( PART I; a dreary existence. )

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chapter 5: farewell.

THE north had never seemed so vast and empty as it did when Raina Snow passed through Winterfell's gate on horseback, bound for the road that would lead to the capital in the very far south. The one place that now held her destiny, the North no longer a refuge she could cling to. Not when she needed to find herself and what she was meant to be. The young woman had been convincing herself of that since the moment she'd decided to leave.

Raina looked ahead, toward her future, her brow furrowed as she scanned the distance. All she could see were the familiar rolling hills and outcroppings of stone that would soon be replaced by the features of southern Westeros, with its lush forests and teeming rivers she'd read so many times about. She would miss the forests of pine that dotted the scenery of dead grass and endless distance, as dreary as it was.

The family she was leaving behind was even harder to come to terms with. Her little brothers, whom she was unsure when she would see next. Robb, whom she fully expected to have a wife and multiple children by the time she saw him next. Jon, whom she hoped and prayed would find true contentedness in his decision to become a brother of the Night's Watch.

Even though she was ready to move on to King's Landing, she tried to drink in every moment she possibly could, tried to recall every memory she could muster from her life there. The Old only knew how long she would be away from the north. The only place she'd known in her young life.

The royal presage filed out to the crossroads, splitting off due south while a different detachment made their way toward the direction of the Wall, criminals and those alike from Winterfell's dungeons in tow. Raina pulled her horse aside to allow the presage to continue without her in hopes of allowing Jon to catch up to her. A farewell she was not ready for and had mulled over endlessly since the wee hours of the morning. She'd been dreading it since the moment she knew made her decision to leave.

Her father appeared first, bringing his horse to a stop near hers. Stryder stood close to her, his eyes focused off in the distance as if to remain weary of threats. Always close to her, the ever-loyal beast.

"You'll miss the North," Her father told her by way of greeting, his tone laced with sadness. His grey eyes looked down at the dire wolf, a small, sad smile on his thin lips. "Believe me. I've looked on the same horizon with lament as you are now."

"Is the South really that bad?" She asked him, brow furrowed. She hadn't envisioned it to be so. In fact, she was excited to see what the South had to offer. Though at the cost of leaving behind everything she knew.

"It's not a horrible place, but in a time of war, your home is the only place you want to be. You begin to despise the place you've been forced to be in, no matter the cause you are fighting for."

His words recalling his past in the rebellion almost convinced her to reconsider. Her father had left the North to seek justice for the murders of her grandsire, uncle, and aunt. And came home with two bastards in the arms of Stark men as they rode. From a woman, he still refused to name, even at the begging of his lady wife.

How much suffering she and Jon had faced just by that mere fact.

Despite the anxiety, Raina knew she was making a decision for the betterment of her future. Winterfell seemingly held nothing left for her. It wasn't as if she were riding off to war, she tried to tell herself. Yet, she surmised that the feeling might feel somewhat similar.

"Finding strength in yourself is what will keep you safe in such a troubled place," her father murmured as if he were telling himself. "In all of its many facets, it may appear alluring. But it is dangerous. We Northerners are not meant for the South."

His words hung in the air for a moment as the two sat on their horses in silence, the presage passing leisurely behind them.

"I hate to admit it, but I'm scared," she said, pursing her lips. Her hands adjust their grip on the reigns as she draws in a long breath. "I know I will be there with you and my sisters, but I will be bound to the princess. I won't find myself allowed to be within the comfort of their company as I'm used to."

"Don't worry. We will see each other often," He promised as he offered a weak smile of reassurance. His words gave some comfort to her already anxious heart. "As the Hand, I will have plenty of interaction with the king's family. And you."

They shared another moment of silence as Raina calmed herself. Her father looked on past her, drawing both of their gazes to turn to Jon, who was riding toward them.

Raina's heart dropped once more.

"Say your goodbyes to your brother," He tells her gently, a hand resting on her cloaked shoulder. "There's no telling when you will be able to see him again."

His words stun, but she knew they were only the truth. She needed to make their farewell count. They may never see each other again if he would soon be a man of the Night's Watch. And she a handmaiden to the princess. A position typically reserved for ladies of some shred of nobility.

"Remember Raina," her father said, his gaze and words assertive. "You are a Stark. You may not have my name, but you have my blood."

His words lingered even as he left her side to fall back in with the royal precession. Jon grew closer, the seemingly cryptic message lingering like a shiver. Turning to the matter in front of her, Raina gathered the strength she'd need to let her brother go and steeled her for the pain that would be their last farewell.

They'd had barely any time previously to discuss her decision, but luckily, Jon hadn't protested much about it upon finding out. She'd almost deemed it to be due to his own anxiety, which had grown more and more the sooner his own departure to the Wall drew closer. Perhaps a small blessing, she supposed, that he was far too preoccupied with his future rushing in.

Jon rounded his horse up beside her, offering a weak but warm smirk. Ever a brooding expression on him, his dark eyes offered warmth despite the biting wind the North was sending rolling over its barren hills. It somehow always leeched through, no matter the furs one might wear.

"Look at you, making something of yourself," He stated with that smile-turned-frown as he maintained control over his antsy mount. "A princess' handmaiden."

"You as well," she jested lightly. She punched him playfully in the arm. "A man of the Night's Watch. Soon to be, at least."

He chuckled, flashing a warmer smile she would dearly miss. "Find yourself a knight to marry, eh? Make sure he knows your brother will pommel him if he doesn't treat you well."

She clicks her tongue in amusement. "An empty threat, I'm sure."

They both laugh together, but Jon's smile begins to fade once more. "But truly, you stay safe," He tells her. "Father will be there, but you should always be weary. The South wasn't meant for us northers."

His words were just as ominous as when her father had said them minutes ago. She thought back to their uncle and grandfather, who had been burned with wildfire at the beginning of the rebellion by the mad Targaryen king. A story that had always haunted her, making her grateful that the Targaryen's and their madness were gone. At least, for the most part.

"I will. I promise."

They both reach over between their horses, giving each other as deep of an embrace as they could. There was no telling how long it would be before they could do it again and Raina would likely cling to this memory often.

Some shred of her wanted to call it all off right then and there.

As they pulled apart, though, she said "I think it is wise that I leave Stryder to stay with you at the Wall." It had been a hard choice, but she knew bringing a dire wolf anywhere near the south was a recipe for disaster. He'd fair far better with his littermate and the cold of the north.

Jon looked toward Stryder, who had met Ghost in a touch of their muzzles. "I know the decision is tough, but it's the right one," Jon half frowned as he pulled his gaze from the two beasts and back to her.

Emotion finally found its way to the surface as tears began pooling in Raina's eyes, her jaw clenching as she tried to fight their imminence. Her throat clenched as she bit her lip to fight it.

"I don't know when I'll see you again. The thought is hard for me to bear," she sniffled before wiping away a stray tear that had begun rolling down her cheek. "I'm going to miss you. Terribly."

Jon was her best friend, the only one capable of truly understanding her suffering, the life she'd lead. Leaving was easily the hardest decision she'd ever made, but they were both doing it in all fairness. All in search of better lives. They'd both needed to be strong.

His original smile turned into a brooding frown. "As will I."

Luckily, Jon was the first to turn to leave. Perhaps the better of the two of them as Raina wasn't sure she'd be able to turn her horse to fall in line with the presage.

"I love you, Raina. Remember, I'll always be here," he pointed to his heart under the layers of furs and cloth.

"I love you too, Jon," she uttered. Her throat clenched tighter.

She watched a few moments as Jon kicked his horse into a canter, Ghost following dutifully behind. Stryder lingered behind, seemingly torn between following after his littermate and staying with her.

"Go on, now," she said to her wolf, swatting him away as if he were a nuisance. It was the only way she'd let him go.

The wolf hesitated only a moment longer before obeying, compensating for the distance between him and Ghost with long, powerful strides.

Raina watched her heart disappear over the distant hill.

❆

RAINA watched the golden-haired prince ride atop a horse that was all too large for his small frame. As to why a boy needed a destrier, a horse bred for war, to ride on the King's Road, she wasn't sure. But the site wasn't any less odd.

At his side on an equally sized yet more fitting mount sat the Hound, the large knight that followed Joffrey like a shadow. The ugly burn scar covered the majority of the side of his head and was visible even from the distance at which she rode behind them near the wheelhouse.

King's Guard surrounded the prince as the presage moved along, the opportunity for road bandits to reach him all but non-existent. As if any bandits would dare try, not with the combination of King's Guard, Lannister, and Stark men. A flock of Lannister foot soldiers moved alongside the wheelhouse that held the queen, the little prince, the princesses, and Sansa. Raina wasn't sure where her wily other sister might be.

Her father had suggested she ride near the wheelhouse as to attend to Princess Malkyn's needs whenever the presage stopped for a rest. She needed to be close and ready, he'd said, not somewhere within the league's-long stretch of people that spanned the road as far as the eye could see.

"You."

Raina's daydreaming was cut abruptly short as her attention was drawn forward once more, directly to the prince who spoke to her.

"Yes, you," Joffrey said, exasperated as if her confusion was a dire insult to his self-importance. "Come here."

Heart pounding, she goaded her horse forward to grow closer to the prince. She didn't dare ride directly at his side, but she remained close enough he could say what he needed.

"What is your name?" He asked casually. It wasn't as if there were many things to do on the long road south except talk, so she supposed she might be a momentary relief of boredom for the prince.

"Raina Snow, my prince," she replied meekly, almost scared she might accidentally speak freely. She wasn't used to being around anyone worth a shit enough to use titles. Catelyn had never allowed it.

"My sister's new handmaiden, yes? I presumed so. Mother mentioned she would be attaining a girl from Winterfell."

Raina noted that it seemed as if he enjoyed hearing himself talk. Yet, she couldn't complain. The less she was forced to say, the better.

"Snow, you said? You're a bastard then?" He asked.

Such a typical subject she'd grown accustomed to. She may be able to ease her way through the conversation with little effort.

A harsh glance from the Hound for her haggard response prompts her to answer.

"Ah- yes, my prince, my father is Lord Stark."

Joffrey seems to chuckle at that. Raina isn't sure of the manner, but she remains keen for whatever else he may have to say nonetheless.

"I must say, I never took my sister to choose a bastard to come into her service. A picky one, she is. It's your looks, I'm sure."

Raina might have blushed at such a strangely proposed compliment were it not coming from a boy. One she was years his senior. But she chooses her next words carefully. It was all a game, she'd heard before. Everything about the capital and the Red Keep and the court that nested in its walls like an infestation of rats. Or so her father had once put it.

"Thank you, my prince, you flatter me," she replied with all manner of carefulness and fluffed verbiage. "I am grateful that the Princess Malkyn was gracious enough to accept me into her company. I will be forever in her debt to have received this opportunity."

From the angle she rode, she thought she saw him smirk.

"We will see how you fair in the capital, Raina. I've never seen a winter myself, but I hear snow doesn't fair well in the heat."

His words made her heart skip. She wasn't sure if it was a threat, or simply a play at words to scare her. It seemed as if the nobility enjoyed toying with servantfolk like a cat with a mouse, which seemed to be precisely the case she was facing.

A last burning look from the Hound was enough for Raina to know she was being dismissed. Pulling back on the reins, she brought her horse to ride closer to the wheelhouse one more.

Her mind swirled with a storm of emotion. She wondered just how far Winterfell was now, and just how much further it would be upon their arrival to their destination. If she was forced to such company for the rest of her days within the capital, she wasn't sure how she'd survive.

As the prince said, snow didn't fair well in the heat.