhead asked. "No, Cheryl. I'm fine." That was a lie. She wasn't fine. She hadn't stopped thinking about the kiss with Toni and what it all meant. Toni had texted the girl that morning to see if she was okay. Mariah hadn't responded.

"Really? Because you've been doing a lot of things that are showing me that you're not fine," Cheryl retorted. "I just wanted to change my hair color. It's not a big deal," Mariah said. Cheryl gripped her arm. "But why gray?"

"Silver," Mariah corrected. "I mean you couldn't have done a normal color?" Cheryl continued, ignoring Mariah's correction. "I wanted to dye it this color," she replied. "Well can you change it back?" Cheryl asked. "I'm not changing it back," Mariah said, rolling her eyes. "You are impossible. You know what, I'm gonna go before I smack you. I'll see you later." Cheryl glared at the girl and walked away.

Mariah chuckled lightly and walked to her locker. She opened it up and began pulling out her binders. "Uh, how did you get into Mariah's locker?" A voice asked from behind her. Mariah turned around to face Kevin, giving him a look. "Seriously, Kevin?" she deadpanned. "Whoa. Your hair's new," he said. "Yup."

"Why the sudden change? Is it because of you know who?" He asked. Mariah furrowed her eyebrows before rolling her eyes. "I did it because I wanted to. Either tell me you hate it or give me a compliment," she said. "I don't hate it. It's cute," he complimented. "You're just saying that. You don't have to lie. Cheryl sure as hell didn't hold back."

Kevin shrugged, "Seriously. I like it." Mariah smiled, "Thanks." She closed her locker and the two began walking. "Anyway, so I want to do a secret Santa thing for Christmas. Just us friends, you know," he was saying. "Sure," Mariah said. "Nothing over $20. I love you guys but I'm not willing to break my bank for you," he continued.

Mariah chuckled a little. "Okay," she said. "So I already wrote our names down and Betty's already chosen a name and since you're here, you can pick next," he said. He unzipped his backpack and pulled out a ziplock bag with folded up pieces of paper. He opened it and held it out to Mariah who stuck her hand in and picked up a slip.

Kevin smiled, zipping the bag and shoving it back into his backpack. The two continued walking down the hallway. Kevin was talking about a multitude of different things. Mariah wasn't really listening, her mind going back to the other night. She thought about talking about it with her friend, seeing as he might be of help but she wasn't sure how to even bring it up. And she was scared. Why? She wasn't sure. But she asked the question she wanted to ask anyway.

"How did you know you were gay?" She asked suddenly. Kevin was taken aback by the question, looking over at her in surprise. "What?" He asked, not sure if he heard her right. "I mean, did you always know or did it sort of just happen?" She went on. "Uh..." Kevin looked at her in confusion. Her face was blank and completely serious. "Well, it was the sixth grade. Mikey Harper was wearing this navy blue top and I remember thinking how good he looked in it. Like really good. Like, I was thinking things that I don't think a sixth grader should be thinking-"

"Okay, Kev, I think that's enough. Thanks," Mariah cut him off before the details made her too uncomfortable. Kevin chuckled quietly, "Why are you asking anyway?" Mariah shrugged, "Just wondering." She didn't even try to sound believable. "Mariah, what's going on with you?" He asked. Mariah looked around before looking back at him.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. "You can't tell anyone, okay? Not Betty. No one. Promise?" Mariah said. Kevin nodded, "Okay. I promise. Now spill the tea." He shook her arm and she sighed. "I kissed a girl," she muttered low enough for only him to hear. Kevin blinked, taking in her words before gasping dramatically. "And you liked it!" He exclaimed a little too loudly.

Mariah shushed him. "I don't know how I feel about it. I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm just so confused, Kev. We were just hanging out after she dyed my hair and then it just happened and I knew what was happening and I didn't stop it and I don't know why. I mean, maybe I didn't want to stop it. Maybe I wanted her to kiss me. But everything is just so weird and confusing. I've never seen myself having feelings for or dating a girl," she said.

"So, you like her then?" He asked. "I like her as a friend. I'm not sure if I like her as more than just a friend. All I know is that I didn't stop her from kissing me and I kissed her back. But then I pulled away," Mariah answered. "Did you like the kiss?" He asked next and she shrugged. "Have you two spoken since it happened?" He questioned. Mariah sighed, averting her eyes, "No."

Kevin eyed her suspiciously. "Mariah," he began, "have you been avoiding her?" Mariah looked at him before quickly looking away. "No," she denied. "Mariah," he pressed. "Maybe," she said slowly. "Seriously?" He questioned. "I don't know what to say to her, Kev!" She exclaimed. "You don't have to avoid her! You could tell her you're confused and just need time and space to think," he said as if it were obvious.

Mariah groaned, running her hands through her hair. "This is too much," she groaned again. Kevin patted her shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll figure it out, eventually," he said. "You're supposed to give me advice," she pouted. "I think you should talk to her. Who is it anyway?" He said.

"Toni." His mouth dropped, "Jughead's friend? The Serpent who told Betty to loosen her ponytail?" Mariah smiled a little at the memory. "That's the one," she muttered. "Oh. Well, she's cute at least. Don't you think?" Kevin said. Mariah smiled again, "Yeah." Kevin nudged her and raised his eyebrows. "Just because I think she's pretty, doesn't mean I like her, Kev," she said.

"I don't know, I think it could mean something," he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "And I'm done with this conversation. See you later, Kev," she said, pulling away from him whilst he laughed. "You can't run away from your problems forever," he said. "Bye," she replied over her shoulder. "Don't forget the secret Santa," he called after her.

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. She lifted up the folded up paper and began to unfold it, slowing down so that she could read the name of the person she had to get a gift for. "Fuck," she exclaimed. A few people looked over at her and she glared. She looked down at the paper again before crumpling it up. "Of course."

She walked to her next class. She spotted the trash can and walked over to it. She tossed the crumpled up piece of paper into the trash, throwing away Veronica Lodge's name like Veronica threw away their friendship.

°°°°

Again, please click the link in my bio to sign petitions and donate to the Black Lives Matter movement. There are also many other resources available in that link as to how you can help. Please share it as well!

So, Mariah is dealing with a lot of confusing feelings that she's gonna have to work out. I hope you guys enjoyed. DO NOT COMMENT FOR ME TO UPDATE!